I Thought I'd Never Feel the Same About Anyone or Anything Again

He’d regained consciousness a few times, but now, he could keep his eyes open long enough to take in his surroundings. He was in a small bedroom. It was mostly dark, save for the sliver of light coming from the window. Although it was small, it still managed to make his head throb. 

“Third time’s a charm.” A voice said with a slight chuckle. “I was beginning to worry you wouldn’t wake up.”

Tony quickly turned his head to face the speaker, wincing as the room spun around him.

“Easy there.” The man moved quickly to place a hand on Tony’s forearm. “You’ve been out of it for almost a day now.”

He opened his mouth to speak but couldn’t form words, instead staring wide-eyed at the man who seemed to be looking at him pitifully.

“You’re not at CTU anymore, Tony.”

“H…” Tony gasped, still trying to catch ahold of his breath. “Henderson…where is he? I need to find him.”

“Dead.” He smiled a little. “Your friend Bauer took care of that before the Chinese grabbed him.”

Tony’s eyes widened. “Jack…Jack’s gone?”

He nodded.

“Who are you?”

“My name is David. David Emerson.”

Tony looked him up and down sceptically. Nothing made sense to him right now. He remembered trying to inject Henderson, he remembered trying to kill him, but it hadn’t worked. He remembered Jack holding him, pain in his expression. He remembered feeling his heart rate slow down. He remembered everything fading to black. Dying. He remembered dying.

“How…how is this possible?”

“Let’s just say it was in my best interest to keep you alive.”

He furrowed his brow, trying with more intention now to sit up. He didn’t like this. Not one bit. He had to get out of here. He wasn’t sure where he’d go, but he wasn’t going to stay here. Again, David was quick to react worriedly, helping Tony stand, even as he tried to move him away.

“Tony, just let me explain-”

“I don’t need you to-”

The sound of a baby crying cut him off in the middle of his sentence. It was the last thing he expected to hear, but before he could even question it, he felt a pang in his chest. And unlike the chest pain he'd felt before, this he knew was unrelated to whatever the hell he’d been injected with after Henderson tried to kill him. He couldn’t understand why it was sparking such a visceral reaction in him, why his body was shaking, why his eyes were starting to water. Looking over at David again, he saw nothing but solemnness there.

“Come with me.” He said softly.

Tony obliged, walking closely behind David as he led them out of the bedroom and into the one next to it. There were a couple of people, nurses, he was guessing based on their scrubs, standing and fretting over something. The rest of the room was simple but contained all things necessary for a functioning nursery. They moved away at the sound of their entrance, allowing Tony to see the newborn baby, who was crying louder than before. He went to move closer but felt as though his feet were glued to the ground.

“I…I don’t…”

“Your wife was due in a couple of weeks, yes? I’m afraid we didn’t get to her in time, but we managed to save your son.”

“My…what?”

David laughed through his nose, smiling almost bittersweetly. “You’re a father, Tony.”

Mustering his courage, he walked towards the crib, knowing in his heart that David couldn’t possibly be lying, couldn’t possibly be toying with him because there was no doubt that the little boy in front of him was his. He was paralysed by the shock, almost afraid that if he so much as grazed his finger along the baby’s cheek, it would disappear. The sound of his distress was shattering Tony’s heart into a million pieces. His body was trembling, and tears were blurring his vision. Slowly, he placed one hand, which he noted was practically as large as his son, underneath his writhing body, using the other hand for support.

Tensing his muscles to keep them still, he cradled his son against his chest, rocking him slowly and murmuring incoherence to him, amazed by every single feature, heartbroken by the fact that Michelle wasn’t here to share this moment with him as she should have been. David noticed Tony was still shaking and placed a hand between his shoulder blades. 

“Try and slow your breathing down, it’ll help to calm him.”

Nodding, Tony struggled but eventually managed to steady the rate of his inhales and exhales. And to his relief, the baby started to relax in his arms, no longer crying but curiously looking up at his father and his surroundings.

He sniffled, still so, so overwhelmed by it all, but finding it in himself to grin from ear to ear at his son.

“You have her eyes, don’t you?” He cooed. “You have her beautiful eyes.”

“Had you and Michelle picked out a name?” David asked.

For a second, he had forgotten David was still there. The nurses had left to give him privacy, but he wasn't actually sure how much time had passed. Tony cleared his throat slightly, remembering what they’d agreed on. But he had to remind himself now that Michelle wasn’t coming back, wasn’t just in another room, that the little boy in front of him was all he had left of her. So maybe it was fitting that his name reflected that.

“We had, but…” He said weakly. “I want to name him Michael, after her.”

“Michael it is then.” David repeated warmly.

Tony still had questions and was still confused by what was going on. But when he looked into Michael’s eyes, he knew one thing for sure.

That he had to protect him no matter what.

Tony didn’t leave his son’s side those next few weeks, telling himself over and over again that he was all Michael had, that he had to show him in every way that he was there for him, and that he would love him twice as hard, and then some, to make up for the fact that his mother wouldn't be around to see it. Although he hadn’t expected parenthood to be by any means easy, doing it alone was harder than anything he’d ever done in his life. He just wanted somebody else to be here with him, to have somebody else who prioritised Michael as much as he did, so he wouldn’t have to constantly fear that if he took his eyes off him for even a second, something horrible would happen to him. The few nurses helped too, taking over only when Tony could barely stand on his feet without collapsing. David came and checked in on him, usually at the beginning and end of every day, but never stayed for long.

Part of Tony was still confused, still concerned about why David knew so much about him and why he’d gone to such trouble to save his and Michael’s life. He would demand answers to those questions one day, but for now, his son’s well-being consumed him. Tony couldn’t fathom leaving him, even just for a second. He had to be there for him. He had to keep him safe from whoever had come after him and Michelle. David seemed to be mindful of this and very interested in protecting them. Tony wondered if the whys really mattered so long as they were safe. Even if David was expecting something in return, Tony didn’t care, he'd gladly give him whatever he asked for.

Eventually, though, Tony did find out just what kind of things David Emerson did for a living. He didn’t know the specifics but was sure David was some kind of mercenary. In his brief ventures outside the wing that contained his and Michael’s bedrooms, Tony had found arrays of guns, drugs, money, and computers. While he somewhat appreciated the fact that most things weren’t just left in plain sight, almost as though still trying to create a 'child-proof' house, it made Tony realise that raising his son here couldn't be a permanent option. How could he? After sacrificing so much to work for the government, to protect the country from people just like David, he was going to let his son grow up around a mercenary and his crew? He couldn’t. No matter what David promised about keeping them safe, this was not going to work. 

And more than anything, Tony knew this wasn’t what Michelle would have wanted. 

During her pregnancy, they’d had countless anxiety-riddled discussions about how to keep their child safe. It wasn’t enough to remove sharp objects, cover up outlets, and put child-proof locks left, right, and centre. They had to think about anyone and everyone who might want to hurt them, might hold some grudge against them for a mission long since forgotten, and use their child against them. So Tony knew he couldn't risk anything and that he had to respect her wishes. He wasn’t sure how he’d go about leaving. After all, David seemed to have stringent security around his compound. But by now, most of the other crew members seemed to know of him, so they likely wouldn’t bat an eye if he decided to exit the property. More specifically, he didn't have a clue of where he was going to go. Because to the rest of the world, Tony Almeida was dead. Michael Dessler-Almeida didn’t exist. 

But he’d sort that out later.

For now, he left holding a sleeping Michael in a baby carrier that could also act as a car seat, as well as a small duffel bag with things they would need. Thankfully, he remembered how to fit the car seat in, having done it just a few months ago. Tony felt a little guilty since he owed David for Michael even being here, but he had to think about what was best for him. Tony didn't know where he'd drive to, given that he wasn't even quite sure where in DC he was. After studying the GPS for a while, gaze constantly flitting over to check on his son, Tony managed to find the address of a motel not too far away. He just needed somewhere to settle for the night, and then he would call Chloe tomorrow morning. She was the only one he could trust since Jack was gone.

To his dismay, Michael woke up and began to cry just a few minutes after they got on the road. While the sound of a baby crying was never pleasant, Tony swore that every time Michael cried, his own chest would hurt like he could feel his pain. He couldn’t describe the sensation. It was unlike anything he’d ever felt before. Eventually, it became too much, and he pulled over, fearfully looking around him for any sign of danger, before holding his son to his chest, willing him to be okay, apologising over and over again. It hurt him to see the distress in Michael's eyes, making it clear that he couldn't even mask his fear and put on a brave face, that his son knew just how terrified he was.

After a few more stops of a similar nature, eventually, with an expression of great fatigue, he got them a room at the motel. The hairs on the back of his neck seemed to stand on end, and Tony wondered if he’d made a mistake. David hadn’t had the chance to give him details, but he’d made it clear that whoever had come after Michelle and him the first time was likely still out there, even if Henderson was gone. He’d hinted at there being a much larger, much more sinister explanation for all of this. Tony cursed himself, realising he should have at least gotten more details about the situation before he’d left. 

He saw a shadow moving against the walls, realising that if the people after him knew anything about his current situation, then Michael’s cries would be an immediate giveaway. Tony could hear footsteps, the only sound other than the wind at this time of night. They approached nearer and nearer, and he felt his heart race. His instinct was to shield his son, to clutch him tighter against him, but he fought that urge and set him down, murmuring to him that things would be okay. Instead, he grabbed the pistol he’d found at the compound, the only weapon he’d brought with him, and moved towards the door with trembling hands.

Whoever had come for them had stopped moving. They were likely preparing to pick the lock or simply break the door down. It didn’t matter. He realised he’d fucked up. Who knows how many people were after him? He was probably already outnumbered. He prepared himself for the worst. He accepted that there was a strong chance his desire to protect Michael wouldn't win this fight.

But to his bewilderment, all he heard was a quiet knock at the door. It sounded again before the person called out his name. Albeit muffled, Tony could tell it was familiar. Shakily, he looked at the peephole, realising it was David, somehow not surprised that he had managed to track him down. Sighing, he opened the door but didn't return the pistol to his side.

“Put the gun down, Tony.” He said calmly. “I’m not going to hurt you or Michael.”

Tony met his eyes and could tell that David wasn’t lying. Still, he hesitated as the sound of Michael’s cries forced him to keep his guard up.

“Michael needs you. He won’t know that you’re there unless you hold him.”

With a shuddering breath, he obliged, hearing David shut the door behind them as he picked Michael up and started tending to him. David sat across from him on a chair near the bed and watched with a slight smile. Tony noticed this and furrowed his brow.

“I…I don’t understand.” He hardened his voice to hide his worry. “I don’t understand why you’re doing this. But I know the kind of things you do, and I won't have any part of it. Michelle and I left CTU to raise a family safely. I can’t let Michael be around any of this. I-I’m grateful to you for saving his life and mine, but I’m sorry, I have to take any opportunity I can to give him a normal life. It’s what Michelle would have wanted for him.”

“You had a tail on the way here, did you know that?”

His eyes widened, feeling a chill course through his body.

“I took care of them, don’t worry. But I wasn’t speaking lightly when I said that whoever came after you and Michelle wasn’t working alone.” He let out a breath. “I admit I haven’t been very forthcoming these last few weeks, but I figured if I told you all the details, they would have slipped your mind since you were focused on taking care of him, and understandably so. I don’t blame you for not entirely believing me.” In the dim lighting of the motel room, David could see the haggardness in Tony’s expression, the way he was desperately fighting the tiredness trying to take over him just so he could focus on Michael. “I will tell you everything about who I am, what I do, why I know so much about you, so you can make up your mind. For now, though…I think for your sake and Michael’s, you better get a good night’s sleep. We’ll talk in the morning. Can you at least trust me enough to keep an eye on him for a few hours while you get some rest?”

Again, Tony could see that there was no ulterior motive to any of what David was saying. He could trust him. 

And really…did he have a choice?

Tony slept soundly, waking to the sound of Michael babbling but, to his relief, not crying. Sunlight peeked through the blinds as he slowly sat up to find David tending to him, with a smile on his face so genuine, one Tony realised he’d never seen before.

David looked over at him. “Coffee?”

He nodded, feeling the cheap hotel mattress creak as he stood. Moving to where they were, Tony felt a warmth in his chest as Michael made a noise of glee when he saw him. He watched David set him down and move to the small kitchenette, pouring him a cup of freshly brewed coffee. 

They sat in silence for a while, and Tony realised just how familiar David seemed with what he was doing. All the little but important details of tending to a newborn came so naturally to him. Tony realised this couldn’t be his first time. This only added to his endless list of questions about David.

He must have been very deep in thought because when David spoke, he didn’t quite register what he said. 

“What do you want to know?” David repeated. 

Tony went to open his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He wasn’t sure where to begin but recalled something David had mentioned early on. It was one of the only things he could remember from the past few weeks.

“You said you’d been eyeing me out since I was released from prison. Why?”

“Because as someone who got screwed over by the government in the same way you did, I figured you and I would get along quite well.”

