The Order of Operations

The news of Palmer’s death was creating that sick, sinking feeling in his gut. It was so sudden, so unexpected, especially considering he wasn’t even president anymore. Part of Jack wondered if CTU could have prevented it, or more specifically, if he being at CTU could have prevented it. After all, that was how he helped him the first time. He’d hate to think this assassination was foreseeable. 

When Jack heard the burner phone on his desk buzz however, it snapped him out of his numb trance. 

That phone very rarely received calls, maybe a handful of times over the past year and a half. He kept it in his bedside next to his gun, knowing that besides some periodic updates, it was for emergencies. It was for the days when he needed to be and feel like Jack Bauer again, and not Frank Flynn, as he’d been calling himself for a while now. He had Diane, and her son, who although seemed to dislike him, Jack was still certainly fond of. After all, it wasn’t like he had his own kids to take of anymore. Last he heard, neither Tony, Michelle, nor Chloe had been able to stay in contact with Kim and Chase, which had worried him, and them. But she was an adult. So they couldn’t do much about that either. 

Jack hated the lying though. He hated the facade he was putting up. He hated that everybody he interacted with was inherently trusting him, the way most humans do when faced with a seemingly nice person. He also hated that he’d lied to Kim and Audrey, the two people left in his life that he loved the most. Kim hadn’t even been at CTU when his ‘death’ had been staged, meanwhile Audrey had been furious and shocked over Paul’s death by his hand. There was no telling how either of them could have reacted to his death, but Jack knew it likely wasn’t well.

In any case, Jack Bauer was being phoned right now.

When Jack pressed answer, he immediately drew the phone away from his ear at the sound of glass smashing and a car alarm. He heard a faint scream, female. It sounded like Michelle. There was a large bang, footsteps, and then an ominous dial tone. The connection had been lost and he had no way of calling back. 

That didn’t matter though, because he knew that at least one of Michelle or Tony was in danger. And although part of him hesitated, part of him wondered if this wasn’t an accident but something far more devious, and whether his presence would simply make things worse. He pursed his lips, and switched the television off.

The only thing he could think of was to call Chloe, at least inform her that he thought something had happened. After all, if Tony and Michelle were currently unavailable, and Palmer was now dead, Chloe was the only person left he could trust. The only person that knew the truth.

Her phone went straight to the automated message.

His heart pounded in his ears. Something was wrong. Seriously wrong. 

And there was no way to figure out what, or how to fix it, except to return to Los Angeles.

— 

Five Minutes Earlier

“Ms. Dessler?” Edgar’s trembled voice sounded through the phone. 

Michelle furrowed her brow at Tony. “Edgar?” 

“I-I have some bad news, Mr. Buchanan wanted to tell you but he’s too busy getting information on P-Palmer.”

“What happened?” Michelle’s heart thundered. His voice was normally timid on a good day, but something about the way he was speaking now sent chills down her spine.

“Chloe’s dead.”

Her eyes widened. The words didn’t sound real in her ears. How could they? It didn’t make any sense. Chloe wasn’t a field agent. Why would someone from CTU be informing her of Chloe’s death then?

“What? H-how?”

“Someone planted a bomb in her car. Mr. Buchanan thinks it’s linked to Palmer somehow. I-I’m sorry.”

A hand clasped itself over her mouth, Tony now moving towards her, curious.

“Tell Bill we’ll be there right away.” She managed to keep her voice even as she hung up, despite the shakiness coursing through her.

“I told you we can’t go to CTU today, we have tha-”

She looked up at him. “Chloe’s dead.” The words lingered hauntingly. “Someone put a bomb in her car, Tony, this wasn’t an accident.”

He slumped his shoulders, the annoyance in his voice immediately fading. “Oh my God…H-how? Who would want to hurt Chloe? She’s never been undercover or done any field work.”

Michelle sniffled before speaking firmly. “I don’t know, but we’re going to CTU to find out.”

Tony nodded. “I’ll go get your car started.” He grabbed the keys from the counter and walked out. Before he opened the door, he stopped, pressing his lips into a thin line. “You should call Jack.” His voice was sombre.

As she listened to the dial tone and gathered her things, the more analytical side of Michelle’s brain took over, pushing down pain and shock in favour of logic and calculations of why such a thing could have happened. Maybe it was linked to Palmer’s assassination as Edgar had said? But Chloe had only come to CTU LA in the second half of Palmer’s term, and it wasn’t like she ever knew him personally. Hell, the last time Michelle interacted with Palmer was when she was directing him to Jack’s burner phone. Jack. Jack. The man who was believed to be dead by everyone except her, Tony, Chloe, and Palmer. Chloe and Palmer. Both of them were dead, which just left her and Tony. Her and Tony. 

Her and Tony.

What if they were next?

Quickly, she ran towards the door, calling out his name.

Then her ears were filled only with ringing. Light had flashed into her eyes. She fell to the floor, along with her cell, tiny pieces of glass piercing her hands. Stumbling, she ran outside towards the inferno. Michelle couldn’t tell what was and wasn’t on fire, smoke filling her airways. She couldn’t see Tony in the blazing skeleton of the car. Coughing again, she squinted to see a collapsed, charred figure on the grass.

Too shocked to move, she could only stare agape at him before the gas tank blew, and everything went black.

When she woke, everything in her body ached, her back and abdomen in particular. Michelle gasped, feeling the coolness of the sterile air clear flow cleanly through her nostrils. A wince left her as she tried to sit up. 

“You’ve had some severe bruising and internal bleeding, your core is weak right now, you need to stay still.” A man whom she presumed to be a doctor told her.

Her bottom lip quivered from the pain. “Wh-what’s happened? Where am I?” Michelle asked weakly.

Bill gave her a commiserating look before speaking softly. “You’re at CTU medical, there was an explosion at your house this morning.”

Memories came back to her as Bill and the doctor explained her injuries in more detail.

“Where’s Tony? Is he okay?” 

The grey-haired man bit his lip. “We’ve taken him to Cedars, his injuries were worse. We’ll keep you posted, but for now, just get some re-“

Her bandaged hand squeezed Bill’s forearm. “Jack…he’s…”

He nodded. “He’s here, he’s the only reason you managed to get brought here instead of the hospital. I’ll send him in once he’s out of debrief.”

There was an uneasy look on his face, Michelle could tell. Almost as if he were holding something back. The same look was also evident on the doctor’s face.

As they left Michelle with her thoughts, the analytical part of her brain kicked in again. Nothing in particular felt broken or out-of-place, just incredibly sore, perhaps bruised. She remembered falling onto her side in the house. But Michelle had lost consciousness after running onto the pavement, so perhaps she’d fallen there too. Judging by the tenderness between her shoulders, trailing down to her hips, she must have landed on her back. But her front hurt too, not in the same way though. It felt almost numb. Not intending on making the same mistake as last time, she reached over to use the remote to raise her bed. As it whirred, she took the opportunity to look down her shirt. So much of her bare skin was pink and sensitive, it practically radiated heat. Peeling back the edges of the surgical dressings, there was a huge, jagged scar across her lower abdomen, accompanied by neater, surgical ones. Michelle still couldn’t shake the feeling something was missing. The doctors had mentioned practically every part of her body, but she didn’t remember hearing about an ultrasound. They would have figured out she was pregnant, surely? Considering she’d had some kind of severe abdominal injury, how could they not have given her one?

Unless there was no longer a need.

How could she have been so stupid?

There’d been an explosion, for God’s sake. 

How else could she have possibly survived if not for the sacrifice of the small being growing inside of her?

Sinking back, the tears fell silently.

— 

Jack pursed his bottom lip when he came in to the medical ward. They’d taken him straight from the debrief to go out and find Henderson, then to his highly unsuccessful interrogation. Burke had been the one to remind him to go see her. Luckily Bill had caught him on the way though, grabbing Jack by the shoulder with a sense of urgency.

“Before you go in there, there’s some things you need to know. Things that Michelle doesn’t know yet.” His voice was solemn.

He nodded, albeit suspiciously. Bill was never one to miscommunicate. “What aren’t they telling her?”

Bill let out a small sigh. “One, that she’s miscarried.”

A pang struck Jack’s chest. “She was pregnant?” He asked, barely above a whisper. Jack remembered the two of them hoping so badly for promotions at Langley so they could finally start a family. One shortened prison sentence and a divorce later, it killed him now knowing they never got the chance.

The other man pressed his lips into a thin line. “Apparently. But the other thing is…she doesn’t know that Tony didn’t make it either.”

“How could they not tell her?” Jack protested.

“The doctors are worried about Michelle reopening her wounds, so they’re trying to keep her blood pressure down.” He raised a hand, seeing how defensive Jack had grown. “I’ve told her he was sent to Cedars because his injuries were worse. The doctors haven’t told her much either.”

Jack grimaced. Two awful, life-shattering things she would have to come to terms with. “It’s Michelle, you know she’ll ask questions.”

“I know…I know…but just try not to, okay? It’s a miracle she’s gotten away from the explosion with nothing more than scrapes and burns otherwise. We don’t want to make it worse.” Bill’s voice was teeming with concern. Jack had forgotten they were close in the past. He wondered if they’d kept in touch since her departure from CTU.

The first thing he noticed when he walked in was that Michelle looked so small, practically engulfed by the white hospital gown and bed. He walked towards her softly, but she stirred anyway.

“I didn’t mean to wake you, I’m sorry.”

Her head shook, weakly. “It’s okay.”

He pulled a chair towards her bed, holding her bandaged hand gently. Her skin was raw and sensitive. There were painful-looking grazes, some covered, some not, on her arms and face. Truth be told, she looked like hell. And given what had happened, he supposed her life could be classed as such now.

“Do they know who did it? The people who killed Chloe and Palmer?”

His head made a so-so motion. Of course she would already be focused on forming a mental investigation. No CTU agent was ever one to take things lying down, especially not them. “We know one of the conspirators is Christopher Henderson.”

Michelle’s brows knitted together. “Why does that sound familiar?”

“He used to run CTU, a long time ago, you’ve probably seen his name around. We know there’s some big conspiracy involved with chemical weapons.” He elaborated further, knowing she needed the details, knowing she wouldn’t rest without them. “Palmer was getting close to finding out, they decided to use the fact that only four people knew I was alive as a way to implicate me for it.”

She opened her mouth to ask more, but Jack cut her off. “I promise, I’ll tell you everything as we find out, but just try and rest. You’re not supposed to be stressing.”

“Any word on Tony yet?” Michelle’s voice pleaded with urgency.

“No, I haven’t heard.” He didn’t meet her eyes, feeling sickened by the lie. “I’m sure they’ll tell you when they know.”

Jack didn’t see the unconvinced look on her face, opting to stroke her hand for a while, listening to the beeps of the nearby equipment. Meanwhile, Michelle’s brain was ticking. Every piece of information she’d heard was being connected, was being mapped into some larger conclusion. It had been several hours by this point, it was their responsibility to let her know for god’s sake. But if there was no news, there was no news, right? Looking closer, she could see how despondent Jack looked. Perhaps he blamed himself, something she largely disagreed with. He was a friend who had needed their help, of course she and the others had obliged. Nobody could have predicted this outcome. Perhaps also, he was miserable. Chloe and Palmer’s death would have been hitting him hard, given how long he’d known the both of them, how much trust and care he had for them. But Jack was generally not the type to grieve in public, she knew. No, he was much more stoic, much more private. The only reason he could possibly be so sad in front of her was if he felt sorry for, or sad for her. But other than her own grief for Chloe and Palmer, what was so different for her? Besides the baby and Tony, but they’d never had the chance to tell Jack she was pregnant.

