Everything in the box seemed to be so precious, so carefully chosen, and was already causing tears to prick the back of Maddie’s eyes. As she touched each object, it seemed to shoot pangs of nostalgia through her, even for the things she hadn’t been present for. Memories of a simpler time came back to her, things she thought she didn’t even remember. Maddie took in another breath to steady herself.
Her fingers were trembling when she picked up the plastic bag containing a lock of her baby hair. She noticed now the polaroid of her mother holding her at Borrego Springs, a photo she’d seen many times before. It had a slight crease on the edge, as though it had been held and cherished many times before. Maddie squeezed her eyes shut, no longer able to contain herself. Leaning back against the wall, she cried quietly, hoping nobody would hear her.
She went straight to her room when she got home, not wanting to see her father along the way. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to spend time with him, of course she did, but every time she looked at him, she thought of her, and right now it was too difficult to bear. Part of her wished she’d listened to him about not going to the morgue to see the body, with that currently being the most recent and prominent memory of her mother. But in all honesty, as much as he’d put it down to the grief not quite setting in yet, deep down Maddie knew something had been off with her body. And she knew that her father tried his best to suppress his own emotions and grief around her, the way most parents do. So in a way, she knew it was for his benefit to give him some space too.
The important legal documents had stayed in the safe deposit box at the bank, but she’d taken a few of the pictures for herself. They were originals, and she was too scared to risk losing them, what with all the travel she’d been doing lately. Maddie decided she’d photocopy them for herself and return them another day. Again, the Borrego Springs photo found itself in her hands, illuminated by the warm lighting over her head. Mentally, she made a note to ask her dad if he wanted to go on a trip there with her at some point. A holiday might be a good way to decompress and reflect.
Flipping the polaroid over in her hands, the ceiling light cast a soft glow on the back. She stilled, noticing that the patterns of shadows were somewhat irregular or strange. The paper was completely smooth, it didn’t make any sense. Furrowing her brow, she held it up higher and true to her suspicion, there was some kind of pattern. It looked almost like a series of letters. Her breath got caught in her throat, as a memory she thought she’d long since forgotten came back to her.
Invisible ink.
As a child, her mother would teach her all kinds of ‘spy tricks’, to compensate for the fact that she couldn’t tell her daughter many ’spy stories’ without risking that the sensitive information would do the rounds about the school yard. Nobody was prouder of FBI Agent Eleanor Wish than Madeline Bosch. Every spare moment they had, she would ask her mother every question that crossed her mind. Maddie remembered her mother showing her how to send ‘invisible messages’ using lemon juice. She remembered showing her friends to pass notes during class.
But right now she had to ask herself whether this was just a coincidence or some kind of secret.
Trying her hardest to stabilise her shaking hand, she let the light display the message.
Meet me here, Maddie.
At first she thought this was simply a young mother’s future message to her daughter. A meaningless sentimental gimmick. But the lemon juice still smelt somewhat prominently. This message couldn’t have lasted if it was written over a decade ago. And more than anything, why was it in a bank safety deposit box? In the weeks leading up to her death, her mother had mentioned it almost every day, along with all the financial information she needed for setting up her college fund. Initially she’d put it down to her mother simply nagging and being overprotective. But now she wondered if it had been a cryptic sign, as if to say that something like this would happen, and she wouldn’t be around to protect her.
In any case, Maddie knew she had to go back to Borrego Springs.
—
She’d been walking for hours by this point. She had no idea what she was looking for exactly. Maddie doubted her mother would simply come wandering into the desert by herself. If she was even alive. She had to keep telling herself that. That this was just a message, that maybe it was for some other purpose, that it didn’t necessarily guarantee that her mother was alive, as much as she wished and hoped it did.
The desert was also huge. Her father had insisted on her keeping the tracking software on her phone turned on, as well as making sure she had a backup battery in case it lost power. With her mother’s ring on her finger, she thumbed over the polaroid again, trying to look for discerning features. But everything in her surroundings seemed to look the same, her cell phone reception waxing and waning as she moved around the various hills.
A precipice came into her field of view, and Maddie decided that would be the extent of her trip today. She could always come back another day, explore another section of the park. She wouldn’t give up. Whatever message her mother was intending to send, Maddie would make sure she received it. Her breaths grew audible as she walked the steep incline, the fatigue of her trip catching up to her.
