He had dressed himself, shaved, made himself at least appear to be more than just a shell of a man. But he could still feel the disgusting humidity of the place where he was kept, smell its putrid stench, feel the insects crawling over him. Jack had to remind himself that he was home. Or at least, Los Angeles. But this semblance of bliss wasn’t going to last, he was sure. Truth be told, he didn’t know what to believe. First he thought he’d be imprisoned in China forever. Then a simple phone call and a blindfolded plane ride had changed that. Then he thought he was being sentenced to death by Abu Fayed. That had changed too. He’d ended up working with Curtis and Assad throughout the day. There’d been some initial hiccups given Curtis and Assad’s previous relationship, but thankfully Jack and Michelle had been able to talk him down. With Jack holding him at gunpoint and Michelle’s voice in his comm, telling him that having once been in the same position, she knew that killing him wouldn’t solve anything. Somehow hearing it from her had given him the will to lower the gun from Assad’s head, and surrender. Seeing the bomb detonate in Valencia seconds later, it brought him back to reality. Curtis had realised that Assad’s information was the only thing with any power to stop more of those bombs being detonated.
Eventually, they managed to expose the involvement of BXJ Technologies, and track down all of the remaining nukes. Facing his family again had been no easy feat, given how many years and how much had happened since then. His father had been arrested for Graem’s murder, among other things. Marilyn and Josh had been taken to a safe-house. Everything seemed to have worked out.
So right now it seemed that aside from the remaining clean-up and aftermath of the bomb detonation, it was over.
Jack took a minute to notice the dynamic of CTU. To see how it had changed over the last two years. It was an exercise for his memory too. For so long he’d been screaming and trying to pry the vicious hallucinations and images from his mind, he’d forgotten that there was important information somewhere in there. Bill was running a tight ship it seemed, a wedding band on his finger. Michelle appeared to be second-in-command. A little more put-together than the last memory he had of her. No, scratch that. Much more put-together. At this moment she almost looked like the person she was before the day that destroyed everything. Edgar was still at his desk, with a slightly greater edge of confidence than before. Curtis he’d seen and worked with, not so different there. There were new faces around the place too. Milo Pressman, who he’d last seen as a scrawny fresh-out-of-college analyst was now sharper, more mature-looking. He noticed Milo’s eyes continuously flitting over to the woman he believed to be named Nadia. When he was intently staring at his screen, she would do the same. It hurt him just a little bit to think of Tony and Michelle, how CTU had brought them together in such a similar way. Morris O’Brian, who he hadn’t seen since Chloe’s funeral, was waving his hands around about something, but only gave Jack a look of sympathy when they made eye-contact, not the sheer hatred he was expecting. Time had healed some wounds, he supposed. Chloe’s absence however still stuck out like a sore thumb to him.
But he couldn’t figure out where Audrey was? Had she moved back to DC with her father? Was she on her way? Was she even able to fly to LA, given the bomb?
Michelle came in to the medical ward where he sat, the strong-faced, authoritative mask she’d worn all day finally softening. It was just the two of them.
He stood up, and she threw her arms around him, sniffling.
“I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay…” His voice was still a little cracked. He’d gone from two years of silence to half a day of screaming and yelling, after all.
“No, it’s not. It shouldn’t have taken this long. It shouldn’t have taken a terrorist to get you home.” She sounded as though she were blaming herself.
“I did what I had to do, Michelle.” He whispered. “It’s not yours or anybody else’s fault except my own.” Jack pulled back from the hug to look at her tear-stained eyes. “I’m here now, it’s all over.”
She sighed, sitting down across from him. Jack noticed that she still appeared sad. Not just exhausted or relieved or emotionally drained, but sad, as though she were holding something back. Every time Michelle met his gaze, she looked away, as if she were trying to say something, but couldn’t bring herself to.
“Michelle…something happened, didn’t it?” He said, softly. “Something you’re not telling me.”
Her eyes squeezed shut. Before she could try opening her mouth, the comm in her ear beeped. Jack couldn’t hear the other side.
“O-okay, Nadia, thanks.”
Straightening her skirt, she stood. Turning, she prepared to leave, but hesitated. Looking back at him, she extended her hand.
“Just…” She took in a large breath. “Just come with me.”
Michelle lead him down the hall, slightly renovated but nonetheless structured the same as it always had been. Two guards stepped aside to let them both in. It wasn’t the interrogation room he expected. No, not one bit. It was painted a soft yellow, with toys, and a plush rug. Not the cold, hard, menacing cell it once was. A crib was at the centre. She walked towards it, and the demeanour in her voice became so gentle, so caring. He stood still near the closed door, watching her. As Michelle lifted the baby up, Jack noticed the details becoming apparent as she walked towards him.
He was blonde with bright, blue eyes. Maybe around a year old. The onesie was candy-striped. The baby smiled at him. Jack couldn’t help but smile back. Michelle murmured something to him and he giggled. A sound so blissful, so happy. A sound Jack never thought he’d hear again. With her free hand, Michelle wiped another tear under her eye. They were standing closer now. He squirmed, reaching out towards him. Jack indicated with his own that he was happy to hold him. Looking closer, he could see so much more of his features. The nose, the ten, tiny fingers, the facial expressions.
Then it hit him like a truck. His face contorted, absolutely bewildered.
“He’s…” He started.
“He’s yours, Jack.” Her voice broke as she nodded. “Yours and Audrey’s.”
“Oh my god…” His voice fell, looking more intently, holding the baby even more securely, feeling the right to protect him consume him. Memories came back to him piece by piece. The dinner Michelle had booked for the two of them a few weeks before he’d been taken. How quickly it had escalated, how quickly those old feelings had resurfaced, leading them to rekindle their intimacy in the back of Audrey’s car. “Where is she? Where’s Audrey, Michelle?” The panic in his voice grew, so overwhelmed with emotion, with shock, with fear.
Michelle looked away, running a hand through her hair. “S-she’s missing, Jack. She went looking for you, about half a year ago, we’ve lost all contact with her since.”
His face screwed up in pain, looking down at his son again, who had become distracted, gripping the fabric on Jack’s shirt. “She left him?”
Her head tilted in a so-so motion. “She…she was at her breaking point, I think. Y-you see, when she found out…” Michelle sniffled again. “It was only a few days after you were taken. A-and I think between trying to avoid bringing up the fear of miscarrying from what had happened with Paul, and her faith in CTU…she was so happy. Maybe that second part was my fault, maybe I made it seem to her that it would be easy getting you out. But she made every damn effort to be as optimistic as she could. She was…” A small laugh escaped her. “She was glowing throughout the pregnancy. I-I helped her as much as I could. I held her hand in labour, I was there with her right after, always at her place or mine.” Michelle winced. “But then the postpartum hit a few months later…”
She woke up to the sound of him crying. It was strange. Audrey was always up before her, miraculously happy and full of energy despite everything going on around her. Although lately that hadn’t been the case. Getting up and going into the nursery, she noticed nobody was there. Michelle was quick to pick him up, gently cooing. She called Audrey’s name a few times. Even Major barked a few times, as though he were looking for her too. Walking into the living room, she noticed a large envelope on the coffee table. A sticky note was attached.