So it was to do with Tony.

Of course it was. Jack was maybe the only person who would have been equally concerned about his wellbeing. Given he wasn’t even technically working at CTU right now, just being strung along with all the chaos, she knew he was the type of person to find this information out, if not for her, for himself.

So if there was no information then that could only mean one thing. And it killed Michelle even more knowing that she’d been lied to about it. It made sense, after all, they’d already withheld information about her miscarriage, she’d figured that out all on her own.

“He’s dead, isn’t he?” Her croaked voice broke the silence. The words became frantic, jumbled, harshly offended. “Don’t lie to me, Jack. I expect that from everybody else, but not you. I already figured out I lost the baby, Jack, if he’s dead, just tell me.”

His tearful eyes met hers, not having the energy to, nor wanting to contain the lie any longer. “I’m so sorry…”

Michelle wanted to sit up and hug him so desperately, but her body even protested as she craned to reach out to his face.  “Oh god, no…” Her hand gripped his. “I-I need to see him, Jack. Where is he? Is he he-“

“I-I don’t think that’s a good idea Michelle.” He spoke gravely.

She squeezed tighter, breath hitching. “Please, Jack…I need to say goodbye…I need to…”

“He’s…he’s pretty bad, Michelle. I don’t want you to have that as your last memory of him.” Jack cleared his throat, still feeling a little sick after having seen it earlier, in order to verify with the coroner that unfortunately, it was Tony Almeida on that table. There had been too much internal bleeding, and he was too badly burnt by the time the ambulance got there. So much of his skin had been charred, dried blood sticking in his hair. Chloe had been just as bad, with a rough scrape down the side of her face, her soft lips completely busted.

 “All these years, one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with is never being able to think about Teri, never being able to think of happy memories with her, without thinking about how she looked when she died. I don’t want you to have to live with that.” 

Truth be told, it wasn’t just that. It was knowing that he’d have to be the one to pull her away, and knowing he wouldn’t be able to do it. It was just too easy to picture her sobbing helplessly over his body. Too easy to watch her shiver and sniffle because of the coldness of the morgue. Too easy for her to lose the contents of her stomach seeing how disfigured he’d become. It wasn’t how he’d held Teri, desperately trying to tell himself that she was asleep, that she’d be okay. No, Michelle wouldn’t have that luxury. Given how at fault he felt for everything, Jack knew he had to do everything he could to protect Michelle.

“You need to do it, Tony. It’s been two hours, they need to take her to the morgue.”

Tony’s eyes glanced at the still-shut door to the server room. He didn’t want to be the one to do it, he was still shaking himself, still in so much shock, but George was right. Tony realised he was quite possibly the only one who could.

“Alright.” He said, looking up at George’s solemn expression.

The door creaked when he opened it to find Jack exactly where he’d been two hours ago, sitting on the floor, cradling Teri in his arms. Jack didn’t seem to notice. So as not to startle him, Tony gently placed his hand on Jack’s shoulder. He jolted, quickly turning up to look at Tony’s face. The bloodshot eyes staring back at him looked so empty, so exhausted.

“It’s time to go, man.” He whispered.

Michelle gave a slight nod, knowing that deep down he was probably right.

He apologised again, holding her hand in both of his, feeling guilt wash over him. “Th-this is all my fault. If I’d known you or anybody else would have been in danger, I wouldn’t hav-“ 

“N-no, you can’t blame yourself. You needed our help, because you were in danger, Jack. All we were doing was helping you, nobody could have known…”

Jack simply sobbed louder, Michelle’s cries becoming just as pained not only at her loss but also her friend’s loss and his despair. On top of all the crushing sadness and shock, he was now adding a layer of guilt.

“W-we were going to name him after you…”

“W-what?”

She looked up at him, her face contorting. “O-our son, Jack. H-he was supposed to be our everything, after leaving CTU…” Her brown eyes stared into his, a smile still a little evident amongst the hurt. “You were the one who brought us back together, that day. A-and given that we never thought you’d get the chance to meet him…”

He nodded in understanding, whispering his appreciation, so genuinely taken aback by the intention of the gesture.

Together, they let time still until exhaustion took over Michelle and she fell asleep again. Grabbing tissues, he wiped her face, and his, regaining his composure as he walked back into the hall.

Henderson sat in the holding room chair smugly. Jack walked in, looking beyond exhaustion.

“I’m not going to sit here and try to understand why you’ve done the things you’ve done. Whatever it is, it’s a poor excuse for a power or revenge play, and frankly, I don’t care anymore.”

“So what are you going to do with me? ”

Jack walked over to the table, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, before speaking gravelly. “You are the responsible for the deaths of three of my friends, and for destroying the life of another. My daughter won’t speak to me, I still need to earn forgiveness from the woman who’s spent the past eighteen months mourning me like a widow. And let’s not even talk about the innocent strangers you’ve killed today. All I want right now is for this to be over. So the question is, what do you want?”

His face was unchanged, as Jack released him, stepping back and folding his arms. “I want no implication in today’s events. And to disappear. Me and Miriam, just like what you did eighteen months ago.”

He nodded after a beat of staring into his cold eyes. “If you get me what I want? Done. Regardless of whether or not CTU agrees, I’ll make it happen.” Jack tried to mask the defeat and disgust in his voice. “All I want from you, is to know every last conspirator you’re working with, and where every last canister of that nerve gas is.”

“Fine.”

“‘Fine’?” 

Henderson sneered. “I know you’re a man of your word, you’ve given plenty of people immunity before, I don’t trust that this is any different. I can see it in your eyes, I know you’re not bluffing. You’re angry. But you’re not lying.”

Jack tossed the paper and pen over to him. “You’ve got five minutes.”

—

Checking that nobody was around, she tentatively limped over to the computer in the vestibule, gliding the IV bag with her along the linoleum. If Jack was interrogating Henderson, the man responsible for every ounce of pain she was in right now, then she damn well deserved to know why he did any of it. By the sounds of it, Jack hadn’t been particularly successful so far. The only conclusions they’d drawn had come from evidence in his office, not so much from his mouth. 

She smirked when her old CTU login still yielded access to the servers. Michelle moved the mouse to click on security footage for the interrogation rooms, zooming in on where Jack stood over Henderson.

“What are you trying to pull? Why are you just telling me this?” Jack sounded puzzled.

Henderson sat smugly back in his chair. “Killing O’Brian was for completion, it wasn’t all about you, Jack. You’ve got the papers in front of you, you’re smart, you figure it out.”

Again, Jack appeared puzzled, sifting through the reports in front of him, trying to notice details he hadn’t before. Henderson watched him intently, smirking when Jack’s eyes widened in realisation.

“There was no bomb in Tony’s car, only Michelle’s. If you wanted them both dead, why would you…? Unless...you didn’t want him dead at all.”

He clicked his tongue. “He was the one we needed. Almeida was the only one that we could use. The only one that would sell out.”

“‘Sell out?’”

“You dangle the prospect of getting revenge on his wife’s killer in front of him, you tell him it was the government screwing him over again, he’d do anything. Including exploit all the knowledge he’s had over the years and use it to wreak havoc.”

His voice tightened. “No, he would never. Tony’s not like that.”

He rolled his eyes. “Oh come on, cut the ‘don’t speak ill of the dead’ crap, you know I’m right. He’s done it before, he let a terrorist go free when she got kidnapped, what do you think he’d do if she was killed?”

“That was different, it was spur of the moment.” Jack defended.

“Is it? Is it really, Jack? This whole job is ‘spur of the moment’, nothing’s ever planned. We didn’t account for the possibility that he would take her car before she got in. I just think you don’t want to admit that he had it in him to get revenge at any cost.”

Jack huffed, but his stomach turned knowing there was some truth to Henderson’s statement. Grief about losing him was rising to the surface, evident by the twitch in his cheek. “So you tried to kill her to rile him up? That was your endgame?”  He yelled.

Henderson nodded.

“She was pregnant, you bastard.” He hissed.

A pang struck Michelle’s chest at his defence of her. Of their family. Of Tony’s honour, even though deep down, they both knew there was some truth to what he was saying.

“Would have just added fuel to the fire.”

Footsteps distracted Michelle from the video, prompting her to quickly log out of the window, grumbling at the timing. There had been some ulterior plan here, it wasn’t just about setting Jack up, that much she knew. But she couldn’t keep watching. One, she wasn’t supposed to be out of bed. Two, she definitely wasn’t supposed to be accessing the computer at a place she was no longer employed. As her head hit the pillow, the door opened with Doctor Besson coming in to fiddle with her IV drip. A small red circle had formed on the front of her gown, presumably from getting up and moving. He frowned.

“Seems you’ve undone your stitches, your body must not be responding well. I’ll have to give you another dose of painkillers.” 

Michelle nodded weakly as he administered them, feeling the warm sensation flood over, as her eyes fluttered shut.

Everything sounded gurgled when she came to again. There was a peculiar, hazy quality to her vision, presumably due to the painkillers having properly kicked in. Squeaks sounded as a hospital gurney was wheeled onto the other side of the half-drawn privacy curtain. Squinting, she saw Jack standing, his arms crossed. She didn’t get a good look at the person on the bed, but as the mumbles sounded clearer, she figured out who it was. Henderson. A man whose name she’d only ever heard before today, but whom she now associated with destruction.

“…he still hasn’t said anything else about Logan and the gas, any more and he would have OD’ed. We’ll try again later.”

Jack appeared frustrated before leaving. “Okay, fine.” It seemed that although Henderson had technically agreed to divulging his information, he certainly still wanted to make things difficult. What he’d written on the pen and paper certainly wasn’t going to be enough to start a proper search. 

Fading out of consciousness again, the next hour or so was a blur, at least it had felt like an hour. There’d been a siren, the doors had been sealed, mentions of a toxic gas being attempted to pass through security. Then calmer, relieved mentions of the man being stopped. Apparently he’d had a way in, but with Spenser so distraught over Chloe’s death, he’d forgotten to update the manifest to grant Ostroff access to the main entrance. So when Ostroff tried to work around that by going through the side, it didn’t take him very long to be caught.

She had laid still, as had Henderson. If he’d spoken, she didn’t recall. But the time spent half-awake had given her plenty of time alone with her thoughts. Michelle wondered what it would take for Henderson to give up who his co-conspirators were, if such a thing existed. Probably an immunity deal, like so many others had been given in the past. There was a strange feeling inside of her, almost burning. It was fury. Fury at the injustice. Fury at the loss. Fury at her loss. She was never one to be openly and visibly emotional. For her to cry in front of others was a huge deal, let alone scream and rage. 

New air eventually circulated in as the doors opened. Doctors had come back in, the privacy curtain pulled back completely so they could have room. They’d checked on them both, one had removed her nearly empty IV. The burning inside her hadn’t subsided. It had begun to prey on her mind. Things she wouldn’t have noticed now became abundantly clear. All of the doctors had left, individually obtaining supplies. They’d be back soon. There was a clean scalpel on the table beside her. Henderson’s chest and neck were exposed. He looked half-conscious, just as she had been. Footsteps and chatter echoed across the linoleum from the hallway. Piecing together the information around her, Michelle realised she had an opportunity. An opportunity with a window that drawing to a close.