Tony furrowed his brow.

“I was a lot like you a long time ago. I wanted to serve my country and protect people. So I did. For a number of years.” His eyes crinkled. “But then I met someone. I fell in love. We had two children. And I realised that I’d done my time, that I deserved to watch my children grow up without fear. So I told myself that my current tour would be my last. I’d left the day after their fourth birthday, twins they were.” David’s voice fell to a chill. “Eight months later, I came home to discover they’d been killed in a car wreck. And that nobody had bothered to tell me.”

“I’m…I’m sorry.”

He sighed. “They even had the audacity to claim it was an accident when deep down I knew that wasn’t true. A few other men I’d served with came home to similar losses, and the government that was supposed to protect us, console us, support us, did nothing. So after a brief stint doing some private work, I disappeared. Eventually, I made myself a crew of people I could trust, and for once in my life, I decided to do things for my benefit, not the government’s, not anybody else’s.”

He nodded slowly.

“So when I’d learned about the kind of ‘reward’ you were given for your hard work, naturally, I thought you’d be a good fit. But before I could make my move, you’d re-married, you’d found a way to make your own satisfaction the way I had by being with her and having a family.” David tilted his head. “But then that fateful morning happened, and I realised that maybe I could still bring you in after all, if only to protect you and your son.”

Tony wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He was grateful for what David had done, for how far he’d gone just for the small chance that Michael had survived a few seconds longer than Michelle. But at the same time, while he was sympathetic to David’s cause, to what he’d lost, to what he’d been through up until now, he didn’t know how to feel about what he was doing about it.

“You went to so much trouble…you would have had to be so careful to extract him…why? So you could use him against me?”

“No.” He tutted. “I saved him because as a father who’s lost two children, I knew it was worth risking everything because I do not wish that kind of pain on anybody. I might be resentful towards the government, and I might do some things that aren’t exactly the most morally righteous, but I’m not heartless. On the contrary. It’s because I’ve been so hurt by what’s happened to me that drives me to do all of this.”

There was so much emotion in David’s voice, and Tony knew the words he was saying weren’t empty.

“I’m not expecting you to do anything for me, Tony. Especially not now, when your son needs you more than anything. I believe in loyalty, but I also believe in letting people genuinely choose the causes they devote themselves to. If I blackmailed you into working for me, you’d hold a grudge and always look for a way out. So I don’t mind if I have to wait. I have faith that you’ll see my perspective eventually.”

“And if I don’t?”

He shrugged indifferently. “It’s your choice. But I know you want what’s best for your son. And right now, I’m all you have. I am the only guarantee you have of keeping him safe.”

Tony looked over at Michael, pressing his lips together.

“I will also help you hunt down each and every one of the people that killed your wife.” He said seriously. “I never had my chance to hunt down the people who killed my family. I haven’t set foot in London since I faked my death and left. But I give you my word when I say I will get justice for your wife and son.”

Revenge hadn’t even crossed his mind since he’d woken up in David’s compound. He’d killed Henderson, but to think there was more where that came from made Tony’s blood boil. He never wanted to let anybody hurt him or the people he loved again. More than that, he was barely pushing past the pain now. If something happened to Michael, God forbid, it would destroy him entirely. The apprehension he’d felt about David wasn’t there anymore. In fact, Tony found himself agreeing with practically everything David said. He understood.

“So, Tony…will you come back? Will you let me do this for you?”

“Yes.” He said sincerely, meeting David’s eyes.

Things seemed to become relatively routine over the following months. Tony accepted that, under these circumstances, the best place he could raise Michael was at David’s compound. To his surprise, David wasn’t the only one that could help him. A few of his other crew members were also parents; some worked for David purely to earn money for their children's future. Still, though, Tony made sure to give his all to Michael. He spent every minute he could with him, both out of a need to protect him and out of sheer love. He was dedicated to being the best parent he could be, to being a parent that Michelle would be proud of.

David knew this, understood this, which is why he realised very quickly that Tony was a ticking time bomb. Because the fact was, he hadn’t truly processed his grief over Michelle. Tony was reminded of her every time he looked into Michael’s eyes so David couldn't imagine how hard that was for him, given he had barely been able to mention her name without tearing up. David wasn’t sure when Tony would finally crack, but he promised himself he would be there for Tony when he did. 

The sky was dark as David closed the door behind him. So too, was the room, save for a dim night light. It was odd, Michael was sound asleep, but Tony wasn’t near him as he would expect. However, it was too early for Tony to be sleeping too. David noticed a small light coming from under the ensuite door, and as he neared, he heard quiet crying on the other side. It sounded muffled, both because of the door and because he could tell Tony was trying not to be audible. He sighed, knocking on the door.

“Tony?” David asked softly.

He sniffled, clearing his throat a little before speaking hoarsely. “It’s not locked.”

David opened the door, then quickly but gently shut it behind him so the light wouldn’t disturb Michael. Tony was sitting on the cold bathroom tiles, leaning against the wall. His eyes were bloodshot, and David realised he’d likely been crying for quite a while. In the relatively short time he had known Tony, David had seen him bottle up his emotions in every circumstance, always trying to keep a straight face in front of him and, more importantly, in front of his son. But it seemed now that Tony was no longer to contain them all. David simply sat opposite him on the tiles, crossing his legs.

Tony looked over at the door. “I didn’t wake him, did I?”

He shook his head. “Michael’s sound asleep.”

His eyes closed, exhaling with relief. “Good.” 

“What’s going on, Tony?” David asked, still keeping his voice quiet.

He watched Tony take a deep breath. “It…it was…it would have been our anniversary a few days ago. And I completely forgot about it.” Tony wiped a tear from under his eyes. “And more than that, I-I realised I’ve barely thought about her these past few months. I…I feel terrible, she was everything to me and I…I’m not even thinking about her, I’m not even thinking about how much I miss her. I…how could I do that to her?”

“You’ve been thinking about Michael non-stop. You’ve been trying to keep your spirits up for his sake. There’s nothing wrong with that, Tony. It doesn’t make you a bad person.”

Tony shrugged. “Doesn’t it? Who gets married twice on the same date, to the same person, someone they love more than anything, and forgets?”

“A grieving father who’s trying to keep it together.” He answered. “It’s because you love Michelle so much that you’re so devoted to your son.”

“Meanwhile, she’s probably up there wondering what the hell I’m doing to him by raising him here.” Tony muttered.

David sighed, looking at the shame in his expression. “I understand how you feel and I don’t blame you. But I’m sure wherever Michelle is, she’s just happy you’re both okay and that you’re holding on." 

He hoped Tony would be receptive to his words. He didn't like talking about Michelle like this when truth be told, he hadn't known her, and certainly not the way that Tony had. He didn't want to overstep any boundaries, but he knew that all of Tony's guilt was rooted in Michelle's opinion of him. 

"She wouldn’t be chiding you for forgetting an anniversary when she knows that the only thing that’s been on your mind is your son. If it was the other way around, would you think that? If you were looking on from beyond, watching her put herself last, watching her spend every waking moment giving everything to your child, would you really be that upset if she forgot an anniversary?”

He lifted his shoulders a little. “I guess not.” 

“Not a lot of people could be in your position and somehow find it in them to take all that grief, all that pain, and push themselves day in and day out to be the best parent they can be. And I'm sure she would see that.”

Tony seemed to try to find a rebuttal, find a way to deny what he was saying. But, to David’s joy, he conceded. “Thanks, I…needed to hear that.”

“But you need to take care of yourself too, Tony. Because you’re not going to be able to keep going the way you have been if you don’t take a second every now and then to acknowledge how you feel, to acknowledge what you need.”

David could see Tony was struggling to keep his eyes open. There’d been many sleepless nights for him over the past few months, so it was no surprise that it was all finally catching up to him now.

“I just…I just miss her so much.” He croaked. “I wish she was here, I wish I didn’t feel so alone in all of this.”

“You’re not alone.” David said, feeling a clutch in his chest. “For as long as you’ll let me, I will be there for Michael. And for you.”

Looking up, Tony tipped his head in appreciation. “Thank you. I’m still not exactly sure why you’re going this far for us, but the fact is you are, and I’m…I’m grateful. Honest to God, I don’t know what I would be doing without you.”

He cracked a half-smile. “You’re welcome.”

Tony stood, walking back into the bedroom, stopping to look at Michael and tilting his head sweetly before sitting on the edge of the bed. He ran a hand over his face tiredly. Biting his lip, he met David’s eyes.

“If…if he wakes up and I don’t hear it, could you please settle him? I think he’s more comfortable with you than the nurses.”

“Of course.” He whispered earnestly before leaving Tony’s room to occupy the adjacent spare room.

Unsurprisingly, Michael woke up not long after Tony fell asleep, but David knew just how exhausted Tony must have been because, unlike usual, his cries didn’t seem to interrupt Tony’s rest. David was quick to take him in his arms, hushing him quietly, feeling the same nostalgic bittersweetness he always did, never able to look at him without thinking of the children he’d lost. 

But when he looked over at Tony, deeply asleep, David realised there was still that similar, familiar feeling within him. It was a feeling of concern, but not just in the anxious sense. It was almost...fondness. He realised that his original plan of having Tony on his side and using his expertise to earn another loyal crew member had barely crossed his mind in weeks. In fact, it hit David that it didn’t actually matter to him anymore. He knew that Tony trusted him, he knew that Tony wouldn’t betray him, not just because he feared negative consequences for his son, but because he knew Tony felt a sense of belonging here with him.

And David felt the same way in return. Having Tony and Michael around brought joy to him. Not just because of the old memories that resurfaced but because he was so genuinely happy to be a part of their lives, he was so happy to be able to fulfil them, to take care of them. Their well-being was of the utmost importance to him. Michael had already had such a rocky start to his life, so David was pleased he could help bring a sense of stability. His mind was constantly swimming with thoughts of logistics for when Michael grew older and his needs changed. He already had a list of potential tutors, knowing that sending him to school likely wouldn’t be possible. But David wasn’t going to let the nature of his work, let the choices he’d made affect Michael’s life, or Tony’s for that matter. He wanted to provide for them in every way. He wanted to take care of the worrying, knowing that Tony had so much on his mind and was trying so desperately to be the father Michelle would have wanted him to be.

As these thoughts and realisations pooled together, David realised there was only one conclusion to draw. It terrified him. It was something he’d sworn he would never let himself feel about anybody else again, something he didn’t think he’d be capable of feeling about anybody else again. 

But still, he couldn’t deny it any longer. Now that he was aware of its presence, he would never be able to forget about it or ignore it.

Because David knew that he’d fallen in love.

One of the most painful things for Tony, one of the hardest things he’d had to face since his life turned upside down, was the overwhelming sense of loneliness. It wasn’t just that he missed Michelle dearly and wished she was here to share all the beautiful moments with him and their son. He also missed having someone to talk to about anything and everything, someone who was there for him, someone he could trust, someone he could love and be loved by in return. In the beginning, when David was only occasionally able to check in, he’d only had the handful of nurses, who usually rotated shifts and were never there for long anyway, to talk to. The fact that he also hadn’t known much about David, hadn’t been able to fully understand why he and Michael were in danger, why they’d killed Michelle, had made it so much worse.

However, over time, David had proven himself to be more than just a reliable carer for Michael. He was someone Tony could confide in and be vulnerable around. It hadn’t been easy to accept. He had kept his walls up very firmly for the first few months, still believing that this was only temporary, that he’d run away with Michael, find somewhere to hide out and raise him, far away from people he didn’t fully trust. But that hadn’t happened. At some point, it’d been too much; he’d had to open his eyes and realise that he couldn’t do this alone. He couldn’t push everybody away because the fact was, he had no idea what he was trying to keep him and Michael safe from. There was no CTU. There was no team of agents and analysts to get information. 

So slowly, he’d grown closer to David.

When he’d first heard David’s story, heard about what had caused him to make the decisions he had, the former agent in Tony had tutted, figured it still didn’t justify being a criminal, but a much larger part of him had understood, had felt every bit of his pain. It had almost scared him at first. After all, being an agent often required a level of callousness and detachment. No matter their story, what they’d lost, what horrible things had happened to them, it wasn’t an excuse. But now, Tony realised that having a child of his own made his line of morality, the line between justice and going too far start to blur. The more he’d thought about it, the more he’d empathised, the more he’d understood, and most importantly, the more he’d realised he could trust David.

At some point, though, trust had evolved into something else. He’d started to care about David in return, just as he’d cared for him and Michael. He’d started worrying about his safety when he went out on jobs during the day, no different to how he used to worry about Michelle or Jack going into the field. It was partially for Michael’s sake because Tony could tell he felt safe and comfortable with David too. David was the only other person, besides himself, who’d sparked some kind of emotional connection and reaction in Michael. But Tony knew he could no longer explain his feelings solely from the perspective of a father desperate to give the only child he would likely ever have a normal life. Today it had completely hit him that he would be devastated if David disappeared from his life. Because while he’d never put a timeline on processing his grief, he knew he was getting through it both because David was always there to listen to him, to hear him out, to validate him, and because Tony was finding it in him to return some of that affection. He was finding purpose again, not just in being a father but also in being a companion.