“Take care of him for me.”
Quickly, she set him in the high chair and opened the papers fervidly. Enclosed were legal documents. Everything that someone would write if they were giving somebody custody of their child.
“Oh god…no…”
She assumed the worst. Of course she did. After all, Michelle was in a reasonably similar position not so long ago.
But a few calls to Secretary Heller later, and apparently she’d booked herself a flight to China. A relief, knowing she was alive at least. She’d tried to get in contact with her as soon as possible, trying to talk some sense into her.
Audrey had never answered the phone.
Jack sighed, still trying to keep a straight face so his son wouldn’t know any better. His mind was taking him back to when he held Kim the first time. That memory was immediately replaced by the sound of her voice on the phone. The sound of her telling him she couldn’t have him in her life anymore.
“I-it’s a lot to take in, I know. But…but everyone’s been supportive. He hasn’t been deprived of love, I’ve made sure of that. A-and I’ve checked in on Kim too. She’s okay…”
His lips pursed as he nodded. “H-his name?”
She smiled crookedly. “James…after…”
“Her father.” He finished.
“His middle name is Anthony…” Michelle’s eyes crinkled. “Told me it was after the man who saved her life.”
Jack realised he could still remember that day like it was yesterday. When he didn’t know who or what to trust anymore, Tony had been the only one to pull through. For him and for Audrey.
They sat for a while, watching him play with his toys on the floor, an occasional question being asked between them. For a moment, they almost forgot they were still in CTU.
Michelle’s cell suddenly buzzed. She stepped towards the door, walking out into the hallway.
“Dessler.”
“Don’t let him leave.” The voice was female, familiar, but slightly modulated.
Her eyebrows knitted. “What? Who-?”
“Cheng Zhi is still being debriefed at CTU, yes? Do not let him leave. There are agents from the consulate coming for his arrest. He’ll try and make a run for it.”
Tears of confusion welled in her eyes again. “A-Audrey?”
The voice became less serious, more kind. “I-I’ll be there soon, I’ll explain everything, but for now, just stall Cheng and do not let him leave.”
They were packing up papers and shaking hands as Michelle entered. The debrief was over, she needed to think of a way to keep him there as long as possible. Cheng looked up at her, curious.
She cleared her throat. “Where’s Audrey Raines?”
Bill’s brow furrowed, as he turned to face her. “What?”
Michelle didn’t face him. She continued to stare at Cheng who narrowed his eyes at her. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. Audrey Raines flew to China six months ago, and nobody has had any contact with her since. And given how important she is to Jack, I wouldn’t put it past you to have had some hand in that.”
“Quite an accusation, Miss Dessler. Care to back it up?”
Bill grabbed her bicep and pulled her aside, his blue eyes piercing into her. “What the hell are you doing?” He gritted through his teeth. “After how many hours, we’ve just negotiated Jack not being taken back to China. Don’t test him now. I know Audrey means a lot to you but-”
“Bill, just play along for now, I promise you, I can explain everything, ju-”
The door opened again. Two guards came in, followed by a blonde woman. Her hair was longer than it was last time, eyes heavy with fatigue. But her voice was strong.
“By orders of the Chinese government, you’re under arrest Mr. Zhi.”
A noise of confusion came out of Bill’s mouth, but fell quiet, as Audrey continued to speak. She explained that his long-term hidden corruptions, briberies, and blackmails had been uncovered. That he hadn’t quite erased everything as well as he’d thought. That the precedence of these crimes, and the harbouring of fugitives at the consulate meant he had had no right to punish Jack as harshly as he had. Cheng sneered at her. She then repeated everything in perfect Mandarin. Walking forward, she stared daggers into him. His face paled. Clearly what she had said had had some effect on him.
The guards, presumably from the consulate, proceeded to cuff him, as he shouted and swore in protest.
“Audrey? My god, everybody thought you were…” Bill started.
She sighed. “I-I had to go dark. I realised that the only way to make him pay for what he did, what he did to you and to everybody else, was using Chinese law. We’d been going about it wrong the whole time, trying to focus on Jack’s innocence as an American. What we needed to do was find a way to show Cheng’s guilt as a Chinese. I-I had a friend in the embassy there, we’ve been working together. But as we dug up records, we realised how many moles Cheng had in consulates all over. S-so we couldn’t let anything connect back to the US, because we knew he’d figure it out. As soon as you and Fayed and President Palmer made the deal, I knew I had to time my movements carefully.”
They stared at her flabbergasted as she continued to explain, before giving a sheepish smile.
Michelle shook her head in disbelief, pulling Audrey into a hug. “You scared the crap out of me, you know that?”
Audrey let out a weak laugh, squeezing tightly back. “Sorry…won’t happen again, I can promise that.” Her grip froze. “James, is he…?” Her voice had lost its determined edge now.
Michelle nodded. “He’s here. I’ll show you.”
Walking down the hall, Michelle took Audrey to where her son was. As the universe would have it, he was awake.
The sound was heartbreaking. When she hovered over the crib into his field of view, the sound that escaped his tiny throat after a moment’s hesitation and recognition, was absolutely, god-damn heartbreaking. It was the sound of confusion, of relief, of joy, of profuse emotion. She cried too, at hearing the sound of his wails, at feeling his weight wriggle around in her arms for the first time in what felt like an eternity. In just six months, he’d grown so much, the way babies seem to do in those early stages. Gently she rocked him, cooing softly.
“I-I’m home, it’s okay, it’s okay, I’m sorry, sweetie, I’m sorry, mommy’s here, I’m here, I’m here…”
Michelle felt herself tear up too. At first it was because of the sight of the mother and son reunited, but then the reality of the situation occurred her. With Jack and Audrey back, was she even needed anymore? For the last half a year, really the last two, she’d been able to experience the joys of raising a child, something she never thought she’d ever have the opportunity to do again. Of course, losing two of her close friends was never how she wanted it to happen, but nonetheless, she’d grown incredibly attached to James. She loved him. She’d been there for everything start to finish. How was she supposed to just give all that up?
“Michelle…” Audrey called out to her, noticing the growing sadness on the woman’s face. “Sit down, please.” She let out a breath, relieved as James had started to calm down. “What I put you through wasn’t fair. B-but I wouldn’t have trusted anyone more than you to be there for him, especially….” Her composure faded. “Especially if I didn’t make it back.”
“Y-you got Jack home for good, you got Cheng behind bars, that’s all that matters. It’s okay, really.”
She shook her head. “No it’s not. I never asked you if having a child was ever something on the horizon for you again. But thank you. Thank you for being there.”
Her shoulders shrugged lightly. “I-it’s been a joy. But I guess it’s time to let go now.” Michelle’s voice saddened, as she looked down into her lap.
“Let go?” Audrey looked at her, quizzed.
