You Can Come Out Now

They didn’t usually get many visitors to start with, so Renee wasn’t exactly blasé about opening the front door. Usually she checked the security camera near the porch first, but having already been so close by, she didn’t bother this time.

The man furrowed his brow intensely when he looked at her.

“Renee?”

She wouldn’t respond. She wouldn’t dare respond. She had hoped to never see this person again, and now he was at the threshold of her house. Not just her house, her home, that she shared with the person she loved, and had done so safely for the past three years. And the man standing before her had the potential to destroy all of it.

“Honey, who is it?” Michelle called from the hall. 

The man’s eyes widened.

“I think you have me mistaken for somebody else, sir.” Renee kept her voice as even as she possibly could. Tilting her head, she called out into the hall. “Nobody important. Can you please refill the cat food?”

“I think we need a safe word.”

Michelle quirked a brow. “What do you mean? What kind of safe word?”

Renee snickered, realising the double-entendre of the phrase. “I didn’t mean that kind, although I’m certainly open to discuss that later.” She gave Michelle a knowing look. “No, I mean like a distress signal. If one of us is in danger but can’t say, we need a phrase that sounds inconspicuous to anybody else except us. Something we wouldn’t normally say.”

Nodding, Michelle bit her lip in thought. “How about something to do with cats?”

“Cats?”

She shrugged. “Well, unless we decide that two dogs aren’t enough for us, I don’t see us having to talk about them on a regular basis.”

“Cats it is then.”

After a brief moment of confusion, Michelle felt her heart thunder in her chest, her stomach plunge. They’d never had to use the word before. Grabbing her phone, she looked at the security camera footage for the front porch. It nearly fell from her hand.

It was Tony.

Tony Almeida was standing at her doorstep. And he didn’t look to be leaving any time soon. Nor did he look to be here by accident. The longer he stayed there, no, the longer he stayed in view, he was putting them all at risk.

—

He didn’t break eye-contact as she continued to stall him. “Cut the crap, I know she’s here.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Excuse me?”

“Renee. Where’s my wife?” He pulled out his gun, not pointing it at her, but still threatening her by holding it at his side. She now noticed the determination, along with the fear and exhaustion in his eyes. Clearly, he at least had some idea of what was going on. And understandably, he wasn’t processing it very well.

Slowly, she rose her hands, but sighed with relief as Michelle appeared in the corner of her eye.

Tony’s breath hitched as the barrel of a gun made contact with his lower back.

“Get inside.” Michelle hissed, pressing the gun in harder.

Obeying, he nearly tripped as she shoved him into the living room, his entire body practically paralysed with shock. Both of the dogs started barking as they followed the noise, Stitch immediately grabbing Tony’s pant leg, not relenting even as he tried to shake her off. Tony strode towards Renee as she scooped up Stitch, Michelle stepping between them.

“Get away from her.” She gritted her teeth, staring Tony directly in the eyes.

“What the hell is going on here?”

Michelle raised the gun. “Tony. I mean it. Take a step back.”

Realising just how serious, just how scared she was of him, he conceded, raising his hands. “Fine…”

Renee breathed audibly as the three of them distanced themselves, although Michelle still had a hand on Renee’s hip. 

Michelle took a good look at him now, realising just how much had changed. His face was rife with fatigue, he looked bulkier, stronger, hardened. But beneath the buzzcut she could still see his eyes, confused and overwhelmed. The stance, the mannerisms, they were more rigid, more assured, but it was still him. The hand that held the gun shook, as she tried so desperately to stabilise herself, and keep herself together. She couldn’t break. No, not when she needed to communicate objectively to him that he wasn’t welcome here. There were already so many questions in her mind as to the logistics of their situation, with her and Renee’s safety being her utmost priority. And, she had to admit, his safety was important to her too.

But she knew she needed to stay strong in this moment.

“Michelle…you do realise who she is, right?” He tilted his head towards Renee.

“I’m right here, Tony. If you’ve got a problem, talk to me about it.” She snapped.

“Let me talk to my wife!” He roared, trying to overpower the dogs who were still barking angrily.

Michelle squeezed her eyes shut. “Fine…Fine! Since you won’t listen to me otherwise. Renee, take the dogs, and make sure the windows are shut so the neighbours don’t call the cops.”

“Michelle, I’m not leaving you alone with him.” She paced forward, placing a hand on Michelle’s shoulder.

Turning her head, Renee could see Michelle’s seemingly less worried expression. “It’s fine, just go.” She mouthed softly.

She nodded hesitantly, flinging a dirty look to Tony as she walked into her and Michelle’s bedroom, the dogs following closely behind.

Tony took the closing of the door as his cue to speak, breaking the silence otherwise occupied by their audible breathing. “How long have you known?…How long have you known that I’m alive?”

Fervidly, she shook her head. “Uh-uh. You first. How in god’s name did you find me? No, actually, scratch that. First of all, what the hell are you doing out of jail?’

“Nice to see you too, sweetheart.” He deadpanned.

“This is not the time for games. Were you followed? Did somebody else tell you we were here? Do you realise what you’re doing? You are putting us at risk!”

He sighed. “Nobody ‘told’ me anything, alright? I just happened to stop here on my way to Canada.”

Michelle raised an eyebrow at him.

His hands raised defensively again. “I-I mean it. It’s a coincidence, I swear. Figured if I kept changing directions it’d be harder for them to trail me. So I drove and I drove and I pulled over somewhere to rest. Found myself sleeping in my car parked near some office building. Then…” He took in a breath. “Next thing I know, I heard someone laugh. And it terrified me because I knew I’d heard it before. I looked out the window, I saw someone that looked like you, talking to somebody else that looked like Renee Walker. I thought my mind was playing tricks on me, I told myself that it wasn’t possible, that I had held you in my arms as you died, that it was my conscience telling me that I’m supposed to be locked up.” 

She could see him trembling, understanding that the whirlwind of emotions she was feeling now, seeing him alive and in front of him, was surely how he’d felt then. “But I heard that laugh again, and as I got a closer look, I realised it wasn’t a trick. I realised that it was you. I tried to think of what the hell must have happened. Whether I really held you at all, or whether it was somebody else.” 

His voice began to shake, and Michelle had to will herself to not hug him and kiss him and tell him that she’s okay. She had to remind herself who he was now and what he had done in the days since they’d been separated from each other. 

“But then I realised that there was no little boy with you, that you didn’t leave at any point to pick him up from school or anything like that. I…I realised that logically the only you could have survived was if you’d…if you’d lost him.”  Tony’s breath shuddered. “S-so then I followed you home, from a decent distance, because I didn’t want to scare you.”

Michelle scoffed. “Because barging into my house with a gun wouldn’t?”

He rolled his eyes. “I didn’t know if Renee was using an alias, didn’t know if she was trying to get revenge on me through you. Given that you’re on a first name basis, I take it you know who she is?”

Her arms folded in front of her chest. “Yes. She was the one who told me about you actually. About all the abhorrent things you did in my name.” Her cheek twitched, voice becoming gravelly. “In our son’s name. He didn’t even get the chance to have a life and you already destroyed it.”

Guilt washed over him more than it ever had before, remembering once again, the sacrifice that had been made which was allowing them to see each other in this moment. “Sweetheart, I…” He stepped towards her, desperate to cup her face, desperate to tell her how much he’d missed her, how sorry he was for their loss.

“N-no. Stay there. Don’t touch me. Please.” She stumbled a little, holding up a hand defensively, as her voice began to wobble again. “No ‘sweetheart’. No ‘baby’. You don’t have the right to call me that anymore. Because you can apologise all you want and it won’t mean anything. It won’t mean anything because if I really was dead, you would have stood by what you did for the rest of your god-damned life. You think I was flattered to hear that innocent people died because you couldn’t grieve me like a normal human being? It made me sick. It made me terrified to know that you were out there doing these horrible things that the man I knew, the man I loved would never be capable of.” She emphasised the tense of ‘loved’, wanting him to know where she stood, even if she was lying a little. “I felt like an idiot. Like I was somehow supposed to find you and stop you. You might not give a shit, you might not live with the guilt, but I do.” Her chest was heaving.

He was silent for a moment, knowing that she was right. That his seething resentment had only dissipated upon seeing her alive. Then the image of Michelle being angry, disgusted, scared about who he’d become had become real. And his rationale had returned. She was always good like that. Michelle always seemed to balance him, to gently guide him back on the right path when things got heated.

“I know not everything I did was right, but it was for the greater good. I was the only reason they got to Alan Wilson in the end.” The volume of his voice rose. “She probably left those parts out. Didn’t tell you that I was undercover, didn’t tell you that I was trying to take them down from within.”

Her blood boiled at the reference to Renee, knowing and appreciating how much of their relationship was built on honesty, transparency, and trust. “Renee’s not David, Tony.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “She’s not manipulating me. How dare you talk about her that way. When I say she told me everything, I mean everything.” 