When Tony had realised he was developing feelings for David, while it had come with some sense of relief, some sense of understanding, it had also come with a whopping side of guilt because it hadn’t even been a year since Michelle had died. He felt like he was betraying her now more than ever. The fact that David wasn’t in the noblest of careers had already been eating away at him. No matter how much David told him that he was sure she’d understand, Tony was convinced that wherever she was, if she could see him, she would be a little disappointed. But now that Tony had admitted to himself that he was actually feeling some level of affection towards somebody else, dare he say, love, he felt ashamed. Ashamed because he and Michelle had been through so much, had faced so many battles just so they could be together, and instead of being wholly consumed by loss, instead of insisting that what they’d had was irreplaceable, he’d somehow found space in his heart for somebody else.

Once the shame had started, it only seemed to grow until he’d gotten to the point where he was tearing up as he held Michael in his arms because all he could see was Michelle staring back at him. Tony had mustered his strength and rocked him until he’d fallen asleep before wandering around the compound in search of something else. Something that he hadn’t wanted or felt the need for in a very long time. The cacophony of emotions in his heart was just too much, and he needed something to drown it out. Most of David’s crew was out, so he didn’t have to fear being questioned by any of them when he looked through the fridge for a beer. It’d felt almost unnatural opening the first bottle up, which he was somewhat proud of himself about. But that had disappeared very quickly as one beer turned into two, into three, and then into a number Tony knew he’d need more than one hand to count. He’d welcomed the familiar feeling of numbness because that was what he needed right now, not to feel anything.

Tony also came to understand that his tolerance for alcohol had reduced a little since the days when he was drinking around the clock because he hadn’t even noticed David walk into the kitchenette where he was currently sitting leaning against the cabinets, a cluster of bottles around him. Bending down, David furrowed his brow at the glassy expression on Tony’s slightly flushed face, at how he was struggling just to keep himself sitting upright.

“Are you alright?” David asked.

Tony muttered something incoherent in return. David bit the inside of his lip. Counting the number of bottles, he was surprised Tony was even conscious. He knew this was a reaction to something, something upsetting, he figured, but what? Michael had been fine when David had quickly checked on him. He also suspected that this reaction was some kind of habit for Tony, something he’d done before. He’d never gotten close enough to get intimate details but always suspected the reason he and Michelle had divorced after his release from prison had been something to do with his coping mechanisms. David felt a little guilty now and blamed himself for having the temptation of alcohol in the house, knowing that Tony was grieving and vulnerable and in the perfect mental state for a relapse. He made a mental note to move where the stash of beers was, so Tony would have to search a little more and hopefully get caught if he tried to do this again.

“Tony…” He said softly. “What’s going on? Why...why did you do this to yourself?”

To his worry, Tony still wasn’t responding cohesively, was barely making eye contact with him, his gaze somewhere lower, fixated, clearly a sign that he wasn’t processing anything he was saying. David felt a lump form in his throat. David thought he had seen Tony at his worst. He’d seen him in tears, he’d seen him barely able to keep it together but trying so desperately for Michael's sake but he’d never seen him like this, so woeful, so pitifully lonely.

“Talk to me, please-” His voice cracked a little before he was cut off by Tony clumsily pressing his lips against his.

David tried to resist, not because he didn’t want this, not because he hadn’t thought about this, being this close with Tony, because he had, but because he knew this wasn’t how he wanted it to happen. He was drunk out of his mind, and more than that, David knew Tony wasn’t kissing him out of passion or love but simply out of need. Tony could barely cup his face with his hand, the other fumbling and trying to plant itself on the floor. This was the kiss of someone so desperate for physical touch, so desperate to feel loved, and as much as David wanted to be that person, as much as a small part of him hoped and wondered if this was something Tony felt in return but was just too scared to reveal when he was sober, he knew this wasn’t right.

He felt Tony’s hand fall to his neck as he gently pulled away, hoping deep down somewhere that Tony knew this wasn’t rejection or him saying that he didn’t feel the same way but that it simply wasn’t supposed to happen like this. Tony seemed to cling to him, which only broke David’s heart more. Tears pricked the back of his eyes, but David took in a breath and managed to help Tony to his feet. It was difficult to get him up the stairs back into the room where Michael and his bed were. He took his jacket and shoes off before pulling back the covers so he could lie down. David grabbed a bucket from the ensuite, along with a packet of ibuprofen and a glass of water, knowing Tony would likely need them in the morning. 

Knowing it wasn’t a good idea to leave him alone, David sat on the opposite side of the bed, listening to Tony’s deep, heavy breathing, contrasting Michael’s quiet, shorter inhales and exhales. Pressing his lips together, he let the tears fall slide his face now, daring to run a hand through Tony’s hair and along his arm, knowing Tony was probably too out of it to feel it but still wanting nothing more than to comfort him, wanting nothing more than to let him know he was there. 

“I know you probably won’t hear me or remember this, but I want you to know Tony…” He took in a shuddering breath. “That the way I feel when I’m with you is something I haven’t felt in a very long time. It’s something I thought I’d never feel again. But you make me happy. And if you don’t feel the same way, it’s okay, I respect that. I know you loved Michelle very much.” His eyes crinkled a little. “But if you do…then please tell me. Because I want to take care of you in every way I can. I want to be there for you and your son. And if we can do that together, it would mean the world to me.” 

Tony shifted slightly under him, so David quickly moved back. He sat in the chair near the bed like usual when he watched Michael, almost terrified by the thought of Tony having heard him. And yet, he found it in himself to confess one more thing.

“I…I love you, Tony.” He whispered.

Michael was grabbing at the fabric of David’s shirt when Tony woke with a groan. He had been asleep for over twelve hours, so the mid-morning sun certainly wouldn't be helping his hangover. Tony dry-retched a few times into the bucket before gulping down the water on the table beside him. David watched him squint and sit up slowly in the bed. He seemed disoriented, confused at how he’d gone from the kitchenette to his bedroom again. Tony tiredly ran a hand over his face. Michael babbled, and Tony looked up immediately, finding David sitting in the chair across from the bed, holding him.

“What…?” He murmured, looking quite pale.

Before David could respond, he moaned in pain again.

“You had a fair bit to drink last night, Tony.”

He furrowed his brow, face deep in thought.

“Yeah, I figured.” He replied hoarsely.

“How about I get you some breakfast and coffee first?”

Tony nodded.

Leaving Michael to play with his toys on a mat in his nursery, David was pleased to find Tony sitting with him when he returned, carrying a mug of coffee and a plate of bacon and eggs. As always, the smile Tony gave Michael seemed to be the biggest when nobody was around. When David looked down at him, Tony’s expression faded into shame very quickly. Without making eye contact, he mumbled his appreciation to David as he took the food.

“I…I’m sorry about last night.” He said solemnly. “I remember what I did and I…you didn’t deserve to be put in that position.”

To his surprise, he didn't feel the need to address it. “I’m less concerned about that and more concerned about why you were drinking in the first place.” 

Shutting his eyes, Tony shook his head. “Don’t ever let me do that again, please. I-I know I can’t ask you to get rid of all the alcohol, but if you could move it somewhere else, somewhere I won’t find it, I….I would really appreciate that.”

“Consider it done.” He said with a small smile. “But you haven’t answered my question. I understand that the situation isn’t exactly simple and I know there’s always so much on your mind, but I just…I worry about you.”

The softness of David’s voice brought up the very feelings that had caused him to spin out of control last night. Tony took in a shuddering breath. It wasn’t like David didn’t probably have some idea, given that he’d come onto him pretty directly. And yet he was still giving him the decency to lie if he wanted. Still…Tony wondered whether his initial assumption that David couldn’t possibly feel the same way about him was wrong. He didn’t seem upset, nor did he seem repulsed or offended. In fact, David was looking past it completely because he was more concerned if he was okay. But when Tony went to speak, the words died in his throat. He was terrified. He was sober now and utterly afraid to admit how he truly felt.

David could see the apprehension in his expression and realised that maybe the answer wasn't as simple as he thought. It only furthered his concern, making him wonder if Tony was struggling more than he let on. He felt guilty to think he’d claimed to care about Tony and yet had missed some kind of sign that he was headed for a relapse. Tony couldn’t possibly feel the same way about him. David concluded that he was projecting and letting his own loneliness get the better of him. It would be better if they simply never mentioned last night ever again.

“I…I remember what you said.” 

David felt his breath catch in his throat.

That could mean anything.

He could just be talking about when they were in the kitchen.

It didn’t mean he heard…

“You said…you said you cared about me. That you care about Michael.” Tony met David’s worried eyes. “And that being with me makes you feel happy.”

Now David was the one who couldn’t speak, couldn't understand how or why Tony wasn’t reacting with shock or confusion or disgust or any of the things he expected him to.

“Is that true?”

“Yes.” He whispered, still looking him in the eyes.

Tony could see just how scared he was. All this time, he had been the vulnerable one, he had been the one afraid to open up and talk about his feelings. But, right now, the reverse was true. He was sitting here asking David simply if he cared about him, without judgement, without wanting anything other than openness between them. And he was bravely telling Tony that he did, that he saw him as something more than a friend, more than just a person he’d recruited for his personal gain. Still, it took Tony aback a little to see such fear in his expression. Not just fear of rejection, but fear that he would react negatively in return, that they would lose what they had right now.

So Tony knew he had to convey in every possible way that that simply wasn’t true.

David was sitting across from him cross-legged. Michael was beside the two of them, oblivious to what was happening. So, Tony slowly leaned in and cupped his cheek, giving plenty of time for David to resist, but pleased to see he didn't. David exhaled softly as his lips met Tony’s. He started kissing him back gently, his hand on the back of Tony’s neck, keeping him there. Tony smiled against him, seeing David's relief and sheer joy when he pulled away a little to take a breath and thumb at a tear under his eye.

“You make me happy too,” Tony said softly. “I…I couldn’t figure out a way to tell you. I felt so guilty and so wrong because all I could think about was Michelle. Which is why I did what I did last night. I spiralled into a place I hadn’t been in in a very long time, and I don’t ever want to be there again.”

“We can still take things slow…I understand what you're working through. But I’m so glad you feel the same way, Tony.”

“In any case…I want you to be there to raise Michael with me. I can’t do it without you. And I know that Michael loves you. I see how happy he is when you’re with him. I would never want to take that away from him. He deserves to see happiness. He deserves to have more than just me loving him.” Tony reached over to let Michael grab his hand, sniffling. "But I also see how happy you are with him. I can’t even imagine how hard it is for you to do this without thinking about what you’ve lost. So the fact is you are and it means a lot to me.”

He shrugged, similarly looking over at Michael. “I'll admit it wasn’t easy at the start. But I made a promise to be there for you and him, and I intend on keeping it.”

Tony felt a clutch in his chest. He’d always known David as a man of his word, but the words carried so much more meaning now.

“Thank you.” He said earnestly.

David grinned. “You’re more than welcome.” 

It was well into winter now, and in a place like DC, this meant the rain never seemed to stop pouring. Tonight was even more intense, with lightning so bright it seemed to illuminate the whole room every time it flashed and thunder so loud and sudden it made it difficult to find a moment of peace. As expected, Michael hadn’t reacted well. One of them would put him to sleep, then some time would pass, and the disruptive boom would wake him. It happened over and over again. But David noticed that Michael wasn't the only one reacting. Every time they’d wake, either to his cries or the thunder, Tony would seem uneasy. His movements would be slow, and it would usually take David a few tries before he would respond when he asked if he was okay.

They were back in bed now, and to David’s relief, Tony had found it in himself to sleep. It was no wonder that one of the first steps they’d taken in their relationship was simply sharing a bed. Not just because it made it easier for them to alternate checking on Michael throughout the night but also because they both realised just how comforting it was to not sleep alone. It hadn’t gone any further than simply nestling in each other's hold while they slept, but it meant so much to both of them to know they could be vulnerable around each other like this.

David noticed that Tony had jolted a couple of times at the thunder, feeling the bunch and release of his muscles beneath his arm. The dark circles under Tony’s eyes were more noticeable than usual. David just prayed that he would be able to sleep through the night. Lord knows he rarely did. He squeezed Tony back reassuringly, but it didn’t seem to help as much as he’d hoped. Tony was murmuring something, squeezing his eyes shut. David told him quietly that it was just a dream, that he could sleep, that it was okay. As another bout of thunder clapped, he sat up with a jolt.

“Michelle!” He cried.

Even in the dark, David could see his eyes were wet with tears. As he sat up, he could see Tony’s chest heaving. His breaths were shallow and rapid, hands shaking as he tried to support himself. Gently, David pivoted Tony and took him in his arms. He felt moisture form on his shoulder as Tony’s body trembled against his.

“It’s alright, love, it’s okay,” David said, hushing him quietly.