“Well…you and Jack are there for him, right? He’s got both of his parents, he doesn’t need me anymore.”
“Michelle…” Her voice was sympathetic. “You were there for me from the beginning, you’ve raised him alone for six months, I could never take that away from you. And besides…Jack will probably need time to adjust being home, so will I…in any case, I would really love for you to stay a big part of his life.”
She looked at her, almost thinking it was too good to be true. “Y-you mean it?”
“Yes, Michelle. Please.”
“Th-thank you, Audrey.” Her voice was small, yet the sheer gratitude still carried through.
When Jack walked through the doors, Audrey passed James to a sniffling Michelle and then threw her arms around him. He stepped back a little, unsteady on his feet. She ran the pad of her thumb over a cut on his temple. His hands gripped her back, tightly embracing her.
“I-I’ve missed you so much.” Jack whispered into her hair.
“M-me too. God, me too…” A tear rolled from her cheek onto his shoulder. “I love you, Jack. I meant it the last time I said it, and I mean it even more now. Now that it’s all over for good. I want you with me again. No more waiting, okay? No more trying to work through the past, okay? I want to be with you now. So now’s all that matters” She pulled back from the hug. “I-I want our son to have his father.”
He sniffled, pulling her in for a searing kiss. “I love you too. Both of you. Y-you’re right, just no more hesitating. We’ve done enough waiting.”
And at this moment, he knew that Audrey loved him for who he was. Who he truly was.
Not Frank Flynn.
Not ‘Agent Bauer’.
And not even the slightly subdued version of Jack she’d met nearly three years ago now.
These past few months, he’d let himself be open in his pain, and she in hers.
They had each other back now, and they weren’t letting go.
She walked into the familiar top-level office, Bill meeting her gaze with a grin.
“You wanted to see me?”
“You’ve done some good work over the past two years, Michelle. Really, I don’t think we could have pushed the deal through today without you.”
A shy smile crept across her face. “I did what I had to do.”
“You should be proud of yourself.” Bill cleared his throat. “I know what happened three years ago was unbearable for you. But I know over time, I’ve seen that spark in your eyes come back. If you’re open to it, again, I understand this probably hasn’t been something you’ve thought about, but if you want this job back, it’s yours.”
Michelle made a confused face. “‘Job’ as in…running CTU?”
He nodded. “I’ll admit I’ve been thinking about retiring for a while now. Karen’s ready too. Really, getting Jack home was the last thing I wanted to do before I left. And I’ll feel a lot better if I know I have a good replacement lined up.”
He laughed a little, the way he always did when he brought up Karen. They’d met at an interstate conference a few days after Tony had died and she had become his rock so quickly. After the tragedy that had befallen her, Michelle was glad to see somebody else was still able to find love and happiness in such a volatile world.
“Nadia’s good, and I probably would have given it to her eventually, but she needs more time, she’s still a little inexperienced. But I’d rather not wait anymore. She’s a strong contender for being second in command.” Bill cleared his throat, his piercing eyes staring into hers.”Seriously, Michelle, if you want the job, it’s yours.”
—
Jack craned his head to look at her when she walked into the ward. He still had some final things to get checked out. She smiled at him, pacing quietly to sit beside his bed.
“How are you holding up?”
“Most of the tests came back fine. Broken ribs have healed. Mild concussion, few things needed stitches, nothing new.”
She snorted at how blasé his voice was. “That’s good.” Michelle exhaled, her breath audible against the gentle hums of the room’s equipment. “Jack, can I ask you to do me a favour?”
“Yeah?”
Michelle looked him in the eyes, voice rife with emotion and urgency. “Take Audrey and your son, walk out of here and don’t come back. Please.”
He furrowed his brow. “What?”
“Y-you heard me. I-I lost both of you these past few years, it’s a miracle you’re both okay now. I don’t want to lose anybody else, Jack.” She pinched the bridge of her nose, taking a breath to maintain her composure, to maintain the desperate message she was pleading. “We’re all each other have, and I’ve already watched you lose one child, I can’t watch you lose another.”
Jack’s face fell at the reference to Kim. Not only had they not been in contact since the day he came out of hiding, now he wondered whether she’d tried to reach out to him during his time in captivity. He’d been worried sick the whole time that something had happened to her, or that they would use her, or anybody else for that matter, as some form of leverage. But the Chinese had simply wanted him, he could at least say they kept their word on that part.
“So go out there, buy a new house, free of old memories and pain. Then call your daughter and tell her that you want her back in your life.” Michelle cleared her throat. “I-I never had the chance to tell you this, but back on the day when everything happened, she visited me in the hospital. I was only half-asleep, so I don’t think she realised I could hear what she was saying.”
“Poor Michelle…god…both the baby and Tony.” Kim whispered, running her hand down Michelle’s arm. She sniffled and started to cry a little. “I-it’s exactly like what happened to my dad, but she and Tony weren’t even at CTU. That just makes it worse. All they tried to do was leave CTU behind for the sake of their family and it backfired completely.”
Barry pulled her closer. “From what you’ve told me, Michelle’s a strong woman, she’ll heal.”
Kim shook her head, pulling away. “I-it’s not just that. It’s the fact that all this happened because she helped my dad. T-this is why I can’t have him back in my life, Barry. Because every person that gets associated with him ends up hurt or dead. Or worse, something bad always happens to him.”
The man nodded slowly. “I don’t blame you.”
“I-I’ve already mourned him once, I can’t lose him again, I can’t go through it again, and I can’t lose anybody else again.” She shook her head, so exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster that she dealt with so frequently. “I-I just need to get away from LA, especially CTU. I don’t want to see my dad, and I-I don’t want to see anybody else either. Otherwise, I run the risk of losing them too.” She tucked a long piece of hair behind her ear.
Barry’s tone was cold, definitive. “Okay, then. If having them in your life is only going to give you anxiety and make you upset, then maybe you don’t need them after all.”
“I-I don’t think she ever meant to sound so harsh when she told you she didn’t want to see you.” Michelle bit her lip. “I think she was just scared.”
Jack tipped his head in acknowledgement, knowing that if that was what Kim had said, then that certainly seemed fairer than what he’d initially envisioned. If she hated his guts, he couldn’t blame her. He was responsible for so much of the suffering in her life. But it made him feel a little better knowing that she had cut him out out of fear, not out of spite.
“Where’s all this coming from so suddenly?”
Michelle sighed. “Bill just offered me my job back.”
He raised an eyebrow at her.
She rolled her eyes. “That’s not the point. The point is I have seen too many people torn apart because of this job, too many broken-up families. And if I take it, it would destroy me knowing that somebody could suffer by my hand, which is why I don’t want you here.”
Jack looked down into his lap.
“I-I know working at CTU is important to you, Jack, I know this job is important to you, I get it, I feel the same way.”
“We don’t exactly want you to suffer again either, Michelle.”