The sun was starting to fall, the sky gently transitioning into a light orange. Maddie took a minute to gaze upon the expansive view from the mesa. The hills, the sparse trees, the sand. It was beautiful. Holding the photo up in front of her, she gasped.
She had found it.
As if on cue, her cell phone rang seconds later. Fumbling a little, she picked it up, noticing the number was private.
“Hello?” Her voice was shaking.
“Name.” The voice was almost robotic.
There was no churn in her stomach or feeling that this was ill-intentioned. But if it was one thing her parents had taught her, it was not to give her name to strangers. The phony name she’d used dozens of times, including on a fake ID, came to mind.
Maddie cleared her throat. “Hannah Siegel.”
“Please hold.”
The silence was deafening. Who was this person? What did they want with her? Was this all just a coincidence? Was it-
“Maddie?”
She gasped, not able to believe that it was true.
“Maddie? Honey, you there? It’s me.”
Her hand cupped over her mouth, tears blurring her vision.
“Mom?”
Eleanor let out a sigh, coming through slightly crackled on the receiver.
“What’s…what’s going on? Tell me this is real, please.”
“It is, Maddie. I’m alive. I’m okay. I’m so sorry for putting you and your father through this, but believe me when I say I had to.”
“‘Had to’, what? Fake your death?”
More than anything, she was confused. But all of that was mixed in with how upset she was, how relieved, how scared, even a little betrayed. She’d read files about people going into Witness Protection and the like before, assuming that was what this was, she knew that sometimes their family members had to be put through a level of pain and shock, to make their apparent death or disappearance more believable. Maddie supposed it had worked. Nobody had mentioned the possibility of Eleanor Wish still being alive except for her.
She could tell her mother was crying too. “I-I promise I’ll explain everything. But I need you to listen to me right now, because I can’t talk for long.”
“Wh-”
“You cannot tell anybody, including your father, that I’m alive, okay? I will get in contact with you again, I promise, you’ll be able to see me soon, but for now, just wait.”
Maddie tried to speak but failed, so much was overwhelming her at once.
“I love you, Maddie, but I have to go. Everything will make sense soon.”
“Mom? Mom! No, don’t hang up!”
As the dial tone rang out, she continued to yell into the phone, her voice echoing over the horizon. She tried to call the number back but it had already disappeared from her call history. So overcome with emotions, she started to cry, gripping the phone tightly, trying her hardest to calm herself down. She wished she was here with her. She wished her dad was here with her. She just wanted, no, needed answers.
The darkness fell around her, and for a second, she looked up at the stars, so amazed by how bright they could be without the pollution of the Los Angeles city lights. As much as Maddie loved her father’s view from his apartment, this too, was beautiful. She vowed now to make sure he would see it again. Her mother, too.
When she finally made it home, she felt a pang of guilt seeing how worried her dad was, sitting at the kitchen table. Maddie watched his mouth open, as though to scold her for being out longer than she’d told him he would, but then close again upon seeing how bloodshot her eyes were.
“You okay, Mads?” His voice was soft.
He stood, walking over to her.
She nodded, unconvincingly, trying to resist every urge within her to scream that Eleanor Wish, her mother, was alive.
“Y-yeah. Just ended up being more emotional than I thought it would.”
“You want to talk about it?” He met her gaze.
“I-I think I’ll just go to bed. I still have school tomorrow.”
He exhaled, giving her a hug and kissing the top of her head. Harry watched her walk to her bedroom and turn the lights on. Though muffled by the door, which was now shut, he could still hear her cry quietly and he cringed.
It confused him when over the next few days she seemed somehow more content than she’d been previously. Maybe the visit to the desert had bee reflective, maybe it had been a place for her to let out her grief, since she rarely did so in front of him. Much like her late mother, and much like himself, Madeline Bosch tried to handle everything on her own, only asking for help when she was desperate, and even then, not doing so begrudgingly.
School ended up being a good distraction, she realised. The more time she spent worrying about assignments and tests, the less time she spent trying to concoct in her head just exactly how her mother was alive and when she’d hear from her again. She at least hoped she’d be able to visit at some point. Maddie hated to think that she would communicate with her over the phone for the rest of her life.
“Here’s your receipt.” The cashier smiled as she passed Maddie the thin, white piece of paper, along with her food.