Tony gripped the fabric of his t-shirt tightly, still desperately gasping to catch his breath. He let out a sob when Michael started to cry from the other room. Whether it was because of him or the thunder, it didn’t matter.

“I-I couldn’t save her,” he said brokenly. “I-If I’d gone out there a couple of seconds earlier, I could have saved her. I-I’m the one who let her go by herself. It’s my fault-”

“It’s not, Tony. Neither of you could have known.”

Michael’s wails grew louder, and after a moment, Tony let David move away to go and comfort him once more. When he returned, Tony seemed to have calmed down a little, although his face was still woeful. He was still sitting upright, cross-legged under the covers.

“Is Michael okay?” Tony asked weakly.

He nodded, moving to lie next to him.

“Are you?”

Tony lifted his shoulder. 

David moved to envelop him with his arms, his head resting against his chest. Within seconds, Tony had buried his face in his shoulder, crying softly.

“Why do I keep fucking this up?” He said hoarsely.

“You’re not fucking anything up, Tony. It’s not your fault.”

He shook his head against him.

“I-I just wish I could be a better father to him. I still feel like I don’t know what I’m doing.” He took in a breath. “I can’t keep putting pressure on you to do this.”

David sighed, holding Tony closer to him and making small circles on his back. “There’s no pressure, Tony. I love you, and I love Michael. I’m here for both of you.” Before David could even process what he had just said, he noticed Tony was half-asleep. Saying that had come so naturally to him, he couldn’t deny it was true. David wondered if Tony had heard him. But unlike last time, he wasn’t so afraid of that. With Tony and Michael both asleep soundly, David found it in himself to rest for a few hours too. 

He still managed to wake up before everybody else, taking a moment to look at Tony, realising how rare it was for him to be at ease like this. David felt a clutch in his chest, knowing that by being here, he was helping to achieve that. Eventually, Tony stirred against him, mumbling something that sounded like ‘Good morning’.

“Morning.” He replied, laughing through his nose. “Feeling a little better?”

“Yeah...” Tony let out a long breath, and David felt it rumble against his body. 

“I’m glad.”

Eventually, they got up, walking together to Michael’s room. By some miracle, he was just blinking his eyes open, not upset, not afraid or distressed, but simply peering at the world around him. When Tony lifted him into his arms, he didn’t have to force himself to smile, simply holding him to his body, kissing the top of his head and cooing softly. David just stood at the door, looking on fondly.

He turned to him after a beat, furrowing his brow. “You…you said you loved me. Before I fell asleep, you said you loved me.”

“I did,” David admitted, surprised by his own courage.

“You…you haven’t said that before.”

“Well, actually, I did once, but you were asleep the other time as well. Is that...unexpected?”

He shook his head, laughing a little. “No, I mean...you’ve shown me in every way possible that you care about me. It's not that much of a shock." The corners of his lips upturned. I was just hoping that I’d be the one to say it to you first.”

Smiling, he met Tony’s eyes. “Well, go on, then.”

Tony walked towards him. “I love you, David.”

“I love you too, Tony.”

Eventually, Tony found it in himself to start doing some work for David. Nothing dangerous, nothing that involved leaving the compound, but Tony was determined to prove his loyalty to him. He wanted to communicate that it wasn’t just about Michael’s well-being or their relationship but because he genuinely believed in his cause and wanted to help. And David felt honoured by Tony's willingness to understand his ethos and the respect he showed, knowing that what drove him was the pain of loss. Right now, Tony was sitting at a desk alone in the dark, having gotten caught up in some file decryption he’d been doing. In fact, he was so invested that he hadn’t heard David sneaking up behind him.

Feeling a hand on his shoulder, he gasped, turning around. Even in the dark, Tony could see David smirk.

“There’s such a thing as lights, you know?”

He laughed through his nose before turning back to the computer to finish what he was doing. “I didn’t think I’d missed this kind of work at CTU, but one thing led to another and-”

Tony fell silent at the sensation of David’s lips against his neck, his hands slowly moving over his shoulders. They moved up to his jaw, under the shell of his ear, and all of a sudden, Tony was not very interested in what was on the screen in front of him. David moved to push his chair back from the desk and knelt in front of him, smiling wryly. His hands slowly moved up Tony’s thighs.

“Michael’s asleep, and everybody else has gone, so unless you’d rather keep working on that-”

Fumbling a little and shaking his head, Tony securely shut the computer down before grabbing the back of David’s neck and lifting his head so they could kiss. Tony pulled his hair a little, and David smiled against him. He peeled his shirt off, tossing it somewhere behind him, and David followed suit. David's lips slipped to his throat, then lower, his fingers slowly working to unzip his pants and pull down his boxers.

David worked his hand along Tony’s length a few times, giving him a heavy-lidded look that made his breath hitch. He then replaced his hand with his mouth. He revelled in watching Tony’s eyes roll back into his head and feeling his hand bury itself in his scalp, keeping him there. His soft moans were making him grow hard himself. But to his surprise, Tony pushed his hand to the nape of David’s neck, and he stopped.

When he looked up, Tony’s chest was heaving, his skin flushed, eyes dark.

“I…I want something else tonight.”

He paused, meeting Tony’s gaze, finding nothing but vulnerability and desire there. It was a step in their intimacy they hadn't taken yet, they'd wanted to do this slowly and make sure nobody had any misgivings. But seeing Tony now affirmed to him that this was something they both wanted and were ready for.

David nodded. “We’ll head to bed then.”

When they made it up the stairs into their bedroom, not without stopping a couple of times to steal a kiss and touch each other, they removed the rest of their clothes. Tony took a moment to gently curve his hand under David’s cock, stroking him a few times, using his mouth to suck gently at his collarbone. David stumbled a little, splaying his hand across Tony’s back, groaning softly. He playfully pushed him back onto the bed, moving to cover Tony’s body with his own. Their lips met again, kissing deeply. They spent a long time looking into each other's eyes, finding the simple act more intense and beautiful than anything else.

David grabbed the lube from their bedside table, having bought a tub recently in anticipation of this, and poured it into his hand. He exhaled as he pushed one finger in, slowly moving it in and out before adding a second at Tony's request. David was still somewhat hesitant about his movements, a small amount of doubt lingering. Tony placed one hand on his shoulder. Their gazes met, and David felt himself lose control of his breathing as he watched how Tony reacted to him. He then relaxed into his touch, allowing David to lean down a little more, so he could nuzzle Tony’s neck.

“Are you feeling ready?” He murmured.

“Yes.” 

“You’re sure?”

Tony breathed. “I trust you.”

To hear him say that meant everything to him. He poured some more into his hand and then over himself. Tony moved his legs further apart, biting his lip. Planting one hand on the bed above Tony to steady himself, David used the other to gently guide himself into Tony. He tensed a little, but after a few slow thrusts, Tony raised his legs and pressed them against David’s waist. Taking the message, David started to speed up his motions, moaning at the way Tony tipped his head back, his mouth parting slightly.

“Look at me, Tony,” David said lowly.

He obliged, and the eye contact created a clutch in his chest. This was right. This was how he’d wanted it to happen, Tony fully pleased and consciously wanting to be intimate like this with him. Whatever small doubts David had that Tony would never completely trust him because of his criminal activity, never fully give himself over to him, were gone now. He never thought he'd be able to be this close to somebody else again, but he realised that Tony had been proving him wrong since the day they met. He never thought he'd be able to do this without thinking about who he'd lost and letting the guilt stand in the way of anything good happening to him again. But right now David recognised that he and Tony had both healed so much by allowing themselves to have this with each other. 

When Tony started to scratch at David’s back, whimpering his name quietly, begging him to have this release, it became too much for him, and he came with a deep shudder. Tony moaned at the sensation, still rolling his hips a little. David could see he was close too, and with a few short, intentional movements of his hand around Tony’s cock, he finished with an emphatic cry, desperately pulling David’s head down, sucking at his bottom lip. David cupped his face, not wanting the contact to break. At some point, they stopped becoming silent for a while as they listened to the sound of each other’s pants, gazing into each other’s eyes, and wiping each other's tears.

David cleaned them both with a towel, pausing to softly press his lips to Tony’s. Pulling back the covers, Tony moved to snake his hands around David’s waist, resting his cheek against his chest. 

Looking up at him, at the soft smile he gave, Tony knew without question that David wanted to take care of him in every single way.

That David would never judge or question him.

That David loved him.

He should have been back by now.

Tony was pacing around the compound, unable to bring himself to sleep because David and the other members of his crew had been out for several hours now, far longer than usual. Since he was often part of the planning process, most of the time, he could often estimate how long a job would take. Given his experience at CTU, he knew those estimates weren’t always accurate, but usually, he updated him with his ETA. There hadn’t been any communication from him this time. With Michael asleep, all Tony could think about was the worst-case scenario. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d worried this intently about someone that wasn’t Michael. In fact, Tony realised, with a bittersweet smile, that he hadn’t felt concerned like this since the last time Michelle had gone on a field mission on her own. It wasn’t that he hadn’t thought she was capable, just that sometimes capability didn’t matter; in those situations, shit could hit the fan in the blink of an eye.

The door burst open, interrupting his anxious spiral. David limped in, carrying somebody on his shoulder who could barely keep her eyes open. If he recalled correctly, he had left with about five other people. So given that David the other crew member seemed to be the only people here now, Tony realised that his suspicions about something having gone wrong were well-founded. Immediately, he rushed over, noticing the sheer amount of blood on them. 

“She needs stitches…” He rasped.

“And so do you!” Tony said, noticing that the fabric near his shoulder was soaked. “Jesus, David, what happened?”

“I’ll…I’ll explain. But…” David took in a breath. “Help first.”

Tony nodded, rushing to where most of their medical supplies were kept. It had been a while since he'd administered first aid like this, and he certainly hadn't had to tend to David. In the meantime, David helped the woman, Claire, Tony was sure her name was, sit. Her body slumped back, blearily blinking. David sat beside her and used one hand to apply pressure to his injury while the other squeezed Claire’s hand to keep her roused. When Tony returned, he froze, not sure who to tend to.

“Her first.” David was quick to say. “She’s taken a shot to the waist. It’s gone through, but she’s already lost a lot of blood.”

He was quick to pull back her shirt and find the wound in question, before starting to disinfect it. She winced in pain.

“David, what happened?” Tony repeated.

“There were more of them than we thought. Our intel was wrong.”

“Where’s everybody else?” He asked, even though he was sure he knew the answer.

“Dead.” He said hoarsely. “We were ambushed.”

When he glanced at David, Tony could see how upset he was. He treated his crew members like family, so he couldn’t imagine the pain and guilt running through his mind. Claire’s breathing was still rapid, but thankfully she was still conscious. The agonising feeling of her skin being stitched up was probably at least helping her to stay awake.

“What happened to your shoulder?” 

“I cut myself on some metal fencing while we were trying to get out.”

Tony tried to work as fast as he could, not because he didn’t care about Claire’s wellbeing, but because he couldn’t bear the thought of David being in pain, physical or emotional. 

“Have you had a tetanus shot recently?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” He sighed, cutting the edges of Claire’s stitches.

“Thank you.” She said weakly.

“Go get some food, water, and rest,” David instructed. “We’ll keep an eye on you throughout the night.”

She nodded, and Tony could tell she was upset too. But once she left, Tony watched David’s face screw up in anger.

“Four people. Four people, Tony.” He said roughly. “It’s been years since I’ve lost that many people at once.”

Tony made a commiserating face, speaking softly. “It’s not your fault.”

He moved over to help David take his shirt off. To his relief, he could see that most of the blood on him wasn’t his. Tony's chest ached to think of David desperately trying to save and protect his crew but failing miserably. But what was more painful was thinking about how easily it could have been David who didn’t make it home. The cut wasn’t deep enough to need stitches, but given how he’d had to put pressure on his shoulder to help Claire walk, it hadn’t exactly had the chance to heal. Tenderly, Tony repeated the process of disinfecting and covering the wound. David kept rambling, talking about how furious he was, how stupid he felt, wondering how he could have fucked up so badly, and Tony simply listened, interrupting him only to deny any claim that it was all his responsibility.

When he looked up, David was using the heel of his hand to wipe a few tears away. His whole body was trembling.

“It’s okay, David.” 

Conceding, he let Tony take him in his arms and kiss his temple. He sniffled.

“That could have been you.” He whispered.

Tony shook his head. “Don’t think like that.”

“How can I not? Those people were important to me, but you’re everything to me. If I lost you, I…I don’t know what I’d do.”

Leaning back, Tony pressed his forehead against David’s. “You don’t have to worry about that. I’m not going anywhere.”

He let out a breath. “Damn right, you’re not.”

Tony smiled a little, stifling a yawn. “Let’s just get some rest, okay? We'll talk about this tomorrow with Claire, and figure out how we tell their families.”