She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I-I get some of what you did with David was to keep yourself alive. I know you felt like you owed him for reviving you. And even though you worked with him, you double-crossed in the end, you redeemed yourself for that. If that was all? We could have worked through it, I probably could have forgiven you-” 

“How the hell was I supposed to find you, huh?” He snapped. “I had no reason to believe you were alive because the last time I held you, you were dead! You only had some FBI agent’s word, you could have done your own searching. You just trusted them blindly.”

“God, you really are delusional, aren’t you? Not everyone in the FBI is a mole, Tony.” She scoffed at his accusation. “Even if I wanted to confirm everything for myself, which believe me, I did, I would have much rather found out you were alive than sat there mourning you, I couldn’t.”

“Why?”

Michelle rolled her eyes at him.“Because I was supposed to be acting like a civilian, not breaking into classified government records. I wasn’t going to let myself be put in that position.” She sighed. “That’s not the point, stop trying to turn this on me. What you did with Emerson, I can understand to an extent.” Her voice fell to a chilled tone. “But it’s what you did after that scares me. When you…” She took in another breath to compose herself. “When you suffocated that agent with your bare hands, that is the moment you sold your soul, Tony.” 

Her brown eyes pierced into his. “No amount of justification will ever let me see past that. Alan Wilson may be the reason we lost our child, but you are the reason we lost each other. There is a right way to do things, and that was the wrong way. I know the system is flawed. I know you couldn’t trust a lot of people. I’m not saying you had to play by the rules the whole time. But what I am saying is that you took things way too far. And what you need to understand is that the part of me that loves you, is the part of me that mourns you. Because the Tony I knew is dead.”

He looked down into his lap.

“Why didn’t you tell anyone what your true intentions were?” Michelle gave him a look of disbelief. “Why didn’t you tell Jack? Chloe? Bill, even! They would have understood, they would have made it work! You could have gotten Alan Wilson incarcerated, there would have been a proper investigation to make sure nobody else suffered by his hand.”

Again, he didn’t meet her eye.

 “Because most of all, you just wanted to see him dead, didn’t you? And you wanted to be the one to do it.” Michelle huffed. “You didn’t care about anything else, did you? Revenge was all you wanted.”

“Enough was enough…” He grumbled. “I was tired of it all. I was tired of waiting for somebody else to do the right thing. I-I just wanted closure. From the moment I last held you in my arms, I knew I couldn’t live with myself until justice was served. That was all I had left. You’re right…I didn’t care anymore.”

“So why’d you break out then? If you ‘didn’t care’?”

Tony shrugged. “I didn’t technically want to. Someone from Emerson’s cell busted me out because he owed me personally. I-I didn’t even realise what was happening, until he gave me a car and some cash and told me to ‘piss off, because now we’re even’.”

Before she could respond, his teary eyes met hers again, voice so small, so heartbroken. “How…I still don’t…how are you alive? How were you okay after the explosion? I-I couldn’t find a pulse, there was blood everywhere…” He took in a trembling breath. “I-I have woken up every night for the last decade screaming out your name, reliving the moment I could have saved you, over, and over again. T-the least you could do is tell me…”

She wondered for a minute what the reverse would have been like. If she’d had to run out of their house to find him seemingly dead. To have actually seen his last moments.

Michelle lifted her shoulders a little, speaking quietly. “I wasn’t. For a long time. My skin was covered in third-degree burns, I had brain damage, broken ribs, one of my hips was shattered. I needed several months of recovery. Not just physically but emotionally too. When I woke up…to have them tell me that you were dead, that I’d lost the baby, that despite our efforts, Jack was being held prisoner in China, that half of CTU Los Angeles was dead, that I was dead to the rest of the world, that my family and friends were burying me…it was unbearable.” She wiped a tear from her eye, as her mind started to recall those awful, dark days. It was hard for her to visualise them in her mind now, but the clutch in her chest was still there. “I couldn’t understand why I was alive, why after losing so much, it was even worth it. Why it was worth living a lie. They even had to put me on suicide watch in the first place I was at.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, thinking of her suffering and grieving over him, the way he had over her. Thinking about how if he hadn’t let his emotions take control of him, that maybe they could have been reunited earlier. Again, the urge to hold her in his arms consumed him, and he had to consciously push it down. 

“First place?”

“I came home one day and found two of the FBI agents guarding my house dead. I got held at gunpoint. They tried to take me. I-I don’t know who they were, but they knew who I was. I-I escaped, moved a few towns over. Got a dog, thought that would help me feel safer.” Her eyes naturally glanced over to the painting of Leo on the wall. “Then it happened again. Fell off the FBI system, went out on my own, I couldn’t trust them to protect me anymore.”

Tony felt a swell of pride for her. Of her strength, of her determination, of her courage. But he could still see how much fear was in her eyes.

“Settled in reasonably well here. Got to the point where I thought about adopting or IVF or something. I was so lonely. That’s the thing, Tony, this time we’ve been apart hasn’t exactly been a vacation. I haven’t been living this lavish, incredible life without you. I was miserable, I was just trying to give myself something to do, some reason to keep going, because I at least felt like I owed it to David Palmer for trying. But then I realised…” She took in a short breath. “I couldn’t. I could never bring a child into this world if they would live in danger because of me.”

Silence fell between them again, his face now looking incredibly sorrowful, as Michelle hastily wiped away another tear. He realised that for as long as he’d been without her, for as long as he’d been so woeful about losing her and their son, she had been the same. The key difference was not in how they’d felt but how they’d acted on it it. He had been angry, he had raged, he had expressed it outwards for all to see. She had been sad, she had lamented, she had kept it in and let it eat away at every small ounce of happiness she’d had left.

“But then one day…” Her eyes crinkled, and a light returned to her eyes that he realised hadn’t seen in a very long time. “Someone new showed up at my work. She seemed to be interested in me, she seemed to know more than she let on. I got scared, thinking it was all going to happen again. Then one day she came to my house and confronted me. Told me she knew who I was. But at the same time, she told me who she was. That she was living the same kind of lie I was forced to.” She hardened her voice, desperate to implore her point. “And for the first time, I felt like my life had meaning again.”

He nodded slowly. “So you both ended up in Witness Protection, at least to start with. Because of Wilson’s people in your case, and the Russians in Renee’s. Has…has anything happened since?” Michelle could see the perplexity in his expression, slowly trying to put together all the things that had happened to her since they’d been apart. “I…I get that your relationship with Renee is important to you, but you’re both making yourselves vulnerable.” He shook his head. “Her enemies and the people after her will now be after you too. They can use you as leverage against her and vice versa, I…why? Why are you putting yourself at risk, even after being attacked twice?”

The concern in his voice was so familiar to her, it was forcing the memories of the kinder Tony she’d fallen in love with all those years ago to the forefront of her mind. And she couldn’t let it. She had to tell herself over and over again that he’d changed, that he wasn’t that person anymore. She had to detach the Tony in front of her from the Tony she once knew. 

She had to remember the woman in the other room whom she loved with all her heart now. 

“Because I love her, Tony.” She clenched her jaw, voice broken and drained, before pointing a finger at him. “And you of all people should know that when you love someone, you would do anything to protect them, including put your own life on the line.” Her lip wobbled before she whispered harshly. “I might be your wife, but she’s mine too.”

They weren’t sure how long they were silent for before Renee slowly walked back into the room, biting her lip at the sight of the two of them. Both distressed, both emotional, both still…confused. And it was understandable. How confronting it would be for Michelle to face the man who she knew was different now, who she knew had changed, yet still had the face of the man she’d once sworn to spend the rest of her life with. And as for him, all of the guilt that he’d sworn he’d never felt over his actions had suddenly emerged in full swing, looking at the woman who in his mind would have been overjoyed, relieved to see him, not furious and scared. 

“I think it’s best for everybody if I just leave.” Tony admitted.

“I agree.”

“Wait.” Renee warned.

“What?” Michelle whipped her head around.

It hit Renee now. She remembered that Michelle had drawn a gun on Tony when he’d arrived. All because he, understandably also out of fear and a need to control the situation, had drawn a gun on her. Whether Michelle would have fired or not, Renee would never likely know. But it had just affirmed to her, albeit bizarrely, how much Michelle loved her. There was no reason however, for Michelle and Tony to leave things on such a tense, painful note. It had been several hours now. They would never see eye-to-eye again, Renee understood. And as much as she knew Michelle would just want him out of the house as if to act like the day had never happened, Renee also knew the two of them couldn’t leave things like this. They had too much history.

“If he leaves now in the middle of the night, he runs the risk of being pulled over. And since I’m guessing the car isn’t registered in your name,” she looked over at him, “it wouldn’t be too hard for them to figure out who he is. And if they start checking traffic cams, it takes them right back to us. Wait until morning, wait until there are plenty of cars on the road, then leave and don’t come back.”

“Fine.”

“Did you fix the porch cameras before?” Renee asked. 

She nodded in response. “Yeah. Once you used the distress code, I made sure there was no footage of him at our door. I’ll do the same thing when he leaves.” Her lips pressed into a thin line. “It scared me so much to hear you say it.”

