Renee took a deep breath as she prepared to open the door from the small vestibule before the altar. The forest was cold and quiet, but it felt safe, secluded, sacred, almost. She couldn’t believe just how much had happened in a matter of a few months. What had started as a simple suggestion by a friend had evolved into something much more special, something that she and Michelle hadn’t even realised they’d wanted this much.
“You guys never actually got married, did you?” Janis asked, quirking a brow.
Renee was feeding Lucy as Michelle set the tray of coffee cups down for the four of them. It was mid-morning. There was a crisp breeze in the air. The dogs could be heard running around in the backyard. Michelle made a confused face as she sat at the table next to Renee.
“I mean besides the rings…no, not really.” Michelle started. “We wanted to make things look as separate as possible, just in case anybody was digging around. Even though we went to Hawaii for a ‘honeymoon’ but didn’t actually do a ceremony or anything.”
“It just felt too risky at the time.” Renee added.
“Well, you do realise you could do it now, right? Now that we’ve made it perfectly clear that we’re keeping you safe.”
Michelle shrugged. “The thought is nice, but how would that even work? I did it once, I know how much work planning a wedding can be, let alone with a baby in the mix.”
“We’d be more than happy to help with the planning.” Janis offered. “You guys can do the fun stuff like finding venues and shopping, and we can do all the running around and background checks.”
“But besides, the only ‘guests’ we could invite would be you two. It just seems…silly to spend all that time and money. And the idea of a toddler and two dogs around both of us dressed in expensive white outfits…” Michelle pulled at a food-stained section of Renee’s t-shirt. “Seems like a field day for dry cleaning.”
“You could always elope.” Chloe suggested. “Leave Lucy and the dogs with us for the weekend. I have done the whole feed and diaper-change routine before.”
“And I can make sure the dogs and the house are fine while Chloe keeps an eye on Lucy. I can probably even do some surveillance on you guys too.”
Renee paused and bit her lip, looking at Michelle. “A weekend away does sound tempting.”
“You guys would seriously do this for us? You’ve done so much already.” Michelle asked.
“Of course.” Chloe said earnestly. “We care about you guys and want you to be happy. You both deserve it. So go buy some nice dresses or suits or whatever and have a weekend to yourselves.”
Initially, it had been nothing more than a novelty, a fun idea. It’d been a couple of years since Janis and Chloe had told her and Renee things were safer than they seemed, and even longer since Michelle had proposed to her. Renee realised the thought of a belated wedding hadn’t even crossed her mind, having been much more excited by the prospect of starting a family. And she imagined Michelle felt the same way. They’d been living together for so long, they had matching rings, and now a one-year-old, it wasn’t like marriage would signify any kind of ‘commitment’. They didn’t need that sort of thing to prove or show how much they loved each other, they just knew. And besides, they just didn’t feel right leaving Lucy behind, not that it was to do with not trusting Janis and Chloe, but she was such an important part of their family, why would they exclude her from something so significant?
“Couples with kids still need quality time together, and both of you look like you need it.” Janis looked between them. “Honestly, have you two had sex at all since Lucy was born?”
“Janis!” Renee exclaimed, blushing a little. She wasn’t exactly wrong and their dishevelled hair, dark circles, and old t-shirts were a testament to that. With the constant midnight wake-up calls and the business of their consulting work during the day, sex had become less and less of a priority. Every time they’d tried recently, one of them had fallen asleep mid-kiss, the other soon after. Something like an uninterrupted weekend could revitalise the spark a little. Maybe they did need some time alone together after all.
Both of them had continued to think about the idea privately for the rest of the day, not wanting to say anything, not knowing if the other had just indulged in Janis’ suggestion for the sake of conversation. But the more they’d thought about it, the more they’d felt like it was something they truly wanted to do. Something that truly symbolised not only their freedom in general but the freedom to love each other openly.
“I thought about what Janis said today…” Michelle said, dimming the lights and moving towards the bed.
“Yeah?”
