Kiss Me On the Mouth and Set Me Free, But Please Don't Bite

It’s been six months now. Six months since they became Will Wilson and Billy Thomas (God, could they have chosen whiter names?) Tonight had been like any other, their usual Tuesday dinner with Sarah. Sarah, who is sweet, has a house that smells like vanilla and always buys herself fresh daisies, which so highly contrasts the Glock she kept in her bedside drawer. It's a seventeen, not a nineteen. Full size. She goes to a shooting range at least a couple of times a month for stress release, but, more importantly, to maintain her accuracy level so if anybody dared to try to make her use her weapon, she’d be ready. But something is up with Jacob tonight, and Paul is determined to figure out what it is as soon as possible. They can’t be a 'happy married couple' if he's in a mood. And, frankly, Paul just doesn’t want to deal with it. They're at their front door now; Jacob hasn't said a word the whole five-minute walk back.

Paul has an inkling about why he's acting like this. Jacob had been talking about work, and his passion for teaching and children is something that is not just a part of his cover but true to him as a person. It's a very sweet, very endearing, and very useful quality for staying under the radar. But Jacob’s smile had faded as soon as Sarah had, completely innocently and noncommittally, asked them if they were considering adopting at any point. Jacob knows that Paul doesn’t want kids. But Paul knows just as well that Jacob does want kids wholeheartedly. Perhaps his desire for that was why he’d never been able to go through with a single killing. Perhaps he wasn’t in this for Joe’s mission but because he was in a position to look out for Joey. Paul doesn’t particularly like that. It's a liability. But he cares about Jacob far too much to go on and on about it because he would never change him. Things only have a chance of changing if Jacob experiences the feeling of taking somebody else’s life. Even then, for Jacob, it might not be enough. He's loyal to the people he cares about. He's so God-damn sweet and kind. At times, Paul wonders why the hell he's still committed to this. Is it the fear that Joe would kill him? Both of them? It's probably a mixture of reasons.

They’re inside the house now, and Paul fumbles for the light switch. Jacob has his hand on his hips and sighs. He won’t look at him.

“Look, I know that wasn’t easy for you to hear, but you can’t look like something is bothering you when the topic arises, Jacob,” Paul says, trying not to sound too annoyed. “You can smile politely all you want, but we can’t make people suspect anything. People talk. Especially rich, white people with nothing better to do.”

“I know,” Jacob replies weakly. “I know… I… I shouldn’t have let my feelings get the better of me. It’s just…” He huffs. “It hurts.”

Paul takes a few steps closer to him and places a hand on his shoulder to make him turn around.

“Why does it hurt?”

“Because this is all fake, isn’t it?” He spits harshly. “It’s just an act. It’s just all fun and games to play the happy couple until Joe decides we can go home. Isn’t that it?”

He’s breathing heavily, and Paul can see he’s been keeping this in not just all night but for every single month since they’d been living under their aliases. Since that first kiss, that first moment of realisation for both of them that they weren’t just fooling around. It was why they’d kissed a few times 'just to look believable'. But Paul knows that Jacob would be more than happy to go further, explore more, do other things with each other and see where this infatuation went. Jacob is just too insecure to admit it. For him, crossing that boundary of his sexuality was a big deal. He’s afraid of labels. He’s afraid of Emma’s teasing. Paul has limited but not non-existent experience with men. Although he’d certainly never come out publicly, he doesn’t stop himself from indulging. But Jacob is different. Jacob wears his heart on his sleeve, even when he is supposed to be pretending to be someone else. Except he isn’t. Besides the name and perhaps some details of his family history, he is more or less being himself. Paul, on the other hand, has sore cheeks from smiling too much and hates how much energy it takes to act so fucking cheery all the time. It took everything in him not to roll his eyes or laugh at the sad movie the three of them watched the other day. Jacob had been Sarah’s shoulder to cry on but had also been teary himself. Paul had managed to make himself cry for the sake of appearances by thinking about the possibility of God knows how many more months acting like this when they should be out there doing work for Joe. Proper work. They should be writing their chapters, not babysitting the one that got away.

But he can truly see now that Jacob cherishes this time between them. He doesn’t want it to end. He doesn’t want to go back to being friends.