David agreed quietly, letting Tony take him by the hand to their room. He realised how long it had been since he’d let his guard down and let someone take care of him for a change. So when they settled in bed, he tightly wrapped his arms around Tony, whispering that he loved him and how grateful he was to have him.

And when Tony returned that love and affection, David knew just how true that was.

Tony first heard the name Alan Wilson a few days after Michael's second birthday. A few weeks after that, the name meant something to him and became associated with nothing but hatred.

But it wasn’t until a few days before Michael’s fourth birthday that he could do something about it.

He always felt anxious when David left, but today felt more nerve-wracking than ever. The plan to extract Wilson without alerting his security team was painstakingly detailed. Tony had been part of the process, as David had wanted to ensure that he was completely satisfied with it. Tony had wanted to go, but David had insisted he didn't, promising him he would have his time with Wilson, but only in a safe and controlled situation. They had to be quick, and they had to be resolute in their actions. Even one small mistake could ruin everything. The day David had lost four crew members in one hit was a memory that had never left Tony’s mind. It had been the first time he had seen David so vulnerable, seen him grieve. Tony never wanted to see him like that again, so he hoped dearly that this mission went well. If it didn’t, he would feel incredibly responsible because the fact was, David was doing this not for money, not for information, not for anything else but them.

Tony had been sitting and spiralling about the worst-case scenario for what had felt like eons. He was broken out of his spiral when he heard footsteps and a car pulling up. David walked into the main room of the compound where he was, and Tony quickly rose and walked over to throw his arms around him. It was almost midnight; they had been gone for nearly sixteen hours. What made it worse was not having any communication whatsoever between them. Tony’s mind had run wild with worry, but seeing him now, all of that worry quickly disappeared. When he pulled away to look at him, he noticed a small cut on his temple and dark, heavy circles beneath his eyes.

“God, you look exhausted,” Tony murmured, pressing his lips to the side of David’s head.

“Everybody okay here?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Just been a little uneasy waiting for you and everyone else. How…” He took in a breath, hoping to God that this hadn't been for nothing. “How did it go?”

“Everything went exactly as planned, a few scrapes and bruises, but nothing serious." Tony felt his heart leap in his chest. "We have Wilson drugged and restrained in one of the smaller rooms out the back. So whatever you need to do Tony...he will be at your mercy.”

“I-I want him awake.” Tony hardened his voice. “I need him to know who I am.”

David placed a hand on his shoulder. “I understand.”

His hand stayed there as he led Tony to the room in question, and waved away the people guarding Wilson. They did so without hesitation since they knew how personal this was for Tony. David had made it perfectly clear that their only job would be to dispose of the body without asking about whatever state it happened to be left in. More than that, David realised it was personal to him too. For all these years, he has seen Tony at his very worst, he has seen him in pain, he has seen him suffer night and day because he has been traumatised and terrified by what Wilson had done to his family. Tony has worried extensively about Michael’s safety, almost to the point of paranoia. He has been so protective and fearful because he feels he owes it to Michelle to keep him as safe as possible. David also knew that Tony always desired revenge and believed that avenging her might be the only way he could truly move on. 

But today, that was going to be over. 

Wilson would die by Tony’s hand, and he would rest easy knowing this was it. David had searched for evidence in every direction, but he had no doubt that the man who ordered Tony and Michelle’s deaths was the man slumped in a chair in front of them.

Seeing that he was still unconscious, Tony simply sat across from him while he waited. David watched his expression, watched the way he tried to keep it stoic but noticed the twitch in his jaw and the clench in his fist. He couldn’t imagine what was going through his mind, and he was reminded that he had never experienced this for himself. He'd found the people who'd murdered his family but he'd never been able to do anything about it. But giving this release to Tony was enough for him. The anger and hatred that had been slowly churning but unable to be fully released was now at its peak. This moment would change everything. It had too. He needed to do this.

Eventually, Wilson stirred, slowly blinking his eyes open. Before he could open his mouth, Tony promptly stood up and pressed the muzzle of his gun to his forehead. His hand was shaking a little, but he tensed it to keep it still. David suddenly felt dissatisfied. He didn’t feel right about this.

“N-No.” He said, standing and placing his hand on Tony’s bicep. “Not like this.”

Tony whipped his head around, giving a tight-lipped smile and breathing heavily.

“He needs to suffer," David stated. "He needs to suffer the way you have all these years. He needs to feel what you’ve been feeling.”

Upon hearing the emotion in David’s voice, Tony stepped away, seething with rage. 

Without hesitating, David threw a punch to Wilson’s face. He did it again and again, feeling his teeth disconnect from their gums, feeling the crack of the cartilage in his nose. Wilson attempted to jerk away from the blows but to no avail. The punches moved lower, to his ribs, to his stomach. He took a metal club from the corner of the room, hitting his kneecaps and solar plexus until he was confident that he broke something. David became almost manic with anger, so desperate to make every part of Wilson hurt. He wasn’t even aware of how far he had gone until he felt Tony firmly call his name and grab his bicep.

“E-Enough,” Tony said, his chest heaving. “Let me finish it.”

With bloodied fists and a scowl, he moved back, knowing that as much as he wanted to continue his torture, it was not his place to right now. 

Tony raised the gun to his forehead, taking one last moment to capture the image of the man who had destroyed his family, bleeding and writhing in pain. He thought about how much time he had spent all these years worrying about this man hunting him and Michael down to finish the job. He thought about what this man had taken away from him. And all of a sudden, Tony didn’t feel like thinking anymore.

“This is for her.” He gritted through his teeth before firing a single round, watching blood splatter behind him onto the wall and feeling some splash onto himself.

Tony’s entire body trembled as he stood there, frozen in shock. He didn’t lower the gun, as though paranoid that Wilson wasn’t really dead. David knew this was going to take some processing. And he would gladly be there for Tony as he did so. But for now, all David wanted to do was crawl into bed and hold Tony tightly to him, comforting him in every way he could. Just as he had done before, David gently rested his hand on the nape of his neck to remind him he was there, taking the gun from his quivering fingers at the same time.

“Go wipe the blood off of you, then give your son a hug,” David said softly. “I’ll take it from here.”

Sniffling, he nodded and walked out of the room, back into the main compound. He scrubbed the blood off his hands and face and removed the outer layers of his clothes before taking a long shower, finding the only thing he felt right now was numbness. Tony hoped the catharsis that he had been craving so desperately would come. Now in his pyjamas, he quietly padded into Michael’s room, taking a moment to watch how peaceful he was as he slept. Taking a shuddering breath, he sat on the edge of his bed. He ran his fingers through Michael’s hair, kissing the top of his head. 

“It’s over,” Tony whispered, feeling tears slide down his face. “It’s over, sweetheart.”

As time passed, Tony was pleased that things only seemed to keep becoming happier for them. While the thought of Michelle was always at the back of his mind, he had underestimated just how much joy it would bring him to watch Michael grow up. What made it even better was sharing that joy with David. Their situation wasn’t very conventional, but the two of them made it work. David had eventually found a tutor for Michael and been willing to try several until they were satisfied. It made Tony a little sad that Michael didn’t have anybody his own age to be around, but it only made him put more time and effort into being there for him. There was no way going to school would work. Not while they were in a country where they weren't registered citizens and couldn’t get fake IDs since there was always a chance that someone would recognise them in the US, or at least recognise Tony. 

While Michael stayed with the tutor during the day, Tony would help David. He went out on missions with him very rarely. Both of them had agreed it was far too risky for both of them to be in the line of fire. And to some combination of Tony’s surprise and disappointment, the ethically dubious nature of David’s work had bothered him less and less over time, even though he knew Michelle would never have gone this far. In his eyes, if smuggling a package or providing security for someone meant some extra cash their way, he didn’t care. They could spend the money on Michael or each other; they deserved the finer things in life after all they’d lost, it would never replace their memories, but it was better than nothing. What helped his conscience was his experience as an agent. He knew most of these things were small fish in the grand scheme of things. Nothing they were doing would directly lead to a terrorist attack or some other horrible incident that would result in unnecessary innocent lives being lost. He was open with David about that, who understood and respected him and his boundaries.

Or at least, Tony thought he did.

Because a few months before Michael’s sixth birthday, Tony noticed a sudden change in David’s behaviour. In stark contrast to his promises, he became somewhat secretive around Tony. David would give him vague information about what they were being paid to do, enough so Tony knew how to help. However, he wouldn’t disclose any details about who they were associating with. At first, Tony thought nothing of it. He figured that if David believed the details were unnecessary, then they were unnecessary. But something didn’t feel right in his gut when David started to become somewhat distant from him. Of course, they still lived together, but Tony could no longer disregard the private, prolonged phone calls, the late nights spent at the computer, and the delays in coming home, especially since he knew that David knew how much it worried him.

So, against his better judgement, against the protesting voice in his heart, Tony had decided to do some investigating of his own to figure out what was going on. At this point, he didn’t even care what it was; he just wanted it out in the open. He just wanted to have that sense of transparency between them. 

David was asleep in their bed when Tony got up, slowly pacing towards one of the offices where he usually operated. He noticed a laptop sitting on the desk. It wasn’t one of the shared computers, which meant this was a personal device. Tony could swear he had never seen it before. After trying a few passwords, a warning appeared stating that the device would be wiped should he be incorrect again. Sighing, Tony shut the laptop. It felt like a sign he should stop, a reminder that no matter how he looked at it, he was betraying David's trust. But Tony couldn’t bring himself to. His mind ran wild with possibilities, including the idea that they were somehow in danger and David was keeping it from him. They were well beyond the point of hiding things to protect each other’s feelings. They were strong enough to talk about these things, no matter what. 

Reluctantly, he opened it again, remembering an old trick to bypass computer login screens from his time at CTU. It didn’t always work; if someone was predicting their computer would be stolen, there were extra security measures they could take. But, if David believed nobody knew about this computer, Tony suspected this trick would work. True to his guess, it did. Something in him felt dirty, felt wrong. He had done this to how many computers over how many years, always justifying this invasion of privacy as something for the greater good. But right now, he just felt sick with guilt. Shaking his head, he tried to regain his focus, searching in the recently accessed files on the computer. One particular document seemed to stick out at him. From the thumbnail, it appeared to be blueprints of some kind.

His breath hitched when he opened it.

The blueprints were not unfamiliar to him. Tony had seen them once before, many years ago. And if he was right, these blueprints were here because David had been tasked with hacking into and rendering this device useless, not creating a replica. The CIP firewall was not a minor cog in the big machine of government security. It was crucial to maintaining order, ensuring safety, and allowing society to function. If it were breached, chaos would ensue. Tony couldn’t even count how many things would be affected, nor could he even think about the number of innocent people who could be affected. As he continued to delve further, he saw a handful of names, unfamiliar, certainly no one they had worked with before. But in the written correspondence -- not that there was much, it made sense that David was only making calls from his burner phone to prevent being tracked or recorded -- Tony continued to see mention of payment and delivery. Diamonds were also referenced, so he realised this was no small job or quick cash grab. Whatever David was doing, it would bring in a lot of money.

Tony felt a chill wash over him. It was unclear what David was planning, but he knew it couldn’t be good. Tony knew he had to do something about it before it was too late because he was thinking about more than just the ethics here. He was terrified for Michael's well-being as it was. To think that David was actively contributing to something that would make the world around them unstable and dangerous made him start to spiral. Tony was also thinking about David’s safety. This wouldn't go unnoticed. This was going to alert the government one way or another. There would be a massive investigation, and every possible resource would be devoted to finding the root cause. Yes, breaching the CIP firewall would impede that, but it would not stop them completely. They would track down every last conspirator, and it would mean prison, if not execution, for both of them. They would put Michael in foster care, and Tony would never see him again. Just thinking about any of this made his chest tighten.

But he couldn’t exactly go to CTU without incriminating himself. Firstly because CTU no longer existed, it would have to be the FBI, the CIA or some other agency. More than that, Tony wasn’t even sure he knew who to talk to. You could never trust everybody in that line of work. People would come and go, and there was always someone who tried to use the technology at these agencies for their personal gain, and it was never clear until it was too late. He knew that all too well. Jack was the first person who came to mind, but from what Tony had heard, after his rescue from China, he had disappeared off the face of the Earth again. More than that, even if he did find Jack, he wouldn’t be particularly pleased with what he had done in the last few years. There was no guarantee that Jack would see his point of view. Eliminating Jack as an option, Tony thought about who else he could trust. He chewed his lip in thought, realising that quite a number of them were dead, before thinking of Chloe. Someone who Jack trusted too. She was his best option.

Grabbed one of the spare burner phones, he walked outside the compound so nobody could hear him. Tony decided to test the mobile number he had memorised years ago when Jack was in hiding. It had been a number allocated for letting each other know if they thought Jack was compromised somehow. Tony had to wonder if Chloe had deactivated it by now. Either way, he still would be careful to obey the one-minute rule. Tony could be brief for now; this was only to reach out. Seeing it as his last sign as to whether he could stop all hell from breaking loose, he dialled the number. It rang once, twice, three times before a sleepy voice answered.

