Coffee & Cigarettes

If there was a God up there, Michelle believed it was a cruel one because this felt like divine punishment. The day she had to go down to the CTU Los Angeles building had to be the same day her ex-husband somehow ended up running it.

Michelle had been told to get down to CTU so quickly that she had barely been able to read the full status update on her computer; she had just skimmed over the summary she had asked her assistant to write for her. Habib Marwan had already wreaked so much havoc today, and they didn't have much to go on to stop him from doing anything else. CTU's only lead was a mercenary group apparently supplying Marwan with uranium. The leader of the group was Neil McCauley, and apparently, the LAPD had a detective who had investigated him for years, so he would be at CTU as well. LAPD officers usually lacked the clearance to be involved in national crises. But Vincent Hanna, the detective in question, insisted on being involved as soon as someone from CTU had rung to ask for his input.

When she walked into CTU, she was almost affronted by how much it had changed since she had transferred. At the same time, it made the place feel more distant and did not bring up all the memories she worried it would until she met Tony's eyes. He was unreadable, but she didn't need to guess how he felt about her being here.

Their little staring contest was interrupted by Hanna walking into CTU and making his presence known.

"What do we got?" he called. "McCauley's out there, what the fuck are we doing to find him?"

"I've got Conference Room C set up," Tony answered without looking at her. He took the lead, and she, Bill, and Hanna followed. 

Jack and Chloe were already in there. Each offered a small smile to her. She was surprised to see Jack there since she knew he had been fired from CTU, but perhaps his presence could explain Tony's. Having a couple of familiar faces couldn't hurt, she supposed. There were a couple of other analysts in there she didn't recognise, along with Secretary Heller and his daughter, who were obviously staying at CTU to help after their kidnapping.

Tony walked to the front of the room. He didn't want to pass the torch to her just yet, it seemed, but she really could use a debrief to feel like she was on top of this.

Once all became quiet, Tony started to speak. "We believe that Neil McCauley, a well-known mercenary to the LAPD, has been supplying Habib Marwan with the uranium he's used for the bombs today. So, if we find him, we might be able to find Marwan before he can initiate any further attacks."

Michelle froze as soon as the picture of his face flashed on the screen. No. This didn't make any sense. For God's sake, she called him an hour ago to thank him for dinner last night. He had come into her house and cooked for her. She might not have told him about the details of her work, but he had heard her vent more times than she could count. She had background-checked him. She had trusted him. But he had obviously done well to hide under his alias because none of the suspected charges in his file here had come up for her. Grand theft. Smuggling. Supplying weapons to terrorists.

She wanted to throw up not just because of what she was processing but also because of the realisation that she was going to have to reveal this prior knowledge of him to everyone, including Tony. God, what a day this was going to be.

"Michelle?" Bill asked, clearly noticing how the colour had drained from her face. "Are you alright?"

She shook her head, steeling her nerves. She had to come clean about this. Not later, now. "I… I know who this man is."

Everyone in the room turned to face her.

He furrowed his brow. "How?"

Michelle gulped. "We're sleeping together."

Four Months Earlier

Michelle sighed as she turned off the car engine. God, she was tired. But even though Michelle was convinced that she would fall asleep in her clothes on top of her bed — something that happened more than she would like to admit — tonight, she was particularly grouchy and could not bear the thought of another night alone in the apartment she barely called home. She spent so much time working just to get away from it. It had resulted in a promotion — a very good one — however, it meant longer and even less predictable hours at times, which was why she had spent half an hour driving around aimlessly to find somewhere open to eat that wasn't a gas station or a bar, God forbid. She settled on a diner that looked decent enough. She knew her lack of food today had contributed to her poor mood and irritability. Michelle took a deep breath. A cup of coffee and a sandwich would make her feel better — at least, she hoped.

When she walked in, she immediately noticed that the diner was louder and busier than she expected, which did not make her feel better. Even before she started working in defence, she had never been a fan of crowded places. But now she only saw them as a potential site for things to go wrong. It came back to the hotel. It always did. She thought about how easy it would be to hurt so many people crowded in a place like this. Someone could bring in a gun or a bomb or a knife or God knows what else to attack and not even be noticed until it was too late. Still, she tried not to think about it, wanting to just get her food and leave as soon as possible.

What made things even worse was when she dropped the coins she was handing to the cashier because her hand was shaking too much from her low blood sugar.

"Damn it…" Michelle muttered to herself, feeling a wave of dizziness as she tried to pick them up as quickly as she could, aware there was a line behind her.

"Here," a voice said from above her. "That should cover it." A second pair of hands joined her to pick up every last coin she had dropped, even the one her vision was too blurry to see. Michelle muttered her thanks before trying to stand, startled by a hand grabbing her bicep to support her, its grip oddly gentle but still strong enough to get her to her feet. "You're welcome."

Michelle looked up to see a man offering a small smile. He was taller than her but not enough to feel like he was towering. His hair was dark but starting to grey. In a way, he reminded her of an older version of Tony, a thought she immediately disregarded.

"Let me pay you back-"

His hand swatted hers away as she went to reach for her purse. "It's no trouble. You look like you've had a bad day. I insist."

Great. So it was obvious to everyone else, too.

"I guess you could say that."

He pulled out a stool at the bar, right where the waiter was about to serve her BLT and black coffee. He did seem to be looking at her with something of concern, and Michelle prayed that that was all it was; she did not have the energy to put up with someone hitting on her. The food came faster than she thought it would, and she ate it at a rate indicative of her hunger. She paid no mind to the man but was surprised to see he was still there after she had eaten a few bites. He had also ordered a coffee. Just an espresso. No food. He seemed to be reading a book. Stress Fractures in Titanium, the cover said.

"So, your bad day, what happened?" he asked, not looking up.

She laughed without mirth. "To be honest, it's more like a bad year." She wasn't quite sure why she was even indulging him. She didn't even know this guy's name but since he seemed to genuinely be asking and not using that as an excuse to flirt with her… well, it couldn't hurt, even if she had to tell an abridged — and redacted — version of the story. She knew that rationally she should be confiding in someone qualified to deal with her problems, like a therapist, not a stranger in a diner, but, here she was.  "My husband went to jail to save my life, I left him, and now I work as much as I can to run away from how miserable I am."

"I'm sure you had good reason to. But I'm guessing he didn't see it that way."

Michelle sighed. "No, he didn't." God, even just those few things were making her chest hurt. 

"Well, I'm sorry to hear about that." 

Now, Michelle knew he really had to be trying to get into her pants because no man was ever that nice right off the bat if they didn't want something else. Still, she wasn't going to bite his head off. He wasn't leering at her or making any physical moves, so she could give him the benefit of the doubt. Admittedly, the fact that she found him attractive probably influenced her judgement here — at least, a little.

"My name's Neil," he said, outstretching his hand.

She shook it. "I'm Michelle."

"Now, what kind of job has you getting off at this ungodly hour?"

Michelle stiffened a little at that. She always did when people asked about her job. It made her mind run wild with doubt, wondering whether anyone who asked her was secretly trying to get intel. Of course, it was a completely reasonable question for him to ask conversationally but she wasn't about to tell him any details. It came with working in defence. Withholding information and generalising wasn't lying.

She politely laughed through her nose. "I work in security. I'm a supervisor. We have a lot of overseas clients so meetings have to be at weird hours sometimes. But I like it. I get to help people and that's what matters." She motioned with her head towards the book in his hand. "I'm guessing you work in construction."

He nodded. "I work in metals. I'm a salesman. Long hours and my insomnia means I'm often doing my research in the middle of the night."

"Sometimes you get your best ideas at midnight," she mused. "I do a lot of thinking on the balcony of my apartment. It has a pretty good view, even though it's on the small side."

Michelle wondered whether that comment was her way of subconsciously hinting at him. She didn't know why he was just so easy to talk to. Perhaps it wasn't that he in particular was special but that he was the first person to actually listen to her and believe her. It was also getting pretty loud in the diner. A large family presumably on a road trip came in, and the children throwing tantrums were a little too much to bear, although she had calmed down since her arrival. She was also very aware of the way Neil was looking at her. Admiring but not ogling. Interested but not eager. Kind but not insincere.

She moved a little closer to him. "Do you want to come up?" she asked, her voice low.

His eyes darkened before he nodded, and, before she knew it, he was following her to her apartment. She couldn't stop looking at him in the rearview mirror, although his car windows were tinted so it was hard to see in the dark. She was grateful the apartment was semi-clean, although she did her best to quickly turn on the lights strategically and move some of her laundry inside before he politely knocked at the door. Michelle led Neil to the balcony, stopping to offer him a drink, which he declined. They found themselves side by side, resting on the railing, the Los Angeles skyline before them. He pulled out a packet of cigarettes and offered one to her, but she shook her head.