“And…if you want to as well, I’d love to actually get married.”
“Are you kidding me? Let’s do it.” She shot her a sly smile. “But I think you’re asking the question wrong.”
“Alright…alright…” Michelle said, laughing softly. She turned to Renee, bending down on one knee. “Will you marry me for real this time?”
She lifted Michelle’s hand and kissed it, unable to contain her smile. “Yes.”
So after weeks of dress shopping, hours spent poring over different venues, and hunting down a bakery that did wedding cakes that weren’t ten feet tall, they’d finally left one sunny Friday afternoon to drive a few hours away to an old, abandoned cathedral in the woods. Of course, they’d given Lucy about a thousand kisses and hugs each and didn’t stop talking about her for at least the first hour of the car ride. They’d gone through their itineraries and security plans for good measure. Janis and Chloe had extensively background-checked the officiant and all the staff at the inn they were staying at, but they still had to be alert.
Now the morning was here, of all dates, their anniversary. They hadn’t intended on doing that, but by the time they’d sorted the logistics, it ended up only being a few weeks away from that date. So they’d waited it out, wanting to make the day as special as possible.
Opening the door, Renee met Michelle’s eyes, the excitement in her expression tangible. She looked stunning, the white long-sleeved dress so elegant, crisp white bringing out the warm undertones in her skin and contrasting the darkness of her hair. She’d curled it softly, something she rarely tried to do since it never stayed in place long enough. And judging by the way Michelle immediately clasped a hand over her mouth, Renee could tell she felt the same. Her hair was curled too, the orange so vibrant against her fair skin and the off-white fabric. As much as she’d told herself the idea all these years that getting married was optional, that it didn’t really matter to her, she had no interest in being some big, extravagant bride, that had changed when she’d started dress shopping. She’d been so enthralled, gravitating towards the flowing ball-gown styles she’d sworn she never thought would suit her. To her delight, she noticed the patterns of lace between her and Michelle’s dresses were similar, despite having picked them out on their own. Although she wouldn’t have put it past Janis and Chloe to have secretly guided them into syncing up. What had they done to deserve the two of them as friends?
“You’re beautiful.” Renee whispered, already feeling teary when she walked to Michelle.
She brushed her hand over the delicate detailing, still so amazed, still unable to believe that they were here, having this moment together. Michelle wanted to give Renee every compliment under the sun and find a thesaurus to make sure she didn’t miss a single description. But her mind was blank, the piercing blue of Renee’s eyes almost entrancing as they looked her up and down. “So are you.” Was all Michelle could muster, but her smile was unrestrained.
Now there was nothing left to do, but, well, say ‘I do’.
After tearful exchanges of vows and a passionate kiss that felt as electrifying as their first, the two of them danced alone in the empty cathedral. They continued to move together long after the music had stopped. Neither of them could stop looking at the second set of matching rings they now had. They’d agreed on a simple gold band that matched their engagement rings, but still, they wanted it to be more meaningful. So when Renee had suggested engraving a small ‘L’ on the inside of each ring, Michelle thought it was a perfect representation of their life together, of their family.
Renee sniffled, resting her head on Michelle’s shoulder. They’d both been crying for a while, but judging by how Renee’s hands had tightened around her waist, Michelle could tell there was more to it.
“You okay?” She asked quietly.
“Y-yeah…” Renee sighed. “I just…I wish my dad was here. I always thought that if I got married, he’d walk me down the aisle. I know it wouldn’t have worked practically at all, but is it wrong that part of me wishes we could have had a proper ceremony with all our family and friends here?”
“It’s not wrong. I…I kind of thought the same. I didn’t think I would, I really loved the idea of making our wedding special by eloping, but I guess I’m just so happy and I wish we had more people to share that with.”
Renee hummed, agreeing.
“I…I know I don’t talk about it very much, but some days I really do miss my family and friends from my old life. I-I just wish I could tell them that I’m okay, that I’m happy, wish I could tell my parents that they have a granddaughter. But I’ve been ‘dead’ for what? Twelve years? It would be cruel, telling them that they never had to grieve me, that the body they buried wasn’t me.”