Ignoring the searing sharpness in her abdomen, Michelle grabbed the small blade, lunging onto Henderson whose piercing, blue eyes opened. His movements were sluggish and weak from the hyocine pentothal however, he couldn’t push her off as she used her body weight to keep him down. With tears forming in her eyes once again, a scowl on her face, she held the knife under his chin, using the other hand to bear down on the fleshy part of his throat. 

“What did you want with him? We’d left CTU, why the hell did you want him so badly? You couldn’t find somebody else to exploit?” Her voice had a strange grovel to it, one she’d never heard herself speak in.

He chortled, weakly. “Must be hard to admit I was right.”

She squeezed tighter, gritting her teeth, a hot, angry tear falling from her cheek onto his chin. “You son of a bitch…” Her voice hardened, rife with grief and pain. “I’m the one you wanted dead, couldn’t have just shot me at the door? Or were you too afraid I’d fight back?”

“Michelle, no!” Jack’s voice startled her. “He’s our only lead, please…” She darted over at his panicked expression, but quickly looked away, not wanting to lose her focus, wanting to, for the first time in her life, take the selfish option and not the righteous one, despite Jack emanating exactly what was in her conscience. 

“Too bad, because I’m fighting back now.” A droplet of blood formed as the tip made contact with his neck. A thin line formed as she dragged it across. Before she could do anything more, Jack had grabbed her from behind. Michelle kicked and screamed. The adrenaline rush had given her a reasonable amount of strength, her elbow narrowly missing Jack’s nose. 

“No!” She repeated over and over again, almost manically. Jack pulled her to the floor, the scalpel clattering as it fell from her grip. A loud, spine-chilling, cry, escaped her, as she collapsed forward. He knew he was probably hurting her, and wanted to hold her with less force, but she continued to protest in his grip. Reaching forward, she yelled again. Her dry, singed hair was rough against his face as he tried to calm her down, unsuccessfully. His own pain at her suffering simply left him apologising and hushing incessantly. Michelle was relentless, continually trying to reach for the scalpel, trying to stand back up again. Doctors had rushed over to Henderson first, his potential information making him a priority. Catching him off-guard as she feigned fatigue, Michelle grabbed the tool, but he managed to slap it out of her hand, causing it to make a tinkling sound when it landed somewhere across the room. 

One of the doctors had come behind the both of them, suspending her flailing body for just long enough to inject her with a needle. “This is just a sedative, you’ll be fine, Ms. Dessler.” She spoke with a hint of condescend, causing Jack to look at her scornfully. He waited for her to fall unconscious in his hold, then together with the doctor, they lifted her to the bed. Crimson had formed on the front of her gown. She’d reopened her wounds. Again. Quickly, they wheeled her to the surgical ward, leaving Bill, Henderson, who was now stabilised, and a remaining doctor.

Jack wiped his face. “Keep them separated.”

Solemnly, Bill nodded.  “You’ve been through enough today. Take her to Cedars, far away from CTU, far away from all the memories she has here, I’ll deal with the rest. The Chinese consulate already want to hold a conference, if we can get the evidence on Logan out, get the AG on it, we’ll make sure they don’t come after you. It’ll be fine.”

“Bill, I-“

Vehemently, he shook his head, a softness coming through his voice, a seriousness in his eyes. “I know you want to do this, Jack. But right now I’m telling you to take Michelle, and go.”

Jack wanted to protest, explain that he needed to be on the mission, ready to double-cross Henderson and kill him. He would never forgive himself for letting the man get away. But for once, Jack listened to his heart, and not the drill-sergeant in his head. He remembered how Michelle had fallen apart in his arms, what it was like to lose Teri and their unborn child. He remembered that Chloe, Tony, and Palmer, the people he could always rely on, were dead. He remembered the way Audrey had first looked at him when they’d reunited, conveying without words that she’d forgiven him, and that maybe she even still loved him. He remembered how Kim had walked away, disgusted, but knew that with time, there was a chance at forgiveness with her too. He remembered that he still had a life here. A real one.

So Jack did as Bill said.

He brought her home a few weeks later. The doctors had said most of her internal injuries were healing at a well enough pace, although the bruises would be likely to stay for some time. Forensics had cleared out, removing the broken glass and debris, leaving everything else intact. Michelle was silent as she entered, still walking a little unsteadily and weakly. There was an eerie aura about the whole thing. The sticky notes and reminders on the fridge. The photos. All the small details that pointed to the signs that two people were living in this house. Jack hadn’t been at this house at all, he realised. This was supposed to be their ‘fresh start’ after a painful separation. Yet now it was already tainted with death and with loss. The house almost looked like nothing had happened. But as Jack peered closer, the reminders of the event came through. Surrounding shrubs were yellow and dead. The paved driveway had an obnoxious burn mark. Dust had settled gently on every surface inside. 

Walking down the hall, Michelle stopped dead in her tracks, facing one of the rooms. A trembling hand came to rest over her mouth. Letting out a strangled sob, she sank to her knees, Jack quickly running behind to catch her so she wouldn’t aggravate her injuries. Curling into him, she cried raggedly in his arms. Looking up, he felt his stomach sink.

The nursery.

Adorned with canary yellow, a plethora of stuffed animals, and all the necessities for a newborn child, the room screamed happiness, joy, new life. 

He reassured her softly, apologising again and again for what had happened, trying not to cry himself. Eventually, exhaustion overcame her and she fell asleep, still trembling, in his arms. Carefully minding her bruises, he carried her to the adjacent master bedroom. Jack removed her shoes and jacket, leaving her in the t-shirt and sweatpants she’d been discharged from the hospital in. Pulling back the covers, he gently tucked her into the bed. He craned his neck to look at the clock, time having been lost in the several hours he’d spent holding her. It was late now. And he didn’t feel right leaving her alone. Taking his own shoes off now, he sat on top of the bed next to her, lightly stroking her back.

She slept heavily, not noticing when Jack quietly crept out to the front porch to grab the paper in the morning, closing the nursery door along his way.

“Excuse me?”

He jolted, immediately scanning his surroundings, relaxing a little when he found the source of the noise to be an elderly woman. She was smiling, although there was a sad crinkle to her eyes. 

“Yes?” Jack replied, clearing his throat.

“Are you a friend of theirs? Tony and Michelle’s?” Her voice was small, endearing.

Jack nodded.

“I’m Beth. I’m actually the one who called the ambulance. Goodness, what a tragedy, all because of some faulty parts.”

That had been what all the understandably concerned neighbours were told. The car had blown up in the driveway because of an engine problem. Nothing malicious or suspicious. Just an accident of sorts.

“Yeah.” He replied sadly, swallowing the lump in his throat.

“Oh…I should tell you. Phil and I found Major, we’ve been feeding him these last couple of weeks.”

His brow furrowed.

“Their dog?”

Mentally, Jack recalled seeing a bowl and a bag of food when he’d walked into the house. He’d forgotten they’d had a dog. “Oh, right. Must have run away with all the chaos.”

Beth tipped her head. “Must have. We’re happy to keep taking care of him if Michelle needs time. Goodness how she must be feeling.”

Jack shook his head. “No, that’s okay, wouldn’t want to burden you. I’ll…I’ll probably be staying here for the time being, it’ll be okay.” Technically, he was homeless right now. He’d alternated between spending time at the hospital with Michelle and helping out at CTU over the last few weeks. And now that Michelle was home, he didn’t exactly have much of a choice.

“Michelle should be glad to have such good friends like you. I’ll bring him out.”

Moments later, Beth returned, holding a leash attached to a German Shepard wagging its tail. Jack smiled, the dog playfully jumping up onto him. He pet the dog, hoping it would respond well, not wanting Beth to have any suspicions about him, not that she seemed to be the suspicious type.

Bringing the dog back inside, Jack let it into the yard, watching Major distract himself with a stuffed penguin. Returning to Michelle’s room, he noticed her eyes were half-open and slightly confused.

“It’s just me…” He whispered.

She tipped her head in acknowledgement and fell asleep again. It was still reasonably early after all. Moving into the kitchen, Jack began clearing out the expired food, finding mugs and coffee. He poured Michelle a glass of water and set it by on her bedside while he sipped the dark brew. There wasn’t much left to make breakfast. He also knew she probably wouldn’t eat it anyway. Not that he was in the most ravenous mood either. But Jack knew that if he didn’t at least put a plate of food in front of her, Michelle would gladly let herself waste away. He was scared to leave her. It was terrifying how much her current state reminded me of the early days following Teri’s death. That had been some of the worse days of his life, surpassed only by the self-loathing and pain brought on by the heroin withdrawals. Hell, right now was bad too. He was grieving the loss of so many people, and watching another one suffer ten times worse. Jack was determined to be there for her. After all, she was one of the few people he had left now.

Making an omelette and some toast, he prepared to bring it to her room. He stopped for a moment, noticing the dog in the yard. Major was enthusiastically running around, chasing a bird. It almost made him laugh, just how blissfully happy this animal was. Calling him over, Major obediently followed him inside. Thankfully, Michelle seemed to be awake now, although she didn’t appear to have any desire to move.

“I’ve made you some breakfast, if you’re up for it. You’re still on some pretty strong meds, don’t want you to put a hole through your stomach.” Jack set the plate down. “Also, uh, your neighbours found the dog, just thought you should know.”

The familiar patter of paws against hardwood floors echoed through the room as Major ran to face Michelle, perching his snout on the edge of the bed. To Jack’s joy, the corners of her mouth upturned, just a little, as she reached out to pet him. He whimpered a few times, clearly wanting her to get up and play with him. Also likely out of concern. Dogs always seemed to know when something was wrong. After a while, the dog gave up, opting instead to curl on the floor by her side.

“We’ve got a few bags of food in the garage as well. Just so you know…” She said hoarsely, as Jack turned to leave.

“Thanks. You should walk him when you’ve got the strength. It’ll do you some good.”

Just as he made it to the door, she called his name again, now facing the ceiling.

He rested his hand on the doorjamb. “Yeah?”

“When you…when you killed Nina...” The question came out so innocently yet carried so much weight. “Did it do anything for you?”

Jack pinched the bridge of his nose. “No…” He said in a chilled tone. “Maybe for that split second after, but no, it didn’t. To me it was just another life lost by my hand. It didn’t change anything. But I know how you felt, I don’t blame you for trying. I-I just couldn’t let you do it. One, because you didn’t need that pain on top of everything else. Two…we were at a total dead end, he still had more to say.” 

Michelle let out a long, sad breath. “I-I don’t know if I could have finished the job. A-at the time I was so angry, I was still in so much shock. But the minute I started to see the blood on his neck…” She felt a lump form in her throat. “I-I swear I could hear Tony in my head. I could hear him telling me I couldn’t do it, that I wasn’t that person, that I wasn’t supposed to be that person.” A small cry left her. “I guess I have to trust now that that was the right thing.”

“Because of him, we found all of the other nerve gas containers before they could be released. As sick as it makes me to say that we needed him, I-I can’t deny the truth.” His voice was laced with disgust, knowing deep down that he would have gladly pulled the trigger if given the opportunity to have faced Henderson that day. But now, he was off somewhere, free from any consequence.