“I know, me too…” Renee sighed as she laid back into the bed. “God, this is so weird…your fugitive husband is staying the night on our couch.”

Michelle ran a hand through her hair. “Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be sleeping much tonight. How much did you hear in there before?” 

Turning, Renee faced Michelle, pulling herself closer and lowering her voice. “Some of it. The walls aren’t exactly soundproof, but the dogs were pretty agitated. Are you okay? I can’t even imagine how hard this must be for you.” 

She could understand the conflict coursing through her. Renee didn’t deny that Michelle’s stance on Tony’s actions was the same. Michelle wasn’t the kind of person to be persuaded by a teary apology, she valued duty and honour above all else. But Renee also knew that Michelle was desperately trying to shove down remnant emotions that would have arisen regardless because her dead husband who she loved was standing in front of her after so many years apart. If Michelle still loved Tony, just a little, even if in some twisted way acknowledging that she missed him and what they’d had, Renee couldn’t argue with that. After all, she wasn’t running off into the sunset with him pretending nothing had happened. She was staying with her, with the life and family they’d created here. However, Michelle seemed almost disgusted at herself for still having those feelings. And that wasn’t supposed to be where her pain and anger was directed.

Her shoulders shrugged slightly. “I-I’m just so confused. I don’t know how to feel. D-don’t get me wrong. I stand by what I said when you told me everything in the first place. I don’t forgive him at all. But when…” She shuddered as she inhaled. “When I brought up our son…Tony…he looked so sad, and for a minute I just forgot everything, and then I…All I wanted to do was hold him and tell him I loved him.” Michelle’s voice cracked.

“That was before it all started. Remember that. That was a loss you suffered together as parents.” Renee rested her hand on Michelle’s bicep. “And I think the other thing that’s hard is…you never saw him do all those terrible things. Your memories would mainly be of your time together. Of the Tony you knew and loved. Just like my memories of him don’t have that part. So to have that image conflicting with all of these stories is probably just causing your head to spin.” 

Hearing Michelle sniffle, Renee squeezed her shoulder. “And that’s okay. It’s a lot to process on its own, let alone with him in front of you. Neither of us could have expected this.”

“I hate that I still love him. I feel like I’m betraying you. I feel like I’m spitting on the graves of everybody he killed.” Her words choked a little on the word ‘killed’. It was almost as though her mind was finally connecting the outlandish-sounding but unfortunately true stories Renee had told her with seeing Tony again today.

The sniffles turned into quiet sobs, and Renee knew to simply hold her tighter, allowing Michelle to bury her face in her chest as her body quivered. “It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling, honey.” She whispered, planting a kiss on the top of her head. “You’re not betraying me. Or anybody else. You’re a good person just trying to make sense of everything. You’ve done the right thing. It’s a battle between your head and your heart. At least…at least now you know he won’t be coming after you or me. At least now you don’t have to be afraid of what could happen. It’s happened now, and we’re going to get through it. I love you so much, Michelle, okay? It’s going to be fine. We’re going to be fine.”

“I love you too.” She murmured softly, already half-asleep.

—

Tony still wasn’t exactly sure why Renee and Michelle were living together. They could just as easily have managed a relationship in two separate houses. At least that would keep them safe. He could tell they were awfully protective of each other, and given their experiences as agents, it certainly made sense why they had each other’s backs. They seemed to trust each other too. Trust each other enough to use their real names and not whatever aliases he presumed they were living under. 

He felt out of place in their house, now noticing in his sleepless state, all the domestic touches that made it their home. The paintings in particular, made him feel frankly, unwelcome. Although, the fact that he wasn’t sleeping on the street was a generous surprise. But he also supposed Renee had told him to stay mainly for their safety. She probably didn’t care if he got caught again, so long as he didn’t take them down with him. Hearing Michelle cry had been his undoing. Even through the walls, he could recognise her voice, he knew it was his fault. Of course it was. His own tears had fallen silently, his mind racing with guilt and emotions as he tried to sleep. It didn’t help that Leo had decided to stop and stare at Tony from the living room carpet, as though still trying to decide whether he was an intruder. 

The clock read a half past one when he got up to get a glass of water from the kitchen. It took him a few tries, but eventually he found a clean glass in one of the cupboards.

Walking back, he stopped at the threshold of the bedroom, noticing the door was left open. Probably so that they could hear if he tried to make a run for it, or if the feds were barging down their door. 

Michelle woke up with a whimper, spluttering and coughing, tears blurring her vision. At the sound of her distress, Tony instinctively felt the need to run in there and hold her. But Renee had already sat up immediately beside her, brushing a strand of Michelle’s hair away that had stuck to her face, passing her a tissue.

“Hey…hey…it was just a dream, okay?”

It had startled Renee a little. Michelle seldom had nightmares, on account of her long-term memory being weak, or so she claimed. Perhaps the shock of Tony’s presence was dredging some of that up. She had never seen her that scared before, possibly not even since she’d first confronted her about her identity all those years ago.

As soon as Michelle turned to find Renee, she threw her arms around her, sniffling. Renee squeezed her back, as though reaffirming that she was there.

“Y-you were in the car with me.” Her voice was broken, so rife with the fear that what she’d seen had been real.

“What?”

Michelle’s grip tightened. “I-I thought I’d forgotten everything, but then I saw you, everything was on fire, everything smelt like smoke, y-you were screaming…I-I thought I’d lost you.”

Renee pulled back, wiping a tear away. “Shh…shh…I’m here. I’m safe. It’s okay. Come here…”

Looking at them settle back into bed, Tony felt a pang in his chest.

They were nestling in each other’s fierce hold, Michelle’s head against Renee’s collarbone, their hands snaked around each other. Renee’s lips were pressed softly against Michelle’s head. The dogs were curled up asleep, not in the large, plush dog beds near the window, but instead, almost protectively, at the foot of the bed. He noticed the painting on the wall above the bed of the four of them. Of their family. 

He moved from the doorway before Renee could make eye contact with him.

If he didn’t feel like an intruder before, he certainly did now.

Because there was no doubt in his mind that Michelle Dessler and Renee Walker were in love. 

Yes, they’d vowed to each other once upon a time to have and to hold for the rest of their lives, but those lives were over now. He was on the run. She was living under a new name, in a new place, with new people in her life. There was no doubt that everything Michelle had said before had been wholly true and meaningful. It wasn’t just a heat of the moment statement. She’d moved on, she’d really found a way to live her life without him. 

And who was he to barge back in and destroy that?

Who was he to take away her happiness?

He’d brought his duffel bag in from the car just as the sun began to rise. Before either of them could say anything, he dumped a large wad of cash and some extra clips for their guns on the table, along with a scrawled phone number.

“This is Jim Ricker’s number. If anything should happen, especially because of me, talk to him, he’ll get you somewhere safe.”

Michelle furrowed her brow. “How exactly do you know this guy?”

“He was a friend of Jack’s. Actually offered to break me out of prison the first time if I didn’t end up getting pardoned.” He looked up at Renee. “And he helped Jack get out of New York. You can trust him.” 

She nodded. “Thanks. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

“Yeah…” Tony muttered. 

“Before you go…” Michelle made a hesitant face. “Just…just let me get something.”

Renee gave her a confused look, before choosing to stare at the floor rather than Tony.

“I’m sorry about accusing you of using Michelle to get to me.” He spoke, suddenly. “I…it’s clear how much you mean to each other. I was a fool for thinking I could just bust in here and get her back. Of course I couldn’t. I was on the run anyway. As if she’d trade a family with you for a life as a fugitive with me.”  Tony laughed to himself. “But seeing her with you…knowing that last time I saw you, you weren’t exactly happy with me…old habits die hard, I guess. I-I was just worried.” He cracked a half-smile, before hardening his voice again. “A-and I’m sorry about Jack too. You two didn’t deserve to lose each other. I’m…I’m glad you and Michelle are there to make each other happy.” Tony choked up a little. “I’m glad that someone’s there to love her and take care of her. Because the truth is Renee…” Her eyes met his now. “She deserves to be loved by someone like you. Someone who cares. Someone who listens.” 

She could only shrug and nod solemnly in response. He looked so vulnerable right now, it was hard for her to even associate him with the Tony Almeida she’d met all those years ago. Her ears perked up at the sound of Michelle returning. She passed Tony a bulky-looking manilla envelope. Naturally, he went to open it, but as though reading his mind, Michelle kindly requested he wait until he got into the car.  

Renee peered at it. It looked like a canvas. Was she really giving him one of her paintings? They were so personal to Michelle, after all. She opened the door now, having already set up the camera loop. 

Tony had frozen, looking at Michelle, realising now they really were saying goodbye for good. Judging by the moisture growing in her eyes, it seemed Michelle knew what was coming as well. Not wanting to overthink, he embraced her quickly, but firmly, kissing her temple, almost hoping that neither of them would process or interpret any further. She wasn’t pulling back, but her touch was light, as though mapping out his body one final time, her forehead resting against his chest. Noticing this, he began to draw away. He didn’t want to make this any harder than it already was. He didn’t want to add to her whirlwind of emotional conflict. Immediately, he pivoted, striding out of the house, feeling her hands tremble as they left his waist. He stopped again.