“It’s hard, we may not exactly be running scared, but we had to sacrifice a lot to get here. We’ve ‘lost’ all these people, even though they’re technically a phone call away. Even if Janis and Chloe somehow managed to get a secure line...what would we say? ‘We’re alive and we love you but we can never see you again’?”
Michelle pulled back, thumbing at a tear on Renee’s cheek. There was so much emotion, anger almost, in her voice. It still wasn’t fair. They both felt the same way. It seemed so silly in a lot of ways. They’d managed to have a child, live under at least the first half of their real names, settle down in one place - hopefully, for good - and now get married. But still, they were haunted by the thoughts of the people they loved mourning their supposed deaths.
“I remember thinking about trying to call someone in the early days, thought about going behind the FBI’s back, I was so, so angry at the beginning. I couldn’t understand how they’d managed to save me but not Tony even though he’d held me as the bomb went off. But eventually, I calmed down and realised that it could jeopardise everything, that no matter how miserable I was, at least I was safe at the time.”
“It’s the natural thing to do. What you went through was a huge deal, of course the first thing you’d want to do is let your family and friends know that you’re okay, that there was more to it.”
They stopped swaying and simply held each other for a while. It had been such a poignant day, so full of emotion and reflection about the course of their relationship. They needed to simply appreciate it.
“But at the end of the day, we have our own family now, and I care far more about that to put it all at risk.” Michelle said, her voice a little firmer. “We can make our own traditions, our own memories, our own happiness like we did today.”
“Yeah, exactly.” Renee smiled, looking lovingly back at Michelle, before focusing on the late afternoon sun behind her. “Is it that late already?”
Michelle craned her head. “Must be. We should give Janis and Chloe a call to check in.”
“God, I miss Lucy so much. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to sleep tonight.”
“Me too.” Michelle mused.
“I still remember how happy I was the day she was born. The second we held her together, I already wanted to do it all over again.”
She turned back to face Renee. “Would you?”
Her eyes widened. “Wait, you mean…have another baby?”
“Maybe not right now, Lucy’s still a little young, but within the next couple of years? We could use the same donor, at least we have a better understanding of the process.”
“I mean I would love to but what about you?” Renee tucked a hair behind Michelle’s ear.
She shrugged a little. “I-I know once upon a time I’d said I’d give anything to be pregnant again, but…as soon as we had Lucy I realised that...all those feelings I’d been chasing went away." She sniffled. "Seeing her for the first time, watching you hold her, it was the most incredible feeling in the world, even if I wasn’t physically the one who gave birth to her. As nice as it would be…I would be just as thrilled for you to have our second kid.”
“I know but…I want to take care of you the way you did of me.”
Michelle’s eyes grew teary again, but she bit her lip and shook her head. “Words can’t even describe how much I want that, but if there’s even the slightest chance that something could go wrong because of me, I…I-I can’t. I know you would do everything to encourage me, to make me less scared, but…” Her voice suddenly broke. “I-I can’t handle that kind of loss again.”
Renee pulled her in for a hug. “I understand, I don’t want to make you do anything you’re uncomfortable with. But if you really want to try, and I know you do, can we at least get the checks done so you can know for sure?”
She nodded against her, letting out a breath.
“We’ll talk about it more when we get home. But for now…” Renee smirked. “I think we have a gourmet dinner and cake waiting for us.”
“Oh, I’m starving! I’ll laugh if I’m the one that stains this dress after worrying about having our baby here.”
“That’s why I brought a couple of nice dresses from our closet for both of us. I didn’t trust myself with the idea of it either. Besides, it’ll be a little awkward carrying this train through a restaurant with no bridesmaids.” She tugged at her dress. “You were so busy, I knew you probably hadn’t thought of it.”
“What would I do without you?” Michelle smiled, leaning in to kiss her. “Anything else you’ve planned that I should know about?”