“Right now, I’m in a position where I can give myself over one hundred percent. Aside from you guys and my family, I-I don’t have much to lose. Working at CTU is an acceptable risk for me. But you’re not in the same situation. Which is why as your friend I’m telling you to leave it behind once and for all now. Now as in today.” Her voice fell soft. “The only way I see Kim coming back into your life is if you do this.”
He hummed in assent. “You sound like George.”
“As in Mason?” She squinted at him, letting out a small laugh.
“When…” A nostalgic yet sad smile crept across his face. “When I was on the plane with the bomb, he told me something similar. Told me to get back down there and get my life back together. Despite everything that’s happened now, I-I’m glad I did. I have to admit that.”
Michelle’s face held a similar smile. “I’m glad too.” She looked up at him, full of appreciation. “I-I couldn’t have gotten through any of this without you, you know that, right?”
He grabbed her hand, thinking back to how far she’d come.
How horrific those early days had been.
After being in China, some of his memories were a little hazy. But not this one. No that day would be one of several that would haunt him forever.
They’d still taken her to a holding cell after she’d attacked Henderson and had her stitches redone. She looked up when he walked in, his commiserating face becoming more apparent as he approached the table.
“A-are they going to arrest me?”
“No.” He whispered, sitting in the chair next to her. “I’m going to take you to Cedars, they’ll be able to help you more than they can here, okay? Your dad and your brother will be able to see you as well.”
Michelle nodded. Wordlessly, he pulled her into a hug. She looked exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Her arms slipped under his, and she rested her face against his shoulder. She was still shaking, the emotions so volatile in her and desperate to burst.
“Just let it out, Michelle.” Jack murmured.
She paused, but then the sobs started small and quickly turned into unrestrained wails, echoing against the cold floor and walls. He just held her tighter. Her eyes were squeezed shut so fervidly, it was as though she were in a horrific nightmare and trying to wake up. Before she was shocked, she was angry, she was confused. Now the pain was more raw. Even when Tony had gone to prison, she’d been able to hold it together in front of him, so he couldn’t deny how much this scared him. Jack at least hoped that whatever medications they’d have to give her would help to numb it, at least for a little while. All he’d heard the doctors say was that it was a miracle she was alive. Jack hardly thought so, considering the misery that had resulted.
But he couldn’t lose her too.
It gave him so much hope and so much joy to see Michelle happy or at least content with her life now. She’d done it without resorting to drugs or alcohol and destroying herself the way he had. Jack was also grateful in that moment, for Michelle. If it wasn’t for her, and seeing her recover, and seeing her work so hard to make sure he was okay as well, the guilt over what had happened had eased. It was still there. He’d never not feel responsible. But it didn’t weigh on him the way it used to. And if it wasn’t for that first call he’d made asking for groceries, Audrey never would have come back into his life the way she did. They probably would have spent even more time away, too scared to rekindle anything. Jack supposed he had Michelle to thank for that too.
“And if it wasn’t for the kick up the ass you gave me, I wouldn’t have Audrey, or a son, for that matter. So thank you for that. And thank you for being prepared to raise him in the worst case.” She squeezed his hand back. “We’ve both helped each other out in a lot of ways these past few years, it’s not one-sided.” After a beat, he remembered why she came in in the first place. “So what’d you say to Bill?”
Michelle shrugged. “That I’d think about it.”
“Do you want it back?”
“I-I do, I think. This past year has made me realise how much I missed it. I know having a purpose will help me in my recovery, it feels like the right thing for me. And I know that if I can make sure what happened to me doesn’t happen to anybody else, that’ll help too. But…” She sighed. “Something about it just feels…disrespectful. Like I’m defiling his memory. CTU has been the place of a lot of good memories for us, but also a lot of bad.”
He reached out to rub his thumb over the back of her hand. “You’re not defiling him. If you’d gone out seeking revenge, if you’d lost yourself, let yourself be consumed by all the anger and pain over losing him, then I’d say you were defiling him. But the fact that you’re still thinking about him so much in your decision means you’re a good person just trying to keep going.”
Her face was still hesitant, unconvinced.
“If it was you, what would you do?”
“What?”
“If you were the one that had been to prison, the one that had died, what would you want for Tony?”
Her shoulders lifted a little. “For him to be happy. For him to move on.”
Jack nodded. “So take it. Because deep down you know that’s all he’d want for you too.”
“Y-you’re right.” She huffed. “You’re right. I just wish I had some kind of a sign, you know? Some way of knowing that this is what he’d want for me. But I guess I’ll have to do without it.”
“You know what he said to me the night before you both got married?”
She tilted her head.
“He told me that he always admired you for your sense of duty, for how strong you were, and how he could never compare.” She smiled, sheepishly. “Moving on doesn’t always have to look the same for everybody. Now go tell Bill what you want. Go do the thing that makes you happy.”
With a little more conviction, she stood up, and left, making her way back to the office. Bill was putting documents away in his briefcase.
“Oh good, you’re still here. I actually found something in one of the drawers the other day. Must have been left over from when you or Tony were using the office. Don’t know how it survived the renovations, though. I think they must have kept some of the old furniture.”
As Bill passed the small card to Michelle, her breath hitched in her throat. It was a slightly faded photo of her and Tony holding Major for the first time. He had been so tiny when they’d first adopted him. She remembered how easily he’d settled in her arms. How eager he’d been for her to play with him. How protective he became when Tony had gone on the mission. How much she loved the both of them. And with that she knew she’d found something to make her happy again. Something to give her life, something to give her purpose, to give her meaning.
She called Bill’s name just as he was stepping out the door.
“I’ll take it.”
One Year Later
The explosion had taken out several apartment complexes in the block. Everything was ridden with settling ash, the air thick with smoke. People could be heard yelling and crying out in pain. Michelle coughed as she walked through the house. Out of the corner of her eyes, half of the agents went left. In her ear, Nadia said something about one of the other field teams having apprehended the culprit cell before they could detonate the second. She pushed past debris, seeing littered bodies along the ground. Her ears pricked up at one particular cry. She followed it, innate sense taking over her.
When Michelle found the source, her heart practically stopped.
“Oh my god…” She whispered.
It was a toddler, standing amongst debris, screaming. She was alone in what Michelle could tell was once a nursery. Immediately, she ran over, feeling her heart sink into her stomach, its beat pounding in her ears. Taking a cursory glance, she seemed to be covered in soot. There was a gash on her arm, the blood dribbling down to stain the teddy bear in her hand. She coughed, presumably from the dust and ash she’d inhaled. But for the most part, she seemed okay. Shaken and distraught, but not visibly harmed other than the wound.
“It’s okay…it’s okay…” Kneeling down, the child’s eyes were flitting about the room. Looking closer at the cut, she could see there was a large shard of glass embedded in the wound. There were smaller splinters along her arms. Even the slight pressure of Michelle’s hand brushing against her hand caused her to howl out in pain.
“I need a medic!” She called, turning her head towards the hallway.