She shrugged a little, turning around to lie on her other side, facing the window. 

“Do you need anything before I go?”

She sniffled, her voice small. “I need him here with me…”

And all Jack could do was leave the room defeated, knowing that Michelle was heading into the thick of it now, and unless she tried her damn hardest, she wouldn’t be getting out of it for a long time, if ever.

It hit Jack in this moment how much he needed to stay.

Tony’s funeral was brutal. Brutal for everyone except Michelle. No, she was so zombie-like on her medication, staring despondently at the floor while others wept. Medication being a cocktail of painkillers, antidepressants, and antibiotics. She was unlikely to remember it, based on the dosage the doctor had prescribed.

Prescribed specifically for that day. 

With all the things that had happened to Michelle that day, the doctors knew it wasn’t a choice, but a necessity to drug her, knowing her physical condition would only be exacerbated by the trauma.

“I don’t understand, she’s been miserable for weeks, why do you want to put her on them now?” Jack narrowed his eyes at the doctor. She was reasonably lucid otherwise. Miserable, heartbroken and depressed, but lucid. He simply couldn’t understand what benefit this would have.

The doctor sighed. “I have seen many, many accidents over the years, where one spouse makes it out alive and the other one doesn’t. And every time the funeral rolls around and they see the body, all that inflammation and pain that we try to subside comes back.  It’s just too much of an emotional toll on them. She is not out of the woods yet, it’s the fact that she’s barely moved that’s allowed her to recover physically.”

“So you want me to drug her?” 

He tutted. “If you don’t want her to end up back here with internal bleeding and all of her stitches undone, you will increase the dosage of the antidepressants she’s already taking a few days before the day of the first funeral. Then she can go back to the lower dose and ween off of them after.”

“Fine…” He agreed, hesitantly. He didn’t feel right about this at all. He knew this wasn’t uncommon. Lots of people medicated like this for terrible days that they had no choice but to suffer through. But Jack still wanted to have some input from Michelle. It was her grief, she had the right to do it in the way she wanted to. He owed her that much.

So three days before the funeral, he simply asked her.

“Do you want to remember it or not?”

She seemed to contemplate it for a moment, but then her lips pursed and she shook her head. “N-no. If it means not feeling the way I’m feeling for a few days…just…just give me what the doctor said.”

Across the day, someone was always by her side, be it one of Tony’s (many) relatives, or her own. Her mother had passed when she was a child. It broke Jack’s heart to watch Michelle clutch her father’s hand so tightly, the way she probably had back then. Especially knowing that Kim was there but making explicit effort not to interact with him at all.  

With Secretary Heller’s assistance, Tony had still gotten most of the elements of the military service he deserved, despite many people only remembering him for treason sentence. Jack had carried coffins before, but the heaviness he felt carrying this one, alongside Tony’s father, younger brother, and Danny, was only surpassed by the heaviness he’d felt carrying his mother’s all those years ago. Combining the pain of losing a close friend, on top of the unacknowledged pain of knowing a child had been lost, in addition to the wretched guilt on Jack’s mind, he was surprised he even made it through the eulogy. Chloe’s was no better, Jack being barely able to meet Morris’ eye, again feeling the weight of the casket tenfold, choosing instead to look at Michelle who was still medicated beyond any sense of awareness. Her numb, blank expression was hidden amongst the surrounding despair and mourn.

When they’d finally come home, she’d taken the ultrasound photos off of the fridge, and gone straight to bed in her funeral clothes, gripping the cards so hard her knuckles turned white. Aside from the pregnancy bump that was yet to start sinking, Jack could tell Michelle’s garments were already looking baggier on her. What worried him more however was how Michelle was going to handle being off the antidepressants and opiates and all the other things numbing her brain right now. It hadn’t hit her completely yet, he knew. He’d been completely sober at Teri’s funeral but the waterworks, the screaming, the anguish hadn’t arrived until he went to see her grave alone a few days later.  It had taken a few days for her to ease off of the drugs, as expected. It stopped her from being in a constant state of despair, not the worst thing in the world, and it was what she’d wanted. That didn’t make it easier for anybody else though, as they calmly tried to correct her when she’d mutter something that didn’t make sense. Usually something about a client or an ultrasound. She’d simply shake her head, confused, the logic slipping her mind. 

A few nights later, once all the antidepressants and heavier painkillers had left her system, it’d all come back.

“Jack?…” Her voice was shaky, as he immediately pivoted to face her standing in the hallway. It was the middle of the night, but the concoction of medications she’d been put on had messed with her sleep cycle. They should have all been out of her system by now though. Michelle was unsteady on her feet. “T-they’re dead, aren’t they?”

He felt his stomach drop. For that naively blissful period, Michelle had been in total denial and confusion regarding what had happened. But it had also made Jack feel incredibly guilty knowing that it would have to hit her all over again once the drugs wore off, even with her agreeance. The doctors had only given her them so she could recover fully physically. Otherwise, the stress of the funeral would have surely sent her body backwards in recovery. He understood that. But somehow this felt worse.

“T-Tony, the baby, Chloe, Palmer…they’re all gone, aren’t they? E-everything just feels hazy, I-I can’t…Jack…”

Walking over towards her, he rested his hands on her arms. He looked deeply into her eyes, noticing the small glimmer of hope, hope that he would tell her otherwise, feeling horrible knowing he would be the one to take that hope away permanently. “Yes.” He gulped. “They are. They’re gone, Michelle.”

She let out a distressed shriek, a sound that Jack could only describe as the sound of her heart shattering into a million irreparable pieces. Collapsing forward into his arms, her hands wrapped around the plane of his back. Her grip was so tight, Jack was sure she’d leave finger-shaped bruises. 

She then started to scream and cry hysterically, repeating over and over again that they were dead. All Jack could do was hold her shaking body as she wept in his arms. For hours on end, the outpour of emotions wouldn’t let up. This only made her more anxious given how deliriously tired she was. There were probably also minor withdrawal symptoms there too from the opiates. After all, he would know. He gently laid her down on her back in the bed. Michelle curled into a ball, still trembling from head to toe. There was no way in hell she would ever be able to calm down and get sleep without some form of sedative. But she had no medication left, and even so, he didn’t feel right giving them to her without her permission. And unfortunately, Jack knew Michelle needed to feel this in its full ferocity, otherwise she would never heal. 

Quickly pilfering the nearby chest of drawers, he fished out a t-shirt of Tony’s. Kneeling by the bed, he passed it to her, allowing its latent scent to waft into her nostrils. She inhaled with a shudder, pressing the t-shirt to her face, clutching it tightly. And to Jack’s relief, he heard her breathing gradually slow, and watched her eyes flutter shut. That brief second of distraction had been enough to allow her mind to regain control and put her to sleep, knowing that on a physiological level, she needed that more than anything else right now. He lightly brushed a strand of hair from her eyes, and sat himself on the bed next to her, more concerned than he’d ever been.

Seeing Michelle fall apart, watching her crumble before him, had terrified Jack. Through the years, she’d dealt with hardship, but she’d endured. She’d remained objective, even when it seemed like the world was against her. She was the one who was capable of making impossible choices. In many ways, she was very much like him. Able to shut out her heart and stay in her head, unlike her late husband. When push came to shove, she would implode, stone-wall, self-destruct. Tony would explode, outburst, punish the others around him. Perhaps that was why they fit so well together, they balanced each other. But on that day, she was different, Michelle had done things far more impulsive, far more emotionally charged than he’d ever seen. Maybe however, the death of her husband, the death of her child, had simply been the tipping point. And Henderson laying so smugly, just a few feet away from her had been enough of a temptation. Maybe she’d had enough of enduring. Maybe this time, Michelle had simply wanted to fight. Jack remembered promising Tony that he’d support Michelle while he was imprisoned. She hadn’t needed his help then, but the sentiment had remained. 

But right now? Jack knew that Michelle needed him.

He was too scared to leave Michelle, not knowing what temptations lurked inside of her, the same temptations that had lurked and continued to lurk inside of him, or even just the thought that she would lie there motionless for days and forget to take care of herself. Either way, he couldn’t risk it. He couldn’t risk anything else happening to her. The foldout sofa was out, but most nights he usually slept half-sitting up in the bed beside her. 

At some point though, their supplies were becoming scarce. Jack was the resourceful type, but he knew there were very few things left for him to cook with. His finger trembled a little as he pressed the familiar numbers on his new cell. 

“Hello?” Her voice sounded.

“Audrey?”

He heard a faint sigh. “Jack?”

“Yeah…took a gamble that you hadn’t changed your number in the last eighteen months.”

That elicited a small laugh. “What’s up?”

“Are you busy right now? I-I need a favour.”

She hummed a little. “N-no, I just got out of a meeting with District. I don’t have anything urgent until a conference call in a couple of hours. Is something wrong?”

“I’m at Michelle’s, I need groceries, but I’m…I’m too scared to leave her. Sorry if this seems-“

“No, no…it’s fine, Jack, she needs you there. Text me the address, I’ll be over as soon as I can.”

“Thanks.” He smiled.

True to her word, Audrey arrived a little while later, knocking gently at the door. It had drizzled with rain slightly at some point, Audrey’s straight blonde hair slightly damp, trying her hardest to shield the brown paper bag.

He opened the door quickly, again thanking her. She insisted it wasn’t an issue, as they started to put the items away.

“How…how is she?” She ran a hand over her forehead, looking down sheepishly. “Sorry. God, that sounded worse out loud. She’s terrible, I know that.”

Jack shook his head. “It’s alright, it’s the natural thing to ask. She’s asleep again.” He sighed, worried. “It’s hard for her to stay asleep without getting nightmares, especially now that she’s off of all the meds.”

Audrey bit her lip, thinking back to how unfocused she’d been at both funerals. It made sense. She knew they’d probably changed her dosage that week, much the way they’d done for her so when she’d been to Paul’s eighteen months ago.

A light pattering on the hardwood floors prevented Audrey from replying straight away. Turning to face the noise, Audrey laughed through her nose as Major padded towards her. He nuzzled her legs, a stuffed animal in his mouth. She grinned, stroking the smooth fur. 

“That dog’s been the only thing able to make her smile.” He said bittersweetly. Clearing his throat, he tried to hide the nervousness in his voice. “D-do you want a cup of coffee or something? I know you’ve got that call but-“

“I’d love to.” She smiled sweetly.

The thud managed to snap him out of his thoughts. Worried, he ran over to the bathroom door. He could still hear the water running.

“Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah…” She called out, weakly, barely being heard over the shower.

“Do you need help?”

There was a pause. “I-I might. It’s not locked, you can come in.”

When he did, she was sitting in the bath rubbing her shoulder gingerly. Jack turned the water off.

“I-I got dizzy and slipped.” She took a breath, clearly in pain. “I don’t think I hit my head but I can feel something in my back. I might have undone my stitches.”

He knelt down beside the bath. “Okay, let me see.” 

Hugging her knees to her chest and tipping her head forward, he looked amongst the various bruises and wounds on her back. He’s seen a few glimpses of it in the hospital, but never the entire landscape of markings of pain and suffering before. True to her suspicion, one of the larger wounds that stretched from her waist to the middle of her back was bleeding, some of the stitches no longer in place. Grabbing some gauze and stitches from the bathroom cupboard, as well as some antiseptic in case, he returned to where she sat, taking care to avoid looking anywhere else.