“O’Brian…” She mumbled.

He took in a breath, finding himself unable to speak.

“Hello?”

“I need to talk to you. Privately.”

“Who is this?”

Tony snorted. “You don’t remember the sound of your old boss’ voice?”

He could almost picture the confused scowl on her face.

“Tony?”

Tony could immediately tell where Chloe was sitting based on body language alone. She wore sunglasses, and her hair had been dyed darker, but her discontent facial expression and folded arms were unequivocally Chloe O’Brian. Warily looking around him as he entered the diner, he made his way over and slid into the booth across from her. Chloe took a moment to look at him as though still convincing herself that he was real.

“Surprised you were already in DC.” He said to break the silence.

She shrugged. “When CTU got shut down, I took the excuse to give myself a fresh start. Plus, I figured my best chance of a well-paying job was here."

Tony nodded, understanding the need for that all too well. He was grateful each and every day that David had taken him away from LA. “So, where are you working now?”

“Nowhere. I have a three-year-old to look after. What Morris earns is enough to keep us going.”

He looked at her quizzically. “You have a…? Wait, you got back together with Morris-”

“Tony, what do you want?" She said tiredly. "This is risky for both of us.”

Conceding, he sighed. Chloe was never one for small talk.

“I have reason to believe something is going down within the next couple of months. Something big. And I need your help to stop it.”

“Why don’t you go to the CIA? What am I supposed to do?”

Tony shook his head. “Considering that I’m supposed to be dead and that I work for the person who’s partially behind this, I can’t exactly do that, Chloe.”

“What?" She squinted at him. "Who is he?”

He rolled his eyes. “He's the mercenary who revived me after Henderson nearly killed, well, killed me.”

"You've been helping a mercenary?"

Tony huffed. “Yeah, Chloe, I have."

"Why?"

"That's not the point. What’s happening now is different, it’s worse than anything else he’s ever done, and I can’t let him do it. I have to stop him before he gets himself caught.”

She paused, looking at him. “Why do you want to protect this guy so much? If he’s that bad, why the hell are you even still-”

"Because he's all I have, alright?" Tony snapped, and she pressed her lips together. “It’s…complicated, Chloe."

“I’m not risking myself for this." She took her bag from beside her and shook her head. "It’s bad enough that someone could see us together, there’s no way I’m helping you-”

Chloe stood to exit the booth, and he grabbed her arm.

“Chloe, please. Just hear me out.”

He seemed desperate for her help and had no intention of hiding it. It was something she had rarely seen in him. All those years at CTU, Tony had always been much better at keeping his cool compared to Jack. The only time Chloe had seen him crack like this was the day Saunders had captured Michelle. 

So Chloe realised that if he was risking everything to reach out to her, maybe it was just as important. 

She sat back down, and Tony gave her a grateful look. He explained the situation, omitting any and every detail about Michael. Tony might trust her, but he still felt like even mentioning his name to the outside world was putting him at risk. He didn't need to do that; he could justify this without bringing his son into it. Tony watched her become rapt as he explained the blueprints and information he had found on the night he'd called her.

“Wait, did you say Sangala?”

“Yeah.”

Her eyes widened. “Holy shit, this is worse than I thought.” She uttered under her breath.

Tony furrowed his brow.

“This isn’t just big, it’s huge, Tony.”

He still didn't know what she was getting at.

“I'm not exactly…just a stay-at-home mom. I've been working on something…with Bill.”

“Buchanan?”

"Who else would I be talking about?" She looked around her skittishly. “We think there’s a conspiracy related to Allison Taylor’s administration. All because of the stuff going on in Sangala. People at all levels are secretly being paid by Ike Dubaku. We already know of at least two moles in the FBI. But we haven't been able to figure out what they were being bribed to do, especially for how many diamonds Dubaku's offering." Her voice took a heavy tone. “But what you've just told me is the key to everything. The CIP firewall links everybody on this list.”

He let out a breath, now realising the situation was exponentially worse. The goal of this conversation had just been to let Chloe know so someone could make an inside tip to prevent the attacks. But if what she was saying was true…then the very people she could have gone to couldn't be trusted. So it was going to be up to him to stop it. He didn't want this, he wanted to stay out of it. But deep down he knew that he couldn't.

“I’m going to go and take this to Bill," Chloe said, looking very pale. "We’ve spent too much time together as it is. Keep me updated.”

Glancing at his watch, Tony realised she was right. His lie to David about going out for a drive would become less convincing the longer he stayed out. It was funny, Tony had been deceitful for missions more times than he could count, it had come with the job, but this was the only one that had truly hurt. Because he hadn’t just withheld information like when he'd kept the Salazar mission secret from Michelle, he'd flat-out lied to David, something he'd promised himself he would never do. He just hoped that when the truth came to light eventually, David would understand.

They said goodbye and went their separate ways. As Tony drove home, he felt a wave of determination rising and reminding him of who he used to be. He hadn’t wanted to pursue righteousness like this in a very long time. So Tony knew that he had to see this through. Not just for his own sake but because he knew if Michelle were here, she would want this too. Above all, this was for Michael and David. He had to protect them. He had to keep the only family he had left safe.

Because Tony was sure that if anything happened to them, it would destroy him entirely.

When Tony woke up that fateful day, he knew it could end in one of two ways.

Either he would successfully manage to stop the CIP firewall from being breached and prevent him and David from being incriminated.

Or he wouldn’t.

Any number of things could go wrong. Tony hadn't slept at all, mind running wild with the possibilities. In the morning, he spent more time with Michael than usual, feeling almost overwhelmed with the fear of the unknown about what would happen today. Tony hugged him just that second longer, just that little bit tighter. David must have noticed the change in his behaviour because he pulled him aside before they left.

“Everything alright?” He asked in that soft voice of his.

“Yeah,” Tony said, cracking a half-smile. “Just tired.”

When he met David’s concerned eyes, all the guilt he felt about communicating with Chloe and Bill behind his back started to rise into his throat. He felt nauseous, his head was spinning, his mouth was dry. Tony quickly excused himself, walking to the bathroom as fast as he could without arousing suspicion. Tony planted his hands on either side of the basin as he retched, breathing heavily. His eyes were wet with tears. But when he slowly looked up at his haggard reflection, he reminded himself that he was doing this for Michael. He was doing this to keep him safe because David had gone too far this time. David was too caught up in thinking about the money. He was being greedy and losing sight of what was important.

And Tony knew he had every right to do what he had to do to protect his son.

The feeling of unease stayed with him as they left for the docks to pick up Michael Latham. When they arrived, instead of helping, all Tony could do was frantically look around him, waiting for the moment things would go horribly wrong. He knew that at some point, he would have to get to Bill and Chloe, and then they would finish it and send the Feds in. All Tony had to do was make sure he and David were far, far away from it. When, not if, he hoped, they got to that point, he could breathe easy. Tony would release the burden on his conscience. He would talk with David, and things would be okay, like always.

But Tony’s bad gut feeling soon became warranted when he found himself staring down the barrel of Jack Bauer’s gun.

Somehow he wasn’t surprised that Jack had managed to find his way to DC on this particular day. Tony had heard about his trial and thought it was incredibly wrong, considering all that he’d been through because of the service he’d provided for the country. But the fact that Jack had also been roped into dealing with the Sangala conflict made all too much sense to Tony. Jack always seemed to have a knack for getting into situations like this. Still, he didn't let himself think about that for too long because now he was going to have to explain to Jack what was really going on. Tony would no longer be able to entirely hide his history with Emerson. But, he had promised himself he would keep Michael far away from the people in his past, and he had no intention of changing his mind about that.

Talking with Jack at the FBI or with Chloe and Bill was one thing, but convincing David that Jack was on their side was a play he wasn't confident he could pull off. David knew him very well. Too well. No matter how much of an experienced liar he was, the guilt had been eating him alive for so long. It was getting harder and harder to keep doing this. The more he did it, the more it hurt. This was different to establishing a cover, which got easier with time. No, with every new lie that came out of his mouth, a small part of his heart would break, and the urge to confess everything would grow. He deserved the pain he was in. He deserved to suffer like this for betraying him. All Tony could do was think about Michael and remind himself that his motives here were not superficial, that there was a reason for all of this. Still, he had to wonder whether David truly believed him.

That question was answered when David suddenly took Jack at gunpoint. David looked at Tony with such an intense, bitter expression, like his eyes were prying his soul open to search for the truth. To anyone else, David would appear mean, menacing, almost. But all Tony could see was pain. Pain that he had caused.

“You better tell me what the hell is going on.”

Tony had raised his weapon in return without thinking. “Drop the gun, David.”

“You know, I just couldn’t figure out your play,” Jack struggled against his grip, but David kept him pinned there. “I tried to give you some time so you’d come clean because we are like brothers, right, Tony?”

His fingers trembled. The mere thought of pointing a gun in his direction was too much to bear, let alone having the safety off with his finger on the trigger. “Put the gun down, David.”

“You actually think I would let you steal those diamonds from me and run off?”

“It’s not about the diamonds.” He said firmly. “This is about killing innocent people. This is too far, even for you. And more than that, letting someone override the CIP device endangers the world he lives in. You know how much I worry-”

“You don’t understand, I’m doing this for him,” David said, cutting him off. “If you were so worried, why did you go behind my back?”

Tony opened his mouth to speak but struggled to find his words. “You...you were keeping me in the dark first-“

“Why did you betray me?” He roared.

“I was trying to protect you!” Tony insisted.

“Protect me?” David scoffed. “By ratting me out to the fucking Feds?-”

“I was going to get you out of it.”

“I’ve had enough of this.” David pressed the gun harder against Jack’s head. “Put down the weapon, or I will kill him.”

“Tony, take the shot!” Jack shouted.

“Shut up, Jack!” 

“Put it down, Tony, or he's dead.” David threatened, and Tony knew from his voice that this was his last chance before someone ended up dead.

He felt hot tears slide down his cheeks. He couldn’t let Jack die, he couldn’t. While he might not have told Jack everything, he still valued him as a friend. Tony also knew that Jack didn’t deserve to die like this, die without knowing the truth, die just because his misfortune had roped him into this whole mess. And more than that, Tony could trust him to see things through and ensure the CIP firewall remained secure. For a second, he contemplated what would happen if he fired his gun. Regardless of where the bullet went, there would be blood, a lot of it. He would have to try and stop the bleeding, but it would be hard to get medical help. Tony would have to try his luck driving back to the compound, but it wouldn't be easy with the FBI on their tail.

There was another thought. 

That firing his gun could, and likely would, kill David. He would have to tell David’s crew. They would probably kill him. Tony would also have to tell Michael, explain to him that David would never be able to read him a story again, never be able to kiss him goodnight, never be able to play with him, which Tony knew would create such a gaping, unfillable hole in his son's life and in his.

He couldn’t do this to his family. He wouldn't.

“Please,” Tony begged. “Let’s just talk about this. No more secrets, no more lying, no more hiding. From either of us.”

Meeting his gaze, he tried to implore in every way he could that he didn’t want it to be this way, that it didn’t need to be this way. And when David looked in return, he realised just how much pain and conflict there was in Tony’s eyes. Despite having known that Tony had betrayed his trust at some point over the last few months, up until now, he hadn’t considered that it had been a difficult decision for Tony to make. Perhaps even more difficult than his choice to keep information about this job private, which had also felt betraying towards Tony. Both of them had kept things from each other. And it seemed that both of them were feeling guilty about it.

So if Tony wanted to stop the secrecy, then so did he.

Sighing, he whacked the back of Jack’s head with the butt of his pistol and let him fall to the floor. He walked towards Tony, the relief plain in his eyes. David's anger faded to an expression of shame and disappointment.

“You want to talk?” David asked, his voice shameful. “Then let’s talk.”

They managed to return to the safe-house after taking care of Dubaku’s men and grabbing the diamonds, leaving Jack to come to on his own. On the way, Tony told Chloe and Bill that he was out, that enough was enough, and to his relief, they understood. He sent them his remaining intel and trusted they could get to the bottom of things and prevent further attacks. There were more important things to worry about. Although trying to stop the CIP device from being breached had dredged up some of his old government agent tendencies, he wasn’t about to risk his life, David’s, or Michael’s to pursue it. His priority would always be their well-being, and today had reminded him of that.

David stood with his arms folded, watching Tony pace around the office, trying to find the right words. Eventually, he stopped, turning to face him.

“You need to know I didn’t want it to have to come to this, but I had no choice.” Tony pressed his lips together. “We were so happy. Everything was so good. Then you suddenly started keeping me in the dark, and I couldn't understand why. I left it alone at first. You don't owe me an explanation, and the fact is I owe you everything. I know you spend most of the money you make on me or Michael, and it makes me so happy to think that all you want to do is take care of us. But…I was just so worried you were in over your head this time. I'm sorry for going behind your back, but I don't regret protecting my family, and that includes you.”

He nodded slowly. Tony looked sick with remorse, and David hated that so much. He had already felt guilt for his secrecy, but putting Tony through any more pain than he had already suffered made him feel so much worse.

