She Showed Me Things I Didn't Know

Jackie pours her another glass of wine, and Mary Ann can't help but accept. She's been drinking a lot more lately, solely in celebratory or social settings, but drinking nonetheless. It's not that she's drinking out of anxiety; everybody — especially Jackie — is so nice to her and Kevin that it feels rude not to accept. Times like this remind her that she's still a Southern girl at heart, even though the big city is trying to change her. They are well and truly past the initial niceties of being the 'new people' at the firm, so Jackie really has no obligation to keep this up, but she does, and Mary Ann appreciates that.

Mary Ann looks around at Jackie's living room, all the perfectly selected decor, reminding herself that she need not worry about the price of things anymore. She spends more time with Jackie than any of the other lawyers' wives; it's understandable since Kevin and Leamon seem to be working late on the same nights. Then again, so does everyone else at Milton Chadwick Waters. She has to wonder how much coffee they must go through. Jackie seems to like her a lot, genuinely listens to her, and is conscious that she still feels a little out of place at work events. So Mary Ann doesn't see any reason not to accept her hospitality.

They're sitting on the couch together, and Jackie's laughing at something she said that really wasn't that funny. Mary Ann wonders for a second if she's just drunk, but she still holds herself with the same effortless poise she usually does. Her words aren't slurred, and there's still about half of the bottle of expensive Cabernet. Jackie meets her eyes, and Mary Ann swears she loses her train of thought every time this happens. Jackie's gaze is almost entrancing. She apologises as she forgets what she is about to say, and Jackie laughs heartily again. It isn't the first time she's done something like this, a very subtle but nonetheless clear indication that she was rather comfortable around her. She has no issue getting changed in front of her or discussing her sex life — including the fact that she hasn't slept with her husband in months. But while Mary Ann was a little surprised by her behaviour at first, she wasn't deterred by it.

She's never been particularly experimental, but she can't deny that Jackie has made her question everything she's ever thought about her sexuality. Of course, her upbringing was rather sheltered, so really, did she know that much about it? Kevin was her first love. They got married, and here they were. She can count on one hand the number of dates she's been on with other men. As for women, that number is zero. Mary Ann can't help but notice so many little things about Jackie that she finds attractive beyond the way she dresses or does her makeup.

She realises that she's been looking at her lips for a very long time. And that Jackie is licking them.

Before she knows it, she can taste the wine on her tongue and feels her curls tickle her cheek. Mary Ann is in so much shock that she can't actually register that she likes it. There's a softness to it, a nice gentle pace that's totally unlike the rushed pecks Kevin gives her in the morning on his way out. As Jackie's tongue slips into her mouth, it occurs to Mary Ann what they're doing, and she draws back abruptly.

"Sorry, first time with a woman?" she asks sweetly. "It's nicer, isn't it?"

Mary Ann shakes her head in disbelief. "But, Leamon!- Kevin!-"

Jackie seems unfazed by this. "What?" she quirks a brow. "Our husbands can spend weeks without being home to sleep, but they expect us to sit there and wait patiently in the meantime? I know for a fact that Leamon's had fun at all of Milton's meetings; it's only fair that we do, too."

She's been trying not to think about it, but Jackie's words are very true. She may have stopped asking him where he was going when he left at ungodly hours, but that didn't mean she didn't wait those hours out in agony, wondering why these meetings had to happen at night and what was so God-damned important about them. He cares about his job, and so does she; she's always supported him, but she's sure by this point he's made enough of a good impression on Milton, so he shouldn't need to keep doing this.

Mary Ann notices Jackie's hand on her knee. She can smell the floral notes of the perfume on her collarbone, but she makes no move to pull away.

Because she's right. If Kevin can disappear for weeks with no explanation or reassurance that it's solely for business purposes, then why can't she enjoy herself in the meantime?

She leans back in to kiss her, feeling more sure of her movements this time. It's not a familiar experience, but it's certainly not a bad one, either. Jackie smiles against her, cupping her cheek. She melts under her touch, somehow feeling very willing to give herself over to her and trust her. Her glass of wine is gently pried from her hand and placed on the table with a soft clink. As Jackie sits in her lap, her warm body pressed against hers, Mary Ann meets her eyes again, and her remaining doubts fade. She daringly tugs her closer, placing her hands on Jackie's hips and noticing the unfamiliarity of soft curves beneath her hands, the fullness of her breasts, and, most importantly, the heat between her thighs that is unlike anything she's felt before.