She could feel his hesitancy, see his eyes try and avoid anywhere except the wound. “Jack, I had nurses doing this for me all those weeks in the hospital, I don’t care if you see anything.” 

“Okay…this might hurt a little, I’m sorry.”

Some soap has ended up on the surface of the bleeding cut. As slowly as he could, he poured a jug of lukewarm water over it to rinse it. She shuddered, burying her face further between her knees. He apologised as he did it again and again.

Patting the skin dry lightly, Jack opened the bottle, pouring some onto a towel. He cringed when she let out a pained cry, the sting of the antiseptic harsh against the tender skin.

“I’ve cleaned it, I’ll need to restitch some of it, okay?”

She moved her head down slightly.

As he threaded the suture through, she continued to shake and wince, her breathing laboured. He placed one hand on her shoulder to keep her still.

“Nearly done, nearly done. I’m sorry.” He reassured her.

When he finally cut the end of the stitches, he immediately grabbed another towel, draping it over her shoulders. Jack moved her pyjamas closer to her, so she could reach them better.

“Can you stand?”

“I-I think so. Thank you.” She said in a small voice.

“I’ll give you some privacy.” He replied softly, shutting the door.

She wept quietly, and Jack knew it was from more than just the pain. Sometimes she cried in front of him, let herself be raw and vulnerable. But sometimes, she just needed to be alone, which he understood. He distracted himself by making sure the house was locked up, as well as turning the TV and lights off, before setting up the foldout couch.

When she did finally come out, eyes puffy and bloodshot, she first walked over to the living room, relieved to note Jack was sleeping. She appreciated him sleeping in her room, knowing he would be there to help her if she woke up from a nightmare. But she also knew it wasn’t particularly comfortable sleeping half-sitting up. He was so respectful of her boundaries, not wanting to sleep in the same spot where Tony once lay next to her, not wanting to let her be alone if she woke up in the middle of the night screaming, always ready to hold her until she calmed down. It made her so grateful to have him there.

 Michelle then paced slowly and intentionally over to the bed. Pulling the covers back, she laid down carefully on the side that was less sensitive. Major’s paws clicked against the floor as he entered. He smelt clean and she smiled, realising that Jack must have washed him earlier. Jumping onto the bed, she stroked his fur gently. Curling up beside her, on what used to be Tony’s side of the bed, Michelle found herself comforted by the dog’s warmth. Passively, she continued to rub his back. She noticed his snout was moving around Tony’s pillow, probably desperate to cling to any remnants of the smell of him.

She watched him fidget before eventually closing his eyes and falling asleep. It wasn’t long before she felt tired too, mainly from physical exhaustion. Major’s jaw clenched with a slight snarl a few minutes later. Michelle frowned a little, lightly petting his back, not wanting to disturb him. Somehow she could feel as though he knew Tony wasn’t coming back either. Major had seemed distressed at times, slowly readjusting to not having him around. No different to her, really. After several nights of interrupted sleep and abnormal behaviour, they’d gotten him checked at the vet in case. But sadly, the reality of the situation was that the explosion had scared him too. Many police or bomb squad dogs apparently had similarly disturbed sleep patterns.  

“I miss him too, baby.” She whispered.

When he woke later that night, she wasn’t there beside him. Jack didn’t panic initially, after all, the remnant hormones within Michelle’s body still caused her to experience some elements of morning sickness. Since he barely slept, normally he’d follow her into the bathroom to rub her back while she retched, helping her to walk back to bed afterwards since she was usually dizzy. Looking out, he noticed the bathroom door was shut across the hall. Jack couldn’t hear a toilet flushing. In fact, as he neared closer, he swore he could hear stifled sobbing. The sobs were short and sharp, as though she were in pain.

He knocked softly. “Michelle? Are you alright?”

No answer.

He knocked again, slightly louder, calling out to her again.

A pit formed at the bottom of his stomach. Rapidly, he grabbed the doorknob. It wouldn’t budge.

“Michelle, I know you’re in there.” A thought crossed his mind. A terrible thought in regards to why she’d locked the door. To why she’d made sure he couldn’t get in. A suspicion that was likely true. “I-I know what you’re doing. Open up, please.”

She blinked back tears as the bead of red forming on the pale inside of her wrist grew. It lengthened into a slim stream down her forearm, nestling in the crook of her elbow.

“Just let me stop being a burden, Jack. I’m stopping you from moving on and getting your life back. Y-you need to stop waiting for me to get better, because I won’t, okay?” Her voice was woeful.

“I won’t lie to you. You’re never going to feel the same way again. That grief, that pain, will always sit there like a ton of bricks in your chest. It won’t go away, I know, believe me. But  I also know it’s possible to find something, or someone that makes you feel so damn happy you forget it’s there, even just for a moment.” He slid down, with his back to the door. The next words came out brokenly. “Please, Michelle. I can’t lose you too.”

“I have nothing left, Jack. Let me do this. Just let me put myself out of my misery.” Her arm quivered as she dragged the blade down slowly, resisting the urge to cry out loudly. Her heart was pounding in her ears but she could still hear him let out a pained sigh. “Why are you doing this?” Her voice hardened.

“Because I promised him I would protect you! That I would be there for you!” He yelled, wiping his own tears. Jack sighed, before speaking quietly, voice rough and shrouded with emotion. “Because the day he went to prison, when we had no idea what was going to happen, I promised him I’d make sure you were okay. And now that he’s….now that Tony’s gone…gone because he decided to help me in return, I know the only way I can live with that is if I’m there for you. So please just let me.”

Michelle didn’t respond, hesitating her motion as she noticed the care and worry in his voice. So terrified of whether he was going to be too late, Jack stood, mustered his strength and pushed through the door. Opening with a resounding crack, he found her on the floor, razor in one hand. Pushing it away onto the tiles, he grabbed tissues to suppress the bleeding. She used her other hand to make a feeble attempt to grab it again. Looking him in his tearful eyes, as though wordlessly communicating that she wouldn’t be stopped so easily, that he should just let her do this, she could see how much pain yet so much understanding and sympathy was in his expression. Jack simply took the blade from her hand gently.

“No.” He said, softly, shaking his head.

Her bottom lip wobbled, and she pressed her face into his chest, breathing heavily. Thankfully the cut hadn’t been too deep. He was able to wrap her wrist snugly without it bleeding through. Jack ran a hand through her coarse hair, before carrying her trembling body back to the bed. Michelle’s arms had wrapped tightly around his ribcage, desperate to ground herself.

 “C-could you please just?…” He looked down at her, at how defeated her voice sounded, at how almost ashamed she was to meet his eye. “Hold me for a while?”

“Yeah…yeah, of course.” He whispered back. Instead of letting Michelle sleep beside him, while he half sat-up on the bed, like usual, he carefully manoeuvred her so she was lying on her side, the one that was less bruised, and faced her, allowing her to be enveloped by his arms. She was slightly curled up, arms hugging her knees. It wasn’t particularly cold that night, but he grabbed a blanket from the edge of the bed, draping it over her. One of his hands came to rest on the flat of Michelle’s back, the other onto her arm, the one with the wrap. 

It sent a chill down his spine knowing how close he’d just come to losing her. Especially when it hit him why it was so much easier for her to do so. Unlike Jack, who at the time of losing Teri still had Kim, Michelle really didn’t have any family left. Her dad and brother had tried, but their own individual griefs of the past had resurfaced. Tony’s family had tried too, frantically flying in from Chicago to support her, but their own pain over losing Tony had overshadowed their ability to help Michelle. 

And above all else, neither family knew the truth. Only people within the government knew the true cause of Tony’s death. The same story about car troubles that the neighbours had been told was also spread to the rest of the world. Michelle suspected that they thought otherwise. After all, former agents don’t usually wake up to ‘random’ car malfunctions. But even if they wanted to ask, they knew they’d never get an answer. So the past few weeks, it had really just been her and him, occasionally with some visits by Audrey. Could he really blame her for having no desire to keep trying?

Michelle’s eyelids twitched. Her breaths grew hiccupy, Jack feeling their staccato rhythm patter against his body. Moving her hands upwards, her grip on his shirt tightened as she shivered. The shock of what she’d tried to do was getting to her now. He hushed her slowly and soothingly, rubbing her back.

He kissed the top of her head, voice trembling with his own shock. “Don’t ever do that to me again, please. I know it’s hard, I don’t blame you in the slightest, but please don’t.”

“I-I’m s-sorry.” Michelle murmured. “But Jack, I can’t do this anymore.” She choked out, starting to cry once more. 

He hardened his voice, blinking back his own tears. “Yes, you can.”

“It hurts, Jack, it hurts…” Michelle sobbed, curling into his chest. “Just make it go away, just make it stop…”

Jack knew Michelle didn’t mean her back, or her abdomen, which were still coated in bruises and scars. No, there were two aching, gaping hole in her heart that could only be filled by the man who loved her so, and the little boy she was never allowed to meet. After all, he had the same two holes in his heart too.

“I know…” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “I know…”

—

Audrey realised she’d forgotten her folio of CTU documents at Michelle’s house halfway along the way to CTU in the morning. The rain was starting up slowly again, dim city lights illuminating the droplets on her windscreen. It wasn’t quite light yet. Quickly, she made a u-turn and returned, running from the car to the cover of the verandah as fast as she could. 

The door was unlocked. Cautiously, she stepped into the house, calling out Jack’s name softly, not sure whether Michelle was still asleep. She furrowed her brow at the bathroom door being off of one of its hinges, noticing a few drops of dried blood on the floor. Dodging where Major lay sentry outside her door, she found Jack lying on top of the bed, rubbing Michelle’s hand with his thumb, almost listlessly. Tears had welled at the corners of his eyes. Audrey noticed the jagged line on Michelle’s wrist, peeking out from the wrap. She noticed the few streaks of dried blood that Jack had obviously missed when he’d wiped her arm. There were similar blotches on his hands. And on the pale sheets. Her stomach churned, as she understood and became aware of what had to have transpired in the night that had passed.

“Jack…” She whispered. He looked up, startled, then both of their eyes fell to Michelle.

“If it wasn’t for me, none of this would have happened. She wouldn’t be like this…she wouldn’t have to…”

Audrey squeezed her eyes shut, hearing Jack quietly cry, no longer able to contain his own grief. Audrey didn’t really know Michelle all that well, she admitted to herself. All she knew that she was far from the stone-faced, headstrong woman she’d seen running CTU eighteen months ago. She also knew she could relate to her pain on a personal level, and she knew that Jack felt at fault for what had happened. Overall, she knew that Michelle needed a home right now, with someone she could trust, and Jack needed to be the one to take care of her so he could find a way to forgive himself.

But she also knew that Jack needed someone too. Someone to remind him that things would get better.