Renee laughed lowly. “Oh, you’ll see.”
Not having a baby in the room to wake, they were free to stumble loudly as they entered the hotel room. Renee had one hand tangled in Michelle’s hair as she pushed her against the wall, their lips colliding again. Michelle’s hand was on her hip, pulling her body to hers.
Of course, Renee had picked one of the most revealing dresses Michelle owned. Not that she minded. It was one of her favourites too. The soft burgundy fabric hugged her body in all the right places and made her feel more confident, even if it revealed some of the scars on her legs and chest. As they’d gotten to dessert, the desire in Renee’s eyes had been less than subtle. And Michelle clearly felt the same way judging by the way she’d let her hand inch closer to Renee’s on the table. The emerald colour of the jumpsuit she wore brought out the green of her eyes, and Michelle found herself unable to stop looking into them.
There’d been light caresses in the car ride and the elevator back up. But the minute they were alone, their touches became desperate, the feelings of love and want they’d pent up all day finally being released.
“I have something, let me put it on.” Renee murmured.
“What’s the point if it’s coming off in ten seconds?” She teased before pouting a little as Renee moved away.
Renee smirked, taking something from her luggage and disappearing into the bathroom. When she came out, clad in the baby pink, crotchless bodysuit she’d bought, Michelle slowly sat up from her reclined position on the bed as though in awe. She’d gone for a white lacy lingerie set herself, which as Renee neared, realised was sheer, much to her delight. Renee straddled her, feeling Michelle run her hands along her sides, intentionally brushing her thumbs over her nipples through the thin fabric.
“You’re so beautiful…” Michelle whispered, moving up into a bruising kiss, hands wrapping around the back of her neck. She shuddered as Renee slid her hands behind her back, unhooking her bra, her hands cold against her skin. Arching her back to bring her chest closer to Renee’s mouth, she sighed as she licked her nipples, one and then the other, until they grew hard.
Moving back, Renee kissed slowly down Michelle’s stomach, spending that little bit longer on her scars. “I have one more surprise.” She said coyly, bending down to retrieve something from the shopping bag she’d had her lingerie in. They’d talked about this some time ago but hadn’t had the chance to use it given how busy they always were. Michelle’s eyes darkened when Renee revealed the strap-on and lube and crawled across the bed to meet her. She spread her thighs further apart, meeting her seductive gaze. But to her confusion, Renee made no move to step into the harness, instead holding the detached toy in her hand.
“You’re going to watch me first…” Renee said with a husky edge to her voice, which sent a pleasured shiver down Michelle’s spine. They liked doing this, taking turns having that slight dominance over the other, but always being able to trust each other. It was evident in the way they constantly met each other’s gaze, communicating wordlessly what they wanted.
After spreading the lube over the dildo, she slowly pushed it inside of her, letting out all the air in her lungs. Renee moved it in and out, gradually pushing deeper until she felt more comfortable, circling her clit with her other hand. With a little more confidence, she let out an exaggerated whine, and Michelle sighed in response. As she grew surer of her movements, Renee’s eyes focused on Michelle more, focused on the way she was licking her lips, how flustered she was getting, just from watching her. She sped up her movements until she came with a loud cry, squeezing her eyes shut.
Opening them and sliding the toy out of her, she noticed Michelle was touching herself, movements hurried, her underwear soaked and completely see-through. Watching Michelle lose her composure, helplessly pleasuring herself all just from the little show she had put on made her blush. Hearing her moan, Renee could already feel arousal grow between her legs again.
But she still wanted to have a little fun, have a little control, knowing it would make her that much more eager to return the favour.
“Wait.” She said firmly, but still with that playful tone. “You’re not finishing without me.”
Michelle mewled, moving her hand away, and Renee smirked, knowing how close she’d been. Reapplying some of the lube and attaching the toy to the harness she had put on, she hovered over Michelle, planting her hands on either side. Briefly, she leaned down to kiss her again, slipping her tongue between her teeth. She pulled back, taking a moment to appreciate how Michelle’s pupils had dilated, the smile on her face she couldn’t contain.