The child continued to cry, Michelle kept her eyes focused on this child’s tearful green. “You’re going to be okay, you’re going to be okay…” She splayed her hand on the child’s back, patting lightly as she coughed up more dust. For a second, she thought the child was calming down. That amongst the violence and disarray, Michelle’s presence was grounding her. Her chest clutched at how such an innocent being could be caught up in such a horrific whirlwind of terror. But as she focused on Michelle’s softened, concerned face, the hyperventilation slowing ever so slightly. Michelle couldn’t figure out why this was. Maybe she had a resemblance to a family member or a friend? Maybe she was just the only living person this shellshocked child had been able to find? Whatever the case, Michelle felt this child was connected to her somehow.
EMTs came thundering into the room, the sudden influx causing the child to cry out louder, shake more violently, undoing all of the progress that had just been made. Michelle went to move out of the way, but was halted by the child grabbing at the fabric of her shirt. She looked up, her eyes imploring her to stay. One of the paramedics noticed this.
“Stay with her.”
Nodding, Michelle continued to reassure the child, as they made initial assessments of her injuries. They were already taking a handful of other people, potential witnesses, back to the CTU medical ward instead of the nearby hospital. Michelle suggested the same for the child. They weren’t yet able to communicate with the child properly, ask her things like her name, how old she was. The paramedics theorised the girl had suffered some hearing damage from the blast, but also that it could be temporary. Again, somehow amongst all this chaos, all this overwhelm, the child was able to stabilise and find trust in Michelle.
She rode with her in the ambulance all the way back to CTU, her wounds being wrapped and tended to, although there were things they wanted to check back in the ward. Once they got back to CTU, the change in environment caused the child to cry out again, especially given how full the ward had grown, with both injured agents and civilians alike.
“We can’t do a saliva test or a swab, she’s inhaled too many fumes and particles, I need you to keep her still so we can do a blood test.”
“What?” Michelle raised her eyebrows. “She’s in so much pain as it is, do you need to do that now?”
The doctor shook his head gravely. “None of the other witnesses know who she is, which means both of her parents are likely dead or weren’t with her. A blood test is the only way we can identify her.”
“Wait…just give me a minute.”
She caught the doctor’s bewildered expression from the corner of her eye as she ran out of the room. Barging into her office, she unlocked the tall cabinet. Michelle pulled out a box of stuffed animals and toys. The room that once was James’ nursery had since been converted back to a holding cell. She’d been meaning to take the box of toys home, seeing as Jack and Audrey had plenty, but they’d sat collecting dust in her office. Walking back to the ward, she held one of the toys out to the girl, distracting her momentarily. Holding her wrist tenderly, Michelle cringed at the scream that escaped the child as the needle went through her tender skin.
“You’re okay, it’s over, you’re okay, you’ve done so well, sweetheart, it’s okay now.”
The child outstretched her arms to Michelle. Instinctively, almost, Michelle scooped her into her hold, murmuring to her soothingly. She rocked her slightly, feeling the tiny heartbeat race against her chest. With the doctor’s assistance, they gave her some antibiotics and painkillers for the wound, and eventually, to everyone’s relief, the child fell asleep in Michelle’s grip. The pang in her heart returned, as she laid the toddler down in a cot, laying a stuffed elephant beside her. She lingered at the door, watching the child sleep for a few moments, a worried look on her face.
Michelle walked slowly back to the bullpen, wiping a stray tear with the heel of her hand. Edgar seemed to perk up at her entrance.
“Michelle? I’ve got the results from the little girl’s blood test. Thought you might want to see them.”
She looked down at her watch. It seemed she’d lingered at the door longer than she’d thought.
Her footsteps picked up the pace, walking over to his monitor. Nadia followed, having overheard.
He let out a sad sigh. “Her name is Chloe. Chloe Parker.”
Michelle furrowed her brow, Edgar’s voice fading in her mind. The name had stuck out to her, of course, but one of the first details she’d read in the file was concerning her more. And slowly it occurred to Michell just how similar this child’s position was to where she was a few years ago. Both of them had been left completely alone, their families both taken from them in one fateful explosion. Michelle wondered how much this child would remember. She at least hoped given how young she was that the memory wouldn’t be prominent. After all, it took Michelle a long time to adjust to hearing explosions again, something that she’d forced herself to get used to again when she started back at CTU.
The corners of his mouth downturned. “What’ll happen to her? Her parents were probably killed in the explosion, right?”
Nadia pressed her lips into a thin line, her voice also sorrowful. “If we can’t find a next of kin, she’ll go to Child Services, most likely end up in foster care.”
Tears pricked the back of Michelle’s eyes. Briskly, she walked away, the door to her office shutting audibly. Nadia looked up, chewing her lip. She stayed with Edgar for the minute, working on expanding their search for a family member that could take custody of the child. But her mind kept flitting back to Michelle. Scaling the stairs to the office, she knocked.
“Michelle? It’s me, can I come in?”
“Yeah…” The voice was even, but weak.
Michelle’s knuckles were white, bracing the desk beneath her. The rest of her looked equally pale and exhausted.
Nadia shut the door behind her. “It was the name, right? Edgar seemed pretty upset too, couldn’t figure out why, then I clicked. I’m sorry, I know the two of you and Chloe O’Brian were close.”
Her head shook slowly. “I-it wasn’t just that.”
She made a confused face. “What?”
“Her date of birth…it…it was around the same time as my due date.” Michelle wiped under her eyes. “If me and Tony…if our son was alive, he would have been about the same age.”
A quiet ‘oh’ left Nadia’s mouth. “I’m so sorry, Michelle.”
Nodding in acknowledgement, Michelle sat on the couch, Nadia joining her. She pulled her into a hug, squeezing her shoulders. They’d grown closer over the last year, working together to run CTU, knowing each other’s expressions and tells so well by this point. After some time, Michelle leaned back and Nadia watched the logical, objective side of Michelle return.
“Did they find a guardian for her?”
Nadia huffed. “No. Only an uncle interstate, but he’s not answering his phone. We’ll have to call Child Services.”
“Damn it…” Michelle took in a shuddering breath, squeezing her eyes shut.
“Michelle…just hear me out.”
She looked up in confusion.
“This is going to sound insane but…why don’t you take her?”
Michelle narrowed her eyes. “What?”
“I know you care about her and that you’re worried. I know you understand exactly how she’s feeling, to have your whole family taken away in one hit. And think about it…you’ve got all the correct clearances and checks, both from working at CTU and for taking custody of James. Child Services certainly wouldn’t have an issue with it, even if they continue to search for a guardian. And given how drawn and attached she seems to you, maybe it’s…maybe it’s meant to be? If they can’t get ahold of this relative, it only makes sense that she goes with you.”
Her face screwed up in thought. “What about CTU? What about things here? Trying to raise James and work at CTU really took its toll on me, you know that. I can’t run CTU and raise a child, Nadia, I don’t have the energy-”
Nadia let out a soft laugh. “Milo and I will take care of things. Division allowed one husband and wife to work to run CTU once, I’m sure they won’t mind letting another.”