"It's fine if you do," she said with a small smile, noticing that he was hesitating. She wasn't a huge fan of the smell but it was outside and there was enough of a breeze that it didn't bother her.

Neil was the first to speak, although the silence had been more poignant than awkward. It was rare to have that with someone, especially a stranger. "So, where's your family from originally?"

"Well, my family's from New York. My parents still live there. I came here for college. I've got a brother here, too." She hadn't called Danny in a while. Or her parents, admittedly. She had isolated herself a lot since the divorce was finalised. People seemed to be giving her space, too, which, at first, had been appreciated but now felt more like they were avoiding her out of avoiding the elephant in the room. "Where are you from?"

"The Bay Area."

"Are your folks there?"

Michelle observed a slight falter in Neil's expression. Shame, if she wasn't mistaken.

"Uh, my mother died a long time ago, and my father. I don't know where he is. Got a brother somewhere." He answered, mumbling those last few words. But he soon hardened his voice, speaking like he had before. "You have a tight family. I can tell."

"Yeah, we are. I mean… my brother's got his problems, but…" she snorted, "I'm certainly not one to talk now. At the end of the day, we love each other and that's what matters."

Again, silence fell between them as they each stared ahead of them at the night sky, but Neil was the one to break it.

He cleared his throat. "City of lights. In Fiji, they have these… iridescent algae. They come out once a year in the water. That's what it looks like out there."

Michelle noticed Neil was a little closer than before. She could smell his cologne. It wasn't too strong, and it was nothing like what Tony used to wear, for which she was grateful. She noticed the longing in Neil's eyes. It was like he was talking about paradise. 

"You been there?" She asked.

"No, I'm going there someday." 

He sounded very determined. Michelle realised that was the most she had seen him come out of his shell so far. It made her smile. 

"Oh, yeah?" She found herself looking out at the skyline again, appreciating it more than she ever had since moving here all those years ago. "You travel a lot?"

Neil nodded. "Yeah." 

He seemed almost sad. It was the same expression he had when he spoke about his family. Michelle had met Neil alone at a diner. Usually, that was a red flag. All her training at CTU about interrogation and how isolating behaviours could be indications of psychopathy came to mind. But she just didn't feel it in her gut, and she was good at reading people. No, what she saw in him was loneliness. Someone who had run from everyone and everything because nobody understood him. Perhaps she was projecting a little with that theory. But she could certainly relate. 

"Traveling makes you lonely?"

He scratched his jaw and appeared almost startled. "L… I'm alone," he insisted but Michelle was sure he didn't even convince himself. "I am not lonely. You?"

Her voice softened, and the words fell off her tongue so easily. "I get lonely." She was surprised she was so willing to admit this but in the heat of the moment, when everything felt peaceful and far away from the world, far away from her problems and her past, she needed this. She needed to be vulnerable. 

Michelle was aware of Neil's hand on her head, gently tilting it towards him. He brushed a hair from her face, misplaced by the wind, and she found herself staring into his eyes. She saw trouble there. She saw someone haunted by his past. It was something she had seen in Tony, Jack, and a lot of other people at CTU.

"Kiss me," Michelle said with the same tone she used when she asked him to come to her apartment.

And as their lips met softly, Michelle realised that maybe, just maybe, she could give Neil the sense of peace he had given her.

Michelle woke to find herself alone in her bed, more rested than she should feel after going to sleep so late and after such a long work day. Still, there was a contented warmth in her body. As memories of last night — rather, early this morning — came back to her, a grin crept across her face. She wasn't typically impulsive, so one-night stands were a rarity. However, she had been surprised by how organically this had happened. Meeting Neil and getting to know him had been so effortless. The way they had become vulnerable around each other so quickly had only made the prospect more inviting. On the balcony, she felt like nobody could judge them and that they could trust each other. In a way, in a lot of ways, it reminded her of that first kiss she and Tony had had in the hallway of CTU with the looming threat of World War Three over their heads. It had felt like a safe place, the only place where she could let her walls down without fear of consequences. But she tried not to let the association ruin the pleasant state of her mind.

Neil had been a surprisingly gentle lover despite his appearance being arguably standoffish, at least to some. Everything had flowed from one stage to another; it hadn't felt rushed or regrettable. Kissing on the balcony had turned into leading him back inside so he could undress her piece by piece, pressing his lips to every part of her body. He had massaged her tense muscles with his calloused hands while she had had her head tipped back with a sigh. She had had sex in relationships without nearly as much foreplay. She usually liked to reciprocate when a partner did things like that, but his hushes and touches had left her unable to do anything except graciously accept his affection. He had undressed himself, letting her run her hands down his body before they fell back against the bed, his body covering hers. As he had kissed her neck, he had murmured demands for her to tell him what she wanted, and she had responded without hesitation, letting him press her wrists above her head. He had been passionate but very deliberate and never rough. When he had asked her to look at him, seeing his eyes had only aroused her more and even his words, despite the dominance in his tone, had made her feel so present in the moment. It had felt removed from time and space in the same way their chat on the balcony had, and it had been everything she had needed — they had both needed, she hoped.

But a crash quickly followed the high, with all her feelings about Tony pouring out.

She had been in the bathroom after they finished and found tears welling in her eyes. It had embarrassed her that a one-night stand had triggered so many emotions. More than that, she hadn't wanted Neil to think it was anything he had done. But he had been very understanding. He had known by the look in her eyes that her post-divorce heart was complicated and that that was okay.

"I…" She sniffled, sitting on the bed beside him and putting her hands in her lap. "I'm sorry, I just- I haven't been with anyone since my divorce, and-"

He hushed her, wiping a tear from under her eye. "It's alright. I… I know how you feel. Not in the same way, but…" He sighed. "I remember the first time I was with a woman after Elisa died." His voice trembled as he said her name. He had mentioned her earlier but not in detail. She suspected it was too difficult for him to talk about. "It wasn't easy."

She nodded. The way his expression had dropped reminded her painfully of how Jack spoke about Teri.

"I'm sorry. I can't imagine how hard it was to lose your wife."

His eyes crinkled. "She, uh, she wasn't my wife. But I would like to think she might have been if…" He couldn't even finish the sentence, and Michelle mirrored his action from before by cupping his cheek with her hand. She stared into his eyes for a long time before their lips met gently.

"Let's get some sleep," Neil suggested.

But despite the comfort she had felt feeling his arm around her waist, to her surprise, he had made to leave as soon as she fell asleep — at least when he thought she had fallen asleep.

"You're leaving already?" Michelle mumbled, looking up at his apologetic expression.

"Yeah, sorry. I've got an early job." He smiled, already dressed again. "I didn't mean to wake you."

Although she knew their night had brought up a lot of feelings, and she wasn't quite sure what to do with them, she knew that she did want to see him again and hoped that he felt the same way.

Michelle leaned over to the bedside table, where Neil had left a glass of water wrapped in a napkin folded precisely like origami. She carefully removed it and grabbed a pen from her bedside drawer to scrawl her number down, passing it to him. To her relief, Neil didn't seem too surprised or offended and bent down to kiss the top of her head.

"I had a good time," he said warmly.

"Me, too."

Michelle got up and got dressed, stifling her yawns. Thankfully, she didn't need to be at work as early as usual but did need to start getting ready. A pang of fondness struck Michelle when she realised all of her clothes that had been discarded to the floor had been neatly folded in a pile on her bed. Michelle felt like she had gotten a lot off her chest last night, but not the same way as she would if she had vented to a friend or her mother. No, she had processed things more slowly, calmly, and intentionally. He had been a good listener. Even though she had shared more about herself than he had about himself, he hadn't seemed to mind. She appreciated it. She really did. It did make her wonder whether all of these feelings she had now were just from the release she had gotten and not Neil personally. But she supposed she would figure that out when he called — assuming he did. She wasn't in the right place for a relationship right now. Judging by what he had been through, he wasn't, either. So maybe they could make something casual work.

When she got to the office, she had to fight to keep that feeling of bliss within her because the stress around her threatened to undo it. Still, she did find herself thinking a little more rationally, realising something that probably should be done sooner rather than later. Even if she never saw Neil again, this would nag at her, and it was a risk she just couldn't take. On her lunch break, she decided to stay at her desk and look up everything the government had on Neil Davis. Ever since Michelle started working in defence, she had used the resources at her disposal to background-check every roommate, friend, or partner who came into her life. Her initial employee training regarding security made it clear that she was a target and that anyone, even her own colleagues, could be trying to take advantage of her. Michelle wasn't the paranoid type. But she was cautious, and she respected the sensitivity of her work. Particularly after hearing about what had happened between Nina Myers, Jack, and Tony, she no longer felt the guilt she used to when she did these searches.