“Just…just be careful, alright? Both of you.”

Michelle found herself whispering ‘you too’, as they watched the dark, unfamiliar car depart from the street, feeling Renee’s arms drape around her from behind.

—

“By the way...out of curiosity…what did you give him when he left?” Renee traced small circles on Michelle’s back, who was lying on top of her, beneath the sheets.

“It was…it was an old painting I’d done of the two of us.” She spoke quietly, confirming Renee’s thoughts. “Right at the beginning when I first ended up in Witness Protection. I-I realised that if I wanted to truly let go of him, getting rid of something like that would help. Not everything, but some of it.” 

Renee made a noise of assent. “I have to ask you somethin-” She said after a beat.

“Wait…me, first.”  Michelle said suddenly. “I-I wanted to ask you this yesterday, but we got a little…” She laughed nervously. “Interrupted. So just…just close your eyes.”

Her brow furrowed as she obliged, listening to the sounds of a drawer being opened and the sheets being ruffled around. Renee took the sensation of Michelle’s warm, yet notably shaking, body settling back on her as the cue to open her eyes. She gasped softly, a hand clasping itself over her mouth.

A small, velvet box was opened before her, containing two slightly different ruby engagement rings inset with diamonds.

“Look I get we can’t…actually make a big show of anything, but I just thought that…” Her eyes grew misty, as she shook her head, as if she were telling herself to not hold back, to just say how she feels. “You are…everything to me. All those years I was alone, I-I had to keep convincing myself that there was some reason I had survived, that there was a reason to keep going. A-and I realised, Renee…” She laughed, softly. “That that reason is you. I love you a-and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You gave me my life back, you make me feel alive every day that I’m with you. So will you…marry me?”

“Yes.” She whispered, her eyes blurring with tears. “I love you too. Of course, I will.”

Michelle let out a small laugh, sliding the ring Renee indicated she wanted, onto her finger. Renee did likewise for Michelle before wrapping her arms around the plane of her back to kiss her deeply, revelling in the unfamiliar yet certainly welcome tickle of the cool metal against her back. Sitting up, Renee felt the headboard dig into her shoulder, as she pulled Michelle up to straddle her. Cupping her face, Michelle felt tears on her cheeks, looking at Renee in awe.  They made out like that for a while, touching each other softly, listening to the quiet moans and sighs escaping them, feeling a resurgence, a newfound vitality in the bond between them. 

She moved down the bed, kissing along Renee’s stomach before positioning herself between Renee’s legs, kissing the insides of her thighs and resting her hands on her hipbones. Michelle smiled as one of Renee’s hands found itself in her hair, scratching at her scalp, the other, notably, the one with the ring, covering Michelle’s on her hip.

“I love you…” Michelle whispered, looking up at Renee, before moving her lips towards her centre, suckling softly. Renee let out a quiet moan. She shuddered as Michelle’s tongue moved near her clit, teasingly, before returning to swirl around the rest of her entrance. The sounds Renee was making had caused wetness to pool between Michelle’s own legs. Her pace remained slow, intentional, as though every movement, every touch was an expression of love, of worship. And Renee could feel it, not that she didn’t usually when they had sex, but right now, Michelle was communicating in every way possible how much she loved her, how much she wanted to be with her, how important she was. Renee squirmed as Michelle suddenly blew cold air against her clit, knowing by the slight tremble in her legs that she was close. 

Renee’s hand suddenly pushed Michelle’s head further in, and she took the hint to speed up her motions until Renee came with a loud cry of her name. Lifting up, she moved forward to kiss Renee, who was pleased to see the dampness of her lips. Scrambling, she pulled Michelle to straddle her again, delving two fingers between her legs. Michelle whined as Renee continued to slide her fingers up and down, dipping in before retreating, and spreading her arousal around the rest of her. She bucked against them, not breaking eye contact with Renee as she grabbed hold of her shoulders and continued to pump her hips as Renee softly encouraged her. It didn’t take long for Michelle to come, clinging to Renee’s body tightly.

“I love you too…” Renee murmured, before kissing her collarbone, her neck, below her ear, and then her lips. They were desperately moving their hands around, not wanting to break their contact, not wanting to let go of each other. Their kisses were bruising and impatient, as though fighting to show how much they both loved each other. Michelle moaned as Renee grazed her teeth against her neck and bit down. She did similarly on Renee’s shoulder, feeling her whole body heave against her. Both of their bodies were shaking as they grew tired, so eventually they settled half-kneeled pressing their foreheads together.

“What did you want to ask me about, again?” Michelle panted, letting out a quiet laugh.

Renee’s voice took a more serious tone. “I’ve been thinking…actually for some time now, but today put it into perspective, I-I think we should move.” She ran a hand down Michelle’s bicep. “Just because we’ve been in Rosedale for a while, and…” Her inhale was sharp. “Just in case he gets caught and they trace him back here. I haven’t been in contact with Witness Protection in a long time anyway, they won’t notice.”

Michelle hummed, agreeing. “You’re right. Let’s aim to move in a few months.We don’t want to be too abrupt and attract attention by doing it suddenly, but we should definitely plan for it. Have a little honeymoon first…” A wry smile crept across her face. “And then…find somewhere to settle down.”

She smirked. “Where are you thinking?”

Smiling, she reached up, wrapping her arms around the back of Renee’s neck, voice full of emotion. “As long as I’m with you, it doesn’t matter.”

One Year Later

“Holy shit, it’s really you.” She sounded impressed, almost.

Renee furrowed her brow at the dark-haired, petite woman, before laughing in disbelief. “Janis?”

“Wait, you two know each other?” Michelle’s voice was still shaking. They’d been trying to double-cross and catch their supposed tail for weeks now, having half of their belongings already packed, ready to disappear. They’d barely slept a night, constantly up and on guard, both of their guns loaded and nearby. There’d been panic attacks. There’d been extensive scrutinisation of their house for bugs. They’d never seen each other as scared as they’d been those past few weeks.

Looking slightly more relieved, Renee turned to face her. “Yeah. We worked together at the FBI for years.”

Michelle’s shoulders relaxed upon seeing the confirmation in Renee’s face.

“Janis, what are you…what are you doing here? Y-you shouldn’t be near us, it’s risky, it’s-“

But there was a smile on her face. An honest, genuine smile. “But that’s just it, Renee, it’s not. I’ve been following both of you because…it’s safe.”

“Safe?” Michelle tilted her head.

“As in…” Janis opened her mouth, as if to speak, but quickly realised it wouldn’t quite be so simple. “Just come with me. I’ll explain everything.” 

Both of their faces were still hesitant.

“I swear this isn’t a trick, or anything bad, I promise. You too, Michelle.”

Renee took a step forward towards the parked car Janis was pointing at, before feeling resistance in the form of Michelle’s hand on her wrist. She turned to face her, feeling a pang seeing how pale Michelle had grown.

“You trust her?”

Looking Michelle in the eyes, she nodded. “Yes.”

Michelle cleared her throat. “Then let’s go.”

They were taken to a small apartment building, nothing particularly special. They weren’t exactly sure what they were expecting when Janis opened the door, but Chloe O’Brian sitting with her eyes concentrated on a screen certainly wasn’t it. She looked up at the sound of the creaking hinge, eyes widening.

“Chloe?”  

“Michelle?”

She laughed a little in shock, just as Renee had done before, hugging Chloe when she stood from her seat, not surprised by the tears that had welled in her eyes. So many notably different features were clear. Michelle could see the outline of tattoos along her shoulders. Her hair was shorter, darker. Even her demeanour seemed fiercer.

They sat around the table, Janis also opening her laptop to a similarly complicated looking screen to Chloe’s.

Renee folded her hands on the table. “So what’s this about being ‘safe’?”

“Ever since…” Janis sighed, looking at Renee, as though she still couldn’t believe she was in front of her. “Ever since they told me you ‘died’, I knew something had to be wrong. Everybody said I was crazy, that I was just grieving. But given how much the Russians were involved that day, I-I just couldn’t leave it alone. Eventually…I figured out you were in Witness Protection, but I couldn’t get further into the details without decrypting the files and making them vulnerable. So I left it. I had a hunch, I followed it…I found it.” She took in a breath. “But I was angry. You’d been through hell and back because of Red Square, because of everything, and you got forced to live the rest of your life as a lie.”

She gave a commiserating smile, simply so taken aback that Janis had still been thinking of her after al that time.

“So where exactly do you come in, Chloe? I-I thought you were in jail for helping Jack escape?” 

Chloe chewed on her lip. “I was. For a year. Wasn’t in a great place when I got out…”

Michelle felt her heart twinge as she explained everything. Losing her family. Being manipulated by the leader of Open Cell. Losing more friends. But she felt her chest hurt more when Chloe got to the end of her story, and she watched Renee’s mouth fall ever-so-slightly agape at the affirmation that Jack had been imprisoned.

“Prison? Oh god, again?” Michelle said, dismayed.