And, well, Paul is certainly happy to make things a little more real if Jacob can just get over his insecurity. It's frustrating beyond belief. He clearly wants to be more than friends. But beyond a few kisses and holding hands in public for the sake of keeping up the act - even then, Paul has to practically force him, hissing in his ear, 'just shut up and hold my fucking hand before your stupidity exposes us as frauds'. Still, despite all these little annoying things, Paul really does want this with him. He wants to go further. But only if Jacob doesn’t act like he regrets it or act like he's only doing this for their cover when they both know that’s a lie. He just wants him to be honest. It’s okay to be scared or uncertain, but Paul is tired of waiting for him to wake up and realise their feelings for each other are real. It goes beyond sex. It boils right down to the way Jacob remembers how he likes his eggs and coffee in the morning. The way he treasures every day, like it’s a birthday or anniversary. The way his blue eyes look so beautifully electric in the morning sunlight…

“You think I’ve been pretending?” Paul challenges.

Jacob looks a little spooked. “W… What?”

“Jacob, I like you. But I know you’re scared about the whole…” he shrugs vaguely, “gay thing. It doesn’t have to be like that. What you do and how you represent yourself can be two different things. But I know you like me back. I know you haven’t stopped thinking about that first kiss. The one back in that basement after we both had a few beers.”

He looks down at his shoes, but Paul pre-empts this by cupping his cheek and forcing him to meet his eye.

“If you want to do this, so do I, but not if you try to deny it afterwards. I want to hear you say it.” He hardens his voice, not to scare him but to make him realise that he could have exactly what he wants, what they both want. He just needs to let himself be vulnerable.

“I… I want to be with you, Paul. For real.” He admits after a beat, and Paul can see how hard that is for him, but deep down, he’s over the moon. “I don’t want this to stop when we finally go to Joe’s compound. I want… I want this to last.”

“And it will.” Paul breathes before sliding his hand around his neck and pulling Jacob in to kiss him. It’s a proper kiss. Not the bullshit, tasteful little pecks they give each other in front of Sarah. Jacob’s tongue slips into his mouth, and Paul allows him to take the lead, feeling his hands move to his waist. Paul can taste the chocolate from the dessert they’d both had and kisses him with more hunger. It’s slow at first, but when Jacob moans in approval, he goes on and starts to unbutton his shirt. Jacob takes his sweater off, and they pause for a moment so he can pull it over his head, but Jacob quickly steals a kiss the first chance he gets. He’s smiling, and Paul can’t help but smile back. It's so nice to do this without feeling like they had to make some kind of convincing front or risk Emma’s prods.

Paul walks them both back against the wall, still not moving too fast to make Jacob skittish but with enough emphasis to make him realise how much passion he has and how long he’s wanted this. He starts kissing his jaw and neck while his other hand curves around his hip. Jacob tips his head back with a sigh, his hands scratching at his back with an intensity Paul doesn’t expect. He keeps their bodies pressed together, and Paul sucks at his collarbone, gentle enough not to leave a mark, but, in all honesty, that would probably really sell their appearance if anyone noticed later. 

As they keep making out, Paul notices Jacob becomes more and more sure of his motions, scratching him hard enough to draw blood, grinding their hips together, moaning in a way that doesn’t sound like he's scared somebody might hear them. Still, Paul doesn’t want to assume anything. Maybe this is all he wants tonight. He knows Jacob is often the kind to retract something as soon as he says it. His anxiety gets the better of him sometimes, and even though Paul knows he can talk him through it, he’s grateful enough that they're kissing. They could ease into this. Paul pulls away. Jacob’s pupils are dilated, and his lips are puffy from kissing.

“How far do you want to go tonight?” He asks quietly.

“I want you to touch me,” Jacob murmurs. “Please.”

Paul nods. “Bed.” He motions with his head. It’ll be easier and much more comfortable if they can lie down.

He lets Jacob walk in front of him. Paul can see how much he’s blushing and how much his hands are shaking. Jacob is standing near the bed, and Paul walks back over to kiss him again, very softly this time, as though telling him it’s okay. Jacob kicks off his boots, shoving them somewhere beside them before Paul places his hands over his pelvis, fingers lightly holding the zipper of his jeans. Paul can see Jacob is already getting hard. He knows he is, too. Paul pulls his pants down and lets him take them off. He can tell Jacob is feeling vulnerable again, being undressed completely now. Despite all the 'awkward' interactions from sharing a bathroom, Paul knows that he has seen Jacob looking and vice versa.

“Sit.” Paul orders, and Jacob does it slowly like sitting is a foreign task to him.

Their eyes meet again, and slowly, Paul starts to stroke him up and down. Jacob’s breathing deepens. His eyes are fixated. He likes seeing him touch him. There’s a quiet moan when Paul fondles his balls on the down stroke. Paul realises just how much of a turn-on it is for him to be able to give Jacob this. Give Jacob a time and a place to let his walls down and explore this part of himself he’s tried so hard to deny. He feels proud and happy to be the one to share this with him, not some seedy guy he met in an alley behind a gay bar. They’re safe here. He’s safe with him. Still, there’s another more prideful aspect to this, too. He’s only just touching him, and yet Jacob is clearly very aroused. Paul smirks devilishly as he wonders how many times Jacob has thought about this, thought about him.