Jackie pulls down the straps of her dress to shimmy it off while Mary Ann unbuttons and removes her shirt. There's a pause, and Jackie giggles a little, slowly sliding her hands around her back, delicately touching the clasp of her bra. Mary Ann nods, feeling Jackie cup her breasts in her hands. She flicks her nipples playfully and drops her head so she can nuzzle her breasts with an approving hum. Mary Ann tries to put the irrational fear out of her mind that someone, especially Leamon, might walk in on them. Jackie curls up against her body like a cat, casting her tongue down to her solar plexus and looking up in a sultry way that makes her forget what she was thinking about.

"My turn," Mary Ann says daringly, prompting Jackie to move up so they can kiss again while she reaches to undo her bra. She does it a little faster than Jackie, feeling excitement course through her body. She's a little tentative once she actually starts touching her, trying to replicate what Jackie did to her. Jackie seems to notice she's nervous again because she gently takes her hands and places them over her breasts.

"Like this," Jackie murmurs, gently making small circles over her nipples. She reacts with an exaggerated moan and arches into her touch as Mary Ann starts performing the motions herself. Jackie praises her quietly as her nipples go hard. Mary Ann lifts up so she can close her mouth around one nipple, touching it with her tongue, making Jackie whine in surprise. She does it to the other one and smiles a little, liking the way she's making Jackie react, but more than that, the exploration of it all. She likes seeing her pleasure mirrored. She likes the give-and-take. She likes the genuine attention and appreciation that Jackie is giving her.

Jackie leans over her again, and she kisses her back with more confidence. It reminds her of how she used to be. She's lost her independence since being in New York, and it's only now that she realises how much she misses it. Sure, it's nice to have money no longer be an issue, to not be working seven days a week to put food on the table, but she feels purposeless. She doesn't just want to be the 'wife'. Kevin always used to say what made him so attracted to her in the first place was that she was unapologetic about who she was. The cussing, the wild curls of her hair, the way she laughed so loudly, not caring what others might say. She was no tame Southern belle. She was not easy to woo, but Kevin honouring her for who she was ultimately made her fall for him. She's never been ashamed of who she is. Lately, though, with the firm controlling so much of their lives, the line between work and life bleeding, the facade of being a good, polite housewife has also become the norm for her, and it scares her. All the things people used to say about marriage making young, brash girls like her 'settle down', were they true? Frankly, the exciting, slightly scandalous nature of what she's doing with Jackie now is the only thing making her maintain her belief that she's still the same at her core.

She is so caught up with her identity crisis that she does not realise Jackie has unbuttoned her pants and pulled them down, along with her underwear. Jackie is on her knees for her, pressing a gentle kiss to her stomach. Mary Ann blinks a few times. The hunger in Jackie's eyes reminds her of how a lion looks at a gazelle, but she's not scared. No, she's thrilled. It's like lining up to get on a rollercoaster, not quite Disneyland, but the little one that got put up for one of the annual fairs in Gainesville. Just thinking about it makes her recall the taste of cotton candy and hot dogs, the sunshine, and the oversized stuffed animals Kevin used to win for her, not by winning any of the carnival games but by sweet-talking the carnies into giving him the damn prize anyway. If she thinks too much about it, her heart aches.

Jackie's hands slide down her thighs, bringing her back to the present. Mary Ann reminds herself to breathe. Maybe she's just stuck in the past, clinging to the old days. She misses them; she won't lie to herself. Well, not her family, not the poverty, not the bullshit that came with a small town, but she misses the old Kevin. But this is her new life now. She's been blessed with a community of people through the firm, an incredible penthouse, a wardrobe full of designer clothes, everything she's ever dreamed of. She has so much assurance and security, but if she's being honest, it's suffocating. She craves excitement. She craves something different. She craves expression. She also craves pleasure, and she has no problem admitting that. So, if Jackie is offering...