Michelle snickered. She remembered seeing Milo propose to Nadia in the middle of the CTU bullpen. It wasn’t a total surprise. They’d discussed marriage and their future seriously like proper adults. But the grandiosity of the gesture of him professing his love for her, albeit cliché, had brought a smile to everyone’s face that day. It made Michelle smile in general to see them together. They captured the gleeful innocence that she had felt with Tony in the early days of their relationship too.
“And honest to god, Michelle? As much as I know your work and your purpose is important to you, you haven’t taken a single day off since Bill gave you his job. You left CTU in the first place to start a family. Then you only came back because you thought you’d lost your only chance, so you figured CTU was going to be your main focus for the rest of your life. But I’m sure you’ll have enough money from working to get your private business up and running again.”
She still looked hesitant.
Her hand rested on Michelle’s shoulder. “Please, Michelle. As your friend, I’m telling you, I think this is the right thing to do. For you and for Chloe. In some strange way…it’s like fate brought you both together.”
Michelle looked down, smiling slightly at one of the stuffed animals she was still holding. “I-I think you might be right.”
After a few nights of medical observation, Nadia practically shoved Michelle and Chloe out the big doors of CTU, kindly, but firmly, telling her not to come back. Much the way Michelle had told Jack and Audrey over a year ago now. Michelle was mostly prepared, having only gone out to buy some more toddler-friendly food and toys. She’d converted the nursery back into a generic bedroom several months ago, the third still serving as a study, but most of the house was still child-proof anyway. Major was used to having kids around, so she wasn’t worried about him either. The only thing she was concerned about was making sure Chloe felt comfortable around her. Michelle had practically glued herself to Chloe’s side, playing with her and slowly getting to know her in the ward. She’d tried making what was sure to be an exhausting and overwhelming experience for the child, somewhat comforting. Other people at CTU would often spend their breaks sitting and playing with her. They used to with James, so it was a joy for them to have that happiness return to their otherwise highly stressful work lives. Especially considering how lucky she’d been. To escape an explosion that had killed so many people with some bruising, a cut, and some minor hearing loss, she was a walking miracle.
It was late evening when Michelle returned home. She had cartoons playing quietly, dressing Chloe in soft, mint green pyjamas, noting the match to her bright, almost entrancing eyes. Eventually, she fell asleep in her lap. Caressing her cheek a little over a faint scratch mark that hadn’t quite faded yet, Michelle carried Chloe gently down the hall and placed her in the bed. She stood at the threshold of the room, Major nuzzling her leg. Luckily, Chloe hadn’t seemed too bothered by Major’s presence. Michelle scratched under his chin, smiling slightly at their new guest.
Turning to go back to the living room, Michelle hesitated. She was overcome with concern, deciding instead to sit in the armchair near the window, watching the little girl, who she was growing to care for more and more by the second, sleep in the bed. Nadia was right, she realised. This did feel right. She’d adored looking after James, but she’d always thought of James as ‘Jack and Audrey’s’ son. Deep down she’d known they were out there somewhere, alive. She’d believed that at least one of them would be able to come home one day and take care of him. To Michelle, taking care of James Anthony Bauer-Heller was always a temporary position, simply because she knew she was working every day to find them and bring them home. But here, with Chloe Parker, a stranger, a child that fate had plucked out of thin air and placed into her life, Michelle felt there was something more. This child’s parents were gone. Even if they did find other family eventually, although as time passed, that seemed to be less and less likely to be a fruitful search, right now, Michelle was the primary and sole caregiver for this child. And there was a bond there. An honest-to-god, genuine bond between her and this little girl.
At some point a few hours later, Michelle jolted from her half-asleep state, to find the child screaming and crying. It was ferocious, and so rife with distress, Michelle knew it could only be from a nightmare. She scolded Major, who was barking, understandably in alarm, but not helping the situation. Kneeling by her bedside, she ran a hand through her short, wavy hair.
“It’s okay, Chloe, it’s okay…”
Again, Michelle found tiny hands grabbing onto her shirt and face. Smiling bittersweetly and continuing to comfort her, Michelle lifted Chloe into her embrace.
“I used to get them too…they’re scary, I know…” She whispered into the child’s ear, wiping a tear from Chloe’s cheek and kissing her temple. “Just try and go back to sleep, sweetheart, you’re safe…”
Eventually, the child settled and fell asleep in Michelle’s arms, who was half sitting up in the small, single bed. And for the rest of the night, she held her, feeling that heart-tugging affection wash over her. Something about caring for this child, something about holding her in her arms, being the one to keep her nightmares and fears at bay, was giving her a strong sense of purpose. To this child, Michelle was the one who pulled her out of the darkness, out of the horror that had befallen her. So naturally, Chloe had clung to her, Chloe had understood that Michelle was all she had left.
And Michelle didn’t realise just how much she wanted, no, just how much she needed, this child in her life, until she got a call from Child Services.
It had come at breakfast time, Michelle finding that she had to tear herself away from the soundscape of giggles and bliss in her kitchen. They’d told her simply and directly that they’d found a guardian for Chloe Parker. Her uncle, Joel Fleming, brother of Chloe’s mother, Melanie, had finally responded to the calls and letters sent to his address in New Jersey. He was flying in today, and would be escorted by Child Services to her home, where they’d sort out custody arrangements. They wouldn’t tear Chloe away from Michelle’s arms, no, it wasn’t quite that abrupt. There would be ease, an adjustment process, so that way when Michelle had to say goodbye, it wouldn’t be difficult. For Chloe at least. Michelle had replied, equally as simply, saying she understood.
But deep down, she was screaming. What she was just getting used to, what she was already so in love with, was going to be ripped from her. And then what? She’d feel like a fool waltzing back into CTU demanding to be put in charge again. The one thing she had left was slipping through her fingers.
Watching Chloe and Major from a distance, her fingers quivered as she called Audrey. She and Jack were in the process of opening a support group and centre for veterans, using James Heller Senior’s public endorsement to get them off the ground. Nadia was likely busy with some kind of threat, she certainly wouldn’t want to bother her. The phone nearly went to voicemail but not before she heard a familiar voice clearing his throat.
“Hello?” It was Jack. “Michelle?”
“Yeah…” She replied, digging her nails into her palm, feeling her breathing grow rapid and unstable.
“Is something wrong? Audrey’s in the middle of running a session, I can get her if you-”
“N-no, it’s okay.” She wiped a tear that had formed at the corner of her eye.
“Michelle, what’s happened?” He could tell by the way Michelle’s voice was on the verge of breaking, by the sharp breaths she was exuding, that she wasn’t okay. Jack’s thoughts immediately went to the child he’d seen Michelle slowly fall in love with since the day she’d rescued her. He and Audrey had been so happy for her, bringing over an overwhelming amount of toys and clothes. Even if the custody was technically temporary, the fact that they hadn’t found a family member within the first few days had to mean there simply wasn’t a viable guardian out there. At this moment, Jack suspected that thought had been premature.
“They, um…they found a guardian for Chloe. Some uncle from interstate.”