It was longer than she expected. She only ordered a small sushi plate for herself, she didn’t know why there was so much extra white space on the receipt. Something flickered in the light and she sucked in a breath. Maddie stumbled a little as she rushed to sit down under one of the bright overhead lights in the food court. A grin crept across her face slowly and she had to resist the urge to start laughing with glee.
They were coordinates.
The coordinates had also come with a series of instructions, including how to make sure her father thought she was at school staying behind for a project by adjusting the GPS tracker on her phone. Driving up to the house, she didn’t know what to expect. It was a small unit, suitable for one person. Trees were surrounding the entrance, giving the place a mysterious feel. But just like when she’d answered the phone, she didn’t feel as though she was in danger. There was an overwhelming sense of anxiety though, over whether this was to be believed. Maddie had heard her mother’s voice, she hadn’t doubted that. And it didn’t sound pre-recorded or forced. No, she had to believe her mother was safe and okay.
Maddie was greeted by a tall, suit-clad FBI agent. The badge looked real, at least, she thought it did. He asked for her phone, something she’d expected. Leading her down the hallway, she felt her heart thunder in her chest. She found herself in what looked like the living room, her mother standing at the centre, biting her thumb.
When their eyes met, both were teary, and she felt relief flood her body. The corners of Eleanor’s mouth upturned and she nearly stumbled backwards when Maddie ran across the room to embrace her. She moved her hand in slow circles over her daughter’s back as they both cried.
“I’m so glad you’re okay…” She murmured.
“I’m sorry for what I put you through.”
Her chest was heaving when she pulled back from the hug. Eleanor tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “What’s going on?”
“Just…just sit down, sweetheart.”
She lead her to the couch, feeling more and more guilty as she watched her daughter sniffle, still so shocked. Eleanor couldn’t even imagine how hard the last few weeks had been for her and Harry. But the FBI had insisted that they play the ‘grieving family’ act to get the Chinese syndicate off her back. Harry’s reaction to her being shot had sold it. It was only a matter of time before she could bring Harry in on the loop too. He would understand, she knew. Maddie would too, she hoped.
“Does this have something to do with Reggie? Is that why I haven’t been able to contact him?”
Eleanor nodded. “Not him directly, but the gang linked to his uncle. I was trying to investigate an operation they were planning here in Los Angeles, that’s part of why we stayed there, the FBI had given me work to do. But they caught on, the FBI was worried about them potentially coming after you or your dad or Reggie, so they told me this was going to be the best chance of keeping us all safe.”
Maddie furrowed her brow in thought. “How’d you do it? You were…shot, right? Dad said there was blood all over you. He’s been trying to track down the shooter.”
A slight smile formed. “Bulletproof vest and squibs, the little blood packets they use for movies. The shooter was another agent, he’s had an alias set up in the police database. I figured your dad would try and investigate, so I wanted to make sure he had answers without having to pry too deep.”
She looked impressed, always fascinated by all the working parts that went into these missions. “So did it work? Are the people that were after you staying away?”
Her mother shrugged. “The FBI seems to think so. But it’ll be a long time before I can come out of hiding. They don’t want to take any chances.”
“Will I be able to see you? Will dad?” There was still so much worry and sadness in Maddie’s voice.
Eleanor sighed. “You will. And when your dad stops working his current case, hopefully he’ll be able to come down too. But it can’t be too often. You have to remember why we’re doing this. It’s not just for my safety, but for yours too.”
“Okay…okay…I-I understand.”
Leaning in, Maddie hugged her mother, taking in the warmth of her arms, how safe and protected she always felt by them. She never wanted to argue with her again. She never wanted to let herself get caught up in her selfishness again. They spent the rest of the afternoon together, talking as though nothing had happened, before realising that her father would be starting to grow suspicious that she was still at ‘school’. They didn’t want him to start looking into her whereabouts or getting worried. Sending the police out on a search and rescue was the last thing they needed.
When they left, she hesitated at the door, turning around to embrace Eleanor one more time, wanting to appreciate every moment they had together.
“You’ll be strong, sweetheart, okay? I promise it won’t be long before we see each other again.”
“I-I’m just so happy that you’re alive.”
“Me too.” She let out a long breath. “Me too…”
It was dark by the time she got back, and she found her father sitting with his arms crossed at the table.
“Where the hell have you been?” He roared, and Maddie knew it was out of concern more than anything.
“S-school. The project took longer than we thought.”
“Bullshit. I checked with your friend’s parents, I went down there, you were nowhere to be seen.”