She was quick to shake her head. “It’s…it’s not like China. It’s a lot more…routine. Normal. At least from what I could tell.”

Renee nodded, easing a little as Michelle placed a hand on her thigh.

“So you figured out Renee was alive because of Witness Protection? What about me? I fell off the system years ago.”

“Well you did a good job of hiding yourself. You weren’t the reason we found you, Michelle.”

Michelle tilted her head. “What?”

Janis snickered. “We’ve been tracking the dog. You had encrypted and set up all the right firewalls and things everywhere else. But you forgot about the microchip in Leo. And that was how we figured out where you’d gone after your Witness Protection identity was compromised.”

She laughed through her nose, then a little harder in pure incredulity, almost a little embarrassed at how she’d neglected such a small detail.

“So once we put two and two together, figured out you guys were living together, we wanted to help. After losing so many people we know, we figured we wanted to give you guys an extra layer of protection.” Chloe spoke solemnly. “Compiled lists of all the people involved with Alan Wilson, and all the people involved with Red Square and the Russian government. We kept tabs on them, made sure they weren’t heading your way. But eventually, they started to disappear. After years of proceedings and deals by the FBI, all of Wilson’s cabal had been incarcerated or killed. The people that attacked you, Michelle?” 

She looked up from her lap. 

“They were people who wanted to take you to Alan Wilson and use you as leverage against Tony.”

Michelle sucked in a breath. Reaching out, Chloe rested her hand on top of Michelle’s. “Who by the way, we know for sure is in Canada now. I-I’ll admit we knew he’d busted out, and we thought about warning you once we’d found out, but he was moving too fast for us to get to you in time. We didn’t mean to wait this long in general, really.” Chloe pursed her lips. “But we’ll keep an eye on him, even though it feels weird to care so much after everything that’s happened, but if they start looking into his files and things, I don’t like how easy it is for them to start tracing back and looking at yours. It’s a good thing you guys moved.”

Feeling slightly more eased, Michelle smiled slightly at Renee, definitely knowing her idea had paid off in hindsight.

“And as for you, Renee?” Janis tilted her screen to show a huge map of blinkers, none of which were flashing or indicating any kind of alert. “I think…” She cleared her throat. “I think when Jack was arrested, most of the people who were out to get you seemed to be satisfied enough to stop trying. Either that or Jack had killed them…”

“So what you’re saying is…” Michelle broke the awkward silence between the four of them. “All the people who were ever out to hurt us, aren’t anymore? That’s what you mean by ‘safe’?”

Chloe smiled. “The proof is all here. That’s what we wanted to show you. Technically…you could go back to your lives before all of this happened. But I guess it would be weird and a little complicated to go find your families and friends and tell them you’re alive, especially because it’s been so long.” Her face grew concentrated in thought. “In fact, keeping the aliases would probably be a lot smarter, less paperwork, and I mean who knows, they could be keeping tabs on them, we haven’t really looked into that as much…”

“I think what Chloe’s trying to say is…you guys don’t have to worry about moving around and sweeping for bugs anymore. If you guys really wanted to just settle down and live the rest of your lives…you can now. We’ve got your back, don’t worry. But I think we’re pretty confident in telling you that you’re safe.”

They drove back home in awed silence. So many emotions. So much information about their friends who they loved and cared about so much, and who they thought they’d never see again. Michelle had a great deal of faith in Chloe and Janis, she trusted and believed them. Chloe had shown her the locations and statuses of every possible link to her. But Michelle could tell the news about Jack had overshadowed much of the same relief she knew Renee was feeling.

When they parked in their garage, Michelle made no move to unlock the doors and exit the car. 

“You’re allowed to cry, you know?”

Renee shook her head, speaking thinly. “No. I’m not ruining quite possibly the best news we could ever receive by crying about Jack.”

“Renee…” She turned to face her, softening her voice. “I’m upset too, of course I am, to think after everything he’s ended up in prison, it’s awful.”

Her bottom lip wobbled. “He doesn’t deserve it.” She wiped under her eye. “Not after everything.”

“Come here…”  Michelle outstretched her arms, Renee leaning to rest her head on her shoulder. 

She held her like that for a while, gently stroking her thumb over bicep, in the dimness of the garage. In a lot of ways, finding out where Jack was, and where he would likely be for the rest of his life, had the same level of sadness as finding out he’d died. Although in some ways it was worse, knowing how he’d likely be treated, knowing he wouldn’t have the comfort and solace that he deserved. Michelle could tell Renee was mainly crying out of relief, out of the finality of it all. Eventually, with a swiped thumb across her freckled cheek and a light kiss on her forehead, they went inside, finding themselves standing stiffly in the living room.

“In a way…he’s gotten what he wanted.” 

Renee shot her a confused look.

“He wanted the people he loved safe and protected. With him in prison, with his enemies having no purpose to come after him…no one will come after you, or Chloe, or Kim, or anybody else. I think if he knew you and I were alive, but that him being in prison meant we were protected, I don’t see Jack being too discontent with that. For years, I’ve watched him blame himself for every bad thing that’s ever happened to anyone.” She reminisced sadly. “I think the reason he didn’t put up a fight or try and break out was because now he feels he can keep people safe like he’s tried to promise them.”

Upon hearing the reverence in her voice, Renee realised Michelle was right. It was sad, it was awful, but it was right. She promptly walked into the kitchen, returning with two glasses and a bottle of rum.

“I say we toast.” The dark liquid reflected the soft lighting from the overhead lights. “To being free…to not being afraid of every single stranger we meet, to reuniting with old friends, to living our lives.”

They clinked their glasses before each taking a slow sip. Hearing the familiar pad of paws on hardwood floor, Michelle’s eyes lit up at the sight of Leo walking in. Stitch was curled up against the couch. Bending down, she cupped Leo’s face in her hands.

“I cannot believe that you were the reason Chloe and Janis found us.”

Renee laughed. “Glad nobody else did though.” Walking over, she rested a hand on Michelle’s shoulder, helping her up, and leaning in to press their lips together. Setting their drinks down on the side table, Renee walked Michelle back to the couch. Michelle laid down along its length, pulling Renee on top of her, hands wrapping around the plane of her back. Leaning down, Renee nuzzled her neck, feeling Michelle sigh. Noting how tired they both were, they didn’t go any further, instead opting to cuddle, fitting together compactly. Moving up, Renee pecked Michelle’s nose, eliciting a smile from her. Michelle threaded her hand through Renee’s hair, softly exhaling.

And then a thought occurred to Renee. As she was thinking about what their new lives meant now, what they no longer had to worry about, what they still had to worry about, something very important came to mind. Something that, although was never often said aloud anymore, on account of it being too sad to hear, was something they’d both undeniably wanted together. But it hadn’t been possible before now. 

All she needed to do now however, was ask.

“Do you remember…” Renee started. “Do you remember what I told you the first night we talked about kids?”

It was quiet in the middle of the night, save for their rhythmic inhales and exhales. Michelle’s hand was laid across Renee’s abdomen, head nestled in the crook of her elbow.

“For the record...if it wasn’t for the fact that we’re living like we’ve got targets on our backs, I’d do it with you.” She spoke softly, facing the ceiling, before turning as she felt Michelle move beneath her. “Have kids, I mean. And not just because I want you to be happy, but because…it would make me really happy to share something like that with you.” 

She looked up with such admiration and love, it made Renee’s heart melt.

“You would?” Michelle whispered.

Renee nodded. “I would.”

“Yeah?” Michelle said, voice uncertain, unable to believe what Renee was possibly implying.

“What if…what if we did?”

“I feel like the last time I flicked through a book full of pictures of men like this was when I was like fifteen years old.”

Renee snorted. “Well we’re picking the father of our baby, I’d argue this is a little more important than which Backstreet Boy we’re destined to be with.”

Michelle laughed. “Suppose you’re right.”

They’d agreed adoption would be too hard, what with all the background checks. As much as they trusted Chloe and Janis, they still didn’t think it was quite right to let strangers look into their records. So from there, they’d discussed the decision of who would be getting pregnant at great length, each wanting the other to be happy, each wanting the other to feel wholly involved. Ultimately, they’d decided Renee would, mostly because she was younger, and physically healthier, on account of not being knocked around by a car bomb once upon a time.

So at this point, all they had to do was pick a donor. Michelle’s head was on Renee’s shoulder as they flicked through the pages of potential candidates. The whole experience was still a little surreal. They couldn’t even believe that they were actually doing this. In nine or so months, they’d have a new addition to their family. 

One both of them thought they’d never be lucky enough to have.

In fact everything felt strange right now, really. They’d gone from constantly being on high-alert to no longer worrying, or at least, worrying significantly less, about being stalked or their conversations being overheard. They’d kept their surnames changed but figured it had been so long now that they could go back to being Michelle and Renee now. They’d also managed to obtain jobs working from home, so they could at least spend most of their days feeling safe to use those names. And generally, they stuck to pet names where they could anyway. It reduced the chance of slipping up in public. And they didn’t want to lie to their baby. Even seeing Chloe and Janis on a regular basis had become such a welcome surprise for them. They felt like they were getting a better semblance of identity back.