He doesn’t break their gaze as he slowly wraps his mouth around the tip of his cock, whilst still stroking him with the other hand. The eye contact is doing things for both of them more than the act itself. Jacob moans his name quietly, and if Paul could only hear one sound for the rest of his life, it would be that. His tongue moves in slow swirls, savouring every motion, wanting to make this special for both of them. Jacob is very hard now, and Paul lifts up a little on his knees to get a better angle. He likes teasing him, likes the idea of driving him crazy now to make up for all those months they could have been doing this. But Jacob is whining in a way that makes Paul want to see what other kinds of reactions he can get out of him now. He wants to see him fall apart. He wants him to beg, to tell him how much he needs this. But Paul tells himself to be patient; it’ll be so much more rewarding if they make this last.

Slowly, Paul lowers his hand and opens his mouth more to take Jacob in deeper. Jacob tries very hard not to buck his hips. He’s sure this isn’t the first time he’s had a blowjob, but he’s willing to believe it’s the first one he’s had from someone he likes this much. As Paul realises that the last person who probably gave one to Jacob was Emma and that he was certain he’d never heard Jacob sound like this, it makes him that much more eager. It’s his competitive side. It’s the powerful side of him usually associated with killing someone.

Although, with any luck, tonight, he'd take Jacob to heaven in a very different way.

Paul gets into a bobbing rhythm with his head, still working his tongue to glisten his skin. Jacob laces his hand through his hair to steady himself, and Paul is thrilled to see that he doesn’t want him to stop. He’s passed the point of no return. Jacob wants this for real. There is no more plausible deniability. Jacob can never again try to make up some bullshit excuse to appease his insecurity because Paul is determined to make this memory override all of that. He’s taking him as much as he can now, and Jacob is groaning loudly, cursing under his breath in a way that no kindergarten teacher would. Paul knows he could finish him off right here. And he should. That's what he'd want if their roles were reversed. But before he does that, he wants to get a better look at him. He wants to see that reaction, not just hear it.

He releases him with his mouth, and Jacob makes a noise of confusion and protest. Paul can now see that Jacob is flushed and sweaty.

“Tell me what you want,” Paul demands breathlessly, licking his lips.

“I want to come in your mouth.” He answers, not even having to think about it.

So Paul resumes his actions, and it doesn’t take long before he gets his wish, shuddering with the head of his cock brushing his throat. Paul cleans him up with slow laps of his tongue, and when he moves back, this time, Jacob is quick to pull him up by the chin so they can kiss deeply, his tongue desperately trying to taste himself. Paul chuckles lowly, almost giddy that he’s finally able to do this after so much time pining and wondering whether Jacob would ever have the guts to admit how he feels. He’s so caught up in his bliss that he doesn’t realise that he, himself, is rock-hard until Jacob’s eyes travel lower and starts palming him through his jeans that he hasn’t gotten rid of yet. He’s a little unsure of himself, but after what just happened, Paul knows that even just watching Jacob be so present in this will be enough to make him come.

Paul brings Jacob’s fingers to his zipper, and Jacob takes the hint, pulling his pants and boxers down so he can touch him. He can tell he’s trying to replicate how he would usually jerk himself off, but it’s still an adjustment to do it on somebody else. There’s a look of concentration on Jacob’s face that Paul just watches. He gets frustrated like he isn’t getting the result he wants, so Paul gently covers his hand with his own.

“Like this.” He murmurs before moving Jacob’s hand in a slow, easy rhythm. Jacob gets the hang of it relatively quickly, and Paul kisses under the shell of his ear, encouraging him, before dropping his hand. 

At this proximity, Paul can feel the heat radiating from Jacob and hear him panting. He’s got not just the pace but the pressure right too now, and Jacob knows it won’t be long before he climaxes. His hips start rolling forward in time with his movements, and even though stars are creeping into the corners of his eyes, he can’t stop watching Jacob. His lips are slightly parted, and the veins in his arm bulge slightly from tensing. Paul starts murmuring Jacob’s name in between gasps, and he gives it his all before feeling himself seize, coming in short spurts against his hand and onto his stomach.

Both of them take a moment to catch their breaths before their mouths meet again very gently, their foreheads resting against each other.

“That was…” Jacob sighs with a slight laugh. “Something we should have done a long time ago.”

“I agree.” Paul smiles wryly. “But, hey… that just means we have to work really hard to make up for time lost, right?”