Life is Dear, Don’t You Waste It

Tom Kirkman wasn’t exactly sure when his feelings of gratitude and trustworthiness for Andrea Frost evolved from those of a colleague, to those of a friend. In fact, right now, he was quite sure they ran even deeper than that. That there was more beneath the surface. More than he ever realised. It scared him, frankly. The idea of finding love again, the idea of growing close to someone again the way he had with Alex, scared him. With all the business that came with being the president, he hadn’t exactly had the time to think about what he wanted, to think about what ‘too soon’ could really be defined as.

All he knew right now was that she was standing in front of him saying goodbye, and he didn’t want her to go.

Judging by the look in her eyes, the kindness there, the genuine smile crept across her face, Tom believed Andrea felt the same. But it was one thing to speculate, it was one thing to assume, to wonder. It was another thing to ask. As with virtually every decision he’d made since he’d come into power as president, he doubted himself. Doubted whether making a move would be the right idea, whether he’d just entirely misjudged the situation because no matter how many people seemed to be constantly occupying it, the White House was so, so lonely. Of course, he had Penny, he had Leo, he loved them dearly. And he had a supportive network of people around him, people like Emily, like Seth, like Aaron, who he could trust, who he could rely on. But Alex had been his closest friend, his true companion, the person who was there for him no matter what. When she’d died, Tom had convinced himself that he would likely never feel that way about someone again. Or, rather, that he could never feel that way about someone again, without being reminded of her, without trying to compare, without trying to fill the Alex-shaped hole in his heart.

Ever since he’d met Andrea, though, Tom had come to realise that he’d been slowly proven wrong. While he couldn’t call it ‘love at first sight’, he’d acknowledged the good feeling in his gut when they’d met. With the NASA crisis so heavily rooted in trust, and loyalty, it’d been a comfort to feel safe around someone. Safe enough to the point where he’d talked to his therapist about her. His therapist. Someone he’d otherwise showed very little interest in speaking to. The fact that he’d confided in Dr. Louden about Andrea without even hesitating was simply a testament to how much she meant to him. And the fact that she hadn’t seemed fazed when the doctor’s tapes were released was also a testament that she felt the same away about him. She hadn’t been afraid, she hadn’t indicated that that was a push of boundaries, that it was too much.

When they spoke on the phone, although it was always for the intention of discussing politics and work, they always found themselves chatting for longer than intended. Slowly they’d ease into lighter topics, into learning more about each other. And Tom found himself calling her for ‘expert advice’ much more often than he initially thought he’d need to. The matters became far harder to justify as ‘presidential’. He liked to hear her voice, to hear about her day, to hear her thoughts on anything and everything. And judging by how good of a listener Andrea was, by how she never seemed to be the one to want the conversation to end, always wanting to know about his side of the story, he believed she did too.

Still, he doubted himself, just wondered if maybe she was just friendly like that with everybody. You don’t get to be in such prestigious positions without a bit of charm.

But the moment they found themselves eating ice cream in the kitchen at Camp David, Tom felt a sense of ease. He wasn’t trying to put up some ‘professional’ image, he was genuinely able to be himself with her, not that he ever claimed to lie or pretend when around other colleagues, but there was always some kind of wall he put up. A wall to seem strong, to seem wise, because ever since he’d come to power he’d been riddled with imposter syndrome, although it wasn’t exactly unfounded. He wasn’t at all qualified, but still, over a year later, he still felt like a day would come when they’d simply kick him out and swear the ‘real’ president in. With Andrea, though, he could just be Tom Kirkman. Not ‘President Kirkman’ or ‘Mr. Kirkman’, just ‘Tom’. Just the person he’d always been, long before his life had resulted in turmoil.

The fact was, he knew there was something between him and Andrea, but there had also been something between her and her late husband. Likewise, he had had a wonderful marriage to Alex. Even if those feelings were there now, was it really right to act on them? He still had pictures of Alex and the kids everywhere. Tom was sure Andrea was still processing her own grief too. But right now she was sitting in the Oval Office, and telling him that she was leaving, that she wouldn’t be as accessible as she had been. And something in Tom made him understand that she wasn’t just telling him for the sake of work, wasn’t just telling him for the sake of professional courtesy. Andrea seemed almost sad, as though it was too soon, that she didn’t want to say goodbye so soon.

“But I-I…I think part of getting through this is…” She let out a breath. “Is making room in your heart for someone else, and I wish that for you someday.”

There was genuine heartfelt sympathy in her voice. And it was crystal clear right now that Andrea truly cared about him. But she wasn’t saying specifics. She wasn’t saying that she wanted to be that person, she wasn’t confessing to anything. But they’d come so far for Tom to not believe that that was how she felt deep down. Was she scared? Scared that he didn’t feel the same way, so she was using more general language to cover? Was she just, understandably, thinking more about the logistics, about how this could impact the presidency, impact the career she’d worked so hard to attain?

Worried he’d spent too much time simply staring at her, he found his train of thought. “I wish that for you, too.”

“Bye, Tom.”

The minute those words came out of her mouth, so solemnly, Tom realised there was no time to act but now. If he didn’t say anything, she was going to go off to San Francisco and they would both end up spending god knows how long wondering what could have been. Alex’s death was not something he would be over any time soon, and he didn’t doubt that Andrea felt the same about her husband.

“I prefer ‘’Til I see you again’.” He said, internally cursing his cowardice.

“’Til I see you again.” She smiled.

But if it were the other way around, Tom knew all he’d want for Alex is to be happy, is to find something or someone that brought her joy. And right now, he had to believe that that was what she wanted for him too.