Renee tutted, flicking the page. Michelle poked her shoulder, playfully. She’d done this for a few pages now, skipping past before Michelle could read any further details. A healthy genetic history was their utmost priority, but Michelle suspected Renee had some other thoughts about the process.

“What was wrong with him? I didn’t even get to read the rest.”

“I just want to make sure we’re making the right decision.” Renee replied quickly.

She scoffed. “And how are we supposed to do that if you don’t even let me read the first sentence? It’s like you’re judging them at face value…” She trailed off, noting how serious and sad Renee’s expression had grown. Then she clicked. Most of the immediate ‘skips’ had had blonde hair and blue eyes.

“You don’t want him to look like Jack, do you?” Michelle asked quietly.

Renee shook her head. “Not just that. I want him to look like or have some kind of similarity with you. I want you to have something in common with our child.”

Michelle smiled softly at her.

“I-I just want you to feel as much as part of this as I’m going to be.”

Leaning forward, Michelle kissed her cheek.

“I’d be happy with any child, so long as they’re happy and healthy. But if it’s important for you to find a donor who resembles me, then we’ll look for one, okay?”

So they continued to search, now with a more united sense of focus. Wordlessly, they’d stopped on one particular page. He had the same deep brown, almond-shaped eyes as Michelle. Dark hair. A clean bill of health. 

Renee placed her finger around the person’s biography. “Look! He’s a painter. That has to be a sign, come on, Michelle.”

She laughed through her nose, sighing. “He is cute. And looks aside, he does seem to have all the right things we’re looking for. I think I’m satisfied with that.”

“‘Satisfied’?”

Michelle took a moment to read further and the more she did, the more she felt it was right, the more she felt it was going to be the closest thing to having their child somehow inherit aspects from both of them, and she realised Renee felt the same way.

“You’re right. I think…I think this is the one.”

“So Mr. Donor Number 1209?” Renee looked down at Michelle, quirking a brow.

“1209 it is.”

“Do we want to wait for the blood test? I’m sure if we leave now they might even squeeze us in early, I don’t want to get our hopes up with a home test.”

It’d been a few weeks since the procedure. They were told if everything went well, the pregnancy hormone would be present in Renee’s blood test by this time. A home pregnancy test could show false positives, it was best that they got the results from the blood test to be sure. But with all the health checks they’d done beforehand, they were confident Renee would have no trouble getting pregnant.

Renee shook her head, holding the home pregnancy box up. “Normally I would agree with you about being careful, but Michelle…I…I really think I am. To start with, I’m late. That’s the first sign, right? A-and on top of that, something feels different, I know it, I’m not crazy, I swear-”

Seeing the light in her eyes, Michelle couldn’t help but let her.

“Go ahead, then…”

Renee promptly disappeared into the bathroom. Time seemed to still as she waited those minutes, her hands clasped in her lap. There was an odd sense of deja vu as she recalled the last time she’d taken a pregnancy test, close to ten years ago now. Things had been the other way around obviously, but despite believing she’d long forgotten many aspects of that part of her life, the anxious feeling had returned to her. So lost in thought, she looked up immediately, slightly startled as the bathroom door opened. 

Renee’s giddy smile was unable to be contained. Michelle stood, quickly striding across the room to face her, grabbing her wrists.

“Are we…?”

She looked down. The stick had two lines.

“We are.”

Michelle cupped a hand over her mouth, an unrestrained squeal escaping her. She grabbed Renee’s face, kissing her hard, feeling Renee laugh into her mouth. Renee’s hands seemed to be everywhere at once before creeping lower, while Michelle had shoved one into Renee’s hair, and the other around the back of her neck. Michelle suddenly felt herself lifted from the floor, as her legs wrapped around the small of Renee’s back. Gently, Renee set Michelle down on their bathroom counter, lightly pecking her lips all over her now flushed face.

She giggled as Renee kissed the crook of her neck, using one hand to gently fondle her breast, and the other firmly planted on the counter to steady herself. “Hey, we have to get going to the doctor’s soon.”

But Renee seemed to be more occupied in sliding Michelle’s pants down, bending to slide her tongue along Michelle’s inner thigh, causing her to shudder.

“Don’t worry. You and I both know I can be very efficient with my time.”

Hearing the huskiness in Renee’s voice, Michelle could already feel warmth growing between her legs. “By all means then…” She quipped in return.

Her eyes rolled back into her head at the sensation of Renee’s touch, moving her hand to push her head closer, not having enough control to remain patient. She was just too damn excited to take this slow.

Slowly, Renee dragged her tongue across Michelle’s centre, back and forth, teasingly. Michelle let out a whine, and Renee smirked, before working into a familiar rhythm of alternating between suckling at her clit and applying pressure against it with her tongue, a rhythm she knew wouldn’t take long to drive Michelle to her undoing.

“Fuck, keep going.” She whispered, gripping Renee’s hair tighter, feeling her hum in satisfaction.

The sounds she was making were making Renee just as aroused, but she knew Michelle was close, and wouldn’t leave her hanging now. The contrast between the coolness of the bathroom counter and the warmth between her legs was overwhelming Michelle’s senses. 

She pulled back, momentarily. “You’re so beautiful when you’re about to come.” 

Renee’s hands were suddenly on Michelle’s hips, helping her to thrust forward, speeding up their movements. Within moments, Michelle came screaming Renee’s name so loud it echoed off the bathroom tiles, panting audibly. Feeling somehow dissociated from her body, she wasn’t even aware Renee had cleaned her up and zipped her pants, until their lips met. Slightly dazed, she smiled again, tasting herself in Renee’s mouth.

“So I take it you’re happy?” Michelle teased.

Snickering, Renee leant in so their foreheads touched, hugging Michelle as she pulled  her down to the floor. 

“I guess you could say that.”

From where Michelle was standing, she glanced at the clock in the other room.

“Are we going to be late?” Renee asked.

“Not if we leave within ten minutes. But believe me…” Michelle said slowly. “I’ll be returning the favour when we get back.”

—

True to Renee’s gut intention, the doctor was quick to confirm that she was pregnant. They’d taken every information pamphlet and advice book there was, and made note of every possible precaution to take. There was a lot of planning that needed to be done, they needed to set up a nursery, they needed to go buy all the essential supplies, book lots of appointments in advance. But the thought of all that chaos brought them nothing but joy.

When they finally got home, having decided to start on their shopping along the way, Michelle had immediately insisted on Renee resting. It brought Renee so much warmth to see Michelle already fretting over her, just knowing how much she cared for and loved her. She was still riding the high of happiness from the morning, but she had to remind herself it was only the beginning, that there would be plenty of time to plan and think and worry. 

Renee rested her hand on Michelle’s shoulders, looking into her eyes. The sensation seemed to calm her, with whatever Michelle was in the middle of saying trailing off into silence.

“I’m already driving you nuts, aren’t I?” She said, shyly. “I-I don’t get it, I wasn’t even this bad when I was the one that was pregnant.”

Laughing quietly, Renee kissed her. “If by ‘driving me nuts’, you mean reminding me how lucky I am to have you, then yes, yes you are.” 

Michelle’s hands snaked around Renee’s waist. “I love you…” She mumbled.

“I love you too…” Renee replied, before deepening her voice. “Now how about that ‘favour’ we were talking about before?”

She was laying on the bed, Stitch curled up by her legs. Ever since she’d gotten pregnant, Stitch had become practically attached to Renee’s side, almost protectively. Renee was wearing an old grey sweatshirt, a bowl of ice cream being delicately balanced across the divot between her belly and breasts. It was late, her freckles highlighted by the dim lamp on the bedside. She was wearing her reading glasses, a novel in her hands. Michelle walked into the bedroom from her shower, snickering loud enough for Renee to look up. 

“What?” She said a little sheepishly. “I’m eating for two.”

Laughing, Michelle shook her head. “You’re beautiful.”

Renee blushed. That’s all she seemed to be saying lately, but she meant it every time. After several months of bad morning sickness that usually rendered her unable to get out of bed, Renee was finally at the stage of her pregnancy where she seemed to be glowing. Everything really seemed to be going right for both of them, a strange concept after years of anxiety that nothing good that arose in their lives could ever last.

Joining her in the bed, Renee set the now empty bowl of ice cream and her book aside. Stitch jumped off the bed, retreating by the window, allowing Michelle to lean in and curl up beside Renee. Michelle’s hand trailed light patterns over Renee’s stomach, her gaze poignant.

“We’re really doing this, huh?”

“Yeah.” Renee’s hand covered hers, her eyes just as soft and warm as they looked down at Michelle’s.

“This whole thing just feels…surreal still.” Her voice became quiet. “I guess part of me still worries that I’m going to wake up and be all by myself again.”

“Well, pretty soon we’re going to have an extra person keeping us awake, so I’m sure that worry will disappear.” Using her other hand, Renee cupped Michelle’s face and kissed her. Michelle tasted caramel in Renee’s mouth, smiling against her. “But I’m still scared too, I get it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m over the moon…but I’m scared.”