“She’ll be okay…”

As much as she wanted to implore that over time Michelle would heal, that things would eventually be okay again, it was hard for her to say those words with any sense of conviction, looking at her now. She could picture it easily. How many nights she’d fallen asleep crying relentlessly in his arms, because he was someone who knew her pain. When she’d made a few brief visits during the day to drop off food or just check in, Michelle had usually been asleep, or at least lying in bed and making no effort to move. The few times they did cross paths, Michelle wouldn’t say anything, just offering a barely noticeable smile, as if to say she wasn’t unwelcome. That since Michelle had nothing in her to be there for Jack, someone who was grieving in much the way she was, then Audrey’s presence and kindness would suffice. Audrey realised the more and more she’d spoke to Jack just how terrified he was for her. And how much of his heart he was giving to take care of her. It made that small spark she’d felt for Jack when they’d reunited grow. Seeing him so soft, so gentle, so caring, made all those feelings from eighteen months ago come back. And Audrey realised she wanted to do the same for him. She wanted to take care of him, and make sure he knew that he was loved. 

To make sure he knew that he wasn’t on his own.

His eyes kept flitting back to Michelle, so worried, so concerned. Walking away for that brief moment was hard, but Audrey knew what she needed to do. She ducked out of the room, dialling quickly to apologise to Bill, saying she wasn’t coming in.

Jack furrowed his brow. 

“I’m staying.” She said quietly. “She shouldn’t be alone…and neither should you.”

A few nights later, Michelle woke up screaming and hyperventilating. Jack saw it coming, having watched her stir and talk in her sleep. He tried to subside it, stroking her back, telling her that she was okay. But whatever she saw, whatever horrific combination of memory and imagination her mind had conjured was simply too much for her to bear.  She was shaking like a leaf. Audrey had had to go to CTU urgently in the middle of the night just a little earlier. There’d been an incident with DOD, and being the primary liaison, she’d needed to be there.

“Hey…hey…Michelle….”

Michelle howled at the top of her lungs. Her breaths were rapid and sharp, separated only by intermittent whimpers, as though all the oxygen in the room had disappeared. She coughed helplessly, desperately gripping fistfuls of the sheets to stabilise herself. The sheets had become stained with her sweat, trickles of it running down her face, mixing with tears.

He ducked down to meet her gaze as she continued to cry out. The cries were so painful, so fraught with emotion, as though her heart had broken into countless tiny pieces, each piece making its presence known, creating short stabs throughout her whole body.  “Look at me…look at me, okay? Breathe with me…”

Something about the solidarity and insistence in his eyes seemed to help. The world was spinning, her mind was spinning, but he was stable, present, a constant in the myriad of chaos. She found his hand with her own and squeezed it.

Slowly her breaths began to match Jack’s, distinct, whole, intentional. Michelle cleared her throat, running a tired hand over her teary face through her hair. Wordlessly, gently, Jack moved her to lie across his lap as his hand found itself subconsciously stroking along her side. Just a simple, comforting motion to remind her that she wasn’t alone. That there was somebody out there who understood, at least partially, the pain and overwhelming grief she was experiencing. Someone who was living proof that moving on was possible.

“It just feels so real…” She croaked. “I got these after the hotel for ages. They’re not even dreams, it’s like I’m there all over again. I-I still feel like there’s smoke in my lungs, like my ears are ringing.”

“I know…I know… ” He sighed.

“A-and I can’t get over the fact that it was supposed to be me. The bomb was in my car, not his.” She shook her head. “I-I know it means Tony would have been dealing with the same pain that I am right now, and I would never want that for him, but…” Michelle sighed. “He would have handled it better. He wouldn’t be falling apart like I am.”

Jack squeezed his eyes shut.”Michelle I…I don’t know if that would have been the case. Maybe Henderson was just gaslighting me, but honest to god, if he handled grieving you and your son the way he handled your divorce, I don’t know what he would have been capable of. It terrifies me to be honest.”

She made a hesitant motion with her head but conceded. “You’re probably right. I-I can’t deny there was some truth to what he said. He’s impulsive when he’s emotional. I-I can see why Henderson would have wanted to use him.” Michelle sniffled a little before speaking woefully. “I wonder sometimes whether I should have left him in the first place. I-If I’d known I’d lose him so soon. Maybe I should have fought harder.”

“Oh, Michelle…” Jack rubbed her back in small circles. He knew how she felt. After Teri died, all he could keep thinking about was how he could have been a better husband and a better father. When Kim told him she didn’t want him in his life, that guilt had come back in full swing. But he’d watched Tony destroy himself. Jack had seen everything unfold. “I know you faced a lot of crap from everybody else, but I stood by you. You had every right to leave. Your happiness was, is, just as important, and he wasn’t himself anymore. He wasn’t the person you fell in love with.” He’d watched her fight with everything she had to keep their relationship from crumbling. But Tony’s path of self destruction had been too much. “We all tried getting through to him, I tried telling him what he was doing. You know he didn’t listen.” Jack suspired wistfully. “He was one of the closest friends I’ve ever had, and I miss him, not as much as you do, but god…I think back and sometimes he was such a stubborn ass when he wanted to be.”

Jack nearly stumbled over a beer bottle as he walked into the house. A house once filled with love and devotion that now felt half-empty. Tony sat, beer in hand, a few more scattered on the floor. The TV was on, but given the glazed expression on Tony’s face, Jack was pretty sure he didn’t know what was going on.

“What are you doing? What the fuck are you doing?”

He raised an eyebrow. “She’s the one who left me, Jack, I don’t see why I’m the one been interrogated.”

Rolling his eyes, Jack scoffed. “You are fucking up your relationship with Michelle the way I fucked mine up with Teri. This is exactly how we fell apart. Right after Nightfall, right after one of the worst things I’d ever faced, I blocked her out when I should have been letting her in.”

Tony glared at him. “This is different. She doesn’t know what it was like. You don’t know what it was like, Jack. You don’t think I’ve been trying to go back to normal and move on? I can’t even get a job stacking supermarket shelves without being shoved out the door.”

Jack sighed. “I’m not trying to act like I understand what prison was like and the aftermath. Believe me, I’m not. But what I’m seeing here is something that can be fixed. You’re just too proud to admit that, aren’t you? You’d rather sit there and wallow than admit that you’re ashamed about your time in there, or admit that you need her.”

His cheek twitched, Jack knowing that was a sign he’d struck a nerve. “Just get out, Jack.”

“Oh, so now you’re shutting me out too? For fuck’s sake, I am trying to help you.” His voice continued to escalate. “I am trying to stop you from destroying the only thing you have left.”

The bottle smashed against the wall, narrowly missing Jack’s head. A spray of beer hit his face.

“JUST GO!”

Conceding, Jack caught a glimpse of Tony’s teary eyes as he left, exhaling with a shudder.

“The day you walked back into CTU after I’d brought him in, I saw how much his expression changed. He was happy to be doing something with his life again, I could see that. But then when he looked at you…” He cleared his throat. “I think that was the moment he realised he’d screwed up. Sure took him long enough, but I know that he didn’t resent you for it. So you shouldn’t either. Sometimes people need to fall apart to fall back together. Unfortunately, you just weren’t able to be together again for very long.”

Michelle hummed in assent. She turned up to look at Jack, the sadness in his eyes, not pitiful but mutual. Because she knew he still fell victim to these same mental plagues. She’d hear him call Teri’s name, sometimes Kim’s in his sleep. “How do you deal with it? The nightmares?” 

He shrugged, laughing weakly. “Usually I just go outside and have a smoke. Wouldn’t recommend it. Heroin and booze aren’t so great either.” His eyes were still so full of concern, even as she narrowed hers at his. “Sorry…I just…No, I…I honestly don’t know. I think I’ve just gotten used to them.”

She bit her lip.“I’m sorry for everything that’s happened to you.”

Jack squeezed his eyes shut. “Me too…”

“Look I…I don’t want you doing this for me because you feel responsible. Tony, Chloe, Palmer…none of it was your fault.” She hardened her voice as much as she could.

Jack didn’t reply.

“It’s not your fault. Okay? Don’t do this to yourself.” Michelle looked him directly in the eyes.

“Michelle, you’re right. I’m doing this because there will always be a part of me that wants to spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you for what happened.” Her brow furrowed at him, slightly peeved. He let out a small laugh. “But more than anything, I’m doing this because you’re my friend and I care about you. And right now you’re in a very similar place to where I was nearly eight years ago. I didn’t handle it well. I didn’t deal with any of it properly. So if I see you get your life back, find a way to heal, find a way to keep going, that’ll help me. Because if I watch you fall apart the way I did…” He sighed, in a very sad and scared way. “It’s going to kill me.”

A tear rolled from her cheek onto his knee. Hearing her speak with so much reverence and compassion. Hearing the vulnerability in his voice, the fact that he was opening up to her so much. She’d seen a little of this side of him when he was in rehab, but not since. “Then we’ll both try. I’ll try and find a way to get my life back, but so should you. You and Audrey find a way to make it work, find a way to move past all that’s happened.”

Jack sighed, his lips pursing. Michelle could see the insecurity, the latent fear in his eyes. Reforming relationships was no easy feat when your life was as chaotic as his. When in a second everything could change and those closest to him would get hurt.

“Jack, I’m sick of watching the two of you make heart-eyes to each other in my kitchen. You two are as bad as Tony and I were at CTU the year before we got together. We spent months just gazing at each other across the bullpen, too scared to make the first move. And if this has taught me anything, it’s that life is too short.” She spoke with more conviction now, almost encouraging. “You’ve still got her. Don’t lose her.”

He supposed she was right.

Audrey was the one thing that had given him a glimmer of hope, a glimmer that moving on was not just possible, but achievable. 

So he’d be damned if he lost her again.

The storm had raged on for four days now, with thunder loud enough to seep its way into Michelle’s dreams, manifesting as the explosion that had changed everything. 

“Sorry…” She squeezed her eyes shut, upon seeing Audrey run into the room, presumably at the sound of her shrieks. Trying to catch her breath, she pulled her knees to her chest, running a tired hand over her face.

“It’s okay, really. I’ve been up anyway, waiting for Jack. You want to talk about it?”

Michelle shook her head, speaking grimly. “It’s the same thing, every time. I’m in the house, everything’s on fire, I run out, he’s dead.”

Audrey looked down, awkwardly. She’d had a few nightmares about Paul dying, but not vividly. And she was quite sure they hadn’t been so bad to leave her screaming the way Michelle’s or Jack’s seemed to. “I’m sorry.”

She shrugged. “It’s not your fault.”

“Do you need water or anything before I go?” Audrey asked after a beat.

“N-no, I’m okay.”

Audrey walked to the door but hesitated. The storm had no sign of letting up, she knew that if Michelle fell back asleep, the nightmares would simply return in their full ferocious form. “Do you want me to stay?”

Michelle made a so-so motion, as though not wanting to inconvenience her. “If you don’t mind.” She said in a small voice.

“That’s what I’m here for.” Audrey smiled, before walking over to the bed and sitting cross-legged on the opposite side. Major had jumped onto the bed by this point. Audrey scratched under his ears, grabbing the pull rope he’d brought with him. Major growled, trying to yank it back.

“Someone’s a little antsy after being stuck inside, huh?” Michelle teased, rubbing under his belly to distract him. “Suppose that’s my fault. I think he’s sick of having Jack walk him, probably misses me.” She let out a weak laugh.

“I always wanted a dog when I was younger. But because of dad’s work, we couldn’t have one. Too hard with all the moving around.” She mused, quietly. “Maybe we can walk him together when the rain clears up.”