She took in a shuddering breath. “Just…just let me explain. I’m sorry I lied, but you’ll understand.”
His cheek twitched.
Maddie opened her mouth but was then overcome with a sense of paranoia. Her mother hadn’t exactly told her that she could tell him just yet. But she couldn’t lie to him, he knew her too well, it wouldn’t work, or worse, lead him to do his own research. Moving to the kitchen, she opened the tap, letting the water stream forcefully from the spout. She then took her phone and his, switching them both off, in addition to his laptop. He opened his mouth to protest but she held up her hand to silence him, knowing that she couldn’t take any chances. When she felt like they were as off the grid as they could be, Maddie brought him to sit opposite her at the table.
“Mom’s alive.”
Harry squinted at her. He couldn’t hear her over the pouring tap. “What?”
“Mom’s alive.” She repeated, trying to enunciate the syllables so he could lip-read.
A sympathetic look fell across his face. “That was your first dead body, you’d be surprised how much it can decompose in a short time, that’s why you didn’t feel like it was her-”
“No.” Her voice hardened. “I was with her today. Witness Protection. That’s why I had to fix the location on my phone. She doesn’t want you to know yet because she’s worried about the LAPD investigation.”
Maddie wouldn’t lie to him about something like this. Which mean what she was saying was real. He shook his head, rubbing a hand over his jaw, shock slowly consuming him. “How did you find her?”
She proceeded to explain the photo in the safety deposit box, the true impact of her trip to Borrego Springs, the sushi receipt, all the hidden details that she’d had to piece together. To her relief, he believed her, he seemed to understand, he seemed proud almost at how she’d managed to pull it off. And he was prouder that Maddie had been able to follow her first.
“So we’ll have to keep up the grief charade for a while, but from what mom said, it looks hopeful.”
Harry didn’t say anything for a moment, instead opting to lean back, processing the information. Tears welled at the corners of his eyes, and Maddie knew how much relief he was feeling, above anything else. Getting up swiftly, she threw her arms around him, happy that he was safe and in front of her, again reminding herself to be grateful for every moment she had with either of her parents.
“I love you so much, dad.”
“I love you too.”
Six Months Later
Walking out of the FBI office, Harry had to blink a few times as the woman walked towards him and Maddie. Her hair was slightly darker, big sunglasses covering her face, but the smile was unmistakably Eleanor. Maddie was quick to hug her first. It was all over now. She would be reinstated as an FBI agent, Reggie would have his passport renewed so he could come and see her and Maddie, things were okay.
When she eventually let go, Harry slowly put his arms around Eleanor, just comforted to hear her breathe again.
“Long time no see.” She joked.
He shook his head. “Very funny, Sophia.”
While she’d stayed in the small town the FBI had allocated her too, she’d had to go by ‘Sophia’ when leaving the house for simple things like groceries. As much as they’d wanted to keep her locked up and safe, it hadn’t taken her very long to grow stir-crazy. So they’d compensated by letting her have a few trips out. Of course they hadn’t specified where, so she’d taken the opportunity to sneak around a few times with Harry and Maddie, but only briefly.
They drove for hours, chatting on the way, listening to the jazz Maddie was streaming from her phone. Harry insisted it would never be as good as the vinyl, and they both simply laughed.
“I mean we could let mom choose, but our ears might be bleeding by the time we get there.”
“Hey!” She defended. “I’m not that bad.”
Maddie snickered, and none of them could keep a straight face as they continued to erratically pick songs along the way.
When they finally arrived, the car started to heat up immediately as the engine died down. She emerged from the vehicle, grabbing the picnic blanket with her.
“It’s a beautiful day.” Eleanor smiled.
“I’m so glad we finally got the chance to do this.” Maddie grabbed the basket full of homemade treats she’d made and passing it to her father.
He groaned a little. “You realise there’s only three of us?”
“Well some of the food is a little…alternate. I’ve packed some plain sandwiches in case you guys think it’s too weird.”
Harry snickered. “Smart thinking. Should we get going?”
They were exhausted by the time they got to the mesa, both from the heat and the incline. It made them that much hungrier for the food they were about to indulge in. It was something they rarely got to do together, just sit and have a meal without having to worry or stress about work.
The three of them stayed until the sun started to set, and they simply watched it move down, watched the beautiful orange hues consume the sky, until night fell. There was no rush, no need to hurry home, no need to fret about anybody else, because right now, they were together.
They were safe.