“What, he just came out of nowhere after three weeks?” His exhale came through crackled on the receiver. “So that means that…”
She nodded, her vision blurring with tears. “They’re going to take her away from me…”
True to their word, a government-issue car rolled up her driveway sometime that afternoon. She greeted them at the door, trying her hardest not to stare intensely and scrutinise the young man that walked in with them. Emphasis on young. Joel was in his mid-twenties, if that. He looked more like an older brother for Chloe, not like a parent. His hair was dark, large glasses framing his face. He stood almost sheepishly, feeling out of place, understandably emotionally moved by the situation. He’d lost a family member and was now being somewhat forced to take care of another. But his demeanour was bothering Michelle. It wasn’t that he looked suspicious or that anything seemed wrong, he just didn’t look at all prepared. Was he really the right person to be taking custody of a small child? Just because he was biologically related to Chloe and Michelle wasn’t?
Michelle welcomed him and Roz, the Child Services worker she’d been speaking with, into her home. Roz had also brought a child psychologist with her, whose job was to assess the child’s stress and mental state since the incident had occurred. To make the assessment independent and bias-free, Michelle had assured Chloe that the two women she would be left with were safe, and then retreated with Joel to her small dining room. They introduced themselves to each other, made idle small talk about his flight from New Jersey to Los Angeles, and then sat in awkward silence, each staring into their cups of coffee.
“I’m sorry about your sister, Joel.” Michelle said.
He chewed the inside of his cheek. “Thank you…thank you, Michelle. And thank you for taking care of her daughter. I-I was just a little shocked by the whole thing, I’m sorry for putting such a burden on you, god, I should have gotten here sooner.”
She shook her head. “It’s been no bother. Really, she’s…” Michelle sucked in a breath. “She’s been a joy.”
He laughed softly. “Y-You…you look like Melanie a bit, maybe that’s why she was drawn to you. “ Joel then glanced at the wedding ring on Michelle’s finger. “Oh, Roz didn’t say you were married. She didn’t say much about you, other than that you worked at CTU and were there at the accident, but…”
“Um…widowed, actually.” She cleared her throat, fiddling with the ring in question.
His eyes widened, a flush rising in his cheeks. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-“
“No, no, it’s fine, really.” She shrugged a little. “You want to know everything about the person who’s been looking after your niece, I get it.”
“Didn’t say anything about other kids either…” Michelle watched him squint, almost in confusion, at the photos on the wall behind her.
Laughing a little, she pointed and explained. “That’s my godson, niece and nephew. I’m not hiding any other kids here either. It’s just been me, Chloe, and the dog. My, uh, chance to be a mother came and went with my husband, I’m afraid.”
Joel smiled sympathetically. “Seems you know what you’re doing, though.”
“I guess you could say that, yeah.”
His bottom lip wobbled. “God, what am I going to do. I-I was so horrible to Melanie, and now I’ll never be able to make it up to her.”
“What do you mean?”
“Our parents died when we were teenagers. Melanie took custody of me when I was seventeen, I wouldn’t have any of it. We fought and fought, and looking back I know she just wanted to keep me from going down the wrong path, but…we became estranged. I went to New Jersey for college. And that was the last time I spoke to her.” Tears had welled at the corners of his eyes. “I-I didn’t even know she’d had a child. She tried calling me a few times, I think, but I was always too scared to pick up. So when I finally picked up the calls from Child Services, I…”
Michelle passed him a box of tissues. “Tragedy sometimes drives us apart more than it brings us together. I get that, I do, really.”
Roz opened the door before he could respond, holding a fretful Chloe. “I think it might be nap time for her, Michelle.”
She craned her neck to look at the clock. It was indeed. “Thanks, I’ll set her down. How is she?”
A smile formed on Roz’s face. “She’ll be okay, the nightmares will come and go, but consciously there doesn’t seem to be any severe trauma. You’ve done well. We’ll leave you alone for today, but we’ll be back tomorrow.”
So the routine continued. Child Services and Joel continued to make visits, Joel eventually moving into Michelle’s home for the final week of adjustment, before they’d both get on a plane back to New Jersey. Chloe certainly liked him, certainly enjoyed playing with him. But, understandably, he was struggling with learning all the things there were to learn and keep learning about raising a child. Especially since he lived alone, and wouldn’t be within reach of any family or friends that could help once he got back home. Michelle appreciated and loved how much he was trying, but she knew that he wasn’t ready. He wasn’t in the right mindset in his life to be raising a child. Joel was grieving, dealing with guilt over his broken relationship with his sister that would never be fixed, he was stressed at work, stressed about money, he was still trying to get his own life together.
One night, he’d tried desperately to get Chloe to stop crying and fall back asleep, insisting that he needed to be the one to do it, otherwise he’d never learn. Michelle respected that, but by this point, they were all delirious with fatigue. Finally, he conceded.
“I-I can’t, Michelle.” He passed her over to Michelle, hands shaking a little as he did so.
“It’s okay, you’ve done all that you can.” She smiled sympathetically, taking the child into her arms.
Michelle sighed, already babbling to Chloe, trying to get her to settle, feeling relieved as she found her coos were successful. Joel noticed how easily she calmed down in Michelle’s arms, noticed how with a few simple words and gestures, Michelle could tell exactly what Chloe needed at that moment. It was instinct. And dread came over him, knowing that with zero experience in the area, he wouldn’t have that instinct. He didn’t know the first thing about raising a kid. As Michelle walked to the bedroom, Joel was a few paces behind her, observing the layout of toys, the small child-proof touches, all the things that parents of young children adorned their home with. He thought back to his tiny apartment in New Jersey, wondering how the hell he’d make it kid-proof.
He froze just before the entrance, now overwhelmed with stress and with the burden of responsibility that would be thrust upon him sooner than he could ever be ready for.
“This isn’t right…” Joel whispered.
Michelle tilted her head in confusion.
“I-I can’t even take care of a pot plant, let alone a child. I’m three years out of college, still paying off student loans. Michelle…you…I don’t know all that much about you. But I can tell you’re a good person. I can tell that you were ready to rebuild your life around her. And more than anything, you know how to raise a child.”
“Joel, it’s…it’s fine, really. You’ll get the hang of it. That’s why we’re easing into this, for both you and for Chloe.”
He shook his head again. “But Chloe’s been through so much already. She’s comfortable with you. The way she looks at you…it’s like she already trusts and knows you. I-I don’t feel right taking her away from you. Melanie would want Chloe to be raised by someone who could keep her safe. A-and that person’s not me. Of course I want to be a part of her life but…she knows Los Angeles and she’s getting to know you.” He slumped his shoulders. “And I would feel like the world’s worst person if I took her away from all of that. Especially if that causes her more trauma and more pain. I-I mean considering what she would have seen and heard that day, it’s a miracle she can even behave like a normal child.”
She walked closer to him, back into the hall where they could speak louder. “What are you saying?” Her heart was rising with hope, but she didn’t want to believe it.