Mary Ann looks down and meets Jackie's eyes, giving her a small nod. Jackie smirks, starting to kiss the insides of her thighs and her mound, not seeming to mind that she hasn't been keeping it as tidy down there as usual since she was under the impression that she would need a calendar appointment with Kevin for him to have sex with her. There's something very sweet about Jackie's movements. It's affectionate beneath its intensity. She's unable to look away. Her racing mind is silent for once. But just the foreplay, the way they've been necking and touching each other, is almost loving. It's not a hookup. It has nothing to do with them both being a little tipsy. It's a conscious decision. They both want this. And while Kevin is still somewhere in her thoughts, Mary Ann doesn't believe this is displacement. Her feelings for Jackie — slowly being consummated here — are not rooted in missing Kevin but in the knowledge that Jackie seems to care about her and wants to look after her.

Jackie's mouth moves to her sex, slowly tracing her tongue in spirals, taking her time. Mary Ann tries to think about the last time Kevin did this. The fact that she can't remember meant it was probably back in Memphis. And, admittedly, while Kevin has always been good at anything he puts his mind to, Jackie is doing this with more precision. It's a different phenomenon. Rather than overwhelming her, every movement creates languid, delicious pleasure. Jackie dips her tongue inside her briefly, making Mary Ann let out a surprised moan. God, she really is desperate. But Jackie just chuckles, taking it as an invitation to do it again. Mary Ann tips her head back, closing her eyes. She feels like she could be in this moment forever. It's blissful. It's all for her. It makes her feel special. It makes her feel wanted. While she prides herself on being independent and self-assured, she can still admit to herself that she wants to be wanted. She wants someone to care about her. She even misses talking about her day with Kevin, little things like that. She misses him listening to her and actually looking her in the eye when she talks to him, not just nodding and babbling: that's great, honey.

She swears Jackie must be a mind reader; as she slips into more emotional thoughts, Jackie distracts her again, now going at her more eagerly. She suckles at her clit for a moment, and Mary Ann gasps, planting her hands to steady herself. As she opens her eyes, the sight of Jackie so devoted to pleasuring her is a beautiful one. She watches intently now, wanting to savour every image. Now Jackie is really concentrating on dabbing at her clit, and Mary Ann can no longer restrain herself. She's panting her name, letting both sight and sensation bring her over the edge, to which Jackie hums in approval, the vibrations only intensifying the feeling. She's been so on edge lately — it's ironic since she's been informed so many times that she has nothing to worry about and that everything has been taken care of — so the relief that follows is wonderful. Her chest rises and falls. Her skin is flushed with arousal. She's a little sweaty, too. Jackie gives her an adoring look as she rises to meet her lips. She's all undone and a little frazzled, but Jackie pays it no mind. She realises she's spent so much time fretting about the opinions of the other lawyers and their wives at the firm, and it's been taking its toll on her.

Jackie sucks on her bottom lip, slipping her tongue into her mouth in a way that mimics how she went down on her. Mary Ann's hands come to the small of Jackie's back, pulling her body closer. There's so much warmth emanating from her, a low purr coming from her throat as they make out like they did before. She wants to return the favour. She's still nervous on account of her inexperience, but she and Jackie have the same anatomy, so that has to count for something.

Her hand moves between their bodies, finding the elastic of Jackie's underwear. Mary Ann pauses, feeling the same uncertainty she did when she first kissed her. Her insecurity creeps back in, threatening to overtake the confidence and assurance she's just discovered again. It's like looking for a needle in a haystack, finally seeing a sliver of silver, then having the wind blow the hay everywhere, making her desperate to keep sight of the needle. After what Jackie's just done for her, she doesn't want to disappoint her. She realises she's been craving Jackie's approval a lot. It's like high school all over again, trying to fit in with the prettier, richer, more popular girls. No matter how hard she tried, she always fell short of their expectations, but she persisted. It makes her panic a little. Is it just sex for Jackie? Or does she feel the same gratitude and vulnerability that she does? As she thinks about the latter, it makes her feel like an idiot. Of course, it isn't. This is a favour. She's probably done this with every wife of a new lawyer to join the firm. But Mary Ann doesn't want to ruin this, so she returns her focus to the present, tentatively stroking her through her underwear.

"Just touch me the way you touch yourself," Jackie encourages. "Don't tell me you haven't had to finish off on your own before because Kevin's been too tired to give you what you need?"