“Yeah.” Tom agreed, opening his arms a little. “Come here.” 

To his relief, she accepted his hug, in fact, she didn’t even hesitate. It just felt natural, just felt right. He didn’t want to let go of her. 

“You go get them out there, Andrea.” He whispered.

And it seems she didn’t either. She pulled back slowly, her hands still touching his forearms. Andrea looked up at him, simply smiling and staring just as he’d done to her. Tom was quite sure he hadn’t breathed in the last ten seconds. Giving him plenty of time to pull away, she leaned in to kiss him softly. He returned it somewhat hesitantly. Not because he didn’t want it, because, oh god, he did, this was what he’d thought about for so long but told himself he couldn’t have. But because he couldn’t even believe it was happening. She seemed to register his surprise, because she stopped, moving back and scanning his expression. There was worry in her eyes, and Tom realised that if he didn’t say or do anything, he was going to lose it all.

“I-”

Before she could apologise, he cupped her face with one, notably shaking, hand and kissed her back. Tom felt her sigh with relief into his mouth as she wrapped a hand under his jacket and around his waist. Now, neither of them were hesitating, neither of them were doubting or questioning. This was real. There was no denying it.

“Don’t go.” He mumbled.

She shook her head against him, pulling him closer and kissing him back more intensely, stopping only for a second to breathe. His other hand crept lower down her back. If they didn’t think about it, they could keep going, they could let themselves be lost in what was surely a rare moment of peace and quiet for both of them. But Tom didn’t want to overstep any boundaries, he didn’t know just how far she wanted to go with this. Yes, he could say they were intimate and trusting emotionally, but physically was a different story.

Just as she started to clutch the fabric of his shirt tighter, he stopped, moving away slightly and finding her cheeks flushed, lips slightly swollen.

“How far…” He breathed. “How far do you want to take this?”

Andrea nudged her hip against his crotch, smirking a little. He looked down and his eyes widened, he hadn’t even realised.

“I think you already know.” Her voice had taken a husky tone and he didn’t doubt she meant it. That they had spent far too much time simply talking and indulging in each other to not act on it, to not let themselves indulge in the intimacy they both wanted from each other. It sounded insane, they had only just kissed for the first time, but there was a warmth coursing through him that he couldn’t ignore. She moaned softly as he started to suck at her neck, squirming a little as she tried to shrug her blazer off, and push his off his shoulders too.

They clumsily walked back to one of the sofas, not breaking contact with each other. She landed on her back, adjusting slightly so her head was against the armrest. Her ‘White House Visitor Pass’ lanyard and shoes went flying somewhere onto the floor, as did his belt. Tom was hovering over her, one knee against the couch cushion, and looking down at her with nothing but adoration. Andrea’s hands were undoing each of the buttons on his shirt meticulously, all the while he struggled to do the same on hers, causing them both to snicker a little. When her shirt did come off, their eyes met again, neither of them able to contain their smile.

His lips grazed along her collarbone before slowly moving down between her breasts, stopping to kiss at one and then the other, her hand sliding into and pulling at his hair as he did so. 

“You’re beautiful.” He murmured.

She felt a clutch in her chest. He was being so gentle, so kind, still constantly looking up at her expression to see if it had changed, make sure she had no misgivings. Tom wasn’t just looking with lust, he was looking at her with care, with fondness. And she returned that to him, hands tugging his boxers down, the last item of clothing to be removed, before sliding a hand up his chest. Slowly, she started to stroke him a little, and he groaned quietly, not particularly keen to test just how ‘sound-proof’ the walls of the Oval Office were.

Tom moved down to press his lips against hers again. He lifted up slightly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. They stilled, searching each other’s eyes. One of his hands moved between her legs, touching her tentatively.

“I’m ready.” She whispered.

Readjusting himself, he entered her gradually and her eyes fluttered shut. Her hand grabbed his wrist as he built up a gentle rhythm. Andrea splayed her hands across his back, holding his body closer to her, wanting to feel him against her in every way possible. As he rocked forward, they kissed again, finding themselves less and less able to suppress the sighs and whimpers leaving them. Still, it was not rushed, not hurried, it was intentional, each knowing what they wanted, what they needed. And in this moment everything felt right, and Tom realised that he did in fact have space in his heart for Andrea, that he did in fact have space to love again, to let someone in, to be vulnerable around. And judging by how intently she was clinging to him, how she kept looking him directly in the eyes as though staring into his soul, panting his name quietly, he no longer had any doubt that she felt the same way, that she was opening up her heart to him too.

So caught up in the moment, neither of them noticed when the door creaked open. Mike opened to mouth to speak but clamped it shut, looking away and shutting the door swiftly. A beat passed, before he laughed through his nose, locking it firmly. After all, he was quite sure if anybody else saw, they wouldn’t be quite as subtle in reacting. He’d wondered if Tom liked Andrea as more than just a ‘colleague’ for a while now. There’d been a spark between them, not that he was a believer in love at first sight, but the way Tom and Andrea looked each other was unmistakeable. Whatever he had to say could wait.

Moving towards the basement where the security rooms were, he found one of the IT interns frozen in shock, watching what was surely not a perspective of the president of the United States they wanted to see. They spun in their chair, eyes widening as they found Mike there.

“Uh…sir…I, uh…” They stammered. “I didn’t know who to call! Please don’t let them fire me-”

He shook his head, trying to stifle a smile. “Just make sure you erase the footage in the Oval Office when they’re done, okay?”