Michelle stroked the dog’s back. “He was an anniversary present. Tony….” Her voice cracked a little at the mention of his name. “Tony had an undercover mission, didn’t want me to be alone for three months. I gave him to my brother after we got divorced and I went to Seattle. But then…the day I came back to visit him to tell him we’d gotten back together, I realised how much I missed having Major around, so I took him back.” 

They continued to play with him for a while, but when Michelle yawned and settled back into her reclined position, still intent on getting some sleep before dawn, Major took the cue to step off the bed. For a while, Audrey occupied herself by listening to Michelle’s breathing settle. Despite having made some decent physical progress in the weeks she’d been there, she could still see so much sadness behind the woman’s eyes. But she was improving, she knew. Slowly, but surely, she was healing. There was a fight in her, a need to try and get her life back.

“He wanted to tell you, you know.” Audrey looked confused as she gazed down at Michelle. “Jack.” she clarified, clearing her throat. “He actually wrote you and Kim both letters, explaining everything. But Tony…” Michelle sighed. “Tony made him throw them out, it was too much of a risk.” Audrey looked away. “I know you probably think it was to do with trust or commitment, I don’t blame you, but it wasn’t, I swear. He wanted you both to be completely unaware so if someone came after you and tried to press for information, they’d leave you alone. He kept you in the dark because he loves you. And considering what’s happened now…I think he made the right call.”

Audrey still hadn’t said a word. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, Michelle had hit the nail on the head. The fact that Jack hadn’t told her had upset her. She felt as his long-term girlfriend that she’d had the right to know, if only to know that he was safe. The way Kim reacted was only a slightly less mature, slightly louder expression of the same kind of betrayal she’d felt. And really, she probably wouldn’t have reacted in such a way if it wasn’t for what had happened with Paul mere hours earlier. But seeing objectively, the turmoil that had resulted, Audrey realised she couldn’t hold it against him, or Michelle, Tony, and Chloe any more. Logically, she understood why, now. She and Kim had to look like they were grieving, because in the long run, it kept him safe. Jack was back in her life now, and he certainly wasn’t brushing over everything like it was no big deal. It had paid off, in a way.

She understood that his presence here was far beyond Jack helping a friend in need. She recalled his descriptions of his relationship with Tony, the sheer brotherhood between them. They didn’t always agree on the same things. But they could always trust each other, no matter what. And Audrey understood that that was part of the reason he was helping Michelle, and likewise, why Michelle could confide in him. CTU had brought them all together with such ferocity, Audrey wouldn’t be able to understand even if she tried. She just wouldn’t.

Audrey nodded slowly in response, acknowledging her gratitude. “That…that means a lot.” She wiped under her eyes. “All those months when he was gone, I was so conflicted. I was heartbroken, I was devastated. But I was still so angry, so confused. I-it had happened all at once. And then I hated myself for being angry with him. I hated myself for being angry with a dead man. I kept telling myself I was being selfish, that I had no right to-“

“So much happened to you that day. You saw a side of Jack you never thought you would, you lost Paul, you lost Jack. Even if he didn’t actually die, you dealt with the pain of losing him. Grief is…complicated.”

Feeling for once that her feelings were validated, Audrey let out a noise of assent. That maybe she did have a right to have been upset at him.

“And Audrey, for the love of god, go on a date with him already.”

“What?” She was taken aback at the abruptness.

“Seriously, I mean it. I’m doing better now, you don’t have to worry about me so much anymore. You two deserve to be happy. You deserve…” She sniffled, looking over at the framed wedding picture on her bedside table. Her next sentence came out weakly, but she took a deep breath to try and bolster it anyway. “You deserve to have the happy family that Tony and I couldn’t.”

Audrey noticed the now healed, yet still puckered scar on Michelle’s wrist. She remembered how terrified Jack had been to lose her, how protective he’d been. And because she loved Jack, Audrey realised, that she’d grown to care for Michelle as a genuine friend too. They had a bond of having suffered similarly. They had a bond of knowing what it was like to lose someone they love.

“I had a miscarriage as well.” Audrey spoke thickly after a beat. “Back when I was still married to Paul. So I do know how you feel, at least a little.”

Michelle let out a breath. “How far along were you?”

“About five months. It was supposed to be a little girl. We were going to name her after my mother.” Audrey trailed off wistfully.

“We’d just found out we were having a boy. As soon as we did, we knew we wanted to name him after Jack.”

Audrey’s hand crept up, rubbing Michelle’s arm as another bolt of lightning flashed. “I’m sorry you had to lose him. Losing your husband was bad enough, but to have this as well…it’s wrong.” She sighed, before speaking with more conviction. “But if anyone can get through it, it’s you. You’re stronger than I could ever be.” She settled into a similar reclined position against the headboard, looking down at Michelle who had pulled the covers over her.

“Which is why I’m saying you and Jack need to make the most of it. You can’t just keep waiting around. It won’t be worth it.”

“I guess I’m just a little insecure that he doesn’t feel the same way.” She mumbled.

Michelle rolled her eyes. “Audrey. Every time Jack called Tony and I on the burner phone, he always asked about you. I-I mean we had sort of lost touch, I felt bad I couldn’t really tell him anything. But the point is, he always asked about Kim, and then about you. He loves you. Honest to god, he does, Audrey.” She gazed up at her, eyes full of honesty. There was so much determination there, determination for two of her friends to be happy. For them to be happy despite what they’d already suffered.

“Thanks.” She replied, quietly. “I guess I can’t argue with that.”

“Of course.” Michelle mumbled, leaning in slightly, clenching as thunder sounded again. “And…thank you for being there for me. We didn’t exactly know each other that well before…everything, but you’ve done so much for me. Even just knowing that someone’s there to feed the dog or buy groceries in case, it really means a lot. And I know Jack would tell you that too if he wasn’t so sheepish.”

Audrey laughed softly, not minding that she was trying to talk to someone who was already half-asleep. “It’s been no trouble at all, really. And it’s been nice getting to know you, albeit under very sad circumstances.”

And eventually, both of them fell asleep, feeling as though there’d been a form of understanding established between them.

When Jack eventually returned in the early hours of the morning, he was initially scared when Audrey wasn’t in her usual position on the left of the foldout. Cautiously, he crept into Michelle’s room, only to sigh with relief when he arrived. Michelle had buried her face into Audrey’s side, who had an arm around her. Smiling, he pulled up the quilt which had fallen slightly, covering them more. Even as the thunder roared, neither of them stirred, to which he was glad. 

“Thank you…” He whispered, before returning to the sofa.

Her hand trembled as the engine died down, causing the paper bag the flowers were in to crinkle. 

“Are you sure you’re up for this?”

She nodded quickly. “I-I need to. It’s been long enough.”

“That’s not what I asked.” Jack cocked an eyebrow.

Michelle took a deep breath. “I’ll be fine, I promise.”

It was the first time they’d visited the graves since the funerals. She’d barely had the chance to grieve properly when she’d been there. Mainly because she’d been so out of it due to the hoard of medication blurring her mind. Jack on the other hand had been distracted. Looking out for Michelle, looking out for Audrey, trying to keep a stern face. 

They’d tried to do this a few times now, but each time, Michelle hadn’t been able to bring herself to get out of the car, practically convulsing with fear and overwhelm at the mere thought of reading his name etched in stone. Jack had simply reassured her, told her that she could take as long as she needed to be ready to face it, and then laid the flowers on her behalf, promising Michelle that he’d say hello for her. Her brother had done similarly for their mother’s grave, another person Michelle hadn’t been able to visit since Tony died.

All the colour in her face had drained when he parked the car. Her bottom lip was wobbling.

Jack understood. “Not today?”

Michelle shook her head quickly, passing the flowers over to him without making any eye-contact, opting instead to stare out the car window. He left, fumbling a little trying to hold both bouquets for Tony and Chloe in his hand. 

She hated herself every time this happened. She’d tell herself that she could do it, that she could finally start acting the way most widows do, regularly visiting and talking to their spouses. But the mere concept of visiting his headstone was so profuse to her, it rendered her motionless every time they got to this stage. Usually it happened on the way, a small cry turned into a flood of tears, and Jack knew to simply pull over and return home. Other times it would happen at the florist they normally stopped at, feeling suffocated by the array of sympathy cards and the pungent smell of the flowers. She’d never made it all the way there before, something she at least had to admit was progress.

When he returned, she wasn’t sure how long later, Michelle could tell he’d been crying.

“I told him and Chloe you love them.”

She squeezed her eyes shut. “Thank you…” She whispered.

They went to Chloe first, letting the tears fall silently at first, so pained that her fierce loyalty to Jack was her demise. Jack had then sobbed into her shoulder, and she’d rubbed his back, crying equally as hard.

“She was innocent in all of this, why did it have to be her?” He spoke brokenly. “Why did it have to be any of you?”

“Shhh…shh…it’s okay.” Michelle felt an ounce of strength rise within her. So long had he been there to comfort her, she needed to remind him that she was there for him too. That they were grieving together. That it wasn’t a competition of who was closer to who.  Both of their feelings were completely and wholly valid.

Jack took Michelle to Tony’s grave, knowing that the day of the funeral she was far too medicated to have processed it. When they arrived, the words engraved on the headstone setting into Michelle’s mind, she let out a tiny snivel, and Jack felt a heartstring snap. Her body started to shake, so gently, he lowered Michelle to her knees, allowing her to lay the carnations and take it all in. She listlessly brushed her thumb over the corner of the marble slab. For a while she just breathed slowly, the wind moving the leaves around her. 

“Do you want some time to talk to him alone?” He murmured, squeezing her shoulder. She agreed with a slight movement of her head. “I’ll go to see Teri, she’s just over there.” He indicated with his hand. “Take as long as you need.”

As he left, the hand that curved around the headstone fell to the dry grass.

“Hey…Hey, honey…” Michelle gulped. “I-I’m not sure what to say, really. I don’t really have an idea of where you might be. Whatever the case, I just hope that you’re not in pain, that you’re at peace.” She took in a shuddering breath, clutching at her shirt with one hand, feeling as though her heart would burst. Looking up, she saw Jack kneeling similarly to her, a few rows over. His head was hung despondently, but he was still.

“I’ve been a mess.” She croaked, loudly. “I’ve been a god-damn mess, Tony. Losing you is hard. Losing him is hard. Losing you both is impossible.” Her voice squeaked a little at the end. “Every day I wake up and I miss you. I miss him. J-just as I was getting used to waking up next to you again, now you’re not there anymore. I-I can’t bring myself to take down the nursery but my heart aches every time I walk past it. I-I hear the dog bark and for a split second, I think it’s because you’ve come home, but you haven’t. I-I have to keep telling myself that you’re not on some mission, that you aren’t coming home, and you never will.” She let out another sob. “I-I have to remind myself to feed the dog in the morning because you would always get up before me. I-it’s weird to open the fridge and not see the pastrami that I absolutely cannot stand but you love, or the ice cream that you used to hide behind the peas in the freezer, but I always knew was there.” A small laugh escaped her. “I-I’m constantly reminded that you’re not here, yet I still can’t seem to process it.”

She laughed again, almost in disbelief. “Y-you’d think after all the time we spent apart this would have been an easy adjustment, but it’s not. It’s not because this time I know you’re not coming back. I-I feel so lost, not knowing what’s going to happen anymore.” Michelle wiped under her eye, sniffling. “I finally felt like everything was going well, everything was going right. We had the business, we had us, we had our little boy on the way. All that ever came to mind when I thought about the future was just that: our family and our livelihood. And now it’s all gone.” The hand that was wiping her face hit her thigh. “It’s gone.” 