She goes to refute that but realises there is a lot more truth to that statement as of late. On the rare occasions that they do have sex, it has really just been for him to release his stress. He won't even look at her, and the tension in his body is evident by the decreasing time it takes for him to finish. He rolls over and immediately falls asleep, leaving her to touch herself, naively hoping he might wake up and help her out if she moans a little. Even if this is really just some wonderful dream and she wakes up alone in her bed, at the very least, thinking about this will make self-pleasure a little more refreshing. Lord only knows how much she's done it lately. She's had to push past all of her shameful beliefs that masturbation is a sin and that no pure woman does it. Fuck it. To even mentally cuss feels liberating. She is not a pure, fragile woman in any regard, and she's sick of feeling the need to portray herself as such. No, she's enjoying this moment and all its wantonness. It gives her determination. It gives her her sense of self back.

So, Mary Ann pulls her underwear down, fumbling a little, while Jackie straddles her and adjusts so it's easier when she starts touching her. The reversal of the motions she's used to making on herself is a little strange, but Jackie is good at exaggerating her moans to guide her. She's very wet. Mary Ann slowly moves her fingers, spreading her arousal. Jackie starts sucking at her neck, praising her quietly in a way that makes her blush. There's no rush here. They both want to enjoy this. Jackie looks beautiful like this. Jackie's always playful, always has a smile on her face, and always seems to be ten steps ahead in every situation. She's incredible. So, seeing her like this, lazily and needily grinding against her, makes her very curious. She likes seeing this side of her. It makes her feel less ashamed of herself, of desire, of wanting and being wanted. As the anxiety fades, assurance arises, and she starts more confidently fingering her, pushing her fingers in and out of her, shallowly and rapidly, initially, which makes Jackie whine a little.

Then, she goes deeper, slower, and harder. Jackie sits up, placing her hands on Mary Ann's shoulders and pumping her hips in time with the movement. Mary Ann is awestruck by how exquisite she looks, moving her body like this. She's never looked at a woman this way, so the feeling of attraction is unfamiliar but erotic nonetheless. The closest she has ever come is one sleepover in high school. Beth found an old porno tape of her father's. While the other girls had giggled at the superficial moaning, the plastic surgery, and the ridiculous dialogue, Mary Ann found herself looking more at the woman than the man. It all felt very obscene, very wrong, very shameful to look at a woman like that. At the time, she desperately rationed it as wanting to imagine herself in the position of the woman. But looking back, she wanted to give the woman what the man couldn't. The man in the video was rough and uncaring, just seeing the woman as an object. That very much influenced her idea of what sex was supposed to be. And even though Kevin was a more than generous lover in their honeymoon days, for which she was grateful, now he was pretty much comparable with the porno man. So to have this with Jackie, not just wonderful sex, but sex that feels truly connected, is something she will cherish.

Jackie is panting and babbling her name just as she had before. Her nipples are taut, and Mary Ann uses her free hand to tweak one, then the other, making Jackie hum approvingly. Mary Ann recognises how mutual the desire is, how she's not afraid, how she wants nothing more than to give into this intoxicating arousal and touch Jackie, taste her, give her everything. Jackie is dripping with arousal, her movements more erratic. Mary Ann starts to brush her clit with her thumb without losing the rhythm of her index and middle finger. The double stimulation makes Jackie tip her head back, encouraging her to keep going. Mary Ann meets her eyes. Her pupils are dilated. She's smiling sweetly in a way that makes her smile back. Jackie starts to tighten, and Mary Ann moves her thumb faster now, almost as frantically as Jackie is moving her hips, and that brings her to orgasm. She has her head tipped as she catches her breath. As Mary Ann moves her hand, Jackie is quick to grab her wrist, so she can suck her fingers slowly and thoroughly, meeting her eyes.

"I told you it was better," Jackie says with a grin.

Mary Ann nods eagerly, unable to find words, bringing her in for a kiss without a shred of hesitation.

She's still in shock a little at what they just did, but she doesn't feel the expected regret or guilt. She's not crying and shaking her head, feeling awful for betraying her husband.

No, she enjoyed this. And, if Jackie's up for it, she's more than happy to enjoy it again, any time, any place.