Neil's profile came up with a handful of petty charges that could easily be justified by the rough home life he had implied growing up in and simple mistakes. There were a few speeding tickets and parking fines. One charge of shoplifting and a DUI from when he would have been about twenty. Nothing to do with drugs, assault, or major theft. No ties to any criminal organisations or street gangs. His listed family seemed to align with his story. It wasn't a perfect profile, but it certainly wasn't anything to worry about. As for whether Neil Davis was a fake name, most criminals who wanted to get away with an alias kept squeaky-clean profiles so that they wouldn't risk having priors that warrant investigation. When she looked further at his employment history, that all seemed legitimate, too. He was financially stable. No major debts. Good credit score. 

No red flags.

She let go of a breath she didn't realise she had been holding. It was okay. She still wasn't going to disclose that she worked for CTU unless the question arose. She wouldn't lie to him, but she didn't need to tell him everything, either. That just made both of them liable.

However, knowing he was as genuine as he had sounded just made Michelle hope even more that he would call her back.

The call came three days later while she was putting dishes away. Michelle blushed a little as Neil greeted her, but then she shook her head. They had had a nice night, but she wasn't ready for this to go too far. She wasn't looking for anything serious. He didn't seem to be, either, but he was being very nice to her, and she certainly didn't want him to have the wrong idea.

"I was wondering if you'd call," Michelle said, unable to stop the smile from forming on her face.

"I've been busy," he lamented. "Can I see you?"

She wondered whether she was hesitating because she was scared of the future, of really committing to being without Tony. He was always at the back of her mind, no matter how much she wanted to act like he wasn't. She wondered whether he was okay, whether he was eating, whether he was sleeping, how much he was drinking — assuming he still was. She at least had enough willpower to not look into Tony's file. Michelle wondered whether Tony thought about her. He had made it pretty clear that he didn't want her around. That was why she had left. They had been divorced for two months. She was allowed to date and move on. There was no going back. Neil was here and had already proven he was someone she could have in her life, at least for now. She was aware that most people dropped their romantic, excessively nice facade at some point. But Michelle did maintain her belief that Neil was upfront and likely wasn't just being nice for the sake of it. She had given him her number without thinking. That had to mean something.

"Look, I…" she started, trying but failing not to ramble. "I'm not in any position for anything serious right now, and I don't want you to think I'm leading you on. I just- I knew I didn't want to lose contact with you and-" 

"Michelle, it's alright," he assured, stopping her in her ramble. "I… I'm in the same position. I'm not really looking for anything serious. My work is all over the place right now. I've got a big job coming up. So why don't we just… see how it goes? What do you say?"

Her shoulders relaxed. That sounded good. And, hey, how often was it that she met someone with working hours as erratic as hers?

She bit her lip. "I say you can pick me up at eight."

"See you then."

The following day, she was admittedly almost giddy. It felt a little ridiculous, but when Michelle thought about how much she had endured, she realised she deserved to be this happy about something. Still, she was frustratingly reminded that the rest of the world existed. Work ended up being more stressful than usual. A ream of paperwork she thought she was done with needed tedious and trivial revisions from DOJ. Some of the code in the latest patch for a module used by CTU that she had created had a critical bug that she needed to fix. And, on top of all of that, a potential threat had meant spending her lunch break on an interagency conference call. She had to text Neil to tell him she would be running late, which made her feel terrible knowing he was often up early for his construction jobs.

When she finally made it home, she didn't even have the chance to tidy anything or freshen up before she heard the knock at the door. She groaned a little, closing her eyes, but still managed a polite smile when she answered. She was immediately met with the smell of hot food. Neil stood with a bag of what looked like takeout from a restaurant she knew was very expensive and difficult to get into. It gave her a sense of deja vu. She remembered Tony doing this for her more times than she could count, bringing her food or cooking when she hadn't had the chance or had had a busy day. It wasn't like that was a thing only Tony had ever done for her. But she had always felt it was special when it came from him. It was almost like a way of communicating his love. Again, she had to stop herself from spiralling too much. She couldn't fall into this thought pattern every time Neil did something nice for her.

Neil held up the bag. "I figured you might be too tired to go anywhere, so I brought dinner to you."

"How did you get food from…" Michelle held the plastic taut to verify the logo, "here on such short notice?"

"I know the chef."

She shook her head in disbelief before pecking his lips. "You're a saint."

He grinned, and she realised she had never seen him smile this much before. "Come on, let's eat. I hope it hasn't cooled down too much."

Even if it was ice cold, she would still be grateful.

They ate, and she found him watching her the way he had the night they met. She asked him about his day, hoping he would have something worse to complain about to make her realise her complaints were petty. She felt like she had vented far too much for a first date last time and didn't want him to think she was always such a downer. But his life was surprisingly simple compared to hers. He had no attachments. He had no baggage. His work was obviously easy and mundane enough that it didn't warrant conversation — although, judging by the suits he wore and the food he had brought, she was willing to bet it paid well. So, she tried to abridge her day's events and remove sensitive details. But no matter how good it felt to get things off her chest, she still felt very guilty about it and tried to read Neil's expression, waiting for him to roll his eyes or pick at his fingernails or do anything else except listen. However, there wasn't a single tell that indicated he was doing anything except genuinely listening to her.

"God, I'm sorry for making this about me, I-"

"It's alright, Michelle. I'm sorry you had a shit day, but I'm glad I could make it a little better for you," he said with a tone of voice that just made her feel better whether he realised it or not.

She took a breath. "Thanks. You… you really did, especially since I skipped lunch."

He furrowed his brow. "Sounds like you're making a habit of that."

Michelle shrugged. "It's just the nature of my job. It happens."

"So that means you've been at your desk for what, ten hours straight?"

When he pointed it out like that, she realised how bad that sounded to someone who wasn't used to such a hectic schedule.

"Yeah…" Michelle admitted sheepishly.

Neil motioned with his head. "Go sit on the couch."

She gave him a sceptical look. "Why?"

"I want to do something for you."

So she did, stopping to look over her shoulder as she watched him follow her. His hands found their place on her shoulders, pushing her hair to the side and starting to rub at her neck slowly, right where she needed it. He applied just the right amount of pressure to work at the knots without being painful. He seemed to be very good at that. She sighed, closing her eyes.

"Are all metal salesmen this good with your hands, or is it just you?"

He chuckled, kissing below her ear as he continued working at her muscles. When he finished after spending more than enough time, she moved her hand to his temple so she could pull him in for a proper kiss.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"You're welcome, Michelle."

She stifled a yawn. The massage had relaxed her so much that she didn't think she could even walk to the bed. It wasn't even that late, but she had been working a lot.

"Sorry," Michelle murmured tiredly. "I would have wanted you to stay, but I can't keep my eyes open."

He shook his head. "Go get some sleep. I'll call you tomorrow."

Most other guys in his position would be saying that begrudgingly, but she knew with Neil that he meant it. She thanked him again and kissed him goodbye before taking up his offer by showering and going straight to bed. In the morning, she found a package on her doorstep. She furrowed her brow as she noticed it was a bag of pastries with a loaf of fresh bread. A handwritten note was taped neatly to the front of the bag.

Since you never get the chance to eat - Neil

Judging by how fresh the bread was, Neil must have gotten up very early to come down to her place — which she knew from her background search wasn't exactly close for him. She smiled, holding the note to her chest. At least if she had another terrible day, she could say it started off well. All of these little things Neil was doing for her were almost overwhelming. It was more than she had ever expected or gotten from anyone before. Usually, that kind of behaviour came from someone who wanted to pressure her into something quickly, but Neil wasn't doing that. He just seemed to be kind for the sake of it. Maybe the heat she had felt that first night would fizzle. Maybe nothing would come of it. Maybe he would end up just being a good friend. It was too soon to tell.

But in the meantime, if Neil was going to be there for her, then she wasn't going to refuse him.

Present Day

"You're what?" Bill gaped at her, and she avoided looking anyone particular in the eye lest she see their judgement. She prayed her cheeks weren't already bright red.

"I met him four months ago." Michelle folded her arms defensively. "We had a one-night stand, and we've been seeing each other since."

Tony scoffed, and her cheek twitched. If he dared to say anything, he wasn't just a hypocrite but an idiot.

Everybody else was silent until Hanna started clapping slowly, making everyone look at him with bewilderment.

"I can't believe this. Eighteen years I've been trying to catch this fucker. McCauley has never attached himself to anyone or anything. But he meets you out of the blue, and suddenly, he's over his fear of commitment."

Michelle couldn't even attempt to respond, but thankfully, Bill was there to remind everyone of the priorities.