“Michelle, I’m saying that whatever form there is that I can sign to give you the right to raise Chloe, I’m signing it today.”
Six Months Later
Michelle fastened her coat, smiling at the sight of the two of them. Joel had made a few trips down throughout the year, getting to know Chloe better and better. She’d taken a liking to him, and his anxiety over his presence in her life had subsided. Things had fallen into place. So much so that Michelle was okay leaving her alone on Christmas Eve with him, while she made an important trip. It was a trip she hadn’t been able to make very often anymore, seeing as she was juggling the security firm and raising Chloe. But Michelle had been happier in these past six months than she’d been in a long time.
Her ears perked up at the sound of a knock at the door. She knelt to meet her daughter’s eye.
“Okay, Chloe, I’m going to be gone for a little while, you be good for Uncle Joel, okay?”
Joel came out of the kitchen, holding two cups of hot chocolate. “I’ll make sure she’s in bed on time, don’t worry. Otherwise Santa won’t be coming past this house, will he?” He raised an eyebrow, looking down at Chloe, who blushed and looked away.
“I’ll be good, I promise!” She grinned from ear to ear, wearing the candy cane pyjamas Tony’s mom had bought for her. Tony’s family had been incredibly supportive, as had Michelle’s. They loved Chloe as much as they would have loved any biological child Michelle could have had. And that alone had helped her to reconnect with them. She’d shut them all out in lowest lows of her grief, understandably because they weren’t the people she needed in her life at that time, but it just made her appreciate them all the more when she decided, on her own terms, to welcome them back.
“I’m sure you will. Bye, sweetheart.” She blew her a kiss.
Kim smiled as the door opened, ducking her head in to say hello to Chloe and Joel. The car was still running, Jack at the driver’s seat. Seeing the two of them together still never failed to make Michelle smile. True to her belief, Kim had rebuilt her relationship with her father once it became known that he was really leaving CTU for good. The emergence of a half-brother in the picture had certainly been an encouragement too.
They drove to the graveyard, making idle chitchat about their own respective families. Audrey was obviously at home with James. Kim had taken a job at a small tech start up. She’d been confiding in Michelle about someone she was seeing, a man named Stephen Wesley,. They hadn’t been going out for long, she wasn’t quite ready to take him home to meet her father, but Michelle assured Kim that she’d be with her when she did. Judging by the way her eyes lit up when she spoke about him though, Michelle could tell it was more than just a fling.
When the three of them arrived, they split off, Jack and Kim heading over to Chloe and Tony first, followed by Teri, where they’d be spending the most time. Michelle had a similar routine, having visited her mother with her brother and father on the previous day, but on this occasion, there was an extra stop she needed to make.
Looking down at the piece of paper in her hands, she guided herself to the graves of Melanie and Samuel Parker. Michelle laid the flowers down, taking the time to read the inscriptions. It’d taken her a few tries to actually muster the courage to face them. It felt strange, inappropriate at first. But she felt she owed it to Chloe and Joel to do so. Joel had made it clear he wasn’t ready to face his sister, and Michelle respected that. She’d told him how long it’d taken for her to visit her own husband, and that until he was ready, she would gladly lay down flowers in his honour.
“CTU failed you both, and for that, I’m sorry. I’m sorry we weren’t able to get to you in time.” She let out a shuddering sigh, finally able to release the guilt she’d been feeling since that day. The morning replayed over and over again in her mind sometimes. Rethinking and overthinking every decision she’d made, wondering if she could have stopped that explosion from occurring in the first place. “I don’t know either of you very well, but I promise you, I’ll do everything in my power to make sure your daughter’s happy and healthy. And I’ll make sure, Melanie, that Joel knows that you love him, and that you forgive him. I’m sure he’ll come here one day, just give him some time.”
After a few minutes, she walked over to Chloe’s, kneeling down, knowing she’d be speaking a little longer to her.
“Hey…Hey Chloe.” She took in a deep breath. “It’s funny, I…I feel like I’m saying your name a million times a day now. But when I say it here, it’s still so hard. I still...I still spend so many days wondering if the bomb had gone off in my car first, whether you would have made it. Whether Edgar could have warned you the way he warned me.” She sniffled. “Even though I’m not there anymore, I really missed seeing you at work. I must say…” Michelle smiled crookedly. “Edgar’s definitely faster and more confident than he used to be, you’d be proud of him. I know he visits here too, but he misses you an awful lot. So does Morris.” A cloud of fog formed as she exhaled. “So does Jack.” She peered over at Jack, who’d placed an arm around Kim. “And so do I. Even when I was in Seattle, I…I really missed having you to talk to. You and I seemed to be in sync somehow. I’d have an idea, you’d already be halfway through a database looking for more. CTU isn’t CTU without you, Chloe.” Standing, she brushed grass off her pants. “But wherever you are, I hope you’re okay, and Merry Christmas.”
Following a similarly familiar path, she walked over to Tony’s grave, noting that his family must have already visited a day prior, judging by the array of flowers there.
“Hi Tony…it’s been a while, sorry. Things have been a little crazy.” She chuckled, adding her own flowers to the pile. “I think you’d be pretty proud of me to know that we managed to bake gingerbread and keep the house intact, unlike the first time I tried… Joel’s actually pretty good for a kid barely out of college. He reminds me of Danny at that age. He and Chloe are both good, great actually.” Michelle thought back to where they were, watching Christmas cartoons in her house, probably trying to force Major into some ridiculous costume. “Business is surprisingly good too. Rick Rosen’s a bit of a gossip, I think. As soon as I told him I was taking clients again, he told a bunch of his colleagues, and well…safe to say Chloe and Major are getting spoiled this year.” Michelle couldn’t help but let out a small laugh again. Talking to Tony really had helped her over time. His grave no longer felt like a place to break down crying and reliving her pain. Now it felt like a place to talk to him. To update him on all the little and big things happening in her life.
“Speaking of…” She squeezed her eyes shut, voice breaking a little, but still rife with pride. “She…She called me mom the other day. Up until now she’d been calling me ‘Michelle’ and that was fine, but then…I-I don’t even think she realised but…it…it made me so happy.” Michelle felt a tear roll down her cheek. “A little sad too, knowing that she won’t have you to call ‘dad’. I know…” Her head shook. “Logically it makes no sense, I mean, if you were here, we’d have our son but…having her in my life, having Chloe as my daughter, I-I don’t know, but it feels right. Doesn’t mean I don’t think about you every day though. Doesn’t mean that I’ll ever stop thinking about you.” Her last sentence came out as a tear-laden whisper. “But it makes the pain a little easier.” Michelle heard the crunch of Jack and Kim’s footsteps on the sodden winter ground, noticing that it had really gotten dark now. “I love you…Merry Christmas sweetheart.”
And when Michelle came home to find Joel asleep on the couch, Chloe laying across his lap, and Major at his feet, she beamed again, sniffling as she pulled the blanket over them gently.
Because that heaviness in her chest had lifted, just like Jack had once told her it could.