“I love you…” She whispered.
Renee returned her grin. “Love you too.”
Renee brushed the toy against Michelle’s clit and she bucked her hips forward. She did that a few more times, knowing Michelle was enjoying the friction, before positioning herself and tentatively pushing it inside of her. Firstly, she didn’t want to hurt her, but secondly, she wanted to tease her a little longer. But when Michelle’s arms wrapped around her waist, nails digging in, pulling her closer, she slowly worked into a rhythm. Michelle let out a ragged breath, grabbing at Renee’s ass, forcing her to move faster.
“You need me, huh? You’re close? You’re going to beg for it.”
“Shut up.” She quipped, dragging her mouth to hers. Renee seemed to hit a certain spot on the next stroke because Michelle snapped her head back, letting out a desperate moan. Wanting to see that reaction from her again, Renee kept herself in the same position, watching how beautiful she looked, with her eyes shut, mouth open, and back arching against the bed. It didn’t take long for Michelle to come panting Renee’s name, her legs wrapped around her waist.
They kissed deeply, Renee barely being able to take the harness off without Michelle’s hands moving all over her body, squeezing, grabbing, caressing. Michelle was impatient, wanting to give Renee the same treatment, wanting her to beg for her release. Falling to their sides, Michelle slid one hand around Renee’s ribcage, pulling her body close to hers, the other gently grazing down lower. She kissed Renee on the lips again before moving to kiss wetly at her jaw, her neck, and her collarbone. When her fingers moved lightly between Renee’s legs, she was pleased to notice how wet she still was.
“You liked that? You liked fucking me?” She said throatily, near the shell of her ear. “Answer me.” Renee whined as she applied more pressure, punctuating her request.
“Yes.” She breathed.
Renee’s breathing grew more audible as Michelle pushed her onto her back. Michelle grabbed Renee’s hand and pinned it against the bed above her head, using the other to grip her waist. Moving her body forward, Renee shuddered as Michelle’s clit touched her own. She did it again, pushing harder with her hips. Dragging Renee’s other hand up and keeping it similarly held in place, Michelle worked into a rhythm of grinding her body against Renee’s. She moaned as Renee whimpered at the sensation.
With one hand, Michelle continued to lazily spread her fingers between Renee’s legs, the other slipping under the bodysuit to push the lace aside. Leaning over her, Michelle started grazing her teeth against the delicate skin of her breasts and suckling at each of her nipples, before casting a long trail with her tongue down the vee of her skin between the pink lace.
As she moved further back, Renee barely had the chance to breathe before the flat of Michelle’s tongue pressed against Renee’s centre, causing her to shudder. She made a few more movements like that, quick, but intentional, little swirls, enough to make her gasp. Michelle’s fingers then joined her mouth, teasing her folds open while her lips sucked at her clit.
Her hand fell to Michelle’s head, digging in through her dark hair and tugging lightly. Michelle chuckled against her, sending pulses through her core. When Renee came, Michelle took the time to lap up her wetness, looking up at her sated expression. She pulled Michelle up towards her, tasting herself in her mouth. She smiled against her, satisfied, letting their movements slow with their breathing.
“I love you so much.” Renee murmured.
“I love you too.”
As their bodies cooled down, sweat drying, they were reminded of the colder country weather. After showering and changing into pyjamas they settled into bed together, curled up against each other. They felt safe, protected, and reminded that no matter how much time passed or other things became prominent, the spark, the passion, the love they had for each other would never fade.
“One last thing…” Michelle whispered sweetly. She moved her mouth to press in the crook of Renee’s neck, sucking a little before blowing cool air over the mark. Renee squirmed at the feeling but certainly didn’t seem to mind.
After moving back, Michelle swished her thumb over the hickey with a small grin. “There. Now Janis and Chloe won’t have to ask if we had a nice time.”