"Never mind where McCauley is for a minute," he said, looking at her with more worry than criticism, to her relief. "Michelle, did you, at any point, tell him about your job?"

"Of course, I didn't. Whenever I mentioned work, I kept it as vague as possible." She wanted to cling to what little respect she had left so she was glad to be able to say this. "He's never asked anything beyond how was your day? He's never pried. He's never seemed interested in what I do. I had no reason to suspect he wanted my information."

"But he could have gotten your keycard," Tony pointed out.

He wasn't wrong. But Michelle really wished someone else had said it so she wouldn't have to admit that she agreed with him.

"Michelle, he's right," Jack added, but he shared Bill's concern, not Tony's judgement. "If he's a professional, one night is all he would have needed to get everything off your keycard."

She felt her stomach start to churn. It wasn't just the betrayal slowly weighing her down, but also the idea that any of the tragedies that had occurred today could have been because Neil had accessed her information. She rethought every interaction they had ever had. Had any of it been strategic? Planned? Had he stalked her before supposedly bumping into her? Had there been any point where she should have known better? God damn it, she never should have let things move so quickly. At the same time, it hadn't felt rushed. It hadn't felt wrong. It hadn't ever felt like something she shouldn't be doing — other than her deeply buried guilt over being with someone who wasn't Tony.

"Before we make a move on him, we need to know what's been compromised," Bill concluded, stopping her spiralling for now. "If he has a way in, then we can't update anything on the investigation, or he'll have enough warning to get away before we can find him."

"Michelle, if you give me your keycard, I can run an algorithm that looks for abnormal sign-ins," Chloe offered. "We'd be able to figure out how many times he accessed your card — if he accessed your card. I mean, I guess there's the possibility that he does just like you and isn't using you. I don't think anyone would blame him for that."

She hadn't expected Chloe to be the optimist here, but that was still a valid statement. They had to assume the worst. That was protocol for a potential security breach. But maybe they would find that their relationship was coincidental. Maybe Neil really had no idea who she was, or, at least, wasn't using her. Then again, the more information she read on the screen, the more she realised he was no petty criminal. He would have background-checked her just as much as she had him. At the same time, he could have run. He could have left their one-night stand as just that. It didn't sit right with her that he had lied about everything. Or maybe she had just been played for a fool. At the same time, she could see glimmers of truth in his profile. His family information. Where he resided. But it was too hard for her to make this decision with just her gut and memory, no matter how detailed. Only Chloe's search would tell. That would make her feel a little better. Even if they found that Neil had used her card, they would know what he had and hadn't accessed, change encryption codes, and find workarounds.

Michelle nodded and took her lanyard off, sliding it across the table to Chloe. Unfortunately, a certain someone still hadn't finished speaking.

"Did you even background check him?" Tony asked.

She shot him an icy glare. "How stupid do you think I am? Yes, I screened him like I would for anyone new in my life. If he's working for someone like Marwan, he's obviously smart enough to create a comprehensive false identity. It wasn't clean. It didn't line up with any other aliases I'd seen. Combined with his behaviour, I couldn't have known."

"What- You didn't think the fact that you just happened to meet him stuck out to you? You didn't think he couldn't have followed you from work or sought you out?"

Michelle laughed derisively. "I cannot believe I'm hearing this from someone who fucked Nina Myers."

She hadn't expected to be so crass about it, especially not in a room with other people. But all of her fear and hurt was coming out as anger towards one of the only people who should understand how she was feeling right now.

He reacted immediately despite how much he tried to hide it. She knew him too well. "That was different. She worked at CTU. There was a level of assumption. McCauley was a stranger to you-"

"That didn't mean I wasn't using my brain," she defended. "I did everything in my power to judge the situation, and either it wasn't good enough, or maybe we're wrong, and he isn't using me at all."

"Please, he saw an easy target and took advantage."

"Easy target? What?- You think I was sitting there crying, and he came to my rescue? We've been divorced for six months, Tony. I'm past that."

That seemed to sting for him, and she wished she could be glad about it. But she could never actually commit to this level of spite, no matter how much faster her mouth was running than her mind. She knew the reason why she was doing this. It wasn't to be mean. It wasn't even just to get anger off her chest. It was to try to justify herself and stop feeling ashamed of the potential ramifications of being with Neil.

Tony said nothing, which only made her continue. "And for the record, we met at a diner, not a bar, so nobody was drinking, either."

Michelle could feel how much her chest was rising and falling. While she felt like she had gotten him to back off, she also realised at this moment that she had gone too far. Although he didn't make it obvious, the look in his eyes meant she had hurt him. Just seeing him when she had walked in had brought up so many emotions and memories. But only now did she acknowledge that she had been so caught up that she had lost all rationale. She had just argued with her ex-husband in front of her boss, two of their friends, and a couple of analysts who barely knew them. She was a mess. God, she was a mess. All she had done was humiliate herself today. It made her want to go and scream into a pillow. She felt like she was suffocating with guilt, anxiety, and pain from the very real possibility that the man who had been so supposedly caring and kind to her at one of the lowest points in her life had actually just been using her.

"Alright, enough," Bill said, stopping them from arguing further. "Let Chloe run her search. In the meantime, Edgar, I want you to create a replicate of our database but strip Michelle's access from it so that, in theory, if McCauley's watching us, he won't be able to view it."

She felt like she couldn't breathe, and since nobody was giving her any orders — nor did she really hold any authority right now — she decided to leave, avoiding anyone and everyone until she made it to the rooftop. She sniffled and let the first few tears fall. She was aware that standing on an open roof while they had a nuclear threat wasn't the best idea. But, God, she needed to just be alone to get ahold of her thoughts. There was no point spiralling until Chloe had an answer. So, if she wasn't going to think about Neil and how she had spoken to him on the phone just an hour ago, she had no choice but to think about how angry she was at Tony's reaction. She had been kind and non-judgemental when she met him after everything he went through with Nina, so to hear him act somehow superior over her rather than empathetic had really hurt her feelings.

But Michelle realised that even if Chloe's search proved Neil hadn't used her, it didn't change the fact that CTU was going to find him and arrest him. Then she would be back to square one: alone and wondering how the hell everything had gone so wrong.

Michelle had been on the roof longer than anticipated before someone called her name. She was glad to have had a moment of peace but shuddered at the thought of what chaos awaited her downstairs. When Michelle turned towards the entrance to the rooftop, she found Jack standing there. She expected him to apologetically tell her she was needed on the floor. But instead, he came over to where she was resting against the railing. They had been here before. The day Tony was shot at the mall, she had come to the roof for a moment to breathe. Jack had followed to comfort her when everybody else had just been avoiding her gaze or steamrolling over what had happened and asking her work-related questions she had not had the capacity to answer. He had not given her some sugar-coated lie that everything would be okay. He had just told her he was sorry that he hadn't been there to protect Tony, that Tony was strong, that she was strong, too, and that all she could do in the meantime was what Tony would have done: everything in CTU's power to get the virus. Even through their divorce, Jack had still managed to walk the fine line and be there for both of them. Granted, she had not been as receptive to it as she should have been, but she had appreciated it nonetheless. So, maybe now that she was taking this moment alone, she could let Jack be there for her.

"I never thought I would be able to say to someone I've been there about this," Jack said, shaking his head in disbelief. "I'm not going to say what happened to me is what happened to you, but I can say I understand at least part of what you're feeling right now."

"Yeah, you got that right," she agreed quietly.

As her mind replayed that terrible conversation in the conference room, she recalled a few of the things she had said in anger. She really should have thought before she opened her mouth.

"I'm sorry for the things I said. They were meant for Tony, but I know they probably hurt for you to hear, too."

"It's alright. Tony had no right to act like that. I know you weren't directing any of that at me."

She sighed. "God, what have I done?"

"You haven't done anything wrong. Anybody in your position could have ended up like this. It comes with the job. We have to…" He sighed. "We have to assume everyone is out to get us and the people we care about. It's a terrible way to live. It puts a divide between us and the rest of the world. It makes it so hard to let people in. But at the same time, we need people on the outside to make us realise how much we face every day. And we get so angry that we can't just vent about it without consequences, so sometimes we do things or say things we regret out of spite."

Michelle looked at him. "But I wasn't doing it on a whim. I didn't go out looking for anything. He just- I needed someone, and he showed up at the right time. I trusted my gut. It didn't tell me anything was wrong. I knew I was talking to a good man. I don't mean what side of the law he was on; I mean his character. I… he's a good person. I know that sometimes I see the best in people, and that can backfire, but when I say I trust him… I do mean that."