Turning the light off, both of them pulled the covers down, settling on their sides, facing one another. “We still haven’t really talked about names yet, have we?”

Michelle bit her lip, sighing. “We should probably have a short-list by now right? Our deadline is kind of soon.”

It wasn’t anybody’s fault in particular. The entire preparation process had been wonderful and exciting for both of them, right down to the last detail. But every time the name decision had come up, it’d ended up resulting in awkward reminiscence of the past. Certain names would come up and they’d be reminded of old cases, family members they would never see again, ex-partners, people that had impacted their lives in one way or another. They didn’t want to create even the slightest connection to their old lives. This was about moving forward, it was about moving on.

So they started the familiar run of listing off names back and forth. They’d wanted to keep the sex of the baby a surprise, so that alone was adding a lot of choice to the mix.

“What about ‘Caroline’ for a girl? We could call her ‘Carrie’?”

Michelle’s eyes widened. “Absolutely not.”

Renee placed her palm to her head. “Oh, right, right, sorry.”

Her brow furrowed in concentration as she continued to think. “Why weren’t we going to use ‘Ben’ again?”

“Because that was…” Renee cleared her throat. “That was what Kim named her son. I-I still remember the photos Chloe had found and I just…”

“No, no, that’s okay.”

They both fell quiet, now trying to think more seriously. They were sick of having this conversation without ever resolving it. 

“What about ‘Lucy’?” Michelle asked.

Renee tilted her head, humming quietly. “I like it. Nobody’s coming to mind so…I think it’s a good choice. And on that note, ‘Luke’, if it’s a boy?”

Michelle nodded. “Yeah. That sounds…that sounds good. I think I’m happy with that. I mean it’s kind of hard to put a name to something we can’t really see yet, but for now…”

Sitting up, Renee leaned over to her bedside table, switching the lamp on again, and fishing something out of the drawer.

Furrowing her brow, Michelle sat up on one elbow, unable to see what Renee was doing.

Turning back around, Renee held up two sticky notes, each with the potential full names of their child. Michelle smiled crookedly. Seeing it written down definitely helped. Folding her glasses, Renee set them aside, switching the lamp off. Michelle’s eyes were already fluttering shut. Both of them were trying to build up as much sleep as they could, knowing that very soon, every last ounce of energy would be given to their baby. Giving her one last kiss, she tugged her waist to pull her closer. 

It had to be the hormones, she knew. Renee never used to be so eager for sex at the crack of dawn. Not that either of them minded. But at some point during the night, Renee had managed to push her thigh between Michelle’s legs. It’d happened in such a way that every time either of them moved, Michelle could feel heat form between her own legs, see a slight smirk on Renee’s face, as if she knew she was doing it. It had driven her crazy. In a good way of course. But neither of them had acted on it, completely exhausted from the previous day.

So now that the sun had risen, Michelle figured she should give Renee a little taste of her own medicine. 

Glancing at her bedside table, she noticed the white box sealed by a baby pink ribbon that still hadn’t been put away yet. Renee had bought her a new set of lingerie for her birthday recently, and it was only just now that Michelle was realising that the ribbon was just the right size to do something they’d both been discussing for a while. The trouble hadn’t been in the act of tying each other up, they trusted each other enough to do that, but moreso in the tool they’d use. Handcuffs reminded them both too much of their past. Reminded them too much of kidnappings and being undercover and all the other bad things they’d tried to escape.

But maybe this could work.

Renee’s lips were already on hers as they both woke up, tongue slipping between her teeth. Her hands were creeping under her top, cold against her skin. Pulling away, Michelle gently pushed Renee’s shoulders down, hearing a noise of protest. She sat half-kneeled on the bed, giving her a glassy look.

“You’ve been teasing me all night, you know that?” She said in a low voice, before smiling coyly. “But that also means I’ve had all night to fantasise what I’d do to you when we wake up.” 

Pulling the ribbon out, Renee lifted her head to see it. Nodding, she pulled her pyjama top off and lifted her wrists above her head, allowing Michelle to hover forward and restrain her.

“Not too tight?”

Renee shook her head.

“Good.” She kissed her quickly, smirking as Renee tried but failed to kiss her back. 

Watching Michelle take her own shirt off slowly, undoing one button at a time, and quickly lifting up to remove her underwear, Renee sighed, looking up at Michelle with sheer desire. Slowly, Michelle began to touch herself, her eyes meeting Renee’s, making sure she heard every sound coming out of her. In that moment, Renee wanted nothing more than to grab Michelle and pick up the pace. She wanted to kiss her everywhere, she wanted to run her hands down her sides, she wanted their hands to meet right where they were now, she wanted to feel how wet she was. She wanted Michelle to touch her back, to put her mouth right where she could feel arousal growing. Renee let out an audible breath, tipping her head back.

“I want you to look at me, Renee.” Even the way she said her name turned her on even more. “I want you to watch what you’re doing to me.” Seeing Renee grow more flustered was driving her closer to the edge.

“You know what I’d do to you if I could?” She managed to say. “I’d have my hand right where yours is right now, teasing you slowly, making you beg me for more. I’d be kissing every inch of you.”

More confident now, Michelle sped up her motions. Bucking her hips a little, she continued to please herself with one hand, caressing her breast with the other. Michelle came with a shudder shortly after, barely hearing Renee moan in response over the sound of her breathing.  Moving towards her, Michelle held out her hand, the one she’d touched herself with, feeling a shiver course through her as Renee sucked her fingertips softly, circling her thumb with her tongue. Even more beautifully, she didn’t break eye contact with Michelle as she did so, the blue-green hue of her irises reflected in the morning light, pupils still dilated. Slowly, Michelle planted open-mouthed kisses along Renee’s collarbone, before suckling at her breasts, lightly grazing her teeth. She felt Renee’s body shudder against her, a quiet plead escaping her. 

“What do you want me to do to you?” Michelle asked, huskily, her hair tickling Renee’s bare chest.

“Touch me the way you just touched yourself.” She breathed.

Obliging at the request, she moved down the bed, slowly pulling Renee’s already-soaked underwear down. Michelle was pleased to note how aroused Renee was, when she began to spread her wide, pushing a finger in. It was getting a little hard to see over the baby bump, but Michelle kept looking up over it, wanting their eyes to met, wanting Renee to know how much she loved her, how attracted she was to every inch of her body. 

“I love you…” She whispered.

Renee arched against her, already begging for more, already wanting Michelle to speed up. At the slightest pressure on her centre, she bucked against Michelle’s hand. Michelle alternated between pumping her fingers in and gliding her thumb over her clit. She gasped, snapping her head back, as Michelle’s fingers suddenly moved faster, just as she’d been begging. Michelle felt Renee tense as she came with a loud cry, taking one last moment to suck her own fingertips slowly, mirroring what Renee had done before.

Satisfied, she untied Renee, who seemed to be a million miles away judging the far-off look in her eyes, a rosy flush across her skin. Renee was quick to shove one hand into Michelle’s hair, pulling her into a deep kiss, the other sliding down her body. She smiled, feeling between her legs.

“You’re still so wet…” She murmured against her mouth. “Let me take care of that.”

Michelle yelped in surprise as Renee’s hands grabbed her hips, dragging her up the bed and lowering her centre over Renee’s mouth. Before Michelle could even stabilise herself, her palms fell flush against the headboard as Renee’s tongue began to work the sensitive spot her own hand had been touching not long ago. Swirling her tongue around, she squeezed Michelle’s ass tighter, keeping her in place.

“Oh god, more…”

Doing as she requested, it wasn’t long before Michelle let out an unrestrained whine, riding the last of her orgasm against Renee’s mouth, as she was quickly brought to completion again. She allowed Renee’s hands to guide her back down to the bed, where she lay flat on her back beside her. Their pants were the only noise filling the room, save for a few chirping birds. Feeling a little dumbfounded, chest heaving visibly, Michelle turned to Renee with a stupefied, yet pleased look. 

“Fuck…” She exhaled. “We should get you pregnant more often.”

It wasn’t particularly early when Michelle woke, but she smiled seeing that Renee was still fast asleep. For a few minutes, she simply stared, watching the subtle rise and fall of her chest, listening to her breathe. It was a little creepy, she had to admit, but it was reassuring to her. Because deep down, there was still an inkling of fear that she would wake up and everything would be taken away from her. She’d never say it out loud of course, although she was sure Renee would think about it too. But Michelle knew that the best thing she could do was be there for Renee every step of the way. Remind her every day that they were a family, that they were in this together. It was because of Renee that she even had a family right now, that she had an identity, a purpose. It wasn’t that she’d forgotten herself before that, it wasn’t that she wasn’t okay with being alone, with being her own person. It’s just that in the time between waking up in Witness Protection and meeting Renee, she wasn’t in a position where she could be herself to start with.

But now, they had jobs that kept them safe, two adored friends who were looking out for them, and closure about many of the people from their past. They had a house, no, a home, with a big yard for the dogs, and now, an apricot-coloured nursery for the baby. 