“Which is when you looked through my computer.”

“Yes.” He replied uncomfortably.

“And told your…friends that you're alive.”

Tony had allowed David to listen to the phone calls he'd made on their way home, filling in the gaps about who he was speaking to. While he had been sceptical initially, given that he and Tony had successfully gotten away from the FBI, David had figured he could trust them, even if they were former government agents. David also thought about how desperate and conflicted Tony must have been to risk himself. But of course, if Tony had believed his son's life was at stake, then it made sense that he would do whatever he could to ensure he was safe. He hated that he had broken his trust and made Tony believe he would endanger Michael. It should never have gone this far.

“I…I don't blame you.” He said sadly. “If you thought I was putting Michael in danger, I understand why you sought outside help. It’s no wonder they were willing to keep us from being incriminated to protect Michael.”

“Actually…Chloe and Bill don’t know about Michael. Neither does Jack. I wanted him to stay out of this completely.”

David looked at him, bewildered. “Then how did you convince them to let us get away?”

Tony cracked a half smile. “You. I…I made it clear to them that you were important to me. I told them you aren't a bad person and don't deserve to be thrown in jail or worse. I...I just couldn't let you get hurt. That's just as important to me as protecting Michael.”

He looked so genuinely taken aback it almost made Tony forget the sheer anger and hurt he'd expressed earlier.

“You…you didn’t have to do that.” David furrowed his brow in confusion. “You could have just gotten you and Michael to safety, but you told them about us instead, even though you knew it would be harder to convince them? W-Why?”

“Because I love you.” He answered, lifting his shoulder. “I might have been ashamed at admitting to working for you after so many years of serving the government, but I’m not ashamed of loving you.”

Hearing the authenticity in his voice, David pulled him in for a searing kiss, communicating in every way that he forgave him, that he knew Tony hadn’t betrayed him, that he wouldn't resent him for responding to a situation by putting his son's needs first. Tony shuddered in return, grabbing the back of his head and keeping him close.

“I…I understand.” David said, stroking his cheek. “I understand why you did what you did, and I’m sorry for driving you to that point. I never wanted you to think I was keeping secrets. I just…I just didn’t want to get your hopes up by making a promise I couldn’t keep. And more than that, I was embarrassed by what you might think of me for taking a job like this, even if it was for a good reason.” He sighed. “But I can tell you with certainty that this is over now. So rather than sit here, trying to justify it all, why don’t I show you why I took this job?”

It was clear that the atmosphere between them had lightened. He didn't realise just how much he'd missed total transparency with Tony, and he vowed to himself that he would never let it get to this point again. Tony obliged and walked with him to their bedroom, opening the safe hidden in their closet. David silently passed Tony a pile of papers, letting him take in the information there. At first, he was confused, then David felt his heart leap in his chest as he watched Tony’s jaw drop, a small laugh of disbelief escaping him.

“I make no excuses for keeping secrets from you. I claim to be a man of transparency, and yet I became so secretive I drove you away and worried you sick. But I hope you understand why I had to keep this private until I knew it would pan out.”

When he looked up, his eyes were wet with tears. “You’re seriously doing this for us?”

“Yes.” He said softly. “I want us to be happy. I want Michael to have the life he deserves. When I saw how much Dubaku was willing to pay, I knew it would likely be the only opportunity I would have to make this dream come true for us.”

“But…what about your crew?”

He shook his head. “I'm sure they'll manage just fine on their own. I do make it quite clear how much I care about you.”

Tony smiled wryly. “So let me get this straight. We’re retiring?”

“Yes,” David said, returning the smile. “We have enough money to settle down somewhere. Unless we see something we’re both passionate about and willing to help with, we don’t need to be guns for hire anymore. I have a few options in place since I wanted you to be part of this decision. Regardless, I have all the necessary papers for us and for Michael. He’ll be able to go to school, and then when he grows up, he won’t be limited to doing what we did. If he wants to go to college, move abroad, join a circus for all I care, he’ll be able to do it without worrying about exposing us.”

Looking through the documents, Tony could see an adoption form with David’s name written as his proposed legal guardian. He noticed it was unsigned.

“I…I wanted to let you choose.”

“Are you crazy? Of course.” He desperately looked for a pen, signing to match the alias David had given to him. 

Eagerly, Tony started to look through the list of potential locations for their new home. He was thrilled by the mere concept of having a peaceful life with David and their son, so he honestly couldn’t care less about the details. But one particular spot stuck out to him. He was surprised David had considered it, given his history there. However, it warmed Tony's heart to know that David had healed so much to be open to this.

“You’ve always talked about how much you miss England and would love for Michael and I to see it.” Tony mused, looking at the images of the countryside property, already picturing themselves in it. “I think it’s perfect.”

“You would do that for me?”

“Yeah,” Tony said. “After giving me and Michael a place to call home, I think it's only fair that we go to yours.” 

“Then it's decided.”

“But..." Tony started in a mock-serious tone. "If Michael's not going to grow up in the US, you have to promise me he still gets to watch Cubs games on TV.”

David grinned. “Deal.”

Ten Years Later

“Chloe, where the hell are you taking me?” Jack asked again.

She rolled her eyes. “When we get there, you’ll understand.”

Jack looked Chloe up and down, trying to gauge a subtle reaction from her. She seemed nervous, even beneath the heavy eyeliner and dark hair. He wondered what had prompted her to make such a change. Then again, it had been a while since Jack last saw her. A lot can happen in six years. In his case, six years had meant countless sleepless nights, not trusting anybody, while pushing away the few people he could still rely on, Chloe included.

For ten years, Jack had been haunted by that day in DC, the day he’d seen Tony for the first time in years after presuming him to be dead, after mourning him, after blaming himself for Michelle's death. More specifically, he was haunted by their final interaction before Emerson had clocked him over the head. It hadn’t taken too much critical thinking to deduce that he and Tony had been something more than just allies or brothers, as Emerson had put it. But most of all, something Emerson had said that day had replayed in Jack's mind non-stop ever since. It was a phrase he'd tried to interpret in every possible way, and he had never found an explanation he was satisfied with.

“I’m doing this for him, you don’t understand.”

Jack had no idea who Emerson had been referring to. It couldn’t have just been some other member of his crew, that made no sense. Whoever ‘him’ was had to be incredibly important to Tony and Emerson, important enough that Tony had been willing to point his weapon at him to protect him. 

He cast his mind back to Chloe, knowing now was not the time to start up that familiar spiral again. Jack wondered how Chloe had coped with the grief of losing her husband and son. It had been sudden. A car accident while they were coming home from Prescott’s soccer practice. It was an immeasurable pain, one he knew all too well. Seeing how much she’d changed only made him feel guiltier that he hadn’t reached out to her earlier. However, it wasn't one-sided; she'd pushed him away too. Chloe had been the one to disappear without a trace not long after Morris and Prescott had died. Jack had wanted to support her and help her investigate, in case it hadn’t been as much of an ‘accident’ as the police had made it out to be.

After what seemed like forever of aimlessly driving through the outer suburbs of London, they came upon a cozy-looking, secluded family-sized home. It seemed so peaceful in contrast to the dense urban surroundings and noise pollution of the inner city where her apartment had been. Still, it did nothing to subdue the frustration and anger in his chest. He still had no idea where Chloe had taken him, despite her claim that he would understand, and frankly, he still wasn’t quite sure why she was even in London in the first place. Chloe had actually hidden herself so well that Jack had needed to use the FBI to find her.

“Jack?”

He sighed. “Yeah, it’s me, Renee.”

The tone of her voice changed immediately. “Look, we agreed this is what’s best for us-”

“I know, I know. But this isn’t about him.” Jack defended. “I know that me being hung up on Tony’s disappearance is why we ended things. I just need a favour.”

“What?”

Jack pinched the bridge of his nose. “I need your help to find Chloe O’Brian.”

“Chloe O’Brian? You’re asking me to help track down your friend?”

“I’m worried about her. You know she disappeared after the funeral.”

She could hear the sadness in his voice, feeling a little bad as she thought about how lonely he must be, knowing it was partially her fault. But Larry was right. He was chasing a ghost. Tony Almeida could be anywhere, assuming that he was even still alive. And after what Tony had done, hurting both her and Jack, she could understand why Larry was so angry that one, Jack was still obsessed with finding him, and two, she was helping. Still, though, Renee missed him. And she knew Larry did too. The three of them had had something special together. There was a deep trust and sense of understanding between them. But they all knew they would never be able to move forward if Jack didn’t let go of his past.

“I’ll…I’ll see what I can find.”

“Thank you,” Jack said earnestly.

They got out and walked towards the front door. Jack could hear birds chirping and a dog barking somewhere. He stood behind Chloe, feeling the cold wind brush against his skin.

“Jack, just…” She turned to him, biting her lip. “Promise me you won’t overreact.”

“Overreact?”

Before she could respond, the door opened with a slight creak. Jack’s eyes widened when he met Tony’s. He almost couldn’t recognise him. His hair was longer now, greyer too. Tony wore a leather jacket similar to the one from that day. But there was something about his demeanour that seemed...lighter, almost. Happy. He seemed happy. But the slight guilt in his expression was all too familiar.

In one swift motion, he pushed past Chloe and grabbed Tony by the collar. He used one hand to shove Tony against the nearest wall inside the house, ignoring Chloe’s protests, and the other drew his gun, pushing the barrel under his chin.

“You’ve got about five seconds to explain what the hell is going on.” Maintaining the strength of his grip, he twisted to look at Chloe. “Both of you.”

Tony seemed somewhat unfazed, but his expression flickered to one of worry as Jack heard soft footsteps behind them.

“…Dad?”

As if Jack didn't already feel like he was in the dark, he was stunned to see the teenage boy standing behind him. He was shaking a little, probably because he could see the gun in his hands. The boy had dark, curly hair with strikingly familiar brown eyes. Jack guessed he was about fifteen, sixteen, maybe. Jack had never seen him before in his life, but there was something in the way he was looking at him that gave him deja vu, as though he knew him somehow. It became a new question on the list that had grown exponentially since he’d found out Chloe was living in London. 

But clearly, Tony had the answers.

Tony looked back at him, who now seemed to consider the weapon pointed at him as a nuisance rather than a threat.

“You mind putting the gun away in front of my kid, Jack?”

Jack had tried to calm himself down and appear less menacing for the sake of the kid, who was undoubtedly Tony and Michelle’s son. Although he wasn’t exactly sure how, if his estimate of the boy’s age was correct, he must have been born long before that day in DC. Which meant that David had likely raised him with Tony. It was such a simple solution to a problem that had plagued his mind for seemingly eons. Who else would they both love and care about so much other than their son?

After Jack had lowered his gun, Tony had quickly taken his son aside and reassured him. He hadn’t heard the details, but the softness in Tony’s voice already made Jack feel as though he hadn’t changed entirely after all. Chloe sat at the table, looking down into her lap. Judging by the quietness, he took it David wasn’t home. Chloe must have known how he’d react and tried to stop things from de-escalating.

“So…” Tony sighed, sitting down across from the two of them. “What do you want to know?”

Jack went to form words but came up empty, finding that much of his anger had dissipated. He still felt betrayed and hurt by both of them keeping such a big secret from him. But knowing why they had done so put things into a perspective that Jack could understand. Even before today, before he’d discovered the existence of Tony’s son, he’d always known that Tony would be an incredibly protective father. Protective enough that he’d go to the ends of the Earth to keep them safe. After all, Tony already felt that instinct with Michelle; he'd shown that overwhelming desire to defend everything he loved. He’d gotten himself arrested, even risked the death penalty, all to keep her safe. So it was no wonder Tony had likely gone just as far if not further, to protect their son.

"What's his name?"

"Michael," Tony replied. "After... after his mother."

He nodded slowly, knowing it would have been heart-rending for Tony to have grieved Michelle while trying to raise a newborn. It reminded Jack that David was a big part of their lives. "Why didn’t you tell me?” Jack asked honestly. “I would have understood. You know I would have.”

Tony felt guilty upon seeing Jack’s expression. But it didn’t mean he regretted what he’d done. “It wasn’t that, Jack. It wasn’t that at all. Nobody knew about Michael besides David and his crew.” He shrugged. “I just… I had to protect him. I couldn’t risk the government taking him away if I got caught.”

He nodded, feeling as though more and more dots were being connected. But still, one thing didn’t add up.

“Then why didn’t you kill me?”

“Because I didn’t want to. I wanted David to understand that he’d gone too far. I also knew you had to be the one to stop the CIP firewall from being breached. There was nobody else who could do it besides you two and Bill. And…” He smiled a little in thought. “I guess part of me thought about how Michelle and I wanted you to be his godfather. We...we were going to name him after you. You didn’t deserve to die for no reason. I... I couldn't lose anybody else.”

Meeting his eyes, he saw nothing but truth there. He was still the same Tony. He still cared about him. 