He didn't look at her with pity but instead understanding. She had to wonder how much spiralling he did when the truth about Nina came to light. It did put things into perspective for her. Yes, there might be major consequences, but they could get on top of them. For Jack… there was nothing he could do to get his wife back. So maybe she didn't need to be so hard on herself. At the same time, she couldn't be completely steadfast in her belief that Neil was exactly the man he had appeared to be.

"Do you love him?" Jack asked, not to mock her or use it against her, but out of genuine curiosity.

She had thought about that question a lot these past couple of weeks. She had spent a lot of time with him, but nothing had progressed too quickly to make her uncomfortable. There had never been a conversation between them about moving forward or commitment. They spent time with each other. They leaned on each other and gave each other the chance to be vulnerable. It was intimate. It was everything she needed and everything he needed. But when she thought about a future with him… she just couldn't picture it. There was still something between them that made her feel like everything between them was temporary. She supposed she could jokingly class that as a premonition for today, but deep down, she knew the real reason was the person she was mad at more than anyone right now.

"I… I like him. He's good to me, and he listens to me. But… no, I don't love him. Not like that. Not like…" She couldn't even finish that sentence, but Jack's expression softened as silence fell between them. There was nothing to say.

"Chloe's search should be finished by now."

Michelle nodded, following Jack back to Chloe's desk. Bill and Hanna were waiting. It seemed Tony was directing people as before.

"Alright, I ran the algorithm from a year ago to now — since we change encryption keys every five years, and we changed them last year. I used super sensitive parameters, so there's a chance it might pick up a false positive, but you'll be able to know if it looks right to you," Chloe explained.

Chloe loaded the results, and Michelle saw the header Anomalies Found: 3 on her screen. She took a breath and could practically feel the heightened tension between them.

"The first result was flagged for unusual time, the second result was flagged for unusual location, and the third result was flagged for unusual device."

"All things we could find an explanation for," Jack pointed out.

Michelle leaned closer to Chloe's screen. The first result was dated before she met Neil, which was easy to point out. The second result was when she consulted the CTU office in Mexico City and had to sign in there. The third result was when she had to loan a computer from the IT department while hers was being repaired and upgraded. All things she recalled clearly.

He hadn't used her card.

He hadn't used her.

"If that's the case, I think it's safe to say he either doesn't know you're a Fed or he knows but didn't try to use that to his advantage," Jack concluded, and Michelle felt the tightness in her chest ease.

"But it does still mean we have a way to get to him," Hanna pointed out.

She furrowed her brow until she realised what he meant. "You want me to lure him in."

He nodded. "How long have you been seeing him? A few months, you said, right?"

"Yeah." 

"Agent Dessler, you need to understand that this man does not let himself get attached to anything he can't walk out on. The fact that he's seen you consistently and not for the sake of using you means he's not thinking straight. He's in love with you."

She shook her head. "It's not serious-"

"No, I'm certain he knows you're a Fed. He's careful to the point of paranoia. Trust me, he knows, but he doesn't care. Call it what you want, but he's thinking with his heart, not his head, and we need to use that."

Michelle could acknowledge Neil was certainly involved somehow and that her connection served as an opportunity. He had been more quiet than usual about work over the last couple of weeks, and now it made sense. When she told him she would be working late tonight, he said the same. It wasn't like that hadn't happened before. But now it made her wonder how many threats she had tried to mitigate had actually been in some way perpetuated by Neil. He hadn't struck her as strongly political. But he had money, a lot of money, that he also liked to spend on her — a fact she noted while fiddling with the bracelet he bought her. So, to think he made that money at the expense of God knows how many lives made her sick. Michelle couldn't ignore that. Even if he had been good to her, she made a living serving the greater good and protecting people. She wouldn't let him get away with it, even though a small part of her wanted to believe that maybe Neil didn't know just how bad Marwan was.

"I could go back to my apartment and call him, but if he's supposedly working, it would need to be important for him to be able to leave and even then… I don't know if he will."

Bill shrugged. "We have to take the chance. He might know where Marwan is."

"Wait… if he knows I'm a Fed, and I ask him to come over out of the blue, what if he knows I'm onto him?" Michelle asked. Her own training aside, Neil was strong — although her context of that fact was something she would rather not share at her workplace. But Neil was also intelligent. Even if Hanna postulated that he was in love with her and trusted her more than he should, she wouldn't go in without protection.

"We'll be as close as we can without spooking him. You can also have a code phrase if you think he's onto you and might hurt you, then we'll move in," Jack suggested with enough conviction to know he wasn't just doing it to placate her.

She let out a breath. "Alright, but what do I tell him? It needs to be believable."

Footsteps sounded behind her, and she turned to see Tony. "Tell him you don't feel safe with me here, and you think I might hurt you."

Michelle squinted at him. "What?"

He rolled his eyes. "He knows you're divorced, doesn't he? You can say that I came to your work and harassed you, and then you left because you were scared."

Michelle was a little shocked by Tony's suggestion, namely because she had never fathomed that he might hurt her even during their worst days. He might have said some mean and harsh things when he was drunk — and she had said them back — but he had never been violent. However, it was the exact thing that might make Neil drop everything and see her.

"It could work," Michelle admitted. "Then once he gets there, I could plant a bug on him and hope he goes to where Marwan's base of operations is."

"McCauley is paranoid," Hanna stated. "You can try, but if he has the slightest inkling you're setting him up, he'll bolt." He then turned to Jack. "When I say perimeter, it better be like Fort fucking Knox. Nobody in or out. And you need a team ready to move in in case McCauley figures it out."

It really made Michelle wonder what kind of history Hanna had with McCauley to have no hesitation in ordering around CTU agents who outranked him.

"Has McCauley ever messed with a deal and double-crossed the police?" Jack asked.

Hanna shook his head. "He's never been close to arrest, let alone a deal. He is elusive. So, that just means we'll have to find out." 

Bill nodded. "He's our only lead. We have to try."

While Michelle was certainly aware of how much could go wrong with this, she wasn't about to let it stop her. McCauley was the key to finding Marwan, and that was what mattered today.

"Then let's get going."

Jack had called to say that all the cameras and bugs in Michelle's apartment were in place. They had concluded it made sense for Michelle to not be there while it happened, lest she accidentally stare at them while trying to get McCauley where she wanted. Tony couldn't deny he was worried about her. He might have said some stupid things, really stupid things, before, but he still cared that she was about to try to double-cross someone dangerous. She hadn't said a word to him since he suggested that she tell McCauley she feared for her safety.

She had insisted everything between her and McCauley wasn't serious. However, based on Hanna's profiling, McCauley might not feel the same. If he really had fallen hard for Michelle — for which Tony couldn't blame him — then he wouldn't be happy to find out she was playing him. Tony felt an impending sense of panic. It was like he had to tell her everything and anything in case it was the last time they spoke. It was the same way Tony used to feel whenever she went out into the field, from when she had returned without a scratch to the day he had nearly lost her at the hotel. This might not be the toughest mission she had ever faced, but it was risky nonetheless. He couldn't leave this horrible tension between them. A part of him feared he would make things worse; any conversation between them, good or bad, was bound to be emotionally charged. But that part was quieter than his desperation to clear the air, at least a little.

Tony called her name as she went to leave the bullpen. Michelle turned to face him, and he could see how nervous she was. He wasn't sure if that was because of his sudden approach or the mission. Maybe it was a bit of both.

"I need to talk to you for a minute."

"Now?" Michelle asked, and yes, he had to admit his timing wasn't great. But she seemed to know it was important because she sighed and motioned with her head towards the office upstairs. He followed her up, not closing the door behind him but mostly shutting it for privacy.

The shadows cast on her face highlighted the dark circles under her eyes. God, she looked exhausted. No, not just that: miserable. She had gotten the crushing news that someone she thought cared about her was not who he claimed. Even though they had seemingly concluded McCauley hadn't actually used Michelle for information, she was still clearly affected by the betrayal. But instead of expressing sympathy, he had gotten caught up in jealousy and criticised her. Truth be told, he was happy she had found someone who treated her well. She deserved as much, and she needed to know that.

He let out a breath. "Look, I was a real jackass before, and I'm sorry."

She looked up at him for the first time since their argument in the conference room. "Yeah, you were," she agreed. Her voice then softened. "But so was I."

"No, you had every right to defend yourself. I shouldn't have said what I said because six years ago, I was in your position, and that's not fair," Tony insisted. "And I'm sorry about all of this because McCauley obviously makes you happy, and you're about to lose him because of the choices he made."

Michelle didn't say anything but reacted like that was painful to hear. Tony figured that even if McCauley got a pardon or reduced sentence, he and Michelle likely wouldn't have a future together; she wasn't going to want much to do with a terrorist, and he would resent her for being his demise. But it was clear that Michelle hadn't thought that far about it before he pointed it out, which made him feel awful. God, he was an idiot.

"Look, maybe McCauley will cut a deal. Maybe you'll have a chance to talk about things, and if you really love and care about each other, you'll work it out."

Her head shook. "It's not… it's not like that."

"You don't have to lie-"

"I'm not," she said, cutting him off. "I… I don't love Neil. I care about him, and I'm grateful to have had those months with him. But I don't see a future with him. I didn't before today, and now that I know the truth about him, I definitely don't. He was just…" She shrugged. "There for me."

Tony nodded in understanding. Those words were certainly familiar to him. "I get that. But I'm glad you had someone, and I'm sorry it's not going to work out."

The phone on her desk rang, and she was quick to pick it up. Tony assumed it was Jack telling her to come to the car so they could leave, but her face soon dropped. She handed the phone to him and spoke thinly.

"It's for you."

He furrowed his brow. Who, other than Jack, could be calling him?

"It's the woman you're living with." Her cheek twitched, not in anger, but like she was about to cry. He could understand why; she was probably assuming that he was in some sufficiently committed relationship to be living with someone. But that wasn't it, not at all. 

Tony took the phone from Michelle but kept looking at her, silently begging her to stay and hear him out. Jen made a few comments, first about him still being out since she had worked a shift at the bar and expected him to be home already, then about him being at CTU of all places, and lastly about his ex-wife being there, too. While Tony appreciated that Jen had given him a place to live after he had been stupid enough to nearly kill himself drink-driving and the strange form of friendship that had followed, with what he was currently dealing with, he really didn't need to hear this. Today had given him a lot of clarity. Namely, clarity that he wasn't over Michelle. He hadn't ever been over Michelle.

When he hung up with a sigh, he scratched the back of his head and tried to find the least pathetic words he could. "Michelle, um… I'm sorry you had to find out like that."

"It's really none of my business. If you're living with someone else, it's fine. It's your life-"

She went to walk away, but he grabbed her bicep. "I'm not-" Tony huffed. "I'm not living with her like that. We're just friends."

Michelle scoffed like he was saying it to pity her.

"No, I mean it. Jen took me in when I had nowhere else to go. We kissed once, and that was it. Nothing's happened between us, I swear. She's been…"

"There for you," she concluded quietly, echoing her words from before.

He nodded. "Yeah." 

Michelle didn't respond, leaving them both in silence. It seemed she wanted to say something but didn't know where to begin. Or maybe he was wrong. Maybe she was just reflecting on losing McCauley, and his presence was irrelevant. 

"I should probably get going," she finally decided to say, pulling out of his grip and opening the door. 

God, the timing could not have been worse. He wanted, no, needed to talk to her about everything. Because even though there was a chance he was desperate and crazy and she wanted nothing to do with him, the hurt in her eyes when she heard Jen's voice had to mean that there was a chance she wasn't over him, either. He could only hope they would have the opportunity to sort things out after.

"Be careful," Tony said earnestly, making her stop and look back at him. "If it's too risky, use the code phrase. Don't think that you have to do this to make up for anything. Jack will make sure we bring him in and use him to find Marwan."

She gave him a small but appreciative smile. "I will."

Jack looked at Michelle in the passenger seat, noticing how she kept fiddling with her phone, then glanced at the road again. She was supposed to call McCauley any minute now under the guise that she was driving home from work in a hurry. He couldn't help but think about the operation he'd tried to run with Elizabeth Nash to track Alexis Drazen — most importantly, that it had gone very wrong because Nash's deep-seated feelings of betrayal had made all of her rationality go out the window. He knew Michelle better than he'd known Nash. Michelle was also a little older, and an agent familiar with undercover work. However, the news she had received about McCauley today had shocked her. If there were an opportunity for those feelings to present themselves and mess with her head, it would be when she saw his face. It didn't help that she'd had to deal with Tony being there when she found out.

"Are you sure you're up for this?" Jack asked once they reached a stoplight. "You don't even have to be in the apartment. We could have another agent stand in and wear a wig so she can detain McCauley when he comes in-"

She shook her head. "It's better if he leads us back to Marwan without knowing. I'll be fine, Jack. I should be the one to do this."

He took a good, hard look at her. She didn't seem to be saying it in a rush or to shut him up, but she did seem to be saying it out of obligation.

"Are you absolutely sure? There is more than one way to get McCauley."

"Jack, I'll be okay. I promise." She looked him in the eyes now, and he could see she meant it.

He nodded. "Alright, call him."

She took a breath as she dialled his number on her cell. McCauley picked up within a few rings. The phone was on speaker but at a low volume to prevent suspicious echoing. Michelle took a moment to speak, her voice a little croaked and shaky.

"I… I need help."

"What's wrong?" McCauley did sound genuinely concerned for her. Michelle might have said their relationship was casual, but Jack could hear a different story in McCauley's voice.

He watched the way Michelle tried to screw up her face to sound more realistically upset. For some reason, it comforted him that she couldn't put on an act like this easily. Perhaps it was because he remembered how Nina could make herself cry on cue. At the time, she had attributed that skill to a training course, but Jack didn't quite believe that anymore.

"Tony showed up at my work today." Michelle gasped like she was trying to fight back tears. "He… he was drunk, and he threatened me. Security had to escort him out, but I'm scared he's following me home."

"I thought you said he never hurt you." McCauley didn't say that with scepticism but did seem surprised, which made Jack wonder how poorly Michelle had spoken of Tony to McCauley. 

Michelle pressed her lips together. "I… I know, but it was different. He was really angry. Maybe he got to his breaking point and wants to blame me for everything. I-I don't know, but I'm scared. Can you please come to my place? I'm almost home."

McCauley sighed and cursed under his breath. "I'll be there in ten. "

"Thank you…" Michelle said gratefully, and Jack could tell the tears in her eyes were genuine.

"Lock your doors and get something to defend yourself with." 

"I will."

McCauley hung up after that, just as Jack pulled into the driveway of Michelle's apartment building.

"You remember the code phrase?" Jack asked her.

She nodded. "I think I'm coming down with something," she recited. If she said that, CTU would storm the apartment and arrest McCauley. It wouldn't be ideal since they would have to rely on McCauley being willing to give up information rather than him unknowingly going back to Marwan. However, Jack had stressed it was still a viable option. If Michelle suspected McCauley knew she was playing him, she had to get herself out. It would be risky, though, since it would take a moment for CTU to move in, and since McCauley hadn't been caught once in the twenty years that Hanna had been after him… he wouldn't exactly be happy about his freedom coming to an end.

"Good luck," he said with a small smile.

They both went upstairs, with Michelle heading into her apartment and Jack to an empty apartment on the same floor where CTU had set up.

Jack met Curtis, who was standing in front of an array of screens showing security footage. Michelle took off her jacket and turned on the TV and some of the lights so it looked like she had been home for a few minutes. She also got her gun out and placed it on her bedside table. She paced nervously, pinching the bridge of her nose. Jack was pretty sure that was all genuine anxiety and not part of the act. Her hand went to the pocket of her skirt where she'd tucked the bug to plant on McCauley.

A lone car came down the street and parked at the curb. McCauley. He wasn't speeding but wasn't exactly rolling, either. McCauley hurriedly got out of the car and came into the building. Once he got to Michelle's door, he called out to her with an assuring tone, and from what Jack could see, he was armed. It was expected, of course, but right now, Jack was hyperaware of what could go wrong — when wasn't he? But Jack let out a breath as McCauley put the gun down and took Michelle into his arms. Jack was glad Tony was running CTU and not too close to this operation. Although Tony might have calmed down now, the way he acted before meant it was probably best for him to have some distance.

"I'm here," McCauley said warmly, kissing her temple. "I'm not going to let him hurt you."

She sniffled. "Sorry for making you come home from work."

He shook his head. "It's alright. I don't have to be back for a while. They'll be fine without me. I didn't want you alone."

Michelle took his hand and led him to the couch. McCauley sighed, sitting and wrapping an arm around her. "Do you want something to eat?"

She lifted a shoulder. "I'm okay. I just…" She leaned into his touch. "I just need you."

"Did you try to see if Tony followed you home?" McCauley asked. "Did security tell you what kind of car he was driving?"

She shook her head.

Something changed in McCauley's expression. His cheek twitched a little, and Jack didn't like it one bit.

"If you want… I have a friend who works as security on one of the sites. I could call him, and he could tell me where your ex is living so I can either get someone to watch the house or, if you want, I can go there myself and make sure he thinks twice about doing that to you again."

Shit. That was not what they needed. One, it would mean McCauley going even further away from where Marwan might be, and two, Tony didn't need the threat of a criminal coming to his house under the wrong assumption.

"You don't need to do that," Michelle was quick to say, and Jack heard the nervous lilt in her voice. She lifted her head to look at McCauley. "I just… I just want you to stay with me for a little while until I know for sure he's not after me. If it keeps happening, then I'll consider taking you up on your offer."

"Are you sure? I don't like the idea of him knowing where you work and being able to stalk you home."

"It's okay," she whispered. They stared at each other for a moment before their lips met. If Michelle played her cards right, she could plant the bug on him and let him go back to Marwan. At the same time, she couldn't send him off immediately. That might look suspicious. There was one way she could do that that he could think of.

Judging by the fact that McCauley was taking his jacket off while she unbuttoned her shirt, Jack concluded that she was going for it.

"Michelle, we don't have to do this-" he paused to murmur, but she kissed him back harder. Jack wondered — with a hint of shame because he really shouldn't be thinking about her like this — whether any of it was real. Whether this was her way of saying goodbye to McCauley before he learned it was a set-up, a way to get rid of her nerves, both, or maybe neither. It wasn't that he was trying to pry or psychoanalyse Michelle; he just prayed she was thinking with a clear head for the sake of the case. 

He could hear heavy breathing from both of them. McCauley picked Michelle up, letting her wrap her legs around his waist before carrying her to her bedroom.

McCauley noticed the gun on her bedside table and gave her a funny look that Jack caught from one of the positioned cameras.

He pointed at it. "You know how to use one of these?"

She nodded. "I get weapons training through my work. I've never had to use it. But I know how."

They resumed their actions from before. There were a few awkward moments of throat-clearing between him, Curtis, and the other agents on surveillance. People seemed to be desperate to find something else to do. He was sure Tony wasn't particularly keen to watch this, either. But, in theory, he should be focusing on finding other connections to Marwan. When Jack next glanced at the screen, Michelle and McCauley were half-naked and lying on her bed. He prayed her skirt containing the bug would be within reach so she could attach it to McCauley's wallet when they were done, but he could see it was decently far away.

"Michelle, what are you doing?" Jack muttered.

Clearly, this would not be over quickly, so Jack started to think of contingency. If McCauley wasn't breaking away to say he needed to get back to work, what was to stop him from staying? McCauley had left his gun in the living room, which proved Hanna's point that he wasn't thinking like usual. However, Michelle's gun was in reach for both of them. Unless Michelle secretly had a play here — and he sincerely prayed she did — McCauley could easily overpower her and grab it.

The moaning through the speaker became uncomfortably loud, and Jack put the volume down. Based on what he could see and hear, he hoped for Tony's sake that Michelle wasn't faking any part of this because he really couldn't tell anymore. Jack decided to refresh the surrounding agents on the protocol for when Michelle dropped the code phrase since they could no longer assume McCauley would leave.

When the rhythmic noises ceased, Jack immediately returned his gaze to the cameras. He could see McCauley's bare back, half covered by a blanket. Now that Michelle had slept with him, her code phrase about feeling unwell would probably stick out to McCauley. Maybe Michelle would say something else with a tone that could still convey the same message. She was resourceful and perfectly capable. She would find a way out of this. She had McCauley there. She could make this work. Still, he couldn't help but be reminded of the Nash operation. Although he was pretty sure Michelle wasn't going to stab McCauley — he hoped, at least.

Jack peered closer, noticing that McCauley still had his face very close to hers. Neither of them was moving much. Their breathing was evening out, but nobody was talking. It felt off. Either Michelle was trying to secretly tell McCauley something, or McCauley knew to speak quietly for a reason. Regardless — not that he really believed the former, but he could never know — McCauley was tipped off.

As he went to turn around and order the team to move, there was a sudden and sharp noise, like one of pain. It didn't immediately strike him as Michelle. Jack looked at the screen again to find that McCauley and Michelle's positions had swapped. She was straddling him and shoving him onto his stomach. Her gun was pointed between his shoulder blades. He would be an idiot to overpower her, but that didn't mean he wouldn't try.

"You're coming down to CTU with me, McCauley," she said, her voice thick with emotion. 

"Move in, now," Jack ordered. "She won't be able to hold him forever."

Jack then led the way and managed to find a robe to pass to Michelle so she could cover herself as they detained him. She thanked Jack quietly. They then gave McCauley some of his clothes back, too, but he wasn't resisting nearly as much as someone who had just been caught after twenty years of freedom. He seemed almost… ashamed. He wouldn't meet Michelle's eye, who had her lips pressed together.

"You alright?" Jack asked.

Her nod might have convinced him that she was physically okay. But the look in her eyes made Jack wonder if that was true for her emotionally, too.

Michelle watched through the glass as Hanna interrogated Neil. She hadn't even had the chance to insist she was still in the right mindset to do it before Hanna had decided to personally assign himself. Nobody had stopped him. Hanna might not be the most stern or authoritative cop she had ever associated with; however, his intense eccentricity made arguing with him seem not worth it. Bill was next to her, having wanted to oversee the interrogation. He was the only person who had spoken to her since returning to CTU. Everyone else had given her an awkward look and avoided all eye contact with her — well, everyone except Tony, who, conveniently, had not been in the bullpen at all when she returned. She supposed she couldn't blame everyone for not knowing what to do. They had just watched her have sex with their main suspect. It hadn't been her brightest idea, but she had been too worried he would see through her facade as he continued questioning her about Tony, so it had been her only option to distract him. Still, she tried to remind herself that Neil in custody was ultimately a good thing and got them closer to finding Marwan, even if it hadn't been the original plan.

Neil hadn't said a word, not to her and, so far, not to Hanna, who was on a long rant about how amazed he was that he had finally caught him.

"Twenty years. Twenty fucking years I've been looking for you," Hanna went on, arms folded as he paced around the table. "You once told me that you don't get attached to anything you can't walk out on in thirty seconds, but here you are involved with a Fed. You knew. You had to have known that, but you didn't care, which tells me that no matter what you've told her, you've fallen for her. Certainly can't blame you: she's beautiful!"

Michelle stiffened a little. She hadn't wanted to believe Hanna's hypothesis that Neil was somehow in love with her. But as Neil had been detained, he had looked at her like a dog with its tail between its legs. It was hard to keep denying it, not just the possibility of him having feelings for her, but vice versa. Maybe she did have more feelings for Neil than she wanted to admit. However, It didn't change the fact that Tony had never left the back of her mind since she walked out on him, nor did it change the fact that she and Neil weren't exactly going to be able to be together again after this was over. But it did make her want to be a little more honest with him. She still respected him enough to leave things on a good point; she could only hope he felt the same.

"Now, as much as I'd love to pick your brain apart, I have a more important question: where is Habib Marwan, and what's he planning to do next?"

Neil said nothing, and Hanna slammed his hand on the desk, hoping to rattle him, but to no avail. Michell started to panic a little. Maybe she had hurt him so much that he wouldn't even give up his information now, and it would all be for nothing. If Marwan managed to initiate an attack because she had flubbed the mission and not allowed CTU to try tracking Neil to Marwan, she would blame herself entirely.

But then Neil looked up, almost like he was looking her right in the eyes through the glass.

"I'll speak to Michelle and no one else."

Hanna threw up his hands. "Alright, then." He left and came into the vestibule. "He's all yours."

Michelle looked at Bill, who shrugged. "Go on, then." They still had security in the room. She supposed if he was going to try killing her, he wouldn't get very far.

So, she walked into the room, watching Neil's expression soften, their eyes meeting for a moment before he tipped his head back down. There was a moment of silence, reminding her fondly of that first night on the balcony together. She took a good, hard look at him as though willing him to speak and explain why he had gotten involved with someone like Marwan. She had looked through his criminal history; he had never been on CTU's radar. The FBI, yes, a few times, but more often than not, he had just been wanted by the LAPD.

"I knew it was a lie," he finally said with a small smile. "When you called me and told me your husband might hurt you." He laughed through his nose. "It didn't make sense to me. But I knew the fear in your voice was real, and I couldn't ignore that. That's why I came to you."

She felt a slight flutter in her chest. God, he was so good to her, better than she deserved. It only made Hanna's words seem even more blatantly true.

"Even though you knew I was a Fed? That I might be setting you up?"

He nodded. "It was worth it to know you were okay."

Michelle tilted her head with a sigh. She moved to lean against the wall, just watching him. "Why?" Michelle asked softly, making him look up at her with confusion. "Why would you get involved with me in the first place if you knew I was a Fed?"

"I didn't know right away," Neil pointed out. "But I searched you after our first night together, like I'm sure you searched me, and I had to admit it scared me. It should have been my sign to run away. Instead, I spent three days thinking about how nice it had been to talk to you and actually be vulnerable around someone. I realised I couldn't stop thinking about you and decided you were worth the risk. I doubted I was going to come up on CTU's radar anyway."

"Until you got involved with Marwan."  

He bit his lip. "I only consulted with a middleman," he explained. "I didn't even know what the uranium was for until today. I never- I don't get involved with things like this. Call me a criminal, a mercenary, a thief, whatever, but I'm not a terrorist. I don't hurt innocents where I can help it." He seemed insistent on this point. It was like he was trying to desperately convey he was a respectable man, even if he wasn't on the right side of the law. Admittedly, that did make Michelle feel a little better. Granted, he could have made an educated guess about what uranium could be used for, but he was clearly upset. It made her want to believe he wasn't a callous, violent man who didn't care how many lives were lost so long as he got paid.

"Maybe we can make sure your record reflects that."

Neil furrowed his brow.

"It won't change whatever the LAPD wants to do with you, but it'll mean you're not labelled complicit in this. If that's something you want in exchange for your intel, then…" She shrugged, looking up at the glass and praying that Bill was looking back at her with understanding, not bewilderment. "We can make that happen."

He contemplated that for a moment but then agreed. "My contact's name is Lee Jong. I can give you the number and code I used to contact him. He was the one who organised the movement of our shipment to Marwan."

"Alright, we'll look into him." 

Michelle noticed that Neil wouldn't even meet her eye. He really did value how she thought of him. He was also probably struggling to face the fact that, CTU's offer aside, he wasn't going to be walking out of here today. Whatever life he had built for himself — lonely as it may be — was about to disappear. He was a man who liked luxury. The finer things in life brought him joy, but she knew it wasn't just about the things themselves but giving them to others. What made all of his gifts to her special wasn't the item or the dollar value but the way he looked when she opened it up. While she had never felt that committed to him, it still saddened her to know she was going to lose him. So, with the same desperation she had felt when she'd kissed him in her apartment before, she tilted his chin so he could look at her and kissed his cheek.

"You're a good man," she whispered, looking him in the eye. "Thank you for doing this."

Neil smiled at her, the way he always did when nobody else was looking, and it was just the two of them.

"You're welcome. I hope you find Marwan in time."

"I hope so, too."

Tony had been staring at the train tracks for what felt like forever, some delusional part of him still thinking that Jack would come back. But he wasn't. He may as well be someone watching Jack go off to war. No certainty. No way to know if he would even return. But unlike a soldier going off to war, there would be no captain personally coming to his door to let him know that Jack was dead or even MIA. All he could do was search obituaries for any alias that sounded like Jack and wonder whether he had met his fate. At least Kim would have closure. She would get what he, Michelle, Chloe, and David Palmer never would. That gave him some solace. Still, it wouldn't stop him from spiralling, mourning the loss. Times like this made him feel a drink was justified, but he also knew that drowning himself in whiskey was no way to pay his respects. How could everything have gone so wrong? McCauley had dropped one name, then it had become an off-book raid at the Chinese consulate authorised by Palmer — since Logan was too much of a coward — and Jack had ultimately been set up as the scapegoat.

"Thanks for telling me," Michelle said, breaking the solemn silence. "About all this. I'm glad we could help Jack."

He turned to face her. "Of course. He's important to both of us."

There was so much he wanted to say. Judging by the look on Michelle's face, she felt the same. But it seemed neither of them knew where to start. Their conversation before hadn't exactly finished on a high note.

"We should probably get back to CTU," Michelle suggested, and she was right. They couldn't draw any more attention to themselves — especially since Michelle and her relationship with McCauley had been a focal point throughout the night.

The drive was just as quiet, both understandably worried about Jack. However, Tony hated that as soon as they arrived at CTU, he was going to have to chase Michelle through the bullpen to get another chance to talk to her; they both had to be debriefed, him on witnessing Jack's death and her on the sting operation with McCauley. She had been through a lot today, and he wanted nothing more than to be there for her in whatever way she wanted him to be. He would understand if Michelle wasn't up for talking about reconciling their relationship after hers with McCauley had just come to an abrupt end. Somehow, it was sadder knowing that she was heartbroken not because McCauley had betrayed her but because the stars hadn't quite aligned, their lines of work ultimately setting them apart. Even if she had insisted it wasn't that serious, he respected that McCauley had been a part of her life these last few months and that she was still coping with the loss. Truth be told, just from what he had seen on the security footage during the sting operation, he believed they both cared for each other a lot. 

As Tony reflected on the past twenty-four hours, he also thought about what had happened to Paul Raines and how the snowball effect from his presence had ripped Jack and Audrey apart. It reminded him so painfully of what CTU could do to people just in a single day. He didn't regret going into this line of work — especially since it was how he had met Michelle. But there had been too many close calls, and he didn't feel like tempting fate anymore. Sure, today had been nice for him to have a purpose and feel valued as a human being, but he didn't want this life anymore. At the time of their divorce, Michelle had, though. Somehow, they had let that slight difference break them up, and Tony hated how passive he had been to all of it. But with everything that had happened today, Tony had gained some perspective and hoped Michelle had, too. However, he would only know if they talked about it — uninterrupted by any nuclear disasters. 

"Look, Michelle," Tony started once he turned off the engine, noticing she was wiping away tears. "I… I know we both need to be debriefed and think about telling Kim. But we didn't leave things right before, and I just- I want to talk to you."

He hadn't looked at her while fumbling through his desperate request, but when he did look up, she seemed surprised by his candour. Surprised but not disgusted. Really, it would be understandable if she wanted her space, so the fact that she didn't... had to mean she wanted him there and not just as a shoulder to cry on. 

"I'd like that," she agreed with a small, encouraging smile. "I'll… I'll meet up with you once I sign out for the day."

Tony returned her smile, his heart skipping a beat.

Chloe gave him and Michelle a curt nod when they entered the bullpen. He could trust that the paperwork was taken care of. Their debriefs were over pretty soon, too. All that was left was telling Kim. Tony wanted to do it, and Michelle had said she did, too. It was one thing they knew Jack would want. CTU would probably send an agent to the house, too, but maybe they could intervene somehow. They would have to explain why she couldn't see the body. Last he heard, she and Chase were still together, so he could trust that she had someone to support her, but it was a lot for someone at her young age to lose both her parents so tragically within only a few years. Tony could still hear the screams echoing off the linoleum of the basement when Jack had told her Teri was dead. He became almost paralysed by the impending reality that they were going to have to help Kim plan the funeral and lie to her face when she didn't deserve that. Sure, it was to keep her safe, but it still felt wrong. 

It was only when someone unfamiliar called his name that he looked up, stopping his grief-fuelled spiral.

McCauley.

He was in cuffs and being escorted down the hall. The guards tried to continue tugging him along, but Tony asked them to stop and came closer. The man gave him a good, hard look, making Tony feel a little intimidated. Tony half-expected McCauley to berate him and tell him how he was there for Michelle after he abandoned her emotionally. But McCauley's words were fond, not jealous or scornful.

"Your wife is the most incredible person I've ever met. And although I was never upfront about my work, I care about her a lot. All of that was real," McCauley explained.

Tony felt his shoulders relax a little. "I believe you. And I appreciate you being there for her," Tony admitted.

McCauley met his eye. "Truth be told, the reason it was never going to work between us was you. No matter what went down with your divorce, Michelle never spoke badly about you. She loves you, Tony. She never stopped. If I were you… I'd try to make it work again because you'd be a fool to lose her."

He nodded. "You're right."

"You know, for a place that deals with terrorists, you're awfully slow at processing them!" A voice boomed behind him, and Tony looked over his shoulder to see Hanna. "I am personally driving McCauley back to the LAPD, where he will be in my custody." 

Despite the impatience in his tone, Tony could see he was quite pleased to have the man he'd been chasing for twenty years cuffed before him. He couldn't blame Hanna, although having seen McCauley's vulnerable side here, Tony had to admit he felt a little bad. McCauley had made Michelle happy during a difficult time that he had induced. Tony was nothing but grateful to McCauley for that.

Tony left the hallway as Hanna took control and found Michelle walking out of the upstairs office, so he came to meet her at the bottom of the stairs.

"Hey, I'm all done," he informed her. 

"So am I."

They made it outside, the morning sun bright in the sky. He could spot the dreaded LA morning commute congesting the roads. They had been here many times after a national security threat had consumed their entire night. There was something so peaceful about going home, sleeping, and eating when the rest of the city was starting their day. It was the calm after the storm. Although Marwan had wreaked some havoc, chances were nobody in those cars out there would have a clue what could have been. The feeling that he had done a good thing — something he never thought he would feel again after his imprisonment — was in every part of his body. He could be proud of what he had done today.

"Do you... want to grab some breakfast?" Michelle asked, interrupting his musing.

He took her hand. "Sure. Where to?"

Michelle smiled. "I know a little place."