Despite walking past it and smiling every day, Michelle still had to remind herself that very shortly, there would actually be an occupant of that room.

Having walked to the kitchen now, something in the pantry caught her eye. Opening the fridge, she pulled out the necessary ingredients, praying she wouldn’t burn the house down before Renee woke up.

—

Renee woke to the smell of vanilla and maple syrup. Upon fully opening her eyes, she saw a smiling Michelle in front of her. In her hands was a tray containing two plates, forks, and a larger plate holding a short stack of pancakes covered in mixed berries.

“What did I do to deserve you?” She said, voice a little broken from sleep.

Michelle sat on the bed in front of her, passing a plate and fork over. “What? You want the whole list?”

Looking down, sheepishly, her brow furrowed upon having the first bite.

Michelle’s shoulders slumped. “They’re terrible, aren’t they?”

To her surprise, Renee shook her head. “No, actually…they’re pretty good. Although the shape could use a little work.”

Laughing through her nose, she noticed the oblong, irregular nature of the pancakes. “Well, they’re box-mix, I figured I could at least make them taste good.”

“Do I want to know what our kitchen looks like right now?”

Michelle snickered again. “It’s not that bad, I promise. And besides, that’s not for you to worry about. What you have to worry about today, is which park we take the dogs to, and which restaurant we go to for dinner. We’ve got work off, so it’s up to you what we do today. But if I see you try and do anything related to cleaning or cooking or the house…”

“Okay…okay…deal. No work or worrying today.” She raised a hand as Michelle narrowed her eyes at her.

“Yep. Because right now, that’s my-”

Suddenly, Renee jolted upwards, one hand coming to her stomach, her eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights. She’d felt a couple of similar sharp sensations over the last few hours or so, but hadn’t wanted to wake Michelle. She felt now that waking her probably would have been a good idea.

Michelle looked at her, equally stunned. “Was that a…”

She nodded fervidly. “Yep…and not the first one either.”

“Oh my god…oh my god!” Frantically, Michelle took the breakfast tray off the bed, picking up whatever essentials were near her. “We’re having a baby…we’re…oh my god…” She breathed, running a hand through her hair.

Renee laughed nervously, groaning as she tried to sit up. “Still want to keep that promise about doing all the worrying so I don’t have to?”

Michelle looked her dead in the eyes. “Absolutely.”

She was pretty sure if Renee squeezed her hand any tighter it would break, but that was the least of her concerns right now.

“One more…” The midwife encouraged.

Michelle echoed the words in Renee’s ear, brushing a strand of hair from her sweaty forehead.

Everything seemed to happen so quickly. She cried out one last time, feeling the exhaustion catch up with her. Her hands were shaking from tensing them so hard, her heartbeat still thundered in her ears. But those physical sensations seemed to be disconnected from her body, as the nurse wiped the baby off. The cream bundle was passed to her, and she let out a shaky exhale.

“Congratulations, you have a healthy baby girl.”

“Oh my god, she’s beautiful…” Michelle whispered, tears already welling in her eyes.  

It seemed so surreal. After months of talking about names, cherishing every ultrasound, routinely kissing Renee and her belly good morning and good night, Michelle couldn’t actually fathom having a child in front of her to call her own. It felt like yesterday when Renee had told her the baby was kicking for the first time.

“Michelle…Michelle…” Renee whispered.

Normally, Michelle would jolt awake at the sound of Renee waking her. Her brain would usually jump into an anxious, fight-or-flight state, assuming the absolute worst. But there was a calm, almost giddiness to her voice. She mumbled in response, wanting to fall back asleep.

Snickering, Renee gently took Michelle’s hand, draping it over her stomach. “Somebody’s kicking…” She said in a sing-song voice, yawning.

Feeling the warm, fluttering sensation beneath, Michelle moved closer, pressing her hand a little firmer, desperate to feel more. Her lips touched the nape of Renee’s neck softly, Renee feeling her smile against her. 

“Glad I woke you, huh?”

Their hands met interlaced over Renee’s stomach.

“Mmm…yeah.”

She was shocked at how much emotion was consuming her, despite always feeling a little insecure and worried that she wouldn’t be as attached to the baby as Renee would. Seeing their child now, Michelle realised all that fear had been incredibly unfounded. Because the desire to protect and love this tiny being was growing exponentially.

“Hi Lucy…” Renee cooed, gently hushing as the baby cried out, rocking her in her arms. Seeing her now, the name choice felt overwhelmingly right. Somehow, they could both tell it suited her, that it was meant to be. Michelle’s trembling hand caressed the length of Lucy’s body, feeling it wriggle.

“She has your eyes, Michelle…” 

Michelle laughed through her nose. Even if they weren’t her eyes, per se, she supposed Renee’s donor preference had certainly paid off.

“And she has your hair. Your real hair, that is.” She replied.

Renee had continued to dye her hair honey-blonde as it had initially been during Witness Protection, simply out of habit. So seeing the auburn tinge to Lucy’s hair was a welcome reminder of her past. Perhaps the time had come to let that go too.

Wanting Michelle to share the moment with her as much as possible, Renee shifted in the bed, allowing Michelle to sit next to her. Slowly, she passed Lucy over, using her other hand to thumb away at a tear from Michelle’s eye and kiss her temple. She knew how important this was for her. Of course it was important for both of them. But Michelle had yearned for this exact moment for far longer than Renee, and now she finally had it.

“I can’t believe she’s really here. I-I can’t believe we actually did this.” She looked up at Renee, voice cracking. Her whole body was palpitating with emotion. Emotion likely of past losses being filled by the gift of the present.

Renee leaned forward to let their mouths meet softly. “Couldn’t imagine doing it with anybody besides you.”

Within the hour, Chloe and Janis showed up, one holding a generous bouquet of lilacs, the other, a box of expensive chocolates and a plush, light grey rabbit.

“Dogs are fed, don’t worry. We’ll keep coming over to help out as long as you need.” Janis smiled. “You’ve got something slightly more important to keep fed right now.”

Chloe could barely contain her tears. Michelle pressed her lips together, realising that once upon a time, Chloe had been in this same position, and now had nothing to show for it, had nothing to love and care for the way she had Prescott. She stood from the bed, walking over with Lucy in her arms. 

“Hold her.” Michelle said, earnestly.

Chloe smiled bittersweetly, as she took Lucy, rocking her slowly, instinct returning to her instantly. Sniffling, she looked up at Renee and Michelle.

“You guys are going to be really good moms.” Her voice was hoarse. “Take every minute you can, because she’ll grow up before you know it.” 

Michelle wiped under her eyes. “Thank you…thank you both so much. You’re the only reason she’s even here. You’re the only reason we could do this.”

Janis nodded. “After everything we’ve all been through…to see something good come out of it, it’s a reward in itself. And we promise to do everything we can to keep you all protected.”

He wasn’t supposed to be there. He really wasn’t. He’d looped the cameras, dodged the security guards, but still, he was on a timeframe. The helicopter pilot he’d hired wouldn’t idle for long. In and out he’d said. Then back to seclusion. He’d only found out because he’d been keeping tabs on their aliases, from a distance, nothing particularly confidential or sensitive. He’d stood by his promise to leave them alone, to not interfere, but this had been something he couldn’t leave alone. Opening the door slowly, he prayed it wouldn’t creak. A small sliver of light from the hallway entered, and he was quick to close the door behind him. He couldn’t be seen. He couldn’t be heard. He couldn’t be louder than the soft, patterned breathing of the three living beings in the room.

Looking at the two women nestled compactly in the hospital bed, one with her arm rested over the other’s abdomen, he had to will his lip to stop wobbling. Taking a step closer, peering down, he had to dig his nails into his palm, smiling crookedly as he looked at the baby. Even in the dark, he could tell she was as beautiful as the two women who would now raise her.

One of the women stirred slightly, causing him to look up in alarm. Carefully, he set down what he came to give, next to the other presents on the table, and left swiftly.

—

Michelle woke in the early hours of the morning, noting that Renee and Lucy were both sleeping soundly. Standing, she stretched her legs a little, having gotten cramped from both the narrowness of a bed designed for one person. Looking over, she took a few minutes to watch Lucy sleep, before pacing over to the table where their belongings and gifts were. Her brow furrowed when she noticed something, tucked purposefully behind the large bouquet Janis and Chloe had bought. Pulling it out and forward, her breath hitched.

It was a small, beige teddy bear, brandishing a Chicago Cubs jersey and cap. As Michelle lifted the bear, she noticed an envelope beneath it, stuffed with cash by the looks of it.

She realised very quickly that only one person could have delivered it in the middle of the night. Michelle wasn’t sure what to think of it. It was a sweet gesture, but the thought of him having been within such close proximity of them again scared her. She was sure Chloe and Janis could verify that everything was still okay, that they were still safe and sound. 

“Everything okay?” Renee’s sleep-ridden voice broke her train of thought.

Looking back, Michelle nodded. “Yeah.”