Michelle allowed herself to cry a little more, not as violently as she’d done in the past, but just enough to release the tightness in her chest. “I don’t want to feel like this anymore. W-when I tried to hurt myself, I-it didn’t feel right.  It didn’t feel like it was going to fix anything. But then I remembered when you told me that people start over every day if it’s important to them. So I guess that’s my only choice now, to start over. Because if it’s one thing I know, it’s that I want to try. And I know that you would want me to try. All you’ve ever wanted, all we’ve ever wanted for each other is to be safe and to be happy. Because the last thing I want to do is let you down again like I did when I left you.”

She paused, brushing away a curl that had blown into her face. “So I’m going to keep coming back here, and making sure you know I’m okay. I-I want you to hold me accountable. I want to make sure that every time I see you, I’m stronger.” Kissing her fingers, she placed them on the top of the headstone, using it to support her as she stood. “I’m going to go now. Just know that I love you…I love you so much, Tony.” She whispered the next part so softly, one would need to be an inch away to hear it. “And I hope our little boy is with you.”

Meeting Jack at Teri’s grave, they embraced, bodies still a little shaky, cheeks stained with tears, grips tight and affirming. Looking down, she read the inscription there, not having seen it before. Jack noticed this, and gave her time to absorb.

“What do you like to talk about? With Teri?” Her question was soft, almost child-like.

He shrugged. “Normally I talk about Kim. Talk about how proud she’d be of her.” The mention of Kim’s name thinned his voice. He coughed to clear it. “Sometimes…” Jack let out a small laugh through his nose. “I like to try and imagine what our second child would have looked like. If it was a girl…probably not that different to Kim. If it was a boy, I try to picture it. Kim seemed to get a lot from me, so I wonder if our other kid would have taken after Teri more. Gentler, more optimistic.”

She hummed sympathetically. “Tony always said Teri was kind. He would have been a good kid. Scary, too, depending on how much of you he got.”

Jack rolled his eyes, chuckling a little. “Teri was a visionary. She had this way of looking at the future, of seeing the good in everything. The way…the way…”

“People in our line of work don’t?” Michelle offered.

He let out a huff. “Yeah. Exactly.”

“What do you think mine would have been like?” She rested her head on his shoulder, fatigued, observing the deep orange hues of the sky.

Jack paused, thinking carefully. “You both would have made sure he was a good person. Would have made sure he stood up for what was right, stood up for those who couldn’t stand up for themselves. If he’d gotten more of you, he would have had a head full of your hair, for one.” Michelle snickered. “And if he took after Tony more, and ended up with his attitude? God help the both of you.”

She had to laugh at that, playfully punching his arm as he smirked. “Hey…that’s my kid you’re talking about.”

It was getting darker, the sun having already set, so they walked back to the car. Michelle didn’t want to ruin the slightly bittersweet mood they’d left things on, but she’d been meaning to bring it up again for a while, and now seemed like an appropriate time. 

“Look, Jack…” He turned to face her, blue eyes, now slightly drier, staring inquisitively. “I know you still feel like it’s your duty to do this for me. Like it’s your fault they died.”

He tutted. “Their blood is on my hands, Michelle. If you hadn’t hel-“

She glared back at him. “You didn’t put the bomb in my car, Jack! Or in Chloe’s!” Her voice had escalated, speaking with more fire than he’d heard in months. “You are not responsible for this Jack. It’s breaking my heart that you’re putting this on you. You need to forgive yourself, Jack. Please. And not just for Tony and Chloe. For everyone. Including Ryan. Including Teri.”

His grip tightened on the steering wheel, eyes squeezing shut. 

“When I first found out he was murdered, I lost it completely. Obviously. You were there. I-I don’t know what possessed me that day but the fact is, I was angry enough to try to get Henderson. Then the sadness hit me and I didn’t think surviving was worth it. More than anything, I was just shocked and felt like a fool for believing things would be okay. When we were both working at CTU, we had accepted that each day serving our country could be our last, and that was okay. Had I lost him in those early years? Of course I would have been sad, but it wouldn’t have been all that surprising.” She huffed. 

“B-but then he was the one who told me that our only chance of healing and having a family was leaving CTU. And I tried to believe him, but part of me had always, still, I don’t know, ‘planned’ I guess for the worst case scenario. I knew losing one of them would be hard, but bearable. If I’d lost Tony, I would have given everything to our son. If I’d lost our son, Tony would have been there to support me, we could have tried again. The thought of losing both of them never even occurred to me. So when it did, it terrified me.  The point is…” She let out a breath. “Through all the thinking I did, not once did I think about blaming you. So you shouldn’t either.” Her voice hardened.

Jack didn’t say anything, opting instead to start the car up, driving home in silence. She couldn’t read his facial expression.

“Thank you.” He mumbled. “Thank you for reminding me that not everything is my fault.”

“It’s the truth, Jack. If I’m going to try and work on putting my life back together, can you at least do that for me? Work on not hating yourself so much?”

He clasped his hand over hers. “Yeah…”

She watched the water flow into the cup from the tap. The blonde figure on the couch moved.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you.”

“No, it’s fine.” Audrey yawned. “Just waiting up for him.”

Michelle furrowed her brow. “He’s not home yet?”

The movement of her head indicated otherwise. “I’m sure he just got sent out on a field mission.” Her face screwed up with uncertainty. “But normally he calls to let me know.” Now worried, she attempted to call him. There was no response, opting instead to leave a shaky voice mail. She then called Bill. 

“Hey, do you have an ETA on Jack? I know something probably came up suddenly but-“

“ETA?”

Michelle watched Audrey bite the inside of her cheek. “He’s out in the field, isn’t he?”

“Audrey…I sent him home over two hours ago. I can check the security feed, hang on…”

Her eyes widened. Michelle moved closer, clutching the glass in her hand.

Bill cursed under his breath. “Someone took him. They knew to hide in the blindspots, but I could see a bag go over his head, and a needle into his arm.”

Audrey’s heart began to race.

“Cheng. Cheng Zhi. It has to be.” Michelle spoke gravely.

“What?” Bill heard Michelle’s realisation. “We sorted that out with the consulate weeks ago.”

Michelle shook her head. “Not with Cheng. I was the one that spoke to him the most that day. He was out for blood, Bill. He won’t let government orders stop him, he’s been waiting for the opportunity.” Audrey put the phone on speaker as Michelle went into the study to grab her laptop. Fervidly, she logged in, delving through layers of encryption and files. “Chloe had managed to set up a pipeline to Cheng’s computer all those months ago. She had given me access.”

“You?”

She sighed. “Tony would have killed me if he knew I’d left any kind of attachment to him. So I told Chloe to direct it to me only.”

Cheng’s desktop was brought up onto Michelle’s computer. Everything was in Mandarin. She was pretty sure Chloe hadn’t actually done much with it.

“Here.” Audrey dragged it closer to her. “I’ve been looking through consulate documents for months, I’m no expert, but I think I might be able to help.”

Nodding, Michelle allowed Audrey to investigate, giving her suggestions along the way. “Try his calendar, his email, anything. See if there’s some kind of meeting, some kind of way to create an alibi.”

Audrey’s finger traced lightly along the characters. “There. That’s today’s date. And I think that means ‘port’.”

“Port as in…” Michelle picked up the phone. “Bill, they’ve got him on a ship.”

“A ship?”

“Think about it, the easiest way to traffic him out of the country is to hide him in a large shipment. We need to check all manifests for all the ports near Los Angeles, figure out if any are headed to China.”

“I’ll get Edgar on it. In the mean time…you and Audrey get down here. You know better than anyone who we’re dealing with, Michelle. You know all the details of how Jack’s death was faked. You’re the only chance we’ve got of getting him in time.”

She never expected to be where she was right now ever again. Headset in ear, coloured flashing screens surrounding her, her mind in a million places at once. Michelle had said goodbye to CTU. It was over, she knew that. She’d agreed well over eighteen months ago now to do that. Of course she also never expected to be in this position in her pyjamas, with her hair frazzled, and feet clad in dog-chewed slippers. But when Michelle had heard the exigency in Bill’s voice, had felt the fear that she could lose Jack grow within her, she hadn’t hesitated.

The fierceness and command in her tone of voice returned so naturally to her. Nobody dared to bat an eye or question her authority. Although it pained her not seeing Chloe in her usual desk spot. They had some good analysts on their team, but it still wasn’t the same, it still wasn’t as fierce as it could have been with her there.

“There’s nothing here, Michelle.” Curtis huffed over the receiver. “The boats must have left already.”

“W-we’ll sweep the satellite footage but for now…” Michelle sighed. “Just regroup and come back.”

They’d lost him? In a matter of hours? Did they even know where these boats were going? Were they sure it was China? Was it safe to assume he was even…alive still? Or would stay alive?

Audrey had sat and waited in one of the conference rooms, scanning the legal documents from the Chinese consulate discussion. She wanted to make sure there were no loopholes, no possible way for him to be taken legally. This couldn’t be right, surely? They had a right to find him, surely? She realised as she did this how anxious she was. Understandably of course, his life was on the line. But through being there for him while he was being there for Michelle, Audrey felt her relationship with him reform. He had seemed so hesitant. She thought that was because of attachments formed to his new life in hiding. She hadn’t pried either, knowing how unbearable those months must have been, how unbearable he must be feeling even now. 

When Michelle came in, a horrified expression painted on her face, Audrey could hear her heart pounding in her ears. The words that came out were incoherent to her, drowning out in a sea of buzzes and yells. Her mouth fell agape, lip quivering.

“I-I don’t understand, they have no right to take him, h-how?”

Michelle simply shrugged, running a hand through her hair, eyes wide and shocked. “I-I don’t know.”

“Michelle, I’m calling the consulate, I need you in Conference Room B.” Bill’s voice sounded through the comm.

“O-okay, I’m coming.” She pressed her finger to the earpiece. “I-I’m so sorry Audrey.”

Just like the day she’d been told he died, the papers fell from her limp hand, and she let out a stifled sob, although this time her shock and grief was not muted by the anger she’d held towards him over Paul’s death. No, this time, Audrey was fully and wholly aware of her love for Jack.

It hit her at this moment that he had missed her just as much as she had missed him. 

And how terrified she was to lose him.

And as Jack sat, half-awake in the dark, damp basement of the ship, he realised that he was about to cause Audrey and everybody else that same pain he had eighteen months ago.  He hated himself for it. Hated himself for what he did then, still hated himself for what was happening now. Michelle’s reassurance at the cemetery had helped. Hearing it from somebody else, especially someone as honest as she, helped to ease the heaviness of the guilt within him. Jack also knew that he’d potentially hurt Audrey the most. Kim he knew always had some form of expectation that she’d lose him to something related to CTU. It was why she’d distanced herself from everything he supposed. But Audrey hadn’t. He’d seen it in her eyes when they’d first had a chance to speak properly to each other, he felt so relieved knowing that she was pleased to see him, pleased to help him and be there for him. 

But that was over now, he accepted. 

He was paying his dues.

And despite everything, despite all the contingency and care, the people he loved were suffering for it.

Again.