Jack then turned to face Chloe, who seemed pleased by the reduced tension. “So, how did you find out about him?”

“Actually, I figured it out a long time before you told me, Tony.”

Tony furrowed his brow. “You did?”

She lifted her shoulder a little. “On one of the days you were helping me and Bill, it had gotten later than we’d thought. I think you’d told David you were staying somewhere to get intel for something. But I remember hearing you talk to Michael on the phone. Prescott…” She paused to sniffle and clear her throat. “He would have been about three, so Michael would have been about five. I could tell you weren’t talking to David. I just… I just knew. And I figured you wanted to keep him hidden to keep him safe, so I never brought it up. Not that it really matters now.”

Jack covered her hand with his on the table. She’d barely said Prescott's name, but she was fighting tears.

“I… I’m the one who brought Chloe to London.” Tony said, giving Chloe a moment to collect herself. “When I found out what had happened, I… I couldn’t help but empathise. I knew the kind of pain she was going through. And David had always known how good she was, so we figured it wouldn’t hurt to have her on our side.”

Again, part of Jack felt betrayed, wishing he had been the one to be there for her. But at the end of the day, as long as someone had, that was all that mattered. He didn’t have the energy to be upset anymore. Not now that he knew the truth.

“It was hard at first. Seeing Michael, constantly making that comparison in my head, thinking about what could have been.” Chloe spoke thinly. “But, what convinced me was realising that even though I’d lost Prescott, even though I couldn’t protect him, I could still save Michael and keep him safe. I know it’s what Michelle would have wanted.”

Jack sat there silently, processing the information he had learned, realising that each of them had suffered a great deal of pain, and all they had done was try and find a way to live with it. He wasn’t going to hold it against them anymore. 

At some point, David came home, and Tony quickly got up to greet him. To his relief, David wasn't too bothered by Jack's presence. They went into another room, and Chloe joined them not long after, remembering that she had brought some documents for them to look through today, leaving Jack to sit alone at the kitchen table.

Michael silently came into the kitchen to fill up a glass of water. Jack studied his appearance now, like always when meeting new people. It was a work habit that had permanently seeped into his personal life. Jack realised he must have been staring a little too intensely because he looked up at him, squinting a little.

“Something bothering you?”

He laughed through his nose, shaking his head.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare. I’ve probably already scared you enough today.”

“You got that right.”

Looking at him face-on, Jack couldn’t help but crack a half-smile. “You have your mother’s eyes.” 

He seemed taken aback by that. “You knew my mother?”

Jack could hear the slight lilt of an American accent in his voice. It wasn't very noticeable; the British tone was much more dominant. 

“I did.”

Michael sat down where Chloe had been before. “What… what was she like?” 

“Your dad hasn’t told you?”

“He’s told me a little. Told me that she used to work at CTU with him. He tells me all the time how proud she’d be of me. But every time we get into the details…” He trailed off. “I-I don’t know, he just gets too upset. As soon as I was old enough to realise that, I… I stopped asking.”

Jack pressed his lips together. Part of him wanted to ease that burden for Tony and tell Michael all the things his father couldn’t bring himself to think about. But it wasn’t his place. He just hoped one day Tony would be strong enough because Michael deserved to hear it.

“She was a good person. She was kind, and she was brave.” He let out a breath. “She loved your dad very much, and I’m sure she would have loved you about a hundred times more. Wherever she is… she’s proud of you.”

Before he could reply, Tony walked back into the room with Chloe behind him. They both turned to look at them, and Jack felt something in his heart ache seeing how Tony looked at Michael. It reminded him so sorely of simpler times when Kim was that age and things were easier, or as easy as they could have been. But he tried to ignore that reminder and focus on the fact that Chloe and Tony were both happy and had found a way to live their lives despite all they’d been through. 

Walking to the door, Chloe went to start the car up, but Jack stopped to say one last thing to Tony. “I can’t even imagine how hard it must be for you, but…you should tell Michael more about Michelle. You and David are his fathers. I’m sure Michael knows and understands that, but still…”

“I know…” Tony sighed. “I know. I will. I’ve always wanted him to know about her, and David has too, it’s just…it’s just hard.”

“I get that,” Jack placed a hand on Tony’s shoulder. “And for the record… I’m sorry about my part in Michelle’s death-”

“Don’t go there, Jack,” Tony said, not in anger but in earnest. “I’ve never blamed you for that. It’s not your fault.”

“Thank you.” He replied quietly, realising how much he’d needed to hear that. 

Before Jack could turn around, Tony took the opportunity to ask him one last thing, something he’d wanted to ask on that day in DC but hadn’t gotten the chance to. “How’s Kim?”

Jack looked away, almost ashamed. “We haven’t spoken in over ten years.”

Tony bit his lip awkwardly. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s for the best.”

“Look, it’s not my place, but… you should call her. Give her another chance. I know you think otherwise, but she still deserves to have her father in her life. You’re all she’s got left.”

He could hear the conviction in Tony’s voice, and it gave him a different perspective. A perspective where he wasn’t the horrible person he believed himself to be. Reuniting with Kim was something that Jack had long since given up on. But seeing how much Tony had changed in ten years, seeing the way his priorities had shifted to create space for new people in his life, Jack realised it was just as likely that he and Kim had both evolved enough now to be in a position to have a place in each other’s lives again. He also thought about Larry and Renee and how he’d pushed them away. He cared about them too much to let them go too. 

“Maybe I will.”

“Jack, I want your word. I don’t know if we’ll ever see each other again, but after everything we’ve both gone through…it would make me happy to know that you and Kim are on good terms.”

“I give you my word then.” He said after a beat.

Giving a small wave and walking out onto the street, he sat in the car next to Chloe, feeling something lighten in him. After years of searching, he finally had the answers he needed. He could finally release the betrayal and pain held tightly in his body, knowing it no longer served him any purpose. He felt more motivated than he had been in a long time. There were no more excuses, no more ghosts in his past to chase. Jack couldn’t change what he’d done, he would always carry some guilt about the pain he’d caused others, but for the first time in a long time, he felt hopeful that maybe the future would be different.

When they returned to Chloe’s apartment, Jack thanked her sincerely, and she apologised, promising to keep him a little more updated from now on. He went back to his hotel room, packing his bags frantically, feeling as though time was incredibly precious, that he shouldn’t waste any more of it. He didn’t believe in things like signs and fate, but he couldn’t ignore the urge to move and make changes for good.

As he wandered through the airport terminals and made eye contact with Renee and Larry, eye contact that could only signify recent jet lag but that they were pleased to see him, Jack realised that maybe they missed him just as much as he had. If Tony could still find it in himself to do everything to honour Michelle's memory, then it was only right that he did the same for Teri. He had people who loved him, and for once, it was time for him to let them in.

“Hey…” Tony said, causing him to turn from where he was standing outside feeding Marley, their pet puli. “Did you want to talk for a bit? About today?”

Michael shrugged. “Yeah. If you’re up for it.”

Together they walked back to Michael’s room, where David was already sitting on the edge of the bed. Tony sat beside him while Michael opted for the chair by his desk. Michael noticed a small box that David was holding. It didn’t seem particularly special on the outside, but somehow he knew it was important.

“Today made me put some things into perspective for us. You’ve wanted to know more about our past and your mother for a long time, which you’re absolutely entitled to…” Tony sighed. “We don’t want to keep you in the dark anymore. It might be hard for us to talk about it, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to hear the truth.”

David opened the box and pulled out three envelopes which looked like they had been collecting dust for a long time, before passing them to his son.

“I’m afraid these aren’t originals, but I hope it will give you a better understanding.”

“What?…” Michael peered down in confusion, finding no writing on the outside of any of them. Two of the envelopes had faded to a slight yellow, but the other one looked newer. “What are these?”

“When your mom was pregnant…” Tony spoke softly. “We thought it’d be nice to write letters for you to read when you grew up. It was just a little time capsule idea. We wanted to see what we could come up with when we didn’t even know you.” He didn’t try to contain his tears anymore but refused to keep anything but a smile on his face. 

“How… you said she died in a car bomb and you were rushed away from your house… how did you get this?”

David chuckled a little. “I’ll admit it was a bit of a risk, but even before I knew how much of a role I’d play in your life, I wanted to extract the contents of the safe in the house. You deserved to have sentimental things to remember your parents by. But I soon realised that forensics would possibly investigate, so I took copies of the letters and left. Then as I came to love and care for you, your father had suggested I write one too.”

Looking at the letters, Michael furrowed his brow. “They’re still sealed.”

“Well, they’re for you, aren’t they?”

As Michael tried to imagine his parents writing the letters, tried especially hard to imagine his mother, he suddenly became cognisant of just how precious these letters were. They were sacred. It was the only physical piece of her he’d ever have. No matter how much he’d been told growing up that he had his mother’s eyes, his mother’s hair, and on occasion, his mother’s stubbornness — although, Michael was quite sure he got that from his fathers too — never had he actually had something of his mother’s. 

Looking at his son at this moment, Tony hoped that whatever Michelle had decided to write all those years ago would give him some closure. While the grief had been so hard for him at the beginning, seeing Michael, an innocent child not yet exposed to the horrors of the world, had kept him strong and brought him joy. Of course, as Michael had gotten older, there’d been questions. Tony had tried his best to answer. Questions about who she was. Why she was gone. Michael had simply nodded and accepted the answers his father gave him. But Tony had never seen the grief completely hit Michael. It worried him; he'd wondered whether it would all come pouring out someday or whether there wasn’t enough attachment for it to be that serious. But Tony knew that grief was different for everybody. Grief was unpredictable. Grief was strange like that. So Tony had let grief wait.

“We’ll give you some privacy. “ David said gently. “Take as long as you need, and just know that your father and I are here to talk whenever you’re ready.”

Michael pressed his lips into a thin line, nodding.

His parents left the room, but Tony lingered a little by the doorframe. He’d already seen Michael’s expression change, already noticed how hard he was trying to keep a straight face. David had a hand on his shoulder.

“He’s strong, Tony.”

He exhaled slowly before turning away from the door to give their son the privacy they’d promised him. “I know.”

Michael’s fingers continued to tremble as he held the envelopes. He was suddenly overwhelmed with choice, not knowing which letter to open first, not even sure he could bring himself to. Thinking it would be a little easier for him, he decided to read the letter from David first. As he’d deduced, it was the slightly newer one, written on his fourth birthday by the looks of it. He’d never felt any distinction between Tony and David as his fathers, even if he was technically related to one and not the other. They’d both been there for him, supported him, kept him safe, loved him. It’d always meant a lot to him knowing that David had shifted his priorities in life because he’d wanted to support his father, despite being constantly reminded of his past.

Then, after reading the words slowly and carefully, he opened one of the older letters, initially unsure whether it was from Tony or his mother. Judging by the handwriting and sign-off, Michael quickly realised it was from his father. While some of the things in there were said to him almost daily, seeing it on paper, knowing it had been written long before he’d even come into the world, meant so much more. He’d never doubted that his fathers loved him, but it meant so much to him to see the words in front of him like this.

Finally, with tears blurring his vision, he tenderly opened the letter from his mother. He wished so dearly that he knew what her voice sounded like, that he had a proper memory of her besides the handful of wallet-sized photos his dad had kept. She’d died before he was born, he knew that, but he still felt connected to her by reading her words. The further he got, the harder it was to maintain his composure.

When the two of them heard Michael stifle a sob from the other room, it made Tony’s chest ache, and David simply moved his hand from his shoulder so it could intertwine with his. Michael walked out, hands still shaking and looking up at them. Michael went to speak but found himself bursting into tears. Tony was quick to take him in for a hug while David’s other arm wrapped around his back, making small circles.

“Hey… hey… it’s okay.”

He nodded against his chest.

“I-I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” Tony sniffled. “I… I didn’t want to make you go through the grief and the pain. Because now you know the kind of person she was and how special she was, and I hate that you’ll never be able to experience it for real.”

“W-Why did she have to die? She was a good person. Good people aren’t supposed to die like that.”

It sounded so innocent and childlike, such a simple question, but nevertheless valid. One that Tony had asked himself time and time again. It made him realise just how much David had helped him find a way to live with his grief, find a way to love again. Tony thought back to that first night often, when he’d tried to run away. He was so grateful to his past self for giving David a chance. Because what they had now was so special, so beautiful, and he wouldn’t change it for anything.

“I-I know, it seems cruel. I didn’t deal with it well either, believe me.” He met David’s teary eyes, his gratitude apparent. “What got me through it was your dad being by my side and by raising you. I wanted to give everything to make you someone she would be proud of.” Pulling back from the hug, he looked at Michael. “And I know for a fact that she would be. I want you to live every day doing what makes you happy. And I know your mom would say the same if she were here.”

Michael took a deep breath and hugged his fathers tighter. Hoarsely, he whispered his appreciation for them. His admiration of their strength. That he was so lucky to have the two of them.

“I-I love you both so much.”

“Love you too.” David and Tony said